I don't believe that anymore.

我再也不相信了。

Whenever I'm here now, I'm miserable, I don't like me and I don't like being in the world.

每當我在這裡的時候，我都很痛苦，我不喜歡自己，也不喜歡這個世界。

What is a better way to live?

什麼是更好的生活方式？

I've actually given this quite a lot of thought.

實際上，我已經考慮了很久。

Because I remember when I was in college and I, you know, met some like zen people and they were like, be here now, be here now.

因為我記得我上大學的時候，你知道，我遇到了一些喜歡禪宗的人，他們就像，現在就在這裡，現在就在這裡。

And I thought, well, whenever I'm here now, I'm miserable, like, I I I don't like me, and I don't like being in the world, I I don't want to be here now, I want to be somewhere else.

我想，無論何時我在這裡，我都很痛苦，我不喜歡我自己，我不喜歡在這個世界上，我現在不想在這裡，我想去別的地方。

So I didn't really understand what they were getting at.

所以我不太明白他們到底想說什麼。

It really took me, you know, till I had lived quite a lot of life and had some, you know, some significant experiences and given it some thought that I realized, oh.

直到我經歷了很多生活，有了一些重要的經歷，並進行了一些思考之後，我才意識到，哦。

Oh, be here now means be here now and be uncomfortable and be okay with being uncomfortable.

哦，"現在就在這裡 "意味著 "現在就在這裡"，不舒服也沒關係，不舒服也沒關係。

And being okay with not being able to control my pleasure or my pain or my comfort level, but just being open to whatever comes.

對於無法控制自己的快樂、痛苦或舒適度，我也能坦然接受，只是坦然面對一切。

And I think that's a really a key shift that I'm not trying to control my experience in the moment.

我認為這是一個關鍵的轉變，我不再試圖控制我當下的體驗。

And that it's okay to be unhappy or restless or uncomfortable.

不開心、不安或不舒服都沒關係。

And not trying to run away from that, but just really turn and face it.

而不是試圖逃避，而是真正轉過身來面對它。

Embrace.

擁抱。

The.

是的。

Discomfort.

不適。

And then the key piece about not, not anticipating the reward is helps me be in the moment, right?

不期待獎賞的關鍵在於，它能幫助我置身當下，對嗎？

Because I'm not just waiting for the good thing to come after.

因為我不只是在等待美好事物的到來。

I'm saying to myself, imagine there's nothing good coming after, nothing at all, right?

我對自己說，想象一下，之後不會有什麼好事，什麼都沒有，對嗎？

There's just, there aren't rewards.

只是，沒有獎勵。

This is it.

就是這裡

And then also being able to say and it's okay if in the moment, like, it's not great, like, I I can embrace that, you know, I can be.

然後還能說，如果當下不是很好，沒關係，我可以接受，你知道，我可以的。

Unhappy or restless or anxious or whatever it is.

不開心、煩躁不安、焦慮不安，不管是什麼。

And then when I do that, you know, I feel like there's a funny, funny thing that happens and all of a sudden.

當我這樣做的時候，你知道，我感覺就像發生了一件有趣的事情，突然之間。

I'm not as anxious, right?

我不那麼焦慮了，對嗎？

And I am present and it there is some joy there.

我在那裡，那裡有一些快樂。

It's fed by modern culture, this kind of expectancy that really we should be happy all the time.

現代文化助長了這種期望，認為我們應該一直快樂下去。

And that if, you know, if we've arranged things appropriately for our lives and we've done our work and, you know, aimed true, then we should just be like, life is great.

如果，你知道，如果我們已經為我們的生活做了適當的安排，我們已經完成了我們的工作，你知道，我們的目標是真實的，那麼我們就應該覺得，生活是美好的。

And I don't believe that anymore.

我再也不相信了。

I think that, you know, I mean, like Buddha said, life is suffering, but.

我認為，你知道，我的意思是，就像佛祖說的，生命是痛苦的，但是。

I really think that fundamentally, like, it's uncomfortable to be alive.

我真的認為，從根本上說，活著是一件不舒服的事。

And that it's a kind of a constant state of restlessness and discomfort.

這是一種持續的不安和不適。

If we're being really honest and and tuning in.

如果我們真的很誠實，並能調整好自己的心態。

When I really let myself see that and feel that, all of a sudden, I'm I'm freed from from some of that.

當我真正讓自己看到這一點，感受到這一點時，突然間，我就從一些事情中解脫出來了。

The big turning point, um, was that we lost our we lost a child.

最大的轉捩點是，我們失去了一個孩子。

And, um, in the immediate aftermath of our child's death, I was just determined to like sort of undo the experience and, um, you know.

孩子死後不久，我就下定決心要挽回這段經歷。

Get enough psychotherapy and enough whatever, whatever it took.

接受足夠的心理治療和足夠的任何東西，不管花多少錢。

To.

致

Sort.

排序

Of.

Of.

Not.

不是。

Feel.

感覺

That.

這。

Pain.

疼痛

And it wasn't until I really just said, oh, like I'm gonna feel this pain for the rest of my life, it's never going away.

直到我真的說，哦，就像我餘生都會感受到這種痛苦一樣，它永遠不會消失。

That suddenly I felt some relief from that pain and that was a real window for me.

我突然感到疼痛有所緩解，這對我來說是一扇真正的窗戶。