Well, there were a few other games I mentioned there.

我還提到了其他一些遊戲。

They're just, you know, rare, obscure games like, you know, McKids or, uh, Taxman or whatever.

它們都是一些罕見的、不起眼的遊戲，比如《McKids》或者《Taxman》什麼的。

What the hell is Taxman?

什麼是 "稅務員"？

I didn't even know what the hell I was talking about.

我甚至不知道自己在說什麼。

I had too much to drink.

我喝得太多了。

What I meant to say was Wall Street Kid, a game about the stock market.

我想說的是《華爾街小子》，一款關於股市的遊戲。

Who would ever want to play a game like that?

誰會想玩這樣的遊戲？

But it just so happens, by some fucking coincidence, there actually is a game called Taxman for the Apple II computer.

但就是這麼巧，蘋果 II 電腦上真的有一款遊戲叫《稅人》（Taxman）。

I've heard that there's nothing much to this game, it's just a Pac-Man clone.

我聽說這款遊戲沒什麼可玩的，只是《吃豆人》的翻版。

I figure that probably means that it's a game that's very similar to Pac-Man.

我想，這可能意味著這是一款與《吃豆人》非常相似的遊戲。

I was wrong.

我錯了。

By clone, they meant an exact copy.

他們所說的克隆，指的是完全複製。

It's Pac-Man.

這是《吃豆人》。

Have you played Pac-Man?

你玩過吃豆人嗎？

Then you play Taxman without even knowing it.

然後，你就在不知不覺中扮演了 "稅務員"。

But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

但我不是來談這個的。

I'm here to talk about something that I've feared since the beginning.

我來這裡是想談談我從一開始就擔心的事情。

Those little tiger, like, electronic wrist games?

那些小老虎，比如電子手腕遊戲？

Those are better than Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

比《傑基爾博士和海德先生》好看多了。

Have we gotten to that point now?

我們現在到了那個地步了嗎？

Is it time to scrape the bottom of the toilet bowl of the whole video game industry?

現在是時候對整個電子遊戲產業進行釜底抽薪了嗎？

Yeah.

是啊

It's time to talk about tiger games.

是時候談談老虎遊戲了。

Since the advent of video games, the idea of portable games was a novel concept, like the Nintendo Game & Watch series.

自視頻遊戲問世以來，便攜式遊戲一直是一個新穎的概念，比如任天堂的 Game & Watch 系列。

Everybody liked the idea of being able to bring a game with you wherever you go.

每個人都喜歡能隨身攜帶遊戲的想法。

There were many examples, but none so common as the tiger handheld games.

這樣的例子有很多，但沒有一個像老虎掌上游戲這樣常見。

They used the most primitive technology possible.

他們使用的是最原始的技術。

The graphics, if you can even call them graphics, work like this.

圖形（如果可以稱之為圖形的話）是這樣工作的。

The background is a fixed image that's printed onto the console.

背景是印在控制檯上的固定影像。

In front of that is a clear screen, kind of like an animation cell, with a bunch of static images that represent all the characters and objects.

前面是一個清晰的螢幕，有點像動畫單元，上面有一堆靜態影像，代表所有的角色和物體。

When the game plays, these images light up individually to simulate the illusion of movement.

遊戲開始時，這些影像會逐個亮起，以模擬運動的錯覺。

It's sort of like a calculator or a digital watch.

它有點像計算器或電子錶。

I can't think of a more crude way to make a video game.

我想不出比這更簡陋的視頻遊戲製作方式了。

Of course, you don't need technology to make a good game, but these were all ungodly.

當然，製作一款好的遊戲並不需要技術，但這些遊戲都是逆天的。

But that didn't stop these games from flooding the market.

但這並沒有阻止這些遊戲充斥市場。

They were everywhere, and everybody bought them!

它們隨處可見，人人都買！

Everybody I knew had at least one of these things.

我認識的每個人都至少有一個這樣的東西。

On the school bus, people were playing them.

在校車上，人們在玩這些遊戲。

At lunchtime, everybody was swapping them around and playing each other's games.

