How old are you?

你多大了？

Almost 12.

將近 12

Almost 12?

快 12 歲了？

So you're 11.

所以你是11。

There's so many kids here, huh?

這裡有這麼多孩子，是吧？

You guys don't give a shit.

你們才不在乎呢

He loves me.

他愛我

I love him too, but he can watch me on YouTube.

我也愛他，但他可以在 YouTube 上看到我。

What's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Where are you from?

你從哪裡來？

What's your background?

你的背景是什麼？

You're asking your mom?

你在問你媽媽？

She didn't tell you?

她沒告訴你？

Tell me the truth.

告訴我真相

Your mom's a liar.

你媽媽是個金光黨

Tell me exactly where you're from.

告訴我你從哪裡來

What country?

哪個國家？

Filipino.

菲律賓語

Half Filipino, half Persian.

一半是菲律賓人，一半是波斯人。

That's so beautiful.

太美了

Well, now I'm really happy you're here.

現在我真高興你來了

What is your mom was gonna tell you?

你媽媽要告訴你什麼？

She was gonna teach you some lying, yeah?

她要教你說謊，是嗎？

Is your mom Persian?

你媽媽是波斯人？

Yeah, that's why she interfered our conversation.

是啊，所以她才會打斷我們的談話。

See?

看到了嗎？

Me and you are having a conversation.

我和你正在談話。

It's very rude for someone to go, Let me tell you where you're from.

如果有人說："讓我告訴你，你是從哪裡來的。"那就太沒禮貌了。

Don't tell him everything.

不要什麼都告訴他。

There are other people here.

這裡還有其他人。

They're gonna find out a lot about our family.

他們會發現很多關於我們家的事

Don't say everything.

不要什麼都說。

Tell him you're also from Mexico.

告訴他你也來自墨西哥。

He would never know.

他永遠不會知道。

He's a stupid comedian.

他是個愚蠢的喜劇演員。

Tell him you're Mexican and then say, Hola.

告訴他你是墨西哥人，然後說 "你好"。

Because he would never know the difference.

因為他永遠不會知道其中的區別。

I love that you're an honest man.

我喜歡你是個誠實的人。

You're gonna grow up to be a good man, yeah?

你長大後會成為一個好人，是嗎？

Half Filipino, half Persian.

一半是菲律賓人，一半是波斯人。

That's a very balanced mix.

這是一個非常平衡的組合。

Yeah?

是嗎？

You are very lucky.

你很幸運。

You know that?

你知道嗎？

You probably don't have so much hair.

你可能沒有那麼多頭髮。

You're gonna be very balanced.

你會非常平衡。

Just enough.

剛剛好

Filipino, look at your dad.

菲律賓人，看看你爸爸。

He looks like a penguin.

他看起來像只企鵝。

This is fantastic.

這真是太棒了。

No hair on your father.

你父親沒有頭髮

Look how sexy that dad looks.

看，那個爸爸看起來多性感。

He's just like slip and slide.

他就像滑滑梯一樣

Look at your mom.

看看你媽媽

She just shaved her mustache.

她剛颳了鬍子。

This is a fantastic mix.

這是一個絕妙的組合。

You're the luckiest 11-year-old in this audience.

你是觀眾席上最幸運的 11 歲孩子。

You understand?

你明白嗎？

Tell him I never had a mustache.

告訴他我從沒留過鬍子。

I lasered it off.

我用脈衝光把它燒掉了。

It never came back.

它再也沒有回來。

I don't shave.

我不刮鬍子。

Hola.

你好

Tell her it's okay, mommy.

告訴她沒事，媽媽。

Any Latinos here?

這裡有拉丁人嗎？

Latinos, make some noise.

拉美人，發出點聲音吧

Look at you.

看看你

From what country?

來自哪個國家？

Mexico?

墨西哥？

Wow.

哇

Who else?

還有誰？

Yes?

什麼事？

Mexican?

墨西哥人？

My Mexican fan base is incredible.

我的墨西哥粉絲群令人難以置信。

Really, honestly, it's growing fast.

真的，老實說，它發展得很快。

I have six Mexicans here.

我這裡有六個墨西哥人。

This is good.

這很好。

Who did you come with?

你和誰一起來的？

All of you?

你們所有人？

Wow.

哇

What about you?

你呢？

Solita?

索麗塔？

I like that.

我喜歡這樣。

Solita.

索麗塔

Means she came solo.

這意味著她是一個人來的。

What's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Annabelle?

安娜貝爾？

You're beautiful.

你真漂亮

Nice to meet you.

很高興見到你

I've been wanting to go to Mexico my whole life.

我一輩子都想去墨西哥。

Just to find a nice avocado tree.

只為找到一棵漂亮的鱷梨樹

You know, I love avocados.

你知道，我喜歡鱷梨。

Mangoes?

芒果？

Ooh, I love mangoes and avocados.

哦，我喜歡芒果和鱷梨。

What other fruits do you like?

你還喜歡什麼水果？

Bananas?

香蕉？

Mangoes, avocados.

芒果、鱷梨

I want to open a fruit store with you.

我想和你一起開一家水果店。

Okay, what country there?

好吧，那裡是哪個國家？

China?

中國？

No!

不

What's your name, honey?

你叫什麼名字，親愛的？

My name is Ely. Phoebe.

我叫伊萊 菲比

Phoebe.

菲比

No, I want to get it right.

不，我想把它做好。

Say it again.

再說一遍

Phoebe.

菲比

Okay, fuck it.

好吧，他媽的它。

The way you say it, I can never understand.

你說的方式，我永遠無法理解。

Ely?

伊利？

Phoebe?

菲比？

Phoebe?

菲比？

Phoebe? Phoebe?

菲比？ 菲比？

Phoebe?

菲比？

Phoebe?

