Do you have any?

有嗎？

You've never thought about killing yourself?

你沒想過自殺嗎？

That's good.

很好

I'm not shaming you, alright?

我不是在羞辱你，好嗎？

I'm a white woman in America.

我是一名美國白人女性。

Why would I?

我為什麼要這麼做？

Everything is literally perfect for me.

一切對我來說簡直是完美。

Welcome.

歡迎光臨

Sorry.

對不起。

All you did was pee, that's the shit I'm doing.

你只是撒了泡尿，這就是我在做的事。

Are you here with these fun people over here?

你和這些有趣的人在一起嗎？

With your husband?

和你丈夫？

Beautiful couple.

美麗的一對

A lot of missionaries?

很多傳教士？

Missionaries are great, dude.

傳教士是偉大的，夥計。

I love missionaries.

我喜歡傳教士。

We face each other so we can argue.

我們面對面，以便爭論。

Doggy, that's when you know you're in trouble.

狗狗，這時候你就知道你有麻煩了。

Whenever the situation is doggy.

只要情況像狗一樣。

Like, you take your dick out, face the wall!

比如，你把老二掏出來，面朝牆！

Thank you for coming to Christian comedy night, by the way.

順便說一句，謝謝你們來參加基督教喜劇之夜。

I appreciate it.

我很感激。

You look like you met when you were a youth pastor and waiting for her to turn 18.

你們看起來像是在當青年牧師時認識的，當時你們正在等她滿 18 歲。

How did you meet?

你們是怎麼認識的？

At college.

在大學裡

Both in college.

兩人都在上大學。

What college?

什麼大學？

PYU.

PYU.

PYU?

PYU？

That doesn't sound real.

這聽起來不真實。

I feel like you just insulted me in second grade.

我覺得你在二年級時就侮辱過我。

PYU?

PYU？

Where is that?

在哪裡？

Pennsylvania?

賓夕法尼亞州？

It's in Utah.

在猶他州。

Damn.

該死

So close.

好險

What part of Utah?

猶他州的哪個地區？

That's where the P comes from.

這就是 P 的由來。

Somebody's cracking themselves up back there.

有人在後面笑得合不攏嘴。

Are you surprised that I heard that?

你對我聽到這些感到驚訝嗎？

Why are you laughing at?

你笑什麼？

It's weird that you know that.

你知道這一點很奇怪。

It's weird that nobody was talking to you and then you volunteered that information.

奇怪的是，沒人跟你說話，你卻主動提供了這些資訊。

It's like when dudes are like, hey man, the age of consent in Alabama is 14.

就像男人們會說，嘿，夥計，阿拉巴馬州的法定承諾年齡是 14 歲。

How the fuck do you know that?

你他媽怎麼知道的？

That's not the flex you think it is.

這不是你想的那樣。

It's like, I know.

我知道

I signed it.

我簽了字。

I violated it.

我違反了它。

Now I'm in jail, dog.

現在我在監獄裡，狗。

I can't live nowhere near the school.

我不能住在學校附近。

You've seen me on TV to catch a predator season 12.

你在電視上看過我的 "捕食者 "第 12 季。

That's right.

這就對了。

I was the one who showed up and continued to eat the pizza.

是我出現並繼續吃披薩的。

Wait, I want to know, how do you know about that?

等等，我想知道，你是怎麼知道的？

First of all, I didn't even know there was a contract that said you have to sign it and say you're not going to fuck.

首先，我根本不知道有合同說你必須在上面簽字，說你不會做愛。

Why is that?

為什麼會這樣？

It's not a contract.

這不是合同。

Okay.

好的

I feel like we're all on an episode of Better Call Saul right now.

我感覺我們現在都在看《英雄本色》（Better Call Saul）。

This is fantastic.

這真是太棒了。

Your honor, my client has no bitches, if I'd like to turn it back to her.

法官大人，我的委託人沒有母狗 如果我想把它還給她的話

It's not fucking without pen and paper, baby.

沒有紙和筆是不行的，寶貝。

Tell me what it is.

告訴我是什麼

Break it down.

分解它。

I'm a Jets fan.

我是噴氣機隊的球迷。

Every time I ask this man a question, I get 12 more questions.

每次我問他一個問題，他都會再問我 12 個問題。

I was like, how do you know about the legality of fucking on college campuses?

我當時想，你怎麼知道在大學校園裡做愛合法嗎？

First of all, I'm from Mars, motherfucker.

首先 我來自火星 混蛋

Starts in September 1962.

始於 1962 年 9 月。

A Tuesday.

星期二

I just told you to press Debra to credit, sir.

我剛告訴你按黛布拉的賒賬，先生。

Okay, you're a Jets fan, so you know how to get fucked.

好吧，你是噴氣機隊的球迷，所以你知道怎麼被操。

That's first off.

這是第一關。

Don't say we, you did not.

別說我們，你們也沒有。

You were not part of that decision-making process at all.

你根本沒有參與決策過程。

They were not up before drafting.

他們在起草之前沒有起床。

We got to figure out what this statutory rapist thinks before we draft him.

我們得先搞清楚這個法定強姦犯是怎麼想的，然後再徵召他入伍。

Make sure the paperwork is right.

確保文書工作正確無誤。

Okay, wait, so they, I'm guessing they drafted somebody that broke the fuck contract.

好吧，等等，他們，我猜他們招募的人違反了他媽的合同。

You could have just done that.

你本可以這麼做的。

They fucked the draft contract.

他們搞砸了選秀合同。

They broke it too.

他們也弄壞了。

Yes.

是的。

Now we're all going to hell.

現在我們都要下地獄了。

What did the contract say?

合同上是怎麼說的？

You know?

你知道嗎？

I've been trying to get answers for 12 minutes.

我已經試著回答了 12 分鐘。

As soon as we get to the root of it, he's like, what, you think I got fucking answers?

一旦我們找到問題的根源，他就會說，什麼，你以為我他媽的有答案嗎？

I'm sorry, why am I on trial?

對不起，我為什麼要受審？

What is the contract?

合同是什麼？

See, aren't you upset that you peed when you did?

你看，你不為你尿尿的時候生氣嗎？

This all could have been avoided.

這一切本可以避免。

What is the contract saying?

合同上是怎麼說的？

Is it a contract or is it more or less like an agreement?

這是一份合同，還是一份協議？

It's an honor code.

這是一種榮譽準則。

An honor code.

榮譽準則

And it says, you better not be coming anywhere else.

它說，你最好別去別的地方。