Name: 【Jimmy O. Yang】關於我的亞裔父母（Jimmy O. Yang (My Asian Mother + Father’s Update: Jimmy O. Yang)
Uploaded: 2025-06-25T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 10 min 6 s

祈使句型

只是個口罩，戴上口罩就好了。

They're like, it's not just a mask, it's the government.

他們說，這不只是口罩，而是政府的陰謀。

Yeah, it's the government, fear-mongering.

他們說，是啊，這是恐懼煽動。

They want you to be scared of everything so you're obedient and you're scared and you follow the rules.

他們想讓你害怕一切，這樣你就會聽話、害怕、循規蹈矩。

I'm like, oh, that's called fear-mongering?

我想，哦，這就是所謂的恐懼煽動？

Then my mom must have invented fear-mongering.

那一定是我媽媽發明了恐懼煽動。

Oh, I didn't even know that's what it's called.

哦，我都不知道這叫這個名字。

Ever since I was five years old, my mom had me believe that anything I do would make me sick.

從我五歲起，媽媽就讓我相信，我做的任何事情都會讓我生病。

You go outside without a jacket, you get the flu.

You go to bed with the fan on, pneumonia.

God forbid you fall asleep with wet hair, you don't even wake up, that's it, you're dead. That's it, you're dead.

如果你溼著頭髮睡著了，連醒都醒不過來，那你就死定了。就這樣，你死定了。

I do remember when I was like 10 years old, little boy, I was very scared because there was this one kid, pretty sad story, in my class, he had childhood leukemia and then he lost all his hair to chemo and everything, looking real frail, and I was really scared.

我記得在我 10 歲的時候，當時我還是個小男孩，我非常害怕，因為班裡有一個孩子，他得了兒童白血病，化療讓他掉光了頭髮，看起來非常虛弱，我真的很害怕。

I was like, "Oh my God, is he gonna be okay?"

我當時想：「天哪，他會沒事嗎？」

And my mom, she's a great mother, she saw how scared I was, so she came up to console me.

我媽媽是個偉大的母親，她看到我那麼害怕，就上來安慰我。

She was like, "Jimmy, Jimmy, you see, this is what happens when you play too much video games."

她說：「吉米，吉米，你看，這就是電子遊戲玩多了的後果。」

I never played a game of FIFA after that.

從那以後，我再也沒玩過 FIFA。

我媽媽就像，假新聞的始作俑者。

「嘿，你的愛的語言是什麼？」

She's like, "You know, your love language, like, how do you convey love to your partners and loved ones?

她說：「你的愛的語言是什麼，你如何向你的伴侶和愛人傳達愛意？

Like, for example, a love language could be words of affirmation."

比如，愛的語言可以是肯定的話語。」

I've never heard one word of affirmation in my life.

我一生中從未聽到過一句肯定的話。

Nobody ever told me, "Jimmy, you're so great. You can do it."

從來沒有人告訴我：「吉米，你很棒，你能做到。」

I hate watching Celebrity Family Feud, because they always make the celebrity choose a charity and donate money.

我討厭看《家庭問答》，因為他們總是讓明星選擇一個慈善機構並捐錢。

I'm like, some of us want to keep our money, man.

我想，我們中的一些人想留住我們的錢，夥計。

Hey, look, I know I sound like a bad person, okay?

嘿，聽著，我知道我聽起來像個壞人，好嗎？

Every time I even just think about donating money, she comes out of nowhere.

每當我想捐錢的時候，她就會突然出現。

She's like, "Who, who are you donating to?"

I'm like, "Mom, I don't know, like, Save the Children Foundation?"

我說：「媽媽，我不知道，比如拯救兒童基金會？」

She's like, "You don't even know those children. Children can be horrible."

她說：「你都不認識那些孩子。孩子是可怕的。」

Okay, fine, "Mom, I'll donate to help the hospitals, like, feedahospital.com, to help out all the nurses and doctors."

「好吧，好吧。媽媽，我會捐款幫助醫院，比如，feedahospital. com，幫助所有的護士和醫生。」

And she's like, "Okay, Jimmy, okay. The doctors make more money than you."

她說：「吉米，醫生賺的錢比你多。

I make a website, feedahcomedian.com, right now.

我現在做了一個網站 feedahcomedian.com。

"You donate to anyone, you donate to me. I give a birth to you, okay?

