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Why do you care what his wife thinks about your hair?
你為什麼要在乎他妻子對你頭髮的看法？
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You're not going to be sleeping with her.
你不會和她上床的
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Although you'd be a lot more interesting if you did. I'm not going to be sleeping with him either.
雖然你這樣做會更有趣。 我也不會和他上床的
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And when I tell his wife that, I want to look good doing it.
當我告訴他妻子這些的時候，我想做得體面些。
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I have to look 20% better than her.
我必須看起來比她好 20%。
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And since Skype makes you look 20% worse, I have to look 40% better than I do now. You realize talking about math in a hair salon is my worst nightmare, right?
既然 Skype 會讓你看起來差 20%，那我就得比現在好 40%。 你知道在髮廊裡談數學是我最可怕的噩夢吧？
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Welcome to the Tristan Evans Salon.
歡迎來到特里斯坦-埃文斯沙龍。
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Hi, hello.
你好，你好
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Oh, we're here for the student haircuts.
哦，我們是來給學生理髮的。
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I'm sorry?
你說什麼？
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The $6 haircuts for poor people from the people who don't really know how to cut hair yet. No, that's not true.
那些還不會理髮的人給窮人理的 6 美元的發。 不，這不是真的。
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This is the Tristan Evans Salon.
這裡是特里斯坦-埃文斯沙龍。
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I'm sure that everyone that's enrolled here is a genius.
我相信在這裡註冊的每個人都是天才。
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At least tell me they're gay.
至少告訴我他們是同志
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Just have a seat over there.
請坐那邊
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I'll have somebody come up from the hair school and...
我會讓美髮學校的人過來...
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Shh, it's so loud.
噓，太吵了
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Hair school, got it.
美髮學校，知道了。
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We'll just take a seat over there till they arrive. Girl, you just sit there, relax, and let Jameis make this head major.
我們就在那邊坐著等他們來 姑娘，你就坐在那兒，放輕鬆 讓傑米斯來做這個頭等大事吧
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It's so weird because I majored in head.
這太奇怪了，因為我主修的是頭腦。
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Girl, you are all everything.
女孩，你就是一切。
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Oh, that's a little cold.
哦，有點冷。
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I'm sorry, what was your name again?
對不起，你叫什麼名字來著？
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Dan.
丹
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Uh-huh, Dan.
嗯，丹。
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So just Dan?
所以只有丹？
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You're not like a Danny or a Dantrell?
你不像丹尼或丹特雷爾？
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Dan. I need to get conditioner.
丹。 我需要護髮素
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Damn it, Max, I got a straight one.
該死的，麥克斯，我有一個直的。
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What makes you think he's straight?
你憑什麼認為他是異性戀？
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He keeps pushing my head down before I'm ready.
我還沒準備好，他就一直把我的頭按下去。
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Is the water too warm?
水溫是否過高？
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Why are my pants too wet?
為什麼我的褲子太溼了？
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Girl, only in love.
女孩，只有在愛情中。
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Max, I need you to give me your gay.
麥克斯，我要你把你的同志告訴我
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Yeah, right.
是啊，沒錯。
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I'll give you my left nut before I give you my gay. You weren't even going to get your hair done.
我給你我的左睪丸之前，我會給你我的同志。 你甚至都沒去做頭髮
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Yeah, but I always wanted to know what it felt like to get a shampoo without a school nurse running that tiny comb through my hair.
是的，但我一直想知道，如果沒有校醫用那把小梳子梳理我的頭髮，洗髮水是什麼感覺。
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Dan, I have a magazine over there with a photo of a chic, piecey, choppy Bob.
丹，我那邊有本雜誌，上面有一張時髦、零碎、波浪卷的鮑勃的照片。
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You can do that, right?
你能做到的，對吧？
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Sure, piecey Bob.
當然了，小毛頭鮑勃。
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Got it.
知道了
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Sup? Dan, Dan, Dan!
怎麼了？ 丹 丹 丹
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OK, done.
好了，完成。
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You're ready to cut.
可以剪了
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Let's go.
我們走吧
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I can't risk some discount hetero cutting my hair.
我不能冒著被打折的異性戀人剪頭髮的風險。
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I'll see you at home.
家裡見
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I'm pretty close to a hairgasm.
我的頭髮都快掉光了。
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It should have been mine.
它本該是我的。
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I haven't had a hairgasm in years.
我已經很多年沒有毛髮痙攣了。
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She hasn't had any gasm in years.
她已經很多年沒有氣喘了。
