We love Halloween.

我們喜歡萬聖節。

You've got a problem, lady.

你有麻煩了，女士

This obsessive need to be dark and scary, you can't even stop yourself.

這種對黑暗和恐怖的強迫性需求，你甚至無法阻止自己。

Ah!

啊！

Hi, honey.

嗨，親愛的

Breakfast will be ready in a minute.

早餐馬上就好

Ah!

啊！

My hand!

我的手

Ah!

啊！

Very funny, Mom.

非常有趣，媽媽。

I know it's Halloween.

我知道今天是萬聖節。

Nice fake hand.

漂亮的假手

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

啊，啊，啊，啊，啊！

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

啊，啊，啊，啊，啊！

We love Halloween, especially Claire.

我們喜歡萬聖節，尤其是克萊爾。

It's my favorite holiday.

這是我最喜歡的節日。

Ever since I was a kid, I loved scary things.

我從小就喜歡恐怖的東西。

If there was a new horror movie in town,

如果城裡有一部新的恐怖電影、

I was the first in line.

我是第一個排隊的。

One, please.

請來一杯

And I meant Phil.

我指的是菲爾。

Two, please.

請來兩杯

Every Halloween, we have the best house.

每年萬聖節，我們的房子都是最棒的。

Last year, I took things to a whole new level, but apparently it was too scary for some kids.

去年，我把事情推向了一個全新的高度，但顯然這對一些孩子來說太可怕了。

And one adult.

還有一個成年人。

Ah!

啊！

Trick or treat!

不給糖就搗蛋

Would you like some candy?

想吃糖嗎？

Yeah!

是啊

Or would you rather have this?

還是你更喜歡這個？

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Ah!

啊！

Come on, you're fine.

來吧，你很好。

I don't care what anyone says, you did not give that man a heart attack.

我不管別人怎麼說，你沒有讓那個人心臟病發作。

Thank you.

謝謝。

I mean, you're not even scary.

我是說，你一點都不可怕。

Can I grab a little bit of this candy for my open house tonight?

我能為今晚的開放日帶一點這種糖果嗎？

Yeah, sure, but.

是的，當然，但是

It's genius.

真是天才。

An open house on Halloween.

萬聖節開放日

Millions of bored parents just trying to keep their kids out of traffic now they can get away from all that and see a nice house.

數百萬無聊的父母只是想讓他們的孩子遠離交通堵塞，現在他們可以遠離這一切，看看漂亮的房子。

What do you mean I'm not even scary?

你說我一點都不可怕是什麼意思？

I literally almost scared the life out of a man.

我真的差點嚇死一個人。

You literally scared a little saliva and a little urine out of him.

你真的把他嚇出了一點口水和一點尿。

That happens to me every time I see a monkey wearing people clothes.

我每次看到猴子穿人的衣服都會這樣。

I was plenty scary.

我很可怕

I used professional grade makeup.

我使用了專業級化妝品。

That's the point.

這就是重點。

Claire, it was overkill.

克萊爾，這是矯枉過正。

You're the kind of person who can be twice as scary without wearing any makeup.

你是那種不化妝也能加倍嚇人的人。

Bye.

再見。

Oh, no, no.

哦，不，不

This doesn't look real at all.

這看起來一點都不真實。

Alex, where's that blood you were using this morning on your finger?

阿歷克斯，你今天早上用在手指上的血呢？

Running through my veins, keeping me alive.

流淌在我的血管裡，讓我活下去。

Oh, here comes dad.

爸爸來了

He's going to be all like, no, what did you do?

他會說，不，你做了什麼？

Where's Awesome Land?

真棒樂園在哪裡？

No, what did you do?

不，你做了什麼？

Where's Awesome Land?

真棒樂園在哪裡？

Are you from the future?

你來自未來嗎？

Phil, honey, honey, we've had a little change of plans.

菲爾，親愛的，親愛的，我們的計劃有點變化。

Why? What are you even doing here?

為什麼？你在這裡做什麼？

Shouldn't you be at work?

你不是應該在工作嗎？

That obnoxious Ronnie was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle his decorations because he's trying to win this scariest house on the street contest.

