I was good my entire life.

我一生都很優秀。

♪

♪

Good morning!

早上好！

I hope you all did your homework.

我希望你們都做了功課。

We love to do our homework

我們喜歡做作業

And we love our teacher, too

我們也愛我們的老師

Then when I throw out these fun questions

那麼當我拋出這些有趣的問題時

You should know just what to do 2 plus 6 is 8

你應該知道該怎麼做 2 加 6 等於 8

And good behavior is 3

良好行為是 3

And it's now that part of the class

現在，它是班級的一部分

When we say the time of day and date

當我們說時間和日期時

It's 9 in the morning on January 8th

現在是 1 月 8 日上午 9 點

The sun is out smiling

太陽在微笑

And it's your husband's birthday

今天是你丈夫的生日

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦、啦

Oh, my stars!

哦，我的星星

Stop singing, children!

別唱了，孩子們！

Hush up now!

閉嘴

I forgot it's my husband's birthday!

我忘了今天是我丈夫的生日！

I didn't get him anything special!

我沒給他買什麼特別的東西！

Maybe if we call him,

也許我們可以打電話給他

We could do a happy birthday surprise!

我們可以來個生日快樂驚喜

Okay, oh, yeah, right there!

好的，哦，是的，就在那兒

I told you, we're not gonna use things!

我告訴過你，我們不會用這些東西！

Right there, oh, yeah, right there!

就在那兒，哦，對，就在那兒！

That's actually my asshole!

那其實是我的屁眼！

Not there, not there, not there, not there!

不在那兒，不在那兒，不在那兒，不在那兒！

Okay, yeah?

好嗎？

Wait, this is Mayberry!

等等，這裡是梅伯裡

Remember what you taught us?

還記得你是怎麼教我們的嗎？

Think before you act!

先思考，再行動！

Okay.

好的

Oh, shit!

哦，該死

Sweetie, what are you doing here?

親愛的，你在這裡做什麼？

Shut up, Gerald!

閉嘴，傑拉爾德

You scream like a bitch!

你叫得像個婊子

Oh, God!

哦，上帝啊

What have you done?

你做了什麼？

She had a family!

她有一個家庭！

We could have had a family!

我們本可以組建一個家庭！

Wait, wait, wait!

等等，等等，等等！

Oh, dear God, what have I done?

天哪，我都幹了些什麼？

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, my God!

我的天啊

Oh, dear God, what have I done?

天哪，我都幹了些什麼？

In front of you all!

在你們面前

I'm so sorry, my children!

我很抱歉，我的孩子們！

Don't forget to work on your times table!

別忘了練習乘法表！

You do everything right in life, play by all the rules, and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world after one measly massacre propelled by blind rage.

你在生活中做了一切正確的事情，遵守所有的規則，但在一次盲目的憤怒推動下的大屠殺之後，你還是會被送到這裡來，與世界上所有的希特勒和埃普斯坦一起。

So that's why I'm here, to get my revenge.

所以我才來這裡報仇。

I mean, was she hotter?

我是說，她更性感嗎？

I'm just saying, I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits.

我只是想說，我很難理解你剛剛對我吐槽的那段未經提示的情節劇，山雀。

Anyway, I don't think you quite understand how we're operating down here.

總之，我想你還不太瞭解我們這裡的運作方式。

See, we take revenge out on the living, and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of a death, frankly, are all probably down here in hell with you.

你看，我們是在向活人復仇，而聽起來，你那部死亡情景喜劇的核心演員，坦白說，可能都在地獄裡陪著你。

Not all of them.

不是全部。

That whore survived.

那個妓女活下來了

Now they all call her a hero.

現在他們都稱她為英雄。

How does it feel to have survived such a crazy bitch?

從這樣一個瘋婆子手裡倖存下來，感覺如何？

I just hope that sick woman finally found peace.

我只希望那個生病的女人最終能得到安寧。

You are so brave.

你太勇敢了

Here's two million dollars.

這是兩百萬

Oh, thank you!

