What the hell?

搞什麼鬼？

Huh?

啊？

I am nothing, and everything!

我什麼都不是，又什麼都是！

Huh. That was pretty weird.

咦？太奇怪了

Visitors, this morning you took my brother, Ike.

訪客們，今天早上你們帶走了我弟弟艾克。

He's the little freckled kid that looks like a football.

他就是那個長著雀斑、看起來像橄欖球的小男孩。

At first, I was happy you took him away, but I've learned something today.

起初，我很高興你把他帶走了，但今天我學到了一些東西。

That having a little brother is a pretty special thing.

有一個弟弟是一件很特別的事情。

Yeah.

是啊

Ah, heck, Mr. Visitors. I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world.

啊，見鬼，遊客先生。在這個瘋狂的世界裡，我只是個孤獨的孩子。

But if you could find it in your hearts, or whatever you have, to give my brother back to me, it sure would make my life brighter again.

但是，如果你們能把我弟弟還給我，我的生活一定會變得更加美好。

That was beautiful, dude.

太美了，夥計

Did it work?

有用嗎？

Nope, they're leaving.

不，他們要走了。

Hey, you scrawny-ass sh**!

嘿，你這個骨瘦如柴的傢伙

What the f**k is wrong with you? You must be some kind of f**k!

你到底有什麼毛病？你一定是個混蛋

To be able to ignore a crying child!

對哭鬧的孩子視而不見

Whoa, dude! You know what you f**k like!

哇，夥計！你知道你喜歡什麼

You like to f**k, sh**, and f**k, and f**k, and f**k!

你喜歡****、****、****、****、****、****！

But you know, I've learned something today.

但你知道嗎，我今天學到了一些東西。

I've learned that people who want power, a lot of power, always end up dead.

我瞭解到，想要權力的人，想要很多權力的人，最後總是死路一條。

Yeah, you know, I've learned something today.

是啊，你知道，我今天學到了一些東西。

Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about.

家庭不在於你有誰的血統，而在於你關心誰。

Yeah.

是啊

And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends.

所以我覺得你們不僅僅是朋友。

You're my family.

你們是我的家人

Except for Cartman.

除了 Cartman。

You know, I think we all learned something today.

你知道，我想我們今天都學到了一些東西。

It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways, only because of their race, you become separatist.

有自己的信仰和傳統是可以的，但一旦你開始排斥別人，僅僅因為他們的種族，你就成了分裂主義者。

And being a separatist sucks a**.

而作為一個分裂主義者，這簡直糟透了。

You see, son? Fads come and go.

看到了嗎，孩子？潮流來來去去。

And this Chimpokomon is obviously nothing more than a fad.

而這個 Chimpokomon 顯然只是一種時尚。

You don't have to be a part of it.

你不必參與其中。

In fact, you can make an even stronger statement by saying to your peers,

事實上，您可以通過對同行說這樣的話，來表達更強烈的觀點、

I'm not going to be a part of this fad because I'm an individual.

我不會參與這種時尚，因為我是個人。

Do you understand?

你明白了嗎？

Yes. Yes, I do, Dad.

是的，是的，爸爸

Now let me tell you how it works in the real world.

現在，讓我來告訴你現實世界中是如何運作的。

In the real world, I can either get a Chimpokomon, or I can be the only kid with that one which singles me out and causes the other kids to make fun of me and kick my a**.

在現實世界中，我要麼得到一隻 Chimpokomon，要麼成為唯一擁有這隻 Chimpokomon 的孩子，這樣我就會被孤立，導致其他孩子取笑我，踢我的屁股。

Ike, please.

艾克，請。

I know your first love seems like the only love, but trust me, it's not.

我知道你的初戀似乎是唯一的愛，但相信我，那不是。

You have so much potential.

你有這麼大的潛力。

You don't even need a kid like Cartman to be able to trust you.

你甚至不需要像 Cartman 這樣的孩子來信任你。

You have way more potential than me.

