You're not going to be sleeping with her.

你不會和她上床的

Although you'd be a lot more interesting if you did. I'm not going to be sleeping with him either.

雖然你這樣做會更有趣。 我也不會和他上床的

And when I tell his wife that, I want to look good doing it.

當我告訴他妻子這些的時候，我想做得體面些。

I have to look 20% better than her.

我必須看起來比她好 20%。

And since Skype makes you look 20% worse, I have to look 40% better than I do now. You realize talking about math in a hair salon is my worst nightmare, right?

既然 Skype 會讓你看起來差 20%，那我就得比現在好 40%。 你知道在髮廊裡談數學是我最可怕的噩夢吧？

Welcome to the Tristan Evans Salon.

歡迎來到特里斯坦-埃文斯沙龍。

Hi, hello.

你好，你好

Oh, we're here for the student haircuts.

哦，我們是來給學生理髮的。

I'm sorry?

你說什麼？

The $6 haircuts for poor people from the people who don't really know how to cut hair yet. No, that's not true.

那些還不會理髮的人給窮人理的 6 美元的發。 不，這不是真的。

This is the Tristan Evans Salon.

這裡是特里斯坦-埃文斯沙龍。

I'm sure that everyone that's enrolled here is a genius.

我相信在這裡註冊的每個人都是天才。

At least tell me they're gay.

至少告訴我他們是同志

Just have a seat over there.

請坐那邊

I'll have somebody come up from the hair school and...

我會讓美髮學校的人過來...

Shh, it's so loud.

噓，太吵了

Hair school, got it.

美髮學校，知道了。

We'll just take a seat over there till they arrive. Girl, you just sit there, relax, and let Jameis make this head major.

我們就在那邊坐著等他們來 姑娘，你就坐在那兒，放輕鬆 讓傑米斯來做這個頭等大事吧

It's so weird because I majored in head.

這太奇怪了，因為我主修的是頭腦。

Girl, you are all everything.

女孩，你就是一切。

Oh, that's a little cold.

哦，有點冷。

I'm sorry, what was your name again?

對不起，你叫什麼名字來著？

Dan.

丹

Uh-huh, Dan.

嗯，丹。

So just Dan?

所以只有丹？

You're not like a Danny or a Dantrell?

你不像丹尼或丹特雷爾？

Dan. I need to get conditioner.

丹。 我需要護髮素

Damn it, Max, I got a straight one.

該死的，麥克斯，我有一個直的。

What makes you think he's straight?

你憑什麼認為他是異性戀？

He keeps pushing my head down before I'm ready.

我還沒準備好，他就一直把我的頭按下去。

Is the water too warm?

水溫是否過高？

Why are my pants too wet?

為什麼我的褲子太溼了？

Girl, only in love.

女孩，只有在愛情中。

Max, I need you to give me your gay.

麥克斯，我要你把你的同志告訴我

Yeah, right.

是啊，沒錯。

I'll give you my left nut before I give you my gay. You weren't even going to get your hair done.

我給你我的左睪丸之前，我會給你我的同志。 你甚至都沒去做頭髮

Yeah, but I always wanted to know what it felt like to get a shampoo without a school nurse running that tiny comb through my hair.

是的，但我一直想知道，如果沒有校醫用那把小梳子梳理我的頭髮，洗髮水是什麼感覺。

Dan, I have a magazine over there with a photo of a chic, piecey, choppy Bob.

丹，我那邊有本雜誌，上面有一張時髦、零碎、波浪卷的鮑勃的照片。

You can do that, right?

你能做到的，對吧？

Sure, piecey Bob.

當然了，小毛頭鮑勃。

Got it.

知道了

Sup? Dan, Dan, Dan!

怎麼了？ 丹 丹 丹

OK, done.

好了，完成。

You're ready to cut.

可以剪了

Let's go.

我們走吧

I can't risk some discount hetero cutting my hair.

我不能冒著被打折的異性戀人剪頭髮的風險。

I'll see you at home.

家裡見

I'm pretty close to a hairgasm.

我的頭髮都快掉光了。

It should have been mine.

它本該是我的。

I haven't had a hairgasm in years.

我已經很多年沒有毛髮痙攣了。

She hasn't had any gasm in years.

她已經很多年沒有氣喘了。