哦，謝謝！

Between the talk shows and donation bullshit, she made so much goddamn cash, getting shot was the best thing to happen to her.

通過脫口秀和捐款，她賺了很多錢，中槍對她來說是最好的結果。

You're a hero!

你是個英雄

You're a hero, girl!

你是個英雄，姑娘

My mama's a hero!

我媽媽是個英雄

She is a hero!

她是一個英雄！

You're a hero!

你是個英雄

You're a hero!

你是個英雄

You're a hero!

你是個英雄

Oh, oh, oh, you're a hero!

哦，哦，哦，你是個英雄！

She's not a hero!

她不是英雄

Mm-hmm, yeah, okay, yeah, my thoughts exactly.

嗯哼，是啊，好吧，是啊，我也是這麼想的。

Moxie, stop shakin'.

莫克西，別搖了

You're gonna shoot our only hell hound.

你要射殺我們唯一的地獄獵犬

Wow, I feel so loved here.

哇，我在這裡感受到了濃濃的愛意。

Just take a deep breath...

深呼吸...

and let it out.

然後把它放出來。

But it's a family.

但這是一個家庭。

Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?

在什麼情況下，我們需要殺死一個人類家庭？

I mean, if that's what the client wants.

我的意思是，如果這是客戶想要的。

Maybe like a shitty dad.

也許就像一個糟糕的父親。

Or a mob family.

或者是黑幫家族。

That's understandable.

這是可以理解的。

But to eradicate an entire innocent, seemingly, in this instance, upper-middle-class family bloodline?

但是，要剷除整個無辜的、在這種情況下似乎是中上層家庭的血脈？

Hey, you don't know they're innocent.

嘿，你又不知道他們是無辜的。

This kid probably sets dogs on fire, maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online, and this guy...

這個孩子可能會放火燒狗，這個女孩可能會在網上欺負澳洲的孩子，而這個傢伙......

this guy definitely watches.

這傢伙肯定會看。

Exactly.

沒錯。

Humans are full of secret nasties.

人類充滿了祕密的邪惡。

It's why so many of them end up here.

這就是為什麼他們中的許多人最終來到了這裡。

But guilty and innocent aren't our business, Mox.

但有罪和無罪與我們無關，墨斯

Killing who we're paid to is our business.

殺人是我們的職責所在。

Shoot the target.

射擊目標。

I just think it's a bit excessive, and we could be a bit more selective, is all.

我只是覺得有點過了，我們可以更有選擇性一些，僅此而已。

Guys, I want you to meet...

夥計們，我想讓你們見見...

Our newest client.

我們最新的客戶

Damn it, Moxie, I just bought those eels!

該死，莫克西，我剛買了那些鰻魚！

Bye, and don't worry, we'll get that skank in less than 24 hours, or your first kill is free!

再見，別擔心，我們會在 24 小時內抓住那個賤人，否則你的首殺免費！

When did we start implementing that deal?

我們是什麼時候開始執行這項協議的？

When you set fire to my office in front of a client, you fucking dickshit!

當著客戶的面放火燒了我的辦公室 你個混蛋

Now someone please tell me that fancy book is still intact!

現在誰能告訴我，那本花哨的書還完好無損！

You mean, our only ticket to the other side?

你是說，我們通往另一邊的唯一通行證？

Yeah, got it.

好，知道了

That's why you're my favorite, Loony.

這就是為什麼我最喜歡你，Loony。

You get a tweet now.

你現在能收到一條推文了。

Ew, stop.

呃，別說了。

You're so gross!

你真噁心

Aw, stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist.

噢，別說了，我從我的心理醫生那裡得到的已經夠多了。

Now let's go lick some ass!

現在我們去舔屁股吧

The expression is kick some ass.

表達方式就是踢屁股。

Blitz.

快訊。

Mine's better.

我的更好。

Oh, fuck.

媽的

That's gotta be her.

一定是她

This is too easy.

這太簡單了。

Moxie, do you want this one?

莫克西，你想要這個嗎？

Me?

我？

Yeah, this one's simple enough for you to handle.

