I did that all on my own, I guess.

我想，這都是我一個人的功勞。

What style of Asian are you, sir?

你是哪種風格的亞洲人，先生？

I'm a mix of Vietnamese and Chinese.

我是越南人和中國人的混血兒。

Vietnamese and...

越南語和...

Chinese.

中文。

And Chinese, yes.

還有中文，是的。

People think that's the same thing because they're ignorant, but they...

人們認為那是一回事，因為他們無知，但他們...

Like, isn't that two types of the same Chinese?

比如，這不就是同一種中國人的兩種類型嗎？

No.

不

It's not at all, at all.

完全沒有，完全沒有。

Not even close to the same.

根本就不一樣。

So your family is Chinese and went to Vietnam, is that what happened?

你的家人是中國人，去了越南，是這樣嗎？

My mom, yes.

我媽媽，是的。

Your mom, yeah.

你媽媽

And what's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Jean-Philippe.

讓-菲利普

Jean-Philippe, yeah, for sure, yeah.

讓-菲利普，是的，當然，是的。

Absolutely, yeah. 100%, 100%.

當然，是的。100%, 100%.

Now when I think of those great Chinese-Vietnamese names...

現在，當我想起那些偉大的中越名字時......

Jean-Philippe is always at the top of that list.

讓-菲利普總是名列前茅。

I think it was right after the Ming Dynasty, there was the...

我想是在明朝之後，有一個...

Jean-Philippe Dynasty.

讓-菲利普王朝

Your parents really wanted to blend in, huh?

你父母真的很想融入社會嗎？

We have an applicant here, Jean-Philippe.

我們這裡有一位申請人，讓-菲利普。

Good Frenchman, come on in.

好法國人，請進

What the fuck is this?

這是什麼鬼東西？

And that's your girlfriend, your wife?

那是你的女朋友，你的妻子？

My wife.

我的妻子

Hi, wife, how are you?

嗨，妻子，你好嗎？

And what's your background?

你的背景是什麼？

I'm Chinese.

我是中國人。

You're Chinese, the real one, right?

你是中國人，真正的中國人，對嗎？

Yeah.

是啊

And what's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Jocelyn.

喬斯林

Jocelyn, yeah, that's more Chinese, yeah.

喬斯林，是的，那更像中國話，是的。

Well, it could be, it could be like, Jocelyn, you know what I mean?

可能是這樣，可能是這樣，喬斯林，你明白我的意思嗎？

We don't know.

我們不知道。

Could be, we don't know.

有可能，我們不知道。

See, that's the thing, Asian people, Indian people, we know what we are.

看，這就是問題所在，亞洲人、印度人，我們知道自己是什麼。

White folks, I feel bad for you.

白人朋友們，我為你們感到難過。

Because if you ever ask a white person what they are, they just give you, like, a list of their greatest hits, like, all their favorite things.

因為如果你問一個白人他們是什麼人，他們就會給你列一個他們最喜歡的東西的清單。

What are you?

你是什麼人？

Oh, my God, I'm such a mutt.

哦，天哪，我真是個雜種狗。

Oh, my God, oh.

天啊

Where do I start?

從哪裡開始？

I'm part German Shepherd, part...

我有德國牧羊犬的血統，也有...

What am I, like, guacamole?

我是什麼，鱷梨醬嗎？

I love guacamole.

我愛鱷梨醬

Has anybody ever done Ancestry.com or 23andMe?

有人做過 Ancestry.com 或 23andMe 嗎？

Yeah?

是嗎？

You can't trust these websites, you know what I mean?

你不能相信這些網站，你明白我的意思嗎？

They're not trustworthy, they're not designed for everybody.

它們不值得信賴，也不是為所有人設計的。

There are certain people who will never ever have to go on an Ancestry website.

有些人永遠都不需要訪問 Ancestry 網站。

Indian people will never have to go on an Ancestry website.

印度人將永遠不必訪問 Ancestry 網站。

First of all, we probably programmed the website.

首先，我們可能對網站進行了編程。

Jocelyn, my Chinese friend.

喬斯林，我的中國朋友。

What's your Chinese name, Jocelyn?

你的中文名字是什麼，喬斯林？

Bihuan.

Bihuan.

Bihuan?

碧環？

Bihuan, with each other.

碧環，彼此相伴。

It's not just a name, it's a message.

這不僅僅是一個名字，更是一個資訊。

There's a Mexican guy going, hey, I'm Juan.

有個墨西哥人說，嘿，我是胡安。

Who else wants to be Juan?

