LAUGHTER Like the only silver lining of COVID happening was that Vivid got cancelled.

就像《COVID》唯一的一線希望就是《Vivid》被取消了一樣。

LAUGHTER Now to unpack exactly why I hate Vivid so much, we've got a flashback to when I was 19.

為了解釋我為什麼這麼恨Vivid 我們來回顧一下我19歲的時候

My parents decide to go away on a vacation, which means I get the house to myself.

我的父母決定外出度假，這意味著我可以獨享這個家。

And because I'm all by myself and I'm alone and I have this whole house, I decide that I'm going to meet up with a boy.

因為我是一個人，我獨自一人，我有這整個房子，所以我決定去見一個男孩。

But the thing is, I don't know any boys.

但問題是，我不認識任何男孩。

LAUGHTER So I download Tinder and I play a little game with myself.

所以我下載了 Tinder，和自己玩了個小遊戲。

I'm like, I will meet up with the first boy who messages me.

我想，我會和第一個給我發資訊的男孩見面。

It's alright, I'm alive. 40 minutes later I'm in an apartment in the northern beaches of Sydney.

沒事，我還活著。 40 分鐘後，我在雪梨北部海灘的一間公寓裡。

Again, don't worry, I'm alive.

再說一次，別擔心，我還活著。

And next to me is this guy called Alex.

在我旁邊的是一個叫亞歷克斯的傢伙。

Alex has a blonde man bun.

亞歷克斯梳著金色的髮髻。

He also has sparkly blue eyes and he wears boat shoes, which I usually find obnoxious.

他還有一雙閃閃發光的藍眼睛，他穿船鞋，而我通常會覺得這很討厭。

But he actually owns a boat.

但實際上，他擁有一艘船。

Now I have a pretty nice time with him, so we meet up a few more times after.

現在我和他相處得很愉快，所以我們後來又見了幾次面。

Alex lives in the northern beaches of Sydney.

亞歷克斯住在雪梨北部海灘。

He has money.

他有錢

Wow.

哇

He cooks fancy food for me.

他為我烹飪美味佳餚。

Bacon and eggs.

培根和雞蛋

Wow.

哇

He smokes weed. Wow.

他抽大麻 哇哦

And after a little bit more time, we're hanging out like semi-regularly.

又過了一段時間，我們就開始半固定地交往了。

Like, hanging out.

比如，一起出去玩。

And after a little bit more time, we're official.

再過一段時間，我們就正式開始了。

We become exclusive.

我們變得獨一無二。

And because this is in the 2010s, we celebrate by becoming Facebook friends.

由於現在是 2010 年代，我們通過成為 Facebook 好友來慶祝。

Now, I don't really understand why I hadn't seen Alex's Facebook profile before.

現在，我真的不明白為什麼我之前沒有看到亞歷克斯的 Facebook 個人資料。

Like, he says he's bad with technology or something, but that doesn't matter now.

比如，他說他不擅長技術什麼的，但現在這都不重要了。

We're official.

我們是官方的。

So naturally, I stalk through all of his Facebook photos.

是以，我很自然地瀏覽了他在 Facebook 上的所有照片。

And in one of his pictures, he's with an Asian girl.

在他的一張照片中，他和一個亞洲女孩在一起。

I assume it's an ex-girlfriend.

我猜是前女友。

Then I click to the next picture.

然後我點擊下一張圖片。

And he's with another Asian girl.

他和另一個亞洲女孩在一起

And another.

還有一個

And another.

還有一個

But I overlook this, and I stay with him.

但我忽略了這一點，我和他在一起。

And then six months into our relationship, he gets tagged in a photo with another Asian girl.

我們交往六個月後，他被拍到和另一個亞洲女孩在一起。

His arm is around her at Vivid Sydney.

在 Vivid Sydney，他摟著她。

And...

還有

And now Vivid to me is no longer the festival of lights.

現在，Vivid 對我來說不再是燈光節了。

Vivid is the festival of cheating.

Vivid 是欺騙的節日。

The projections represent illusion, deceit, emptiness.

投影代表著幻覺、欺騙和空虛。

And projecting.