你比我更有潛力

Ike, I'm a kid.

艾克，我還是個孩子

I know your first love seems like the only love, but trust me, it's not.

我知道你的初戀似乎是唯一的愛，但相信我，那不是。

You have so much life ahead of you.

你還有很多人生要走。

You who don't believe in true love don't understand.

不相信真愛的人是不會明白的。

Ike, you need to have a life.

艾克，你需要有自己的生活。

Have fun.

玩得開心

Then ruin it by having a serious relationship.

然後通過認真交往來毀掉它。

I've learned something today.

我今天學到了一些東西。

Sometimes people have trouble fitting in at school and...

有時，人們在融入學校生活方面會遇到困難，而...

and, um...

還有...

Let's see, what did I learn about...

讓我想想，我學到了什麼？

What did I learn about that?

我學到了什麼？

No, wait.

不，等等

No, no, that was good. What were you gonna say?

不，不，這是很好的。你想說什麼？

Yeah, but you know, I've learned something today.

是的，但你知道，我今天學到了一些東西。

It would have been wrong for us to exploit Butter's weight loss because then lots of fat people would have believed it and then gone and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly.

如果我們利用黃油的減肥效果，那就大錯特錯了，因為這樣一來，很多胖子就會信以為真，然後去吃一大堆中餐，而不是好好節食。

They'd still be fat and we'd be responsible for their shattered dreams.

他們仍然會很胖，我們要為他們破碎的夢想負責。

Wait.

等等。

Wait, I think I can explain this whole thing.

等等，我想我可以解釋這整件事。

Marklar, these Marklars went to change your Marklar.

馬克拉，這些馬克拉去換你的馬克拉了。

They don't want this Marklar or any of his Marklars to live here because it's bad for their Marklar.

他們不想讓這個馬克拉爾或他的任何一個馬克拉爾住在這裡，因為這對他們的馬克拉爾不利。

They use Marklar to try and force Marklars to believe they're Marklar.

他們利用馬克拉人，試圖迫使馬克拉人相信他們就是馬克拉人。

If you let them stay here, they will build Marklars and Marklars.

如果你讓他們留在這裡，他們就會建造馬克拉爾和馬克拉爾。

They will take all your Marklars and replace them with Marklar.

他們會拿走你所有的馬克拉爾，並用馬克拉爾取而代之。

These Marklars have no good Marklar to live on Marklar so they must come here to Marklar.

這些馬克拉爾人在馬克拉爾沒有好的馬克拉爾生活，所以他們必須來到這裡的馬克拉爾。

They will destroy Marklar.

他們將摧毀馬爾卡拉。

They will destroy Marklar.

他們將摧毀馬爾卡拉。

They will destroy Marklar.

他們將摧毀馬爾卡拉。

They don't want Marklar to live on Marklar so they must come here to Marklar.

他們不想讓馬克拉爾住在馬克拉爾上，所以必須來馬克拉爾這裡。

Please, let these Marklars stay where they can grow and prosper without any Marklars.

請讓這些 "馬克拉爾 "留在沒有 "馬克拉爾 "的地方生長和繁榮。

Marklars are Marklars.

馬克拉斯就是馬克拉斯。

Young Marklar, your Marklars are wise and true.

年輕的馬克拉爾，你的馬克拉爾睿智而真實。

Yeah, but you know, I think you've learned something today.

是的，但你知道，我想你今天學到了一些東西。

You've learned that you can't rewrite history.

你已經明白，你無法改寫歷史。

You see, history is forever and everything happens for a reason.

你看，歷史是永恆的，任何事情的發生都是有原因的。

Sure, you can try to change the past, but usually, you know...

當然，你可以嘗試改變過去，但通常...

Where are you going?

你要去哪兒？

Excuse me?

你說什麼？

My name is Brad and I need to report a crime, anonymously.

我叫布拉德，我需要匿名舉報一起犯罪。

Oh? What's the crime?

什麼罪？

Well, I attend South Park Elementary and one of the teachers is having sex with a student.