午餐時間，大家交換著玩對方的遊戲。

It was like chicken pox!

就像水痘一樣！

We all got it!

我們都明白了！

It was the cheapest option for a handheld game.

這是掌上游戲最便宜的選擇。

You could find them at any store, they were convenient for birthday presents, and each one was its own individual game.

在任何商店都能買到，作為生日禮物也很方便，而且每個遊戲都是獨立的。

You didn't need to get any other game cartridges to play on them.

你不需要購買其他遊戲盒式磁帶就能在上面玩遊戲。

And all you needed was two AA batteries.

你只需要兩節 AA 電池。

The Game Boy, on the other hand, was more expensive, needed four AA batteries, and you'd still need to buy games for it.

而 Game Boy 則更加昂貴，需要四節 AA 電池，而且還需要購買遊戲。

Tiger was like the poverty version.

老虎就像是貧窮版的。

For a lot of us, it was either this, or nothing.

對我們很多人來說，要麼這樣，要麼什麼都不做。

And nobody minded!

沒有人介意！

These things brainwashed us!

這些東西給我們洗了腦！

They had colorful artwork that looked way better than the shit that came on inside the screen.

它們有五顏六色的圖案，比螢幕內的垃圾好看多了。

It somehow gave you the impression that you were holding an arcade machine in your hands.

不知何故，它給人的感覺就像是手中拿著一臺街機。

The commercials made them look awesome, but really, they were garbage.

廣告讓它們看起來很棒，但實際上，它們就是垃圾。

These games were so mass-produced, it was like a swarm of mosquitoes sucking our blood!

這些遊戲如此批量生產，就像一群蚊子在吸我們的血！

And we all got bit.

我們都被咬了

The most shameless part of it is that these games tried to be more than what they were.

最無恥的是，這些遊戲試圖超越自己。

With this kind of technology, they could have stuck to solitaire or video poker, but no, they took it all the way and adapted action-adventure games.

有了這樣的技術，他們本可以繼續玩單人紙牌或電子撲克，但他們沒有，而是將其發揚光大，改編成了動作冒險遊戲。

They took Konami games, Capcom games, Sega games, like Altered Beast, Shinobi, and Sonic the Hedgehog.

他們還製作了科樂美遊戲、卡普空遊戲和世嘉遊戲，如 "改變的野獸"、"神兵 "和 "刺蝟索尼克"。

Any video game franchise ended up butchered on one of these things.

任何視頻遊戲特許經營權最終都會因為這些東西而毀於一旦。

Any licensed product, movies, TV shows, this Tiger got its claws on everything.

任何授權產品、電影、電視劇，這隻 "老虎 "的爪子都能抓到。

When you adapt a well-known game, everybody knows what the real game is supposed to be like.

當你改編一款知名遊戲時，每個人都知道真正的遊戲應該是什麼樣的。

You have something to compare it to.

你有東西可以比較。

The difference is night and day.

兩者的差別簡直是天壤之別。

But hey, the idea of playing Mega Man 2 on the go, why not?

不過，想在旅途中玩《洛克人 2》，何樂而不為呢？

Mega Man using a gun instead of his arm cannon?

洛克人用槍代替臂炮？

Sure, I guess somebody just looked at the atrocious cover to the original Mega Man and thought, okay, he's got a gun, put it in the game.

當然，我猜是有人看了原版《洛克人》那糟糕的封面，然後想，好吧，他有槍，就把它放到遊戲裡吧。

And how about running out of ammo?

彈藥用完了怎麼辦？

Have you ever wanted to play a Mega Man game where you can run out of ammo?

你有沒有想過玩一款可以耗盡彈藥的《洛克人》遊戲？

Well, this is it.

這就是了

Street Fighter II.

街頭霸王 II

Really?

真的嗎？

First you have the arcade, then you have the home console versions, then you have the Game Boy version, and then at the very bottom you have the Tiger version.