還有投射。

So I call up Alex.

於是我打電話給亞歷克斯。

I'm crying.

我哭了

I'm angry.

我很生氣。

I'm crangry.

我很生氣。

And he's like, I can explain.

他說，我可以解釋。

This girl's name is Jodie.

這個女孩叫裘蒂。

She's an international student who needs a visa.

她是一名留學生，需要簽證。

And we're only pretending to be a couple.

我們只是假裝是一對情侶。

And in exchange, she is giving me $20,000.

作為交換，她給了我兩萬美元。

I'm like, $20,000?

我想，2 萬美元？

You should ask for $50,000.

你應該索要 5 萬美元。

Also, just a little side note here.

另外，這裡還有一個小插曲。

This is how you know Asian women have made it.

這就是亞洲女性的成功之道。

Where once white guys bought Asian women, now Asian women are buying white guys.

以前是白人買亞洲女人，現在是亞洲女人買白人。

Like, fuck Jodie, but also go Asian women.

比如，和朱迪上床，但也去找亞洲女人。

You go buy those white boys.

你去買那些白人男孩

So I tell Alex that I'm appalled and I'm angry and I'm upset.

所以我告訴亞歷克斯，我很震驚，我很生氣，我很難過。

But I'm going to stay with him and work through this with him.

但我會陪著他，和他一起解決這個問題。

Because I feel like we've got something special.

因為我覺得我們有一些特別的東西。

And then I get a phone call from her.

然後我就接到了她的電話。

Stay away from him.

離他遠點

Do you understand?

你明白了嗎？

Stay away.

遠離。

Jodie goes through all of our messages together.

朱迪會一起查看我們所有的資訊。

She deletes photos off his phone.

她刪除了他手機裡的照片。

There is one point where I am emailing Alex just so we can figure out a time and place to meet up without her having to find out.

有一次，我給艾麗克絲髮了封電子郵件，這樣我們就可以在不被她發現的情況下約定見面的時間和地點。

Jodie is not only a rich Asian.

朱迪不僅是一個富有的亞洲人。

She is a crazy rich Asian.

她是一個瘋狂富有的亞洲人。

I also start to become suspicious of Alex.

我也開始懷疑亞歷克斯。

Because he no longer wants to have sex with me.

因為他不想再和我做愛了。

And that's really weird for a 19 year old boy with a giant anime porn collection.

對於一個收藏了大量動漫毛片的 19 歲男孩來說，這真的很奇怪。

So I confront him and I'm like are you sleeping with her?

我問他，你是不是和她上床了？

And after a little bit more prodding he says yes.

再三催促後，他答應了。

And then we break up.

然後我們就分手了。

Now there were so many thoughts that were running through my mind at this stage like I've just been cheated on.

在這個階段，我的腦海裡閃過很多念頭，就像我剛剛被欺騙了一樣。

Does this make me Beyonce?

這讓我成為碧昂絲了嗎？

But then there were other thoughts that ran through my mind like you're worthless and you're not enough.

但是，我的腦海裡還閃過其他念頭，比如你沒有價值，你不夠好。

Because if you were enough then he never would have gone behind your back and cheated on you and done all these things with Jodie.

因為如果你夠了，他就不會揹著你欺騙你，也不會和裘蒂做這些事。

And like these thoughts just keep circling around and I am crying uncontrollably in my own little private moment trying to stop myself.

就像這些念頭一直在我腦海中盤旋，我在自己的小天地裡無法控制地哭泣，試圖阻止自己。

Only to realise this entire time I've been sitting on that one seat of the train that faces all the other seats.

我才意識到，我一直都坐在火車上那個面對所有其他座位的座位上。

Now there's a lot that I take away from this story and there's a lot that I've learnt.

現在，我從這個故事中收穫了很多，也學到了很多。

And one of the lessons is that sometimes the bright, shiny beautiful things in life can be covering up the bullshit.

其中的一個教訓是，有時生活中光鮮亮麗的美好事物可能會掩蓋住廢話。

So fuck Alex and also fuck Vivid Sydney.

去他的亞歷克斯，去他的生動雪梨。