我在南方公園小學上學，有一位老師正在和一名學生髮生性關係。

Oh my God! Did you hear what he said?

我的天啊你聽到他說什麼了嗎？

You did the right thing telling the police, Brad.

你告訴警察是對的 布拉德

Now, who is the teacher? What's his name?

現在，老師是誰？他叫什麼名字？

Well, it isn't a guy teacher, it's a woman.

不是男老師，是女老師。

A woman?

女人？

Yeah, she's having sex with a boy.

是的，她在和一個男孩做愛。

Oh, but she's ugly, right?

哦，但她很醜，對吧？

Well, no, not really. It's the kindergarten teacher, Ms. Stevenson.

不，不是這樣的是幼兒園的史蒂文森老師

The blonde?

那個金髮女郎？

Yeah.

是啊

Some young boy is having sex with Ms. Stevenson?

某個小男孩和史蒂文森女士發生了性關係？

Yes.

是的。

Nice.

不錯。

Nice.

不錯。

What? No, you don't understand it.

什麼？不，你不明白。

Are you sure they've had sex?

你確定他們做過愛嗎？

Yeah.

是啊

Has she performed oral sex on him?

她給他口交了嗎？

I think so.

我想是的。

Nice.

不錯。

Nice.

不錯。

Nice.

不錯。

So wait, what's the crime?

那麼，等等，什麼罪？

The crime is she isn't doing it with me.

罪過是她沒有和我一起做。

Hey, he's totally underage. She's taking advantage of him.

他還未成年她在佔他便宜

You're right. We're sorry. This is serious.

你是對的。我們很抱歉這很嚴重

We need to track this student down and give him his luckiest boy in American medal right away.

我們需要找到這名學生，並立即為他頒發美國最幸運男孩獎章。

Snooki wants Smurfs.

斯努基想要藍精靈

No! You guys, it's raping me! It's raping me!

夥計們，它在強姦我！它在強姦我

Jesus Christ, what the hell do we do?

上帝啊，我們到底該怎麼辦？

Oh God!

哦，上帝啊

Get out of here!

離開這裡

Get out of here!

離開這裡

What?

什麼？

Dude.

哥們兒

Get out of here, you piece of garbage!

滾出去，你這個垃圾！

You want to Smurfs go creeping somewhere else!

你想讓藍精靈去別的地方爬行嗎？

Snooki is a Smurfs, you see?

Snooki 是藍精靈，你明白嗎？

You're garbage! You know that? You're cabbage!

你就是個垃圾你知道嗎？你是捲心菜

No, no, no! No, no, no! Sticky cabbage!

不，不，不不，不，不黏糊糊的捲心菜

You got cabbage in your mouth!

你嘴裡有捲心菜

Sticky cabbage! Sticky cabbage!

粘捲心菜粘捲心菜

You got cabbage in your f***ing mouth!

你嘴裡有捲心菜

Sticky cabbage!

粘捲心菜

Whee!

Whee！

Kyle?

凱爾？

What the hell are you doing back here?

你回來幹什麼？

Listen, you don't have to do this!

聽著，你不必這樣做！

Our imaginations aren't running wild anymore!

我們的想象力不再天馬行空！

Why is it so easy for children to break into the Pentagon?

為什麼兒童如此容易闖入五角大樓？

You have to stop!

你必須停下來！

If I'm not mistaken, you're the one who bet that leprechauns weren't real.

如果我沒猜錯的話，就是你打賭說妖精不是真的。

So why do you care what happens?

那你為什麼要關心會發生什麼？

Because I...

因為我...

Because I think they are real.

因為我認為它們是真實存在的。

It's all real. Think about it.

這一切都是真實的。想想吧

Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room?

盧克-天行者和聖誕老人對你們生活的影響難道不比在座的大多數人都大嗎？

I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have.

我的意思是，不管耶穌是真是假，他對世界的影響比我們任何人都要大。

And the same can be said for Bugs Bunny and Superman and Harry Potter.