是的，這個對你來說很簡單。

Any mother who just got out of the hospital?

有剛出院的母親嗎？

Snooze you lose, Mox.

打盹你就輸了，墨斯。

And I got you, bitch.

我抓到你了 賤人

Wait, are we actually killing a family?

等等，我們真的在殺害一個家庭嗎？

No, don't be a puss.

不，別像個娘娘腔。

We're just killing a mother.

我們只是在殺害一位母親。

We're ruining a family.

我們毀了一個家庭

But...

但是

Hold on, hold on.

堅持住，堅持住

Let's just think about this.

讓我們想一想。

What was that, Ralphie?

那是什麼，拉爾菲？

I don't know, Martha.

我不知道 瑪莎

But whatever it is, there's gonna be tomorrow night's dinner.

但不管怎樣，明晚的晚餐還是要吃的

All right, kids!

好了，孩子們

Guns out!

出槍！

Looks like we got some rabbits to catch, young'uns.

看來我們有兔子要抓了，年輕人。

What the fuck was that, Moxie?

那他媽是什麼，莫克西？

I'm sorry.

對不起

They just seemed so wholesome and happy.

他們看起來如此健康快樂。

I panicked.

我驚慌失措。

Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxie?

哦，誰他媽的是無辜的，莫克西？

From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leeching off your mama's kids.

從出生的那一刻起，你就已經是寄生蟲，從你媽媽的孩子身上汲取養分。

Now get the fuck over yourself, you baby dick prick!

現在給我滾遠點，你個小婊砸！

A new hole!

一個新洞

Scatter!

散射！

There she go, little critter.

好了，小傢伙。

Y'all can't hide long from me.

你們都躲不了我多久。

Oh!

哦！

Well, hello, little ones.

你們好，小傢伙們。

Aren't you cute?

你可愛嗎？

It's nice to have a new critter to play with.

有新的小動物可以玩，真好。

Play with?

玩什麼？

Oh, crumbs.

哦，麵包屑。

I know you're hurt, little devil.

我知道你受傷了，小壞蛋。

I promise I can make that pain go real quick.

我保證能讓你很快就好起來。

Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull.

來吧，讓瑪莎媽媽把子彈射進你漂亮的小腦袋裡。

Damn it.

該死的

Stolas, this is a really bad time.

斯托拉斯，現在真不是時候。

When isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?

什麼時候不是好時機，布利奇？

What is it?

是什麼？

I've been meaning to follow up on our last little conversation regarding my grimoire.

我一直想繼續上次關於我的魔法書的談話。

What did you just call me?

你剛才叫我什麼？

My book, Blitzy.

我的書，《Blitzy》。

The book I was given to do my job that I have allowed you to use to do yours.

我的工作用書，我允許你們用它來完成你們的工作。

I can hear you, darling.

我能聽見你，親愛的

Shit.

媽的

Anywho, I have been thinking.

總之，我一直在思考。

I have been permitting you to access the mortal realm less than legally for some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties.

我允許你進入凡人界已經有一段時間了，但我確實需要它來履行我的職責。

I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange?

我在想，如果我們達成某種交換呢？

Favors for favors.

人情換人情。

Doesn't that sound enticing?

聽起來是不是很誘人？

You got to stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay?

你別再用你那套有錢人的花言巧語了，好嗎？

I'm trying to concentrate. I'm not getting fucked in my age!

我想集中精力我這把年紀可不想被人操！

Then let me keep it simple.

那我就直說了。

Once a month on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of passionate fornication.

每個月的月圓之夜，你都要把書還給我，然後來一個激情的通姦之夜。

And you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hmm?

剩下的時間都歸你，嗯？

Sound fair, my little imp?

聽起來公平嗎，我的小不點？

Fine, whatever!

好吧，隨便你！

Oh, Blitz, I'm so excited!

哦 布里茲 我太激動了

I cannot wait to feel your slimy cock inside of my...

我迫不及待地想感受你黏糊糊的陰莖進入我的...

Gotcha!

抓到你了

So you're a little devil, huh?

