Well, I told you that.

我跟你說過了

But there's got to be some other reason I'm still spotting.

但一定還有其他原因導致我仍有出血點。

Sure.

當然。

You were pregnant.

你懷孕了

Based on your hormone levels, you've had a miscarriage.

根據你的激素水平，你已經流產了。

I haven't even been on a date.

我甚至都沒有約會過。

Right.

對

Since it's physically impossible to have sex without someone buying you dinner.

因為如果沒有人請你吃飯，你是不可能發生性關係的。

I haven't had sex.

我沒有做過愛

Since I split up with my husband.

自從我和丈夫分手後

That was almost a year ago.

那幾乎是一年前的事了。

Fine.

很好

Have it your way.

隨心所欲

Immaculate conception.

聖母無原罪受孕

Um, what do I do?

我該怎麼辦？

Well, it's obvious.

很明顯

Start a religion.

創立宗教

Patechial bruising?

門膈淤血？

I don't know if I pronounced that right.

我不知道我的發音是否正確。

Gosh, the internet is such a wonderful tool.

天哪，互聯網真是一個神奇的工具。

It could be leukemia.

可能是白血病

Definitely possible.

絕對有可能。

The more likely diagnosis is hickey.

更有可能的診斷是吻痕。

Well, it can't be a hickey.

不會是吻痕吧？

Why is everybody so ashamed of sex all of a sudden?

為什麼大家突然都對性感到羞恥了？

I'm not having sex.

我沒有做愛

I've barely even thought about sex since my marriage.

婚後，我幾乎沒有想過性生活。

Ow!

噢

I say you're having sex, you say you're not.

我說你們在做愛，你說你們沒有。

Either you're lying or I'm wrong.

要麼你在撒謊，要麼我錯了。

Or there's some middle ground.

或者有一些中間地帶。

You mean like oral?

你是說口交嗎？

I mean you're having sex without knowing it.

我是說你在不知不覺中發生了性關係。

I'm testing you for booze, drugs, and GHB.

我要對你進行酒精、毒品和羥丁酸測試。

I don't drink.

我不喝酒。

Or what's GHB?

或者 GHB 是什麼？

The date rape drug.

約會強姦藥

You have restored my faith in the human race.

你恢復了我對人類的信心。

You're lying.

你在撒謊

No, I'm not lying.

不，我沒有撒謊。

Just got your results back.

剛收到你的結果

No GHB, no nothing.

沒有 GHB，什麼都沒有。

Means you're having sex and you're lying about it.

這意味著你們發生了性關係，而且還在撒謊。

No.

不

And I have a new symptom.

我還有一個新症狀。

I have a rash on my butt.

我屁股上長了疹子

Do you want to...

你想...

Yeah.

是啊

What is it?

是什麼？

It's a carpet burn.

這是地毯燒傷。

No, it can't be.

不，不可能。

Doctor, I love sex.

醫生，我喜歡性愛。

I miss it.

我想念它。

I haven't had any in over a year.

我已經一年多沒有吃過了。

Well, you managed to keep this appointment, so you have no short-term memory problem.

好吧，你能遵守這個約定，所以你沒有短期記憶問題。

Multiple personalities?

多重人格？

You find yourself losing chunks of time?

你發現自己失去了很多時間嗎？

Do you wake up and you don't remember falling asleep?

你是否一覺醒來就不記得自己睡著了？

No, I just wake up really exhausted.

不，我只是醒來時非常疲憊。

Something upsetting you?

有什麼事讓你心煩意亂嗎？

No.

不

My ex lives in the apartment downstairs.

我的前夫就住在樓下的公寓裡。

He's always calling me.

他總是給我打電話

Always wanting to get back together.

總想複合

Complaining about mixed signals.

抱怨信號混雜。

Get out of my life.

滾出我的生活

How much clearer can you get?

還能有多清楚？

We have a sleep lab in the basement.

我們在地下室有一個睡眠實驗室。

Nothing else will get you away from your ex for a night.

沒有什麼比這更能讓你離開你的前男友一晚了。

These were your brainwaves at 2.45 a.m.

這是你凌晨 2 點 45 分的腦電波。

Here it comes.

來了

There's an abrupt jump from slow-wave sleep.

從慢波睡眠中突然跳出來。

This indicates partial sleep arousal.

這表明部分睡眠喚醒。

Most common type is somnambulism.

最常見的類型是夢遊症。

Sleepwalking.

夢遊

That would explain why I'm so tired when I wake up.

這就解釋了為什麼我醒來時會這麼累。

Yes.

是的。

And also why you were pregnant.

還有你懷孕的原因。

And the hickeys.

還有吻痕

And the carpet burn.

還有地毯燒傷。

I had sex in my sleep?

我在睡夢中做愛？

Sexsomnia is a documented disorder.

性失眠是一種有據可查的疾病。

You said your ex lives downstairs.

你說你前夫住在樓下

I'll kill him.

我要殺了他

Okay.

好的

But he probably didn't know that you were asleep.

但他可能不知道你睡著了。

Sexsomniax can act pretty normal.

Sexsomniax 可以表現得很正常。

I'm going to write you a prescription for a low-dose antidepressant.

我會給你開一張低劑量抗抑鬱藥的處方。

It'll let you sleep better.