菲比？

Phoebe?

菲比？

That doesn't even sound Chinese!

這聽起來都不像中國話！

And Phoebe, you're 100% Chinese?

菲比，你是百分之百的中國人？

Yeah?

是嗎？

That's awesome, man.

太棒了

You were 100% made in China.

你是 100% 的中國製造。

So everything I'm wearing.

所以我穿的所有衣服

And as your boyfriend?

作為你的男朋友呢？

Your husband?

你丈夫？

Why is he so big?

他為什麼這麼大？

Phoebe?

菲比？

Phoebe, Ely Weely's husband.

菲比，伊利-威利的丈夫。

Can you stand up?

你能站起來嗎？

Please stand up.

請起立。

Yeah, buddy!

是啊 夥計

Damn!

該死

Did you see that guy?

你看到那傢伙了嗎？

Damn, bro.

該死的，兄弟。

What's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Big.

大

His name is Big.

他的名字叫 "大"。

I don't really have so many Chinese come to my show.

來看我演出的中國人並不多。

This is really...

這真是...

He's quarter Indian?

他有四分之一的印度血統？

Like, how did that happen?

怎麼會這樣？

A quarter?

四分之一？

Was it an orgy when you were being...

當你被...

Like...

比如...

When it was happening, like...

當它發生時，就像...

Like three or four Chinese and then one Indian goes, How are you?

比如三四個中國人，然後一個印度人問：你好嗎？

How are you doing?

你好嗎？

I am very sorry.

我非常抱歉。

Can I just go one time?

我能只去一次嗎？

These Indians are so quick.

這些印度人動作真快

The Chinese are like, Oh, what happened?

中國人說，哦，怎麼了？

Quarter Chinese.

四分之一中文。

Good for you, Big.

好樣的，大個子。

We have a black guy in the audience.

觀眾席上有個黑人

Look at this guy.

看看這傢伙

This black guy is bigger than Big.

這個黑人比大個還大。

Holy shit, dude, you're big.

我靠，哥們兒，你可真大。

Wow.

哇

What's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Charles?

查爾斯？

Now I'm confused.

現在我糊塗了。

Who's bigger?

誰更大？

Six, seven?

六個還是七個？

Six, seven?

六個還是七個？

That's why behind them nobody saw the show.

這就是為什麼在他們身後沒有人看演出。

Charles, yeah?

查爾斯，是嗎？

You're a very good looking guy.

你長得很帥

Your girl looks hot.

你的女孩看起來真性感

Where are you from?

你從哪裡來？

Armenian?

亞美尼亞人？

I thought you're Russian, to be honest.

說實話，我以為你是俄羅斯人。

Yeah, your hair stylist is fantastic.

是啊，你的髮型師太棒了。

How long have you guys been dating?

你們約會多久了？

Two years?

兩年？

Wow, that's incredible, man.

哇，太不可思議了

You know, she hasn't seen her family in two years, Charles.

她已經兩年沒見過家人了 查爾斯

You know, all of these Armenians tomorrow will go to Glendale.

你知道，明天所有這些亞美尼亞人都會去格倫代爾。

Oh, you know Harut's sister?

哦，你認識哈魯特的姐姐？

She's dating a black boy?

她在和一個黑人男孩約會？

Six, seven.

六 七

She could never ever date an Armenian again.

她再也不能和亞美尼亞人約會了。

Because nothing would ever work ever again.

因為一切都不會再奏效了。

You know, if you date her again, it's like walking into a park and you don't know where the exit is.

你知道，如果你再和她約會 就像走進公園 卻不知道出口在哪裡一樣

You get lost in the park.

你在公園裡迷路了。

You're like, where am I?

你會想，我在哪裡？

I don't know where I am.

我不知道我在哪裡。

Charles destroyed it for all of us.

查爾斯為我們所有人毀了它。

And then they start praying.

然後他們開始祈禱。

I hope Charles marry her because it's over.

我希望查爾斯娶她，因為一切都結束了。

You know, it's never ever going to go back ever again.

你知道，它再也回不去了。

Now, if she dated big, it would have been okay.

現在，如果她約會的對象是大人物，那就沒問題了。

You guys are sick.

你們真變態

I don't know what you're thinking.

我不知道你在想什麼。

Single dudes in the house.

房子裡的單身男人

Clap.

鼓掌。

Single dudes in the house.

房子裡的單身男人

Yes, this guy?

是的，這傢伙？

Oh, I like this guy.

哦，我喜歡這傢伙。

You're a single dude?

你是單身？

I like that guy.

我喜歡那傢伙。

Stand up.

站起來

That guy with the tan?

那個晒得黝黑的傢伙？

What's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Aryan.

雅利安人

How tall are you?

你有多高？

What do you do?

你是做什麼的？

I'm a hair stylist.

我是一名髮型師。

If you tell me you did the Armenian girl's hair, I approve.

如果你告訴我亞美尼亞女孩的頭髮是你做的，我就同意。

You're a hair stylist?

你是髮型師？

But you got it?

但你明白了嗎？

Like...

比如...

Just double checking.

只是再確認一下。

There's a lot of stereotypes out there.

外面有很多刻板印象。

What do I know?

我知道什麼？

Six, two good looking guys.

六個，兩個帥哥。

Single?

單身？

How long have you been single?

你單身多久了？

Ten years?

十年？

One year?

一年？

Ten years gay?

十年同志？

One year straight?

連續一年？

Full year straight.

全年無休。

Okay, that's good.

好的，很好。

Aryan, listen.

雅利安 聽著

I'm fucking with you.

我跟你開玩笑呢

It's a convention.

這是慣例。

Relax, okay?

放鬆，好嗎？

Don't go cut your doo-doo tomorrow.

明天別去剪你的辮子。

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