這麼說你是個小惡魔？

Come to drag me and my kin to hell?

來把我和我的親人拖下地獄嗎？

Well, not today, Satan!

今天不行，撒旦

Gonna send y'all back where you came from!

把你們都送回你們來的地方！

Bowie!

鮑伊

I had that fucking shot! God damn it, Moxie!

我他媽打中了該死的 摩西

Satan, we return your filthy creatures back to the pits of hell!

撒旦，我們把你的骯髒生物送回地獄！

May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!

願在我們繼續你的工作時，邪惡之根依然光榮！

Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, ladies.

是啊，事情不是這樣的，女士們。

Your fire doesn't really hurt us, but I mean,

你的火併沒有真正傷害我們，但我的意思是、

I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard.

如果能讓你的小弟弟硬起來的話，我可以假裝一下。

Oh, shit.

哦，該死

Well, I'll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!

好吧，我就一槍打爆你那張自作聰明的嘴！

That would be more effective.

這樣會更有效。

Blitz!

快訊！

Moxie!

莫克西

You're not getting your goddamn paycheck for this one, Mox!

莫克斯，這次你可別想拿工資了！

Oh, yeah, thanks. I'm fine!

哦，是的，謝謝。我沒事

I'm sorry, sir.

對不起，先生

I compromised our objective and put us in harm's way.

我損害了我們的目標，讓我們身處險境。

It won't happen again. I promise.

不會再發生了。我保證

Apology accepted.

接受道歉。

But if you ever pull a stunt like this again,

但如果你再耍這種花招 But if you ever pull a stunt like this again、

I will fuck you and your wife.

我要操你和你老婆

All righty! Job well done! Now let's get off.

好的幹得好現在我們下車吧

Yeah, give me a moment.

等我一下

I need to get something I left at the house.

我得去拿落在家裡的東西。

Okay, fine, but hurry up.

好吧，好吧，但快點。

Luna! We're ready to come home, dear!

露娜我們準備好回家了，親愛的

I'll use while you and I are...

我會在你和我...

Don't move.

別動

What are you gonna do, little guy?

你打算怎麼辦，小傢伙？

Kill us?

殺了我們？

I should.

我應該

You people are monsters, but you should have a chance at a life and a purpose.

你們這些人是怪物，但你們應該有機會獲得生活和目標。

Look at your children.

看看你的孩子

They have their whole future ahead of them.

他們的未來就在前方。

You are going to face your crimes justly.

你將公正地面對你的罪行。

I will call your earthly authorities, and they will make sure you are dealt with fairly.

我將召集你們的世俗權威，他們會確保你們得到公平的對待。

I'm handling this my way.

我在用自己的方式處理這件事。

Oh, shit.

哦，該死

Uh, do you, uh...

你...

Do you have a phone to summon 911?

您有電話可以撥打 911 嗎？

Yeah, it's in the kitchen.

對，在廚房裡

Then what is this for?

那這是幹什麼用的？

It's a universal remote. Got it for the kids.

這是一個通用遙控器。給孩子們買的

Aw.

胡。

There he is. Have a good wank-off session, Moxie.

他來了好好休息吧 摩西

Excuse me?

你說什麼？

Look, I don't care where you come in the living world.

聽著，我不在乎你來自生活世界的哪個角落。

Just come to your job on time, all right?

準時上班，好嗎？

See you at the office.

辦公室見

You doing okay, sweetie?

你還好嗎，親愛的？

Better now, honey.

現在好多了，親愛的

I think I just needed a minute to process.

我想我只是需要一分鐘來處理。

You have a good heart, honey.

你有一顆善良的心，親愛的

Just a fussy head.

只是個挑剔的腦袋。

We got him, boys!

我們抓到他了，孩子們

Ah!

啊！

Oh, did you see my little Mox Mox?

哦，你看到我的小魔盒了嗎？

Oh, yeah!

哦，是的

You did it! Oh, Moxie!

你做到了哦，莫克西

Well, here's to another mission accomplished, and Moxie finally learned not to fuck up.