兔八哥》、《超人》和《哈利-波特》也是如此。

They've changed my life.

他們改變了我的生活。

Changed the way I act on the Earth.

改變了我在地球上的行為方式。

Doesn't that make them kind of real?

這不是讓他們有點像真的嗎？

They might be imaginary, but they're more important than most of us here.

他們可能是虛構的，但他們比我們中的大多數人都重要。

And they're all going to be around long after we're dead.

在我們死後很長時間，它們都會存在。

So in a way, those things are more realer than any of us.

是以，在某種程度上，這些東西比我們任何人都更真實。

Boy, I'm sure glad that's over with.

好傢伙，我真高興這一切都結束了。

Me too!

我也是！

Yeah, but you know, I learned something today.

是的，但你知道，我今天學到了一些東西。

We thought we could make money on the Internet.

我們以為可以在互聯網上賺錢。

But while the Internet is new and exciting for creative people, it hasn't matured as a distribution mechanism to the extent that one should trade real and immediate opportunities for income for the promise of future online revenue.

但是，儘管互聯網對創意人員來說是全新的、令人興奮的，但作為一種銷售機制，它還沒有成熟到這樣的程度，即人們應該用現實和直接的收入機會來換取未來在線收入的承諾。

It will be a few years before digital distribution of media on the Internet can be monetized to an extent that necessitates content producers to forego their fair value in more traditional media.

要使互聯網上的數字媒體傳播貨幣化到一定程度，使內容製作者不得不放棄其在傳統媒體中的合理價值，還需要幾年的時間。

Yeah.

是啊

But you know, I've learned something today.

但你知道，我今天學到了一些東西。

You see, the basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself.

你看，所有推理的基礎都是心靈對自身的認識。

What we think, the external objects we perceive, are all like actors that come on and off stage.

我們的所思所想，我們所感知的外在事物，都像是舞臺上進進出出的演員。

But our consciousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.

但我們的意識，即舞臺本身，始終存在於我們身邊。

Tits.

乳房

You see, we've learned something today.

你看，我們今天學到了一些東西。

Swearing can be fun, but doing it all the time causes a lot of problems.

說髒話可能很有趣，但總是說髒話會帶來很多問題。

We're all saying the S-word too much.

我們都說 "S "這個詞說得太多了。

Kyle.

凱爾

Look, Gerald, Kyle's on television.

看，傑拉德，凱爾上電視了

Uh-huh.

嗯哼

The Knights of Standards and Practices were created to make sure that bad words were kept to a minimum.

標準與實踐騎士團的成立是為了確保儘量少說髒話。

Curse words? They're called that because they are cursed.

詛咒詞？它們之所以叫詛咒詞，是因為它們是被詛咒的。

We have to go back to only using curse words in rare, extreme circumstances.

我們必須回到只在極少數極端情況下使用咒語的狀態。

And besides, too much use of a dirty word takes away from its impact.

此外，髒話用多了也會影響效果。

We believe in free speech and all that, but making a few words taboo just adds to the fun of English.

我們相信言論自由，但把一些單詞列為禁忌只會增加英語的趣味性。

So please, everyone, from now on, you've got to try and watch your language.

所以，請大家從現在開始，儘量注意自己的言辭。

Yeah, that makes sense.

是啊，有道理。

You guys, I think we should bail out of this right now.

夥計們，我覺得我們現在就應該退出。

Huh? I just know where this is heading.

啊？我就知道會發生什麼。

It's going to end up with the whole town taking this too far and us having to talk about what we learned to change everyone's minds and I say we just stop it right now and go play cards or something.

這樣下去，整個鎮子的人都會覺得我們做得太過分了，我們還得說說我們學到了什麼來改變大家的想法，我建議我們現在就停下來，去打打牌什麼的。

No! What we really should do is go to our parents right now and take responsibility for smoking ourselves, even if it means getting grounded.