首先是街機版，然後是家用遊戲機版，接著是 Game Boy 版，最後是 Tiger 版。

The only thing less than that would be using your imagination or playing the board game.

唯一比這差的就是發揮想象力或玩棋盤遊戲。

But even that was better.

但即使這樣也更好。

How about the TV shows like Dinosaurs?

像《恐龍》這樣的電視節目怎麼樣？

Listen to that awful music.

聽聽這難聽的音樂

You'd rather listen to the...

你寧願聽...

I'M THE BABY GOD I LOVE ME!

我是嬰兒之神，我愛我！

Remember that shit?

還記得那玩意兒嗎？

How about Full House?

滿漢全席》怎麼樣？

That's right, Full House the Tiger Game.

沒錯，就是老虎遊戲廳。

You play as Michelle, I think, going around slapping high fives while fighting against inanimate objects.

我想，你扮演米歇爾，一邊與無生命的物體戰鬥，一邊四處擊掌。

Apparently everything in the Tanner household came alive and is trying to kill you.

顯然，坦納家的一切都活過來了，都想殺了你。

Personally, I prefer the Super Nintendo version of Full House Tournament Fighter.

就個人而言，我更喜歡超級任天堂版的《全職高手》。

For games that are so basic, you'd think they'd be easy to pick up and play.

對於如此基本的遊戲，你會認為它們很容易上手。

But many of them, I can't even figure out what you're supposed to do.

但很多時候，我甚至不知道你應該做什麼。

I just mash buttons and wait for something to happen.

我只需按下按鈕，等待事情發生。

A game this simple should not need an instruction manual.

這麼簡單的遊戲不需要說明書。

Some of them, I wonder if they're defective.

其中一些，我懷疑它們是否有缺陷。

In the bowling game, I haven't even been able to hit one pin.

在保齡球比賽中，我甚至連一根針都沒打中。

The ball goes straight for the pins, then it disappears!

球直奔小齒釘而去，然後消失不見！

What is happening?

發生了什麼事？

The controls, a lot of times, are counterintuitive.

很多時候，控制都是反直覺的。

Anybody who's played a video game knows that the D-pad controls your movement and the buttons perform actions.

玩過電子遊戲的人都知道，D-pad 控制你的移動，而按鈕則執行操作。

With Tiger Games, anything goes.

有了老虎遊戲，什麼都可以做。

In Castlevania II, the whip is up or down on the D-pad while the buttons on the right are jump up, jump right and the sword, which is actually a throwing dagger, by the way.

在《惡魔城 2》中，D 鍵盤上的鞭子是向上或向下，而右邊的按鈕則是向上跳、向右跳和劍，順便說一下，劍實際上是一把投擲匕首。

Chippendale's Rescue Rangers had jump and pick on the left and on the right, to move, it's just one big button that says forward.

奇彭代爾的《營救別動隊》左邊有跳和挑，右邊有移動，只有一個大按鈕，上面寫著前進。

Every one of these games had some kind of quirky control when they should have just emulated what's on an NES controller.

每款遊戲都有某種古怪的控制方式，而他們本應只是模擬 NES 手柄上的操作方式。

Half of these games, the controls barely work at all because they're so fragile and don't age well.

這些遊戲中，有一半的操控裝置幾乎無法正常工作，因為它們太脆弱了，而且不易老化。

Another thing I hate about them is that they're hard to record.

我討厭它們的另一個原因是它們很難錄製。

It's almost impossible to see the objects on the screen without careful lighting and the glare makes it even worse.

如果不注意照明，幾乎不可能看清螢幕上的物體，而眩光會讓情況更糟。

So there's nothing good about these games.

所以，這些遊戲沒什麼好的。

In 1989, the Nintendo Game Boy hit the scene.

1989 年，任天堂遊戲機問世。

It revolutionized portable gaming.

它徹底改變了便攜式遊戲。

Yeah, the games were black and white, there was no backlight and the screen was still hard to see, but the games were like real games.

是的，遊戲是黑白的，沒有背光，螢幕也很難看清楚，但遊戲就像真正的遊戲一樣。

It was closer to having a mobile NES.