那個討人厭的羅尼擔心我搞不定他的裝飾，因為他想贏得這條街上最恐怖房子的比賽。

And I was like, not only can I handle your decorations,

我當時想，我不僅能處理你的裝飾、

I'm going to win that contest.

我會贏得比賽的。

So welcome to the insane asylum from hell.

歡迎來到地獄瘋人院。

That's what it feels like.

就是這種感覺。

Come on, it's going to be fun.

來吧，會很有趣的。

The kids are going to be deranged mental patients.

孩子們會成為精神錯亂的精神病人。

And I am going to be a sadistic nurse, and you are a demented doctor.

我將是一個虐待狂護士，而你是一個痴呆醫生。

20 years of no, but for this, you'll dress like a nurse.

20年沒有，但為了這個，你要穿得像個護士。

Oh, no.

哦，不

Of course the woman is the nurse and the man is the doctor.

當然，女人是護士，男人是醫生。

That kind of thinking, that's what's scary.

這種想法才是最可怕的。

Tap out, it's a holiday.

輕點，今天是節日。

You know, I put a lot of time and energy into my thing.

你知道，我在我的事情上投入了大量的時間和精力。

But you just shut it all down to prove something to people that we barely know and don't even like.

但你卻為了向我們幾乎不認識、甚至不喜歡的人證明什麼，而把一切都關閉了。

Phil, Ronnie made fun of Awesome Land.

菲爾，羅尼取笑了 "真棒樂園"。

He called it Candy Land.

他稱之為 "糖果樂園"。

So?

所以呢？

Stupidville.

愚蠢小鎮

Dumberg.

Dumberg.

Who cares what he thinks?

誰在乎他怎麼想？

Maybe someday you'll care what I think.

也許有一天你會在意我的想法。

Phil.

菲爾

Well, honey, look.

親愛的，你看

I kept your bunny.

我留下了你的小兔子

Nibbles!

零食

Monster, do my bidding.

怪物，聽我命令

I do as you command, master.

遵命，主人

OK, Mom, you cannot have a problem with this.

好了，媽媽，你不能有意見。

I'm Mother Teresa.

我是特蕾莎修女

Are you kidding me?

你在開玩笑嗎？

What?

什麼？

I'm her back when she was hot.

我是她，當她炙手可熱的時候。

I will pay you $10 to go put on more clothes.

我給你 10 美元，讓你去多穿點衣服。

But it's the first time you ever heard that one.

但這是你第一次聽到這句話。

OK, you know what?

好吧，你知道嗎？

Here we go.

開始了

Let's just cover you up.

把你蓋起來吧

All right, now I just want to run through this really quick with everybody.

好了，現在我只想和大家快速討論一下這個問題。

First, it's trick or treat.

首先是不給糖就搗蛋。

And then Phil.

然後是菲爾

Come in if you dare.

有膽就進來吧

Right, and then Dad does the thunder and the lightning and the fog.

沒錯，然後爸爸會打雷、閃電、起霧。

Usher the children in past Alex and her cage.

把孩子們領進亞歷克斯和她的籠子。

I'm in a cage?

我被關在籠子裡？

Yes, you're in a house of horrors being held against your will.

是的，你被關在一間恐怖的房子裡，而且是在違揹你意願的情況下。

Yeah, I know.

是的，我知道。

So why do we need the cage?

那麼，我們為什麼需要籠子呢？

And then Gloria pops up as the evil village brouhaha.

然後，格洛麗亞作為邪惡村莊的喧鬧者出現了。

And she says, welcome to your nightmare.

她說，歡迎來到你的噩夢。

And then Cam and Haley do their thing.

然後，卡姆和海莉就各顯神通了。

Kids get their candy.

孩子們拿到糖果

They are ushered out.

他們被迎了出來。

They think it's all over, but it's not.

他們以為一切都結束了，但事實並非如此。

Because out on the porch, the scarecrow pops to life.

因為在門廊上，稻草人突然復活了。

Pow for one final.

Pow for one final.

And that's Mitchell.

這就是米切爾。

You're the scarecrow.

你是稻草人

Oh, no, no.

哦，不，不

I was in a costume all day.

我整天都穿著戲服。

It was awful.

太可怕了

It's nothing compared to when I was.

