those who'd properly cracked the puzzles of intimacy and emotional maturity, we would hear them talking in the noblest ways about the most serious things.

那些已經正確破解了親密關係和情感成熟之謎的夫妻的對話，我們會聽到他們以最高尚的方式談論最嚴肅的事情。

On any given evening, they might be found discussing the connections between attachment theory and their early bonds with their parents.

在任何一個晚上，他們都可能被發現在討論依戀理論與他們早期與父母之間的聯繫。

They might read a paper together by Melanie Klein or they might relax by watching an early film by Akira Kurosawa, Rashomon or Sanchira Sugata.

他們可能會一起閱讀梅蘭妮-克萊因（Melanie Klein）的論文，或者通過觀看黑澤明早期的電影《羅生門》或《菅田將暉》來放鬆自己。

So it may come as a surprise that in all likelihood these couples would do nothing of the sort.

這些夫婦很可能什麼也不會做，這可能會讓人感到驚訝。

Through our recording equipment, we might hear some of the following.

通過錄音設備，我們可能會聽到以下一些聲音。

One of them starting to wonder why bananas grow in an oblong curved shape.

其中一個人開始想，為什麼香蕉會長成長圓形彎曲狀？

The other not quite listening, going off on a tangent about an ulcer they've got on the left side of their tongue while filing a toenail and half glancing at an airline review video on YouTube.

另一個則不太聽話，一邊銼著腳趾甲，一邊扯著舌頭左側的潰瘍，還半眯著眼睛看 YouTube 上的航空公司評論影片。

Which might be followed by the other speculating, for no apparent reason, in a bad imitation of a German accent, on the lyrics in an album by Dire Straits, which might be a prelude to their partner suggesting that they wanted to follow up on last night's reheated curry with a chocolate biscuit dipped in strawberry yoghurt.

緊接著，另一個人可能會莫名其妙地模仿德國口音，猜測 Dire Straits 唱片中的歌詞，而這可能是他們的伴侶建議他們吃完昨晚加熱的咖喱後，再吃一塊蘸著草莓酸奶的巧克力餅乾的前奏。

It might sound like regressive nonsense and in key ways it is.

這聽起來像是倒退的廢話，在某些關鍵方面確實如此。

But we might want to maintain that this sort of incoherent chatter should also be considered one of the high watermarks of emotional intimacy and in its way, a bellwether of the most serious kinds of interpersonal closeness.

但是，我們也許應該堅持認為，這種語無倫次的喋喋不休也應該被視為情感親密關係的重要標誌之一，並以其方式成為最嚴肅的人際親密關係的風向標。

People who know each other extremely well and love one another deeply, do not, it appears, sit together discussing philosophy or the accelerator theory in economics.

那些彼此非常瞭解並深愛著對方的人，似乎不會坐在一起討論哲學或經濟學中的加速器理論。

They shoot the breeze, they swerve here and there, they talk shit and this, far from being some kind of distraction or unfortunate lapse, is a strange and profound proof of the depths of their mutual affection.

他們侃侃而談，一會兒轉到這裡，一會兒轉到那裡，說著大堆廢話，這不僅不是什麼分心或不幸的失誤，反而奇特而深刻地證明了他們之間的深厚感情。

Intimacy is about daring to be increasingly and bravely weird with someone else and finding out that that's okay with them.

親密關係就是要敢於和別人一起變得越來越怪異，並發現這對他們來說沒有問題。

In the recesses of all of our minds flows a stream of consciousness that mixes the serious and the unserious, the consequential and the flighty, the physical and the emotional.

在我們每個人的思想深處，都流淌著一股意識流，它混合著嚴肅與不嚴肅、後果與逃避、身體與情感。

And when we have allowed ourselves to be genuinely close to someone, it is to this that we take them.

當我們允許自己真正親近一個人時，我們就會把他帶到這裡。

We do them the honour of showing them who we actually are, not who we should or pretend to be, a privilege we grant only to a handful of people in our lives.

我們有幸向他們展示我們的真實面貌，而不是我們應該或假裝的樣子，這是我們一生中只給予少數人的特權。

Everyone else may know our sensible selves.

其他人可能會了解我們理智的自己。

They've been introduced to and know how to love and take an interest in a naughty, sweet, curious and highly peculiar babbling child.

他們已經瞭解並懂得如何去愛一個頑皮、可愛、好奇和咿呀學語的孩子，並對其產生興趣。

When we talk about nothing in particular, we're doing something even more significant than when we attempt to say rational and logical things.

當我們無話不談時，我們所做的事情甚至比我們試圖說出理性和邏輯性的東西時更有意義。

We're allowing someone into the primordial parts of ourselves that the rules of society otherwise censor.

我們允許別人進入我們內心最原始的部分，而社會規則卻對這些部分進行了審查。

We're doing one of the most courageous and important things in the world, allowing someone else to know us.

我們正在做世界上最勇敢、最重要的事情之一，讓別人瞭解我們。