「你捐給任何人，就是捐給我。我把你生下來的，好嗎？」

你能想象我上《家庭問答》嗎？

Steve's like, "Jimmy, what charity are you playing for?"

史蒂夫說：「吉米，你為哪個慈善機構演出？」

My mom's so tight with my money, she wouldn't even let me buy her something nice.

我媽媽對我的錢管得很嚴，甚至不讓我給她買點好東西。

For her last birthday, I bought her a nice iPad, brand new iPad.

在她上次生日時，我給她買了一個漂亮的 iPad，全新的 iPad。

我以為我是個好亞洲兒子，對吧？

And my mom's like, "Oh no, it's too expensive."

我媽媽說：「哦，不，太貴了。」

I'm like, "Mom, it's okay, we can afford it. Just enjoy the iPad."

我就說：「媽媽，沒關係，我們買得起。盡情享受 iPad 吧。」

She was like, "No, Jimmy, please return it. Return it and just give me the cash."

她說：「不，吉米，請把它退回去。退回去，把現金給我。」

See, we live in a very frivolous society, man.

瞧，我們生活在一個非常輕浮的社會裡。

Everybody loves to brag about how much shit they have, how much money they make.

每個人都喜歡吹噓自己有多少東西，賺了多少錢。

我們都會吹牛，我們都會犯這樣的錯誤。

We all just do it in subtle, different ways.

White people never brag about how much money they got. They always just brag about how expensive their life is.

白人從不炫耀自己有多少錢。他們總是吹噓自己的生活有多昂貴。

Like, "Oh, Joey just started private school. It's so expensive.

比如，「喬伊剛上私立學校。好貴喔。

And our remodel is totally going over budget.

我們的改建工程完全超出了預算。

Oh, and you wouldn't believe how much money we spent going to Fiji."

哦，你肯定想不到我們去斐濟花了多少錢。」

I'm like, okay, Katie, I see your life, okay?

我想，好喔，凱蒂，我看到了你的生活，好嗎？

Black people, on the other hand, a lot more straightforward.

Black people just tell you exactly how much money they spent on something.

黑人只會告訴你他們在某件事上花了多少錢。

Like my black friends or even like rappers, right?

比如我的黑人朋友，甚至饒舌歌手，對嗎？

My mama's house, 500 thou. This chain, a million dollars, man.

我媽媽的房子，50 萬。這條鏈子值一百萬美元。

I'm like, okay, you clearly don't have your priorities, but I appreciate the honesty.

我想，好吧，你顯然沒有分清主次，但我很欣賞你的誠實。

People love to brag about how much money they spent.

人們喜歡炫耀自己花了多少錢。

Asian people, on the other hand, we do the exact opposite.

We love to brag about how little money we spent on some shit.

我們喜歡炫耀自己在一些破事上花了多少錢。

Like my mom, her catchphrase is, "Guess how much?"

就像我媽媽，她的口頭禪是：「猜猜多少錢？」

你們玩過猜猜多少錢的遊戲嗎？

My mom would come home with something new, like a watch.

我媽媽會帶一些新東西回家，比如手錶。

She'll be like, "Jimmy, Jimmy, guess how much? Guess how much?"

她會說：「吉米，吉米，你猜多少錢？猜猜多少錢？」

I'm like, "Mom, I don't know. It's a very nice watch, like $5,000?"

我說：「媽媽，我不知道。這塊錶很不錯，大概 5000美元？」

"Jimmy, my house, my house, this house, guess how much? Guess how much?"

「吉米，我的房子，我的房子，這房子，你猜多少錢？猜猜多少錢？」

I'm like, "Mom, I don't know. You live in a very nice house, like a million dollars?"

我說：「媽媽，我不知道。你住在一棟非常漂亮的房子裡，一百萬美元？」

She was like, "No. It's half off. Someone died in it."

她說「不，半價。有人死在裡面。」

And if you know the rules of the game, you always guess high.

如果你瞭解遊戲規則，價錢一定要猜的高。

So you make the other person feel good about their purchases.

這樣，你就能讓對方對自己的購物感覺良好。

If you ever guess too low, that's the ultimate insult to an Asian person, okay?

如果你猜得太低，那就是對亞洲人的終極侮辱，好嗎？

One time my mom came home with some new shoes, I guess too low.

有一次，我媽媽帶了雙新鞋回家，我猜太低了。

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【Jimmy O. Yang】關於我的亞裔父母（Jimmy O. Yang (My Asian Mother + Father’s Update: Jimmy O. Yang)

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