Name: 神經科學告訴你如何駕馭孤獨 | Kasley Killam (How to navigate loneliness, according to neuroscience | Kasley Killam)
Uploaded: 2024-08-13T13:18:25.000Z
Duration: 8 min

反身代名詞

From a very young age, we're programmed to think that that person who's by themselves is a loner.

從很小的時候起，我們就被灌輸了這樣的思想：一個人獨來獨往的人是孤獨的。

基礎被動語態

We project a story about that person is perhaps not likable, or perhaps they don't have what is needed in order to be embedded in a group.

我們會編造一個故事，說這個人可能不討人喜歡，或者他們不具備融入集體所需的條件。

There's this stigma right off the bat that we learn growing up where if you're alone, something's wrong with you.

在我們的成長過程中，一開始就有這樣的烙印：如果你是一個人，你就有問題。

So when we feel lonely, we're more likely to start to ruminate, to catastrophize in social situations, and to get caught up in these sort of negative thought patterns and beliefs that then influence our behaviors.

是以，當我們感到孤獨時，我們更有可能開始反思，在社交場合進行災難化處理，並陷入這些負面的思維模式和信念，進而影響我們的行為。

But they also influence our brains and our bodies.

但它們也會影響我們的大腦和身體。

But we can actually broaden the perception box that you're living in and help you to feel more connected and overcome that isolated experience of loneliness.

但實際上，我們可以擴大你生活的感知範圍，幫助你感受到更多的聯繫，克服孤立無援的孤獨體驗。

I'm the author of The Art and Science of Connection, and I'm an expert in social health.

我是《聯繫的藝術與科學》一書的作者，也是社會健康方面的專家。

Our perceptions and the stories that we tell ourselves about feeling lonely in turn change the behaviors that we go out and do in the world.

我們對孤獨感的看法和我們告訴自己的故事，反過來又會改變我們在這個世界上的行為。

Someone who feels disconnected goes into a social interaction with their guard up.

感覺與外界脫節的人在社交中會提高警惕。

They're a little bit more self-conscious, and that influences the interaction that they have with that other person.

他們的自我意識會更強一些，這會影響他們與對方的互動。

That might make them come across more negatively and actually cause the very thing that they were worried about, which is it doesn't go as well as they hoped, because they're coming from that mindset of limiting beliefs.

這可能會讓他們表現得更消極，實際上會導致他們擔心的事情發生，即事情沒有他們希望的那麼順利，因為他們是從限制性信念的心態中走出來的。

In contrast, if you go into a social opportunity believing that the other person is going to like you, feeling confident about who you are, having a solid relationship with yourself, that's going to empower you to be more open and receptive to connecting in a way that actually helps you overcome loneliness, that actually helps you develop a more meaningful relationship.

與此相反，如果你相信對方會喜歡你，對自己充滿信心，與自己建立起穩固的關係，那麼你就會有能力以一種更開放、更容易接受的方式與對方建立聯繫，從而幫助你克服孤獨感，建立起更有意義的關係。

The culture around us also shapes how we understand our own experiences of loneliness and connection.

我們周圍的文化也影響著我們如何理解自己的孤獨和聯繫體驗。

In general, across studies, we see that the more individualistic a culture, the more lonely people feel within that country.

總的來說，在各項研究中，我們發現越是個人主義的文化，人們在這個國家就越感到孤獨。

In contrast, in collectivistic cultures, people put greater emphasis on family and on group harmony.

相反，在集體主義文化中，人們更重視家庭和群體和諧。

There are different norms and expectations around how we should be relating to one another.

關於我們應該如何相處，存在著不同的規範和期望。

People in more individualistic countries might feel more lonely, but they actually might have an easier time making new friends or branching out and joining new communities, because there isn't that same societal expectation for them to stay with their original family unit and their original friends.

在更加個人主義的國家，人們可能會感到更加孤獨，但實際上，他們可能更容易結交新朋友，或走出去加入新的社區，因為社會並不期望他們與原來的家庭組織、部門和原來的朋友呆在一起。

In contrast, when people experience loneliness in more collectivistic countries, we see that they have different health outcomes.

相反，當人們在集體主義色彩更濃的國家經歷孤獨時，我們會發現他們的健康狀況有所不同。

So if you feel lonely and the societal expectation that you've grown up learning is that you need to be connected to your family and it's so important for you to embedded with other people, then that mismatch between what you're feeling and what the story is in your head about what you should be feeling is so great that we see that people have worse health outcomes as a result of feeling lonely in those kinds of cultures