它更接近於一個移動的 NES。

You'd think this would be the Tiger Killer, but no.

你以為這就是 "老虎殺手"，但不是。

Other game companies like Konami released a lot of their own games on handheld devices like this.

科樂美等其他遊戲公司也在這樣的掌上設備上發佈了很多自己的遊戲。

But most of them died out when Game Boy became popular.

但隨著 Game Boy 的流行，這些遊戲大多銷聲匿跡了。

Tiger, on the other hand, continued well into the 90s.

而老虎則一直持續到 90 年代。

In fact, I remember these things being more common in the 90s than ever.

事實上，在我的記憶中，這些東西在 90 年代比以往任何時候都要常見。

They were pouring obsolete games into stores and we were still buying them.

他們把過時的遊戲倒進商店，而我們還在買。

They wouldn't die off.

他們不會死掉。

They were like cockroaches.

他們就像蟑螂一樣。

By giving people a cheap alternative, they managed to coexist with the Game Boy.

通過為人們提供廉價的替代品，它們成功地與 Game Boy 共存。

Yeah, this Tiger sure rose up to the challenge of its rivals.

是啊，這隻 "老虎 "確實在對手的挑戰下奮起直追。

Had the guts, got the glory, went the distance, now it's not going to stop.

有勇氣，有榮耀，走得更遠，現在不會停止。

It's literally a survivor.

這簡直就是一個倖存者。

There's a difference between something that's old school and something that's outdated.

老派和過時是有區別的。

Old school is like Atari 2600.

老式設備就像雅達利 2600。

The games are primitive, but they're still fun to play.

這些遊戲很原始，但玩起來仍然很有趣。

You can always go back to them.

你可以隨時回到他們身邊。

Outdated is something you never want to go back to.

過時是你再也不想回到過去的東西。

Tiger games are so outdated, they were never in-dated.

老虎遊戲已經過時，但它們從未過時。

They were a fad, like Pogs.

它們是一種時尚，就像 Pogs 一樣。

If they were an experiment in the 70s and they only made a few of them, then I could accept that.

如果這只是 70 年代的一次試驗，而且只生產了幾臺，那麼我可以接受。

But no, they milked these things for all that they're worth.

但是沒有，他們榨乾了這些東西的價值。

You thought LJN was the grand champion, the almighty shitty game factory?

你以為 LJN 是冠軍，是萬能的低劣遊戲工廠？

Tiger put LJN to shame.

老虎讓 LJN 感到羞愧。

Yeah, LJN laid down turd after turd after turd, but Tiger was like a machine gun ass, shitting out turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd!

是的，LJN 打出了一坨又一坨的大便，但老虎就像機關槍一樣，打出了一坨又一坨的大便！

These are the worst games I ever had the honor of playing, if you even count them as video games.

這些是我有幸玩過的最糟糕的遊戲，如果你把它們也算作視頻遊戲的話。

People have discussions like, are video games art?

人們會討論，電子遊戲是藝術嗎？

Or something like that.

或者類似的東西。

Why the better one?

為什麼是更好的那個？

Are Tiger games video games?

老虎遊戲是視頻遊戲嗎？

These are a caveman's version of video games.

這些都是穴居人版本的視頻遊戲。

These were a step back in human evolution.

這些都是人類進化的倒退。

These were the most desperate attempt at entertainment you could save up for a Game Boy.

這是你能為遊戲機攢下的最絕望的娛樂嘗試。

Or just go, eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.

或者就這樣，誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒誒。

Yeah, well, eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.

是啊，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯。

Just what the hell?

到底怎麼了？

These things, how did they waste so much plastic to make these things?

這些東西，他們怎麼會浪費這麼多塑膠來製造這些東西？

It brought the game industry down as low as it could go.

它將遊戲產業推向了谷底。

It's proof that Jesus died in vain and legally changed his middle name to fucking.

這證明耶穌枉死，併合法地將他的中間名改為 "他媽的"。

The only thing I can think of to use these things for is to wipe your ass with it.