它會讓你睡得更好。

If you want to save yourself the $15 copay, you can have sex while you're awake.

如果你想省下 15 美元的共付額，你可以在清醒時做愛。

He's my ex. I don't...

他是我的前男友我不...

You live in the same building.

你們住在同一棟樓裡。

You haven't had sex with anyone else for a year.

你已經有一年沒有和別人發生性關係了。

You sleepwalk right into his arms.

你夢遊般地投入他的懷抱。

Call me crazy, but I'm sensing unresolved issues.

你可以說我瘋了，但我感覺到了一些懸而未決的問題。

Sore throat?

喉嚨痛？

Well, it's not lupus.

好吧，這不是狼瘡。

Well, not everyone can operate a zipper.

不是每個人都會拉拉鍊的。

You know, the up, the down.

你知道的，上上下下。

What comes next?

下一步是什麼？

My new girlfriend.

我的新女友

Never been with a guy who wasn't circumcised.

從沒和沒割過包皮的男人在一起過。

So she freaked, and...

於是她嚇壞了，...

Aha.

啊哈

And you wanted Rivka to feel all gemuttlicht.

你想讓麗芙卡覺得自己是個好女孩。

I get it. It's a shabda.

我知道了這是一個shabda。

Oh!

哦！

I got some box cutters.

我買了一些裁紙刀。

And, um, just like Abraham did it,

而且，嗯，就像亞伯拉罕做的那樣、

I sterilized them.

我對它們進行了消毒。

Which, uh, I always told you...

我一直告訴你...

Stop talking.

別說話了

I'm gonna get a plastic surgeon to get the Twinkie back in the rubber.

我要去找個整形外科醫生，把小蛋糕重新裝回橡皮裡。

I want to get that Pope Rivera.

我想去找教皇里維拉。

Actually, at your age, as long as you're careful, the risk of you getting pregnant is pretty limited.

事實上，在你這個年齡，只要小心謹慎，懷孕的風險是非常有限的。

Yeah, but it would calm me down, right, if I get a high enough dose.

是的，但它會讓我冷靜下來，對吧，如果我的劑量足夠大的話。

Um, as in...

嗯，就像...

peaceful, late, kind of cool summer evening?

寧靜、晚來、涼爽的夏夜？

Or in the lesser-used meaning of nothing can ever bother you again because life has absolutely no meaning.

或者說，沒有什麼能再打擾你，因為生活完全沒有意義。

High dose of Depo-Provera will chemically castrate you.

大劑量的去羥孕酮會對你進行化學閹割。

Yeah.

是啊

Okay.

好的

I'm gonna get up to leave now.

我要起身離開了。

I'm gonna walk to that door, turn the handle, and then you're suddenly gonna decide that you have to tell me the truth.

我會走到那扇門前 打開門把手 然後你會突然決定告訴我真相

I'm gonna come all the way back.

我會一直回來的

See, the thing is, my leg hurts.

你看，問題是，我的腿受傷了。

Can we cut the walking out of the equation?

能不能不要走路？

I love cows.

我愛奶牛

Any particular variety?

有什麼特別的品種嗎？

Guernseys? Holsteins?

格恩西犬？荷斯坦牛？

Which are the black and white ones?

哪些是黑白的？

Oh, God.

哦，上帝啊

I pass a farm on my way to school, and they're so beautiful.

我去學校的路上會經過一個農場，它們是如此美麗。

They're so majestic, I dream about them.

它們是如此雄偉，我夢見過它們。

Leather shoes, hamburgers.

皮鞋、漢堡包

How can anybody do that to a cow?

怎麼會有人這樣對待一頭牛？

Make love, not balance.

製造愛，而不是平衡。

It's beautiful.

太美了

I haven't actually...

實際上，我還沒有...

Relax.

放鬆。

This is something we doctors deal with all the time.

這是我們醫生經常要面對的問題。

I'm gonna write you the name of a drug.

我要給你寫一個藥名。

You don't need a prescription.

你不需要處方。

Looks just like Depo-Provera.

看起來就像 "去羥孕酮"。

But does it do the same thing?

但它的作用一樣嗎？

Oh, God, no.

哦，上帝，不

That stuff has all sorts of nasty side effects.

那東西有各種噁心的副作用。

It's real medicine.

這是真正的醫學。

Now, this is all you need.

現在，這就是你所需要的一切。

Your frat buddies will be completely fooled.

你的兄弟會夥伴們會完全被你騙了。

I'm gonna tell them how appalled the doctor was.

我要告訴他們醫生有多震驚。

Lots of laughs.

笑聲不斷

I think I broke my ankle.

我想我崴了腳。

I was kicked by a hoof.

我被馬蹄踢了一腳。

I'm so in love.

我愛死它了

She was so beautiful.

她是如此美麗。

Which one?

哪一個？

One of the black and white ones.

其中一張是黑白的。

I'm not sure what type.

我不知道是什麼類型。

Which type?

哪種類型？

Which one?

哪一個？

I want a name.

我想要一個名字。

Why would it have a name?

它為什麼會有名字？

Not it.

不是它。

She.

她

Or he.

還是他

I want to know her dreams, her hopes.

我想知道她的夢想和希望。