還有誰想當胡安？

Chinese people shouldn't be allowed on Ancestry.com or 23andMe.

Ancestry.com 或 23andMe 不應該允許中國人訪問。

There should be, like, a filter that can, like, detect Chinese names.

應該有一個可以檢測中文名字的過濾器。

The minute it sees, like, an X, I, U, a mirror just pops up.

它一看到 X、I、U，就會彈出一面鏡子。

Bing!

賓！

Hey, asshole.

嘿，混蛋

Take a closer look.

仔細看看

Give me one possibility of something other than the obvious.

除了顯而易見的事情之外，給我一個可能性。

Go ahead, I'll wait.

去吧，我等著

Save your credit card info.

保存您的信用卡資訊。

Go to Alibaba.com.

請訪問 Alibaba.com。

Enter promo code B1.

輸入促銷代碼 B1。

B1.

B1.

Those websites are really ideally designed for white Americans.

這些網站確實是為美國白人設計的理想網站。

Because, you know, there's a difference between white Canadians and white Americans.

因為，你知道，加拿大白人和美國白人是有區別的。

I feel like Americans are the only true white people in the world.

我覺得美國人是世界上唯一真正的白人。

And let me explain.

讓我來解釋一下。

Like, Canadians, it doesn't matter what color, race you are, we all know whose land this really is.

就像加拿大人一樣，不管你是什麼膚色、什麼種族，我們都知道這到底是誰的土地。

You know what I mean?

你明白我的意思嗎？

We all know this is First Nations land.

我們都知道這是原住民的土地。

Every single one of us knows that.

我們每個人都知道這一點。

And we're like, thanks for letting us stay.

我們就說，謝謝你們讓我們留下來。

You know?

你知道嗎？

Americans are white people because they really believe that's their land over there.

美國人是白人，因為他們真的相信那邊是他們的土地。

Europeans aren't white to me.

對我來說，歐洲人不是白人。

You know what I mean?

你明白我的意思嗎？

Europeans can't be white.

歐洲人不可能是白人

I told a Russian guy the other night, I said, are you white?

那天晚上，我跟一個俄羅斯人說，你是白人嗎？

He goes, yes.

他去了，是的。

I go, no, you're not.

我說，不，你不是。

He goes, what do you mean I am not?

他說，什麼叫我不是？

I go, you can be white.

我去，你可以是白人。

You have your own language, your own culture, your own food, your own country.

你們有自己的語言、自己的文化、自己的食物、自己的國家。

A brand new country.

一個嶄新的國家

What?

什麼？

What happened?

怎麼了？

Wait, why isn't it funny when it happens to you, but it's fucking hilarious when it happens to us?

等等，為什麼發生在你們身上的時候不好笑，而發生在我們身上的時候卻他媽的很好笑？

You hypocrites.

你們這些偽君子

You got to be careful.

你一定要小心。

They throw these little curveballs at you.

他們會向你拋出這些小 "弧線球"。

They have two curveballs that they throw at white people, one for white men and one for white women.

他們向白人拋出兩個弧線球，一個針對白人男性，一個針對白人女性。

The most common curveball for white men, I'll be like, what did you find out that you didn't know about yourself?

對白人來說，最常見的 "曲線球 "是，我會問，你發現了什麼你自己都不知道的事情？

And they'll be like, I found out I'm part Native American.

他們會說，我發現自己有美國原住民的血統。

I'm part Cherokee.

我有切諾基血統

I'm like, dude, you're not even part owner of a Jeep Cherokee.

我就說，老兄，你連吉普切諾基的部分車主都不是。

And I think they're trying to eradicate racism through white women.

我認為他們試圖通過白人女性來消除種族主義。

Because white girls will get this one more often.

因為白人女孩會更經常得到這個。

They'll be like, oh my god, Megan, I just got my results back.

他們會說，天哪，梅根，我剛拿到結果。

It turns out I'm 0.0000.2% Sub-Saharan African.

原來我是 0.0000.2% 的撒哈拉以南非洲人。

Megan, I'm back.

梅根，我回來了

It's a whole new world for me, Megan.

這對我來說是一個全新的世界，梅根。

I'm afraid of the police.

我害怕警察。

My credit just took a shit.

我的信用度剛剛一落千丈。

I think I'm pregnant.

我想我懷孕了

Fuck you, Megan, you cracker bitch.

去你媽的，梅根，你個臭婊子

You don't know what it's like to be a black woman in North America.

你不知道在北美做黑人婦女是什麼滋味。

Say it with me, Megan.

跟我一起說，梅根。

My life matters.

我的生命很重要