不！我們真正應該做的是現在就去找我們的父母，承擔起自己吸菸的責任，即使這意味著被禁足。

Why?

為什麼？

Because if we go to the tobacco company, I know exactly what'll happen.

因為如果我們去找菸草公司 我很清楚會發生什麼事

They'll take us in and then Rob Reiner will show up with all the townspeople holding torches or something and there'll be a big showdown until we talk about what we learned and change everyone's minds.

他們會收留我們，然後羅伯-萊納會帶著所有鎮民舉著火把什麼的出現，然後就會有一場大決戰，直到我們把學到的東西講出來，改變所有人的想法。

This is all following a formula.

這一切都遵循著一個公式。

I learned something today.

我今天學到了一些東西。

You just hate... See? I knew it.

你只是討厭...看到沒？我就知道

You just hate smoking, so you use all your money and power to force others to think like you and that's called fascism, you tubby asshole.

你只是討厭吸菸，所以你用你所有的金錢和權力來強迫別人像你一樣思考，這就是所謂的法西斯主義，你這個肥胖的混蛋。

Listen, this is all you need to know.

聽著，這就是你需要知道的一切。

The economy is not a supernatural, all-knowing entity.

經濟並不是一個超自然、無所不知的實體。

The economy is just an idea made up by people thousands of years ago.

經濟只是幾千年前人們編造出來的一個概念。

The economy is not real and yet it is real.

經濟不是真實的，但它又是真實的。

Nowadays they'll give credit cards to practically anyone who applies for them.

如今，幾乎任何人只要提出申請，他們就會給他信用卡。

I applied for this yesterday to prove a point.

我昨天申請了這個，以證明我的觀點。

It is an American Express Platinum card.

這是一張美國運通白金卡。

It has no spending limit.

它沒有支出限額。

Do not be afraid.

不要害怕。

This is only plastic.

這只是塑料製品。

It's just something made up by people.

這只是人們編造出來的東西。

Truly meaningless until we put our faith in it.

除非我們對它充滿信心，否則它真的毫無意義。

Faith is what makes an economy exist.

信仰是經濟存在的基礎。

Without faith, it is only plastic cards and paper money.

沒有信仰，就只有塑膠卡和紙幣。

Kyle?

凱爾？

Dude, what are you doing here? Everybody's looking for you.

夥計，你在這裡幹什麼？大家都在找你

Kyle, do you know what happened to me this morning, Stan?

凱爾，你知道我今天早上發生了什麼嗎，斯坦？

This morning, I woke up and felt a sharp pain in my ass.

今天早上醒來，我感到屁股一陣劇痛。

I felt down there and found this big sore lump on my ass, Stan.

我摸了摸下面，發現屁股上有個大腫塊，斯坦。

I couldn't even sit down, so

我甚至不能坐下，所以

I had to tell my mother, which was humiliating.

我不得不告訴我的母親，這讓我很丟臉。

She took me to the doctor, which was more humiliating, and he told me,

她帶我去看醫生，這讓我更加羞愧，醫生告訴我、

I have a hemorrhoid.

我有痔瘡

It's like an infected blood vessel on your ass.

這就像你屁股上受感染的血管。

I'm nine years old and I have a hemorrhoid, Stan.

我九歲了 我有痔瘡 斯坦

I have a hemorrhoid, and Cartman has his own theme park.

我有痔瘡，而卡特曼有自己的主題公園。

Kyle, I understand what you mean, but...

凱爾，我明白你的意思，但是...

Do you? Do you, Stan?

是嗎？是嗎，斯坦？

Because all my life I was raised to believe in Jehovah, to believe that we should all behave a certain way and good things will come to us.

因為我從小就相信耶和華，相信我們都應該以某種方式行事，這樣就會有好事降臨。

I make mistakes, but every week I try to better myself.

我犯過錯，但每週我都在努力改進自己。

I'm always saying, you know, I learned something today.

我總是說，你知道，我今天學到了一些東西。

And what does this so-called God give me in return?