Nah, it's more like a very mean old man carrying a sad house on his back.

不，這更像是一個非常吝嗇的老人揹著一棟悲傷的房子。

Yeah, or like an evil wiener poking out of a ravioli.

是啊，或者像一根邪惡的香腸從餛飩裡探出頭來。

Please tell me that isn't a puppy.

請告訴我那不是一隻小狗。

Definitely isn't a puppy.

肯定不是小狗。

I can't believe you've done this, Richard. A pet is a big responsibility and I don't have time to look after a...

真不敢相信你會這麼做 理查德寵物責任重大，我沒有時間照顧它。

Ugh, what on earth is that?

唉，這到底是什麼東西？

It's a labradoodle.

這是一隻拉布拉多犬。

It's a labraturtle.

這是一隻拉布拉多龜。

If you kids wanted a turtle...

如果你的孩子想要一隻烏龜...

We didn't want a turtle.

我們不想要烏龜。

Well, you should have thought of that before making your dad buy one.

好吧，在讓你爸爸買之前，你就應該想到這一點。

And you better take good care of it, because that little guy is your responsibility.

你最好好好照顧它，因為這個小傢伙是你的責任。

For as long as he lives.

只要他還活著

Look, I agree he's kind of mega gross, cold, wet, smells like a belly button, and has the beady eyes of a ventriloquist dummy, but he's part of the family now, so we're going to love him like a Watterson.

聽著，我同意他有點噁心，又冷又溼，聞起來像肚臍眼，還有一雙口技假人的炯炯有神的眼睛，但他現在是家裡的一員了，所以我們會像愛沃特森一樣愛他。

Okay, where do we start?

好吧，我們從哪裡開始呢？

Well, the best way to make a bond with a new pet is physical contact.

那麼，與新寵物建立聯繫的最佳方式就是身體接觸。

Eek, my little guy.

哎呀，我的小傢伙。

Maybe not.

也許不是。

Dude, don't let your fear prevent you from having a beautiful relationship.

老兄，別讓恐懼阻礙你擁有一段美好的感情。

I'm not scared, I just don't think he likes me.

我不是害怕，我只是覺得他不喜歡我。

Really? The I-feel-sorry-that-you-can't-feel-love face?

真的嗎？那張 "我為你無法感受到愛而感到抱歉 "的臉？

Fine, I'll touch him.

好吧，我摸摸他

Oh, come on, that's not petting. He can't feel anything on his shell.

拜託，那不是撫摸。它的殼上沒有任何感覺

Alright, fine.

好吧

What the...

什麼...

Oh, okay.

哦，好吧

There, there. Good boy.

好了，好了好孩子

Happy now?

現在高興了吧？

Oh, it's even grosser on the inside.

哦，裡面更噁心。

Would it make me a bad person if I said I really, really don't like this turtle?

如果我說我真的真的不喜歡這隻烏龜，會不會讓我變成一個壞人？

Yes. Yes, it would.

是的，是的，會的。

Okay, I'll just think it really, really hard.

好吧，那我就好好想想。

I really, really don't like this turtle.

我真的真的不喜歡這隻烏龜。

Okay, maybe he's not ready for physical contact yet.

好吧，也許他還沒做好身體接觸的準備。

Maybe he's just hungry.

也許他只是餓了。

I get pretty cranky when I'm hungry.

我餓的時候會很暴躁。

What are you gonna feed him, souls?

你要給他吃什麼，靈魂？

I'm sorry, but I'm calling it.

很抱歉，但我還是要說。

That turtle is evil incarnate!

那隻烏龜是邪惡的化身！

I'm sure he's more scared of us than we are of him.

我敢肯定，他更怕我們，而不是我們怕他。

Who knows what's going through his head right now.

誰知道他現在腦子裡在想什麼。

Bite, bite, bite. Eat food for strength to bite, bite, bite.

咬、咬、咬。咬、咬、咬，吃東西才有力氣。

Make little turtles to bite even more.

讓小烏龜咬得更緊。

Or maybe he's just anxious because this is our territory.

也許他只是因為這裡是我們的地盤而焦慮不安。

We should give him his own space.

我們應該給他自己的空間。

There. You can bring him over now.

在那兒你可以把他帶過來了

Dude, if you treat him like a vicious criminal, he's bound to behave like one.

老兄，如果你把他當成窮凶極惡的罪犯，他的行為就一定會像罪犯一樣。

Put him down.

把他放下來

Good. Now take off your armor.

很好現在脫掉你的盔甲

You have to trust him if you want him to trust you.

如果你想讓他信任你，就必須信任他。

Okay, now what?

好吧，現在怎麼辦？

Talk to him.

跟他談談

Talk to him.

跟他談談

And now we just sit back, relax, and watch him become at one with us and his surroundings.

現在，我們只需坐下來，放鬆心情，看著他與我們和周圍的環境融為一體。

Now I know what you're gonna say.

現在我知道你要說什麼了

You promised you'd take care of it.

你答應過會處理好的

You're shirking responsibility.

你在推卸責任。

But ask yourself this.

但捫心自問

Who's really responsible here?

到底是誰的責任？

The person who was given the responsibility?

被賦予責任的人？

Or the person who gave that person the responsibility?

還是讓他承擔責任的人？

I say technically, you can only blame yourself.

我說，從技術上講，這隻能怪你自己。

That is a very convincing argument.

這個論點很有說服力。

Unfortunately, to persuade this family CEO, the turtle would have to do something absolutely horrific.

不幸的是，要說服這位家庭首席執行官，烏龜必須做出一些絕對可怕的事情。

Oh my gosh, it's absolutely horrific!

哦，我的天哪，這真是太可怕了！

I can't believe you did that.

真不敢相信你會這麼做

I mean, there's horrific, and there's absolutely horrific.

我是說，有可怕的，也有絕對可怕的。

Horrific, but you were...

可怕，但你...

Dad, this is a parking lot. Where's the store?

爸爸，這裡是停車場商店在哪兒？

It's gone.

它不見了

What do you mean it's gone?

什麼叫沒了？

It was right there.

它就在那裡。

It was a small store.

那是一家小商店。

It was bright red.

它是鮮紅色的。

It had a door that slid open like this.

它有一扇門，可以像這樣推開。

And the man inside sold puppies and watches and stereos and fur coats and golf clubs and fireworks.

裡面的人賣小狗、手錶、音響、裘皮大衣、高爾夫球杆和煙花。

And he was such a nice man.

他是個好人

Dad, that was a van.

爸爸，那是一輛麵包車

A van.

一輛麵包車

He bought a turtle from a man in a van.

他從一個開面包車的人那裡買了一隻烏龜。

Such an awesome store.

真是一家了不起的商店。

What's that?

那是什麼？

He picked up my car as well.

他還幫我取了車。