Name: 為什麼受傷的人會受傷？ (Why Hurt People Hurt People)
Uploaded: 2025-06-28T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 4 min 55 s

情態副詞

It's one of the puzzles of relationships, that after a hugely promising few months or years,

這也是人際關係中的一個謎團，在經過幾個月或幾年的大好時光後，

情態助動詞 B1

one of the members of a couple may start to exhibit notably aggressive and unyielding behavior.

夫妻中的一方可能會開始表現出明顯的攻擊性和不屈不撓的行為。

Out go their previous tenderness and loveliness, and in come roughness and neglect.

褪去了往日的溫柔和可愛，換來的是粗糙和冷落。

All they seem to want to do is to go out alone with their friends or flirt with strangers.

他們似乎只想和朋友單獨出去，或者和陌生人調情。

One might wonder if it's the other person in the couple who might somehow be to blame for this.

人們可能會想，這是不是夫妻中的另一個人在某種程度上也有責任呢？

Perhaps they've done something wrong, and they're being, in certain ways appropriately, punished for not living up to expectations that they set.

也許他們做了錯事，而他們因為沒有達到自己設定的期望值而在某些方面受到了適當的懲罰。

But the truth may be a great deal more circuitous and complex.

In certain cases, the partner is in fact being punished, but not for doing anything wrong.

在某些情況下，伴侶實際上受到了懲罰，但並不是因為做錯了什麼。

If we can put it this way, they're being punished precisely for doing things rather right.

如果可以這樣說的話，他們正是因為做了相當正確的事情而受到懲罰。

They're being punished for not abandoning their lover.

他們因為沒有拋棄夫妻而受到懲罰。

For not being cross, for not being mean, for not looking elsewhere, for not shouting, for not bullying, and for not humiliating.

因為不橫加指責，因為不刻薄寡恩，因為不另眼相看，因為不大喊大叫，因為不恃強凌弱，因為不羞辱他人。

They're being punished for their sweetness, crushed for their gentleness, and tormented for their faith.

他們因甜蜜而受到懲罰，因溫柔而受到打擊，因信仰而遭受折磨。

Why on earth might kindly behaviors prove problematic?

究竟為什麼善良的行為會被證明是有問題的呢？

Because, in one of the truly odder sounding phenomena of love,

因為，在一種聽起來確實很奇怪的愛情現象中，

the kindness of the partner may trigger an intense wish in a person to punish their lover for what many years before in their childhood, a parent did wrong to them.

伴侶的善意可能會引發一個人強烈的願望，那就是懲罰自己的夫妻，因為多年以前，在他們的童年時代，父母曾做過對不起他們的事情。

It's the very sweetness of the partner, their kindness and loyalty, their disinclination to violence and unreason,

正是伴侶的體貼、善良和忠誠、不喜歡暴力和無理取鬧，

that create the perfect conditions in which a hurt party will experience and then redirect a resentment and a rage that were actually owed,

為受傷害的一方創造了絕佳的條件，使其體驗到並轉而產生怨恨和憤怒，而這種怨恨和憤怒其實是欠下的，

but could never be delivered to a disappointing parent.

但卻永遠無法交付給失望的父母。

The appalling behavior winds up as a hugely peculiar and deeply tragic tribute to a unique degree of generosity and care.

這種駭人聽聞的行為最終成為對一種獨特的慷慨和關愛的巨大奇特和深刻的悲劇性讚頌。

The arena in which this pattern can most clearly be observed is not directly in relationships, but in adoptive families.

可以最清楚地觀察到這種模式的領域不是直接的人際關係，而是收養家庭。

Research repeatedly shows that the nicer a recipient family is,

研究反覆表明，領養家庭越好，

the more an adopted child is liable in adolescence to become very difficult indeed.

被領養的孩子在青春期就越容易變得非常困難。

They will steal from their adopted family, perhaps scroll on the walls, scream at them during arguments,

他們會從收養他們的家庭偷東西，也許會在牆上亂塗亂畫，在爭吵時對他們大喊大叫，

tell them that they loathe them, and then leave the house for hours, slamming the door behind them.

告訴他們自己討厭他們，然後離開家幾個小時，關上身後的門。

What in heaven's name have we done to deserve this?

The adoptive parents may ask themselves in despair.

And the answer, entirely odd though it may sound, is absolutely nothing, which is exactly why you're being hurt so badly.

雖然聽起來很奇怪，但答案是完全沒有，這正是你受到如此嚴重傷害的原因。

You're being treated horribly for not being horrible.

你因為不可怕而受到可怕的對待。

You're being made to feel what the abandoned infant once had to go through.

你會感受到被遺棄的嬰兒曾經經歷過的一切。

When no one else cared to listen, you're having to hear cries that went unheard.

當沒有人願意傾聽時你不得不聽到那些被忽視的呼喊。

You've created the very conditions of safety in which intense pain can finally find a way out.

你創造了安全的條件，讓強烈的痛苦最終找到了出路。

A version of the very same dynamic can unfold more surreptitiously in adult love.

在成年人的愛情中，同樣的動態也會更加隱祕地上演。

Behind every drama that a person in a couple may cause, every holiday they ruin,

情侶中的某個人可能引發的每一場鬧劇，他們毀掉的每一個假期，

every month they chew up, is a muffled, incoherent, but essential complaint.

他們啃掉的每一個月，背後都是一聲聲低沉、語無倫次卻又必不可少的抱怨。

當我真正需要你的時候，你在哪裡？

How dare you be so kind to me when all I've had is cruelty all my life?

你怎麼敢對我這麼好，而我一生都在遭受殘酷的對待？

How can I possibly deal with this loveliness when pain has been my home all along?

當痛苦一直是我的家時，我怎麼可能面對這種可愛？

Fuck off and die for trying to save and adore me.

There is no alternative here but insight.

Enormous, boundary compassion, and an awareness that the person who's acting up still wants love very badly.

巨大的、界限分明的同情心，以及意識到行為古怪的人仍然非常渴望愛。

One day, after much thought and therapy, perhaps long after the relationship's ended,

有一天，經過深思熟慮和治療，也許在關係結束很久之後，

the destructive party needs to find a way to express the truth to the first person who ever loved them.

破壞性的一方需要找到一種方式向第一個愛他們的人表達真相。

Thank you for being kind enough to elicit my rage and my sadism.

謝謝你的好心，激起了我的憤怒和虐待狂情緒。

Apologies, deep apologies for trying to destroy you for your unremitting love.

抱歉，我為你不懈的愛而試圖摧毀你，對此我深感抱歉。

I never wanted to harm you; I just had no idea what to do with the pain inside me.

我從未想過要傷害你；我只是不知道該如何處理內心的痛苦。

In the skies up above, angels will be weeping.

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為什麼受傷的人會受傷？ (Why Hurt People Hurt People)

intense

absolutely

essential

enormous