和我以前相比，這根本不算什麼。

You don't own bad Halloweens.

糟糕的萬聖節不屬於你。

Don't I?

難道不是嗎？

We get it, Cam.

我們明白 卡姆

Hard day.

艱難的一天

Mitchell, please.

請接米切爾

The costume's in the kitchen.

服裝在廚房裡

Come on, hon.

來吧，親愛的

All right, come here.

好了，過來

Before you go, I just want you to know, I love you more.

在你走之前，我只想告訴你，我愛你更深。

That's, OK, thanks, hon.

好的 謝謝 親愛的

You're my best friend.

你是我最好的朋友

You really think it's appropriate to be strapping your teenage daughter to a gurney?

你真的認為把你十幾歲的女兒綁在輪床上合適嗎？

If we win, it is.

如果我們贏了，那就是。

I'm going to have to take a pee break soon.

我很快就要去小便了。

Ooh.

哦

Here, use this bedpan.

來，用這個便盆。

I'm kidding. That's gross.

我開玩笑的。太噁心了

I put candy in it.

我在裡面放了糖果。

Here.

給你

Luke.

盧克

Luke!

盧克

I think I fell asleep.

我想我睡著了。

This thing is like a Temple Grandin hug.

這東西就像坦普爾-葛蘭汀的擁抱。

Haley, sweetie, gown's on backwards.

海莉，寶貝，禮服穿反了。

Oh, no, it's cuter this way.

哦，不，這樣更可愛。

Sexy people go crazy, too, you know.

性感的人也會瘋狂，你知道嗎？

Read a people magazine.

閱讀人物雜誌

Huh.

咦？

Phil, you're not even going to try on your doctor costume?

菲爾，你都不打算試試你的醫生服裝嗎？

Nope.

沒有。

But we're going to win.

但我們會贏的。

Does that make you happy?

這樣你高興嗎？

Do I look happy?

我看起來開心嗎？

You've got a problem, lady.

你有麻煩了，女士

This obsessive need to be dark and scary, you can't even stop yourself.

這種對黑暗和恐怖的強迫性需求，你甚至無法阻止自己。

I can stop whenever I want.

我可以隨時停下來。

Well, I'm not getting sucked in.

好吧，我可不想被騙。

I'm having the Halloween that I wanted.

我正在過我想要的萬聖節。

I'll fill you in at the staff meeting after Keneally's done telling us about his morning commute.

等 Keneally 給我們講完他早上的通勤情況後，我會在員工會議上向你們彙報的。

That's hilarious.

太搞笑了

You sound just like him.

你聽起來就像他。

You were so doing that at Christmas talent night.

聖誕節才藝表演之夜，你就是這麼做的。

Dude, rich girl, Sarah Smile, then a man-eater encore.

花花公子、富家女、莎拉微笑，然後是吃人的安可曲。

It was scary how good they were.

他們有多厲害，真讓人害怕。

Close your eyes, it could have been the real band.

閉上眼睛，這可能就是真正的樂隊。

Yeah, he got lucky in the football pool once.

是啊，他有一次在足球彩池中走運了。

Now he wants to double the stakes.

現在，他想把賭注加倍。

Oh, I'm so scared.

哦，我好害怕。

Right?

對不對？

Well, this night was a bust.

好吧，這個夜晚是失敗的。

Not a single person, even.

甚至一個人都沒有。

Or did I speak too soon?

還是我說得太早了？

Was someone in the mood to be a bad little ghoul?

是有人想做個壞食屍鬼嗎？

Oh, Connie, I didn't mean you.

哦，康妮，我不是說你。

I'm...

我...

Hey, that's just the divorce talking.

嘿，這只是離婚的說法。

Hang in there.

堅持住

Bye-bye.

再見

Who is it?

是誰？

Special delivery from UPS.

來自 UPS 的特別快遞。

United Prank Service.

聯合惡作劇服務。

I went to the history books for this one, all the way back to the first practical joke, the Trojan horse.

為此，我翻閱了歷史書，一直追溯到第一個惡作劇--特洛伊木馬。

Only I swapped out silly string for broadswords and laughter for murder.

只是我把愚蠢的繩子換成了闊劍，把歡笑換成了謀殺。

Okay.