我能想到的唯一用途就是用它來擦屁股。

You might as well save that toilet paper.

還不如省點衛生紙呢。

It's worth a whole lot more.

它的價值更高。

But I'm not done, am I?

但我還沒說完，不是嗎？

Oh, no.

哦，不

I've actually gotten to this point.

事實上，我已經走到了這一步。

It's time to talk about the wrist games.

是時候談談腕力比賽了。

Ugh.

唉。

What.

什麼？

The.

是的。

Ass.

Ass.

Talk about desperate.

說到絕望

I'd have more fun setting the time on a digital watch.

我更喜歡用電子錶調時間。

This is shits for the birds.

這是給鳥吃的。

Now, check this out.

現在，看看這個。

Batman Returns, the wrist game.

蝙蝠俠歸來》，腕力遊戲。

Oh, boy.

哦，天哪

Wait.

等等。

I can't get it open.

我打不開。

Good.

很好。

God, I hate this shit.

天哪，我恨死這玩意兒了。

You know, you know what's bullshit?

你知道什麼是胡說八道嗎？

You know what's bullshit?

你知道什麼是狗屁嗎？

Packaging that you need scissors to open.

需要用剪刀才能打開的包裝。

Even with the scissors, it's still a pain in the ass.

即使有剪刀，還是很麻煩。

Why is this plastic so fucking strong?

這塑膠怎麼這麼結實？

This stuff is bulletproof.

這東西刀槍不入。

Nobody wants this shit, so why do they do it?

沒有人想要這些東西，那他們為什麼要這麼做？

They use it on everything.

他們什麼都用。

This kind of packaging should be outlawed.

這種包裝應該被取締。

Why does it still exist?

為什麼它仍然存在？

I especially love when you buy scissors and you need scissors to open the scissors.

我尤其喜歡買了剪刀卻需要用剪刀才能打開的時候。

What fucking idiots think this is a good idea?

是哪個該死的白痴認為這是個好主意？

They don't care.

他們不在乎。

By the time you're having this problem, you already bought it.

當你遇到這個問題時，你已經買了它。

Packaging like this is bullshit.

像這樣的包裝簡直是胡扯。

Thanks, bullshit man.

謝謝你，胡說八道的傢伙。

Wow.

哇

Look at how badass this game is.

看看這款遊戲有多棒。

Yeah, this is the hot shit right here.

是的，這才是最棒的。

You'd be so cool going around wearing this thing.

你戴著它到處走一定很酷。

Yeah, you'd be walking around school and you got this on and everybody else is talking about what the new hot game system is gonna be.

是啊，你在學校裡走來走去，戴著這個，其他人都在談論什麼新的熱門遊戲系統。

Nintendo 64.

任天堂 64

The Bit Wars. 64 bits. 32 bits. 16 bits. 8 bits. 4 bits. 2 bits. 1 bit.

比特戰爭64 位32 位16 位8 位4 位2 位1 位

Half bit.

半位

Quarter bit.

四分之一位

The Wrist Game!

手腕遊戲

You thought that was it for Tiger, huh?

你以為老虎就這樣了？

Handheld games.

掌上游戲

Wrist games.

手腕遊戲

Tiger Pokemon Walkie Talkies.

老虎小精靈對講機

Yeah.

是啊

That's not enough?

這還不夠？

Well, how about a whole fucking Tiger game console?

那麼，整臺該死的老虎遊戲機怎麼樣？

In 1997, this was Tiger's bladed answer to the Game Boy.

1997 年，這是老虎公司對遊戲機的迴應。

You'd think it was called the Game.com, but it's actually the Game.com.

你會以為它叫 Game.com，但實際上它是 Game.com。

Game.com.

Game.com.

Active.

活躍。

This thing tried to be hip and cutting edge.

這東西試圖成為時髦和前沿的東西。

It had a stylus pen, making it the first touchscreen game console, and PDA features like a phone book, a calendar, a calculator, and a built-in solitaire game.