好的

You guys want to prank?

你們想惡作劇嗎？

Let's prank.

我們來惡作劇吧

Oh, no.

哦，不

Oh, no!

哦，不

No!

不

No!

不

Oh, God!

哦，上帝啊

Oh.

哦。

They just put some toilet paper in your yard.

他們只是在你的院子裡放了些衛生紙。

Why would he do this to his mother?

他為什麼要這樣對待自己的母親？

It was an accident.

這是一個意外。

Where's Fluffy?

毛毛在哪裡？

I can't find Fluffy.

我找不到毛毛了

Don't worry, I'll help you find her.

別擔心，我會幫你找到她的。

My eye!

我的眼睛

Go in the house, go in the house.

進屋去，進屋去。

How's it going here?

這裡情況如何？

I look stupid.

我看起來很蠢。

These puppies are making it impossible for me to stay mad at you.

這些小狗讓我沒法再對你發火了。

Stupid, adorable puppies.

愚蠢可愛的小狗

Welcome to Awesome Land, where the only thing to fear is fun itself.

歡迎來到 "真棒樂園"，在這裡，唯一值得恐懼的就是樂趣本身。

Clara, I know this isn't the Halloween you wanted, but can you try to sell it?

克拉拉，我知道這不是你想要的萬聖節，但你能試著賣掉它嗎？

I'm sorry, honey.

對不起，親愛的

I got mad at you, and I upset Amber, and all because Ronnie called me a sucker, Mom.

我生你的氣，惹安布爾生氣，都是因為羅尼說我是個笨蛋，媽媽。

What is wrong with me?

我這是怎麼了？

Nothing.

什麼都沒有

I hate it when people assume things about me that aren't true.

我討厭別人對我做不真實的假設。

Like, because I'm pretty, I'm stuck up.

比如，因為我漂亮，我就自命不凡。

When people do that to me, I'm just like, shut up, troll.

當別人這樣對我時，我就會說，閉嘴，巨魔。

Why am I even talking to you?

我為什麼要跟你說話？

Wow.

哇

I do not like being pigeonholed.

我不喜歡被放鴿子。

It's obvious, Mom.

很明顯，媽媽

You use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge.

你利用萬聖節向人們展示你的優勢。

It's like accountants who buy a Harley.

就像買哈雷摩托的會計一樣。

She's right.

她是對的。

Being scary is my motorcycle.

可怕是我的摩托車。

That's my Tess.

這才是我的苔絲

Last fall, Ida Mae moved in.

去年秋天，艾達-梅搬了進來。

Told you.

我就說嘛

She's always up there.

她總是在上面。

Fortunately, the house was right on Clara's jogging route, so it was easy to introduce Clara to Ida Mae.

幸運的是，房子正好在克拉拉慢跑的路線上，所以很容易就把克拉拉介紹給了艾達-梅。

And when I wanted to amp it up,

而當我想加大音量時

I had Ida Mae make contact.

我讓 Ida Mae 與我聯繫。

Hey.

嘿。

Then this morning, I knew that axe wouldn't scare Clara.

今天早上，我知道那把斧頭嚇不倒克拉拉。

I just did that so she'd accuse me of not being able to scare her.

我這麼做只是為了讓她指責我嚇唬不了她。

It's all about plausibility.

這一切都關乎可信度。

Damn right it is.

沒錯，就是這樣。

Over the past year, Ida Mae joined the Neighborhood Association, hung up a poster for her lost dog, signed up for Meals on Wheels.

在過去的一年裡，Ida Mae 加入了鄰里協會，為她走失的愛犬張貼了海報，還報名參加了 "車輪上的餐食 "活動。

They're not bad, by the way.

順便說一句，它們還不錯。

Also, she got a lot of knitting done.

此外，她還織了很多毛衣。

Ah!

啊！

I'm sorry, Clara.

對不起，克拉拉

Did I scare you?

我嚇到你了嗎？

You did this?

這是你乾的？

Yep.

是的。

How long were you playing this thing?

你玩了多久？

11 months, two weeks, and three days ago,

11 個月兩週零三天前、

I gave birth to Ida Mae Man, because Ida Mane Man.

我生下了 Ida Mae Man，因為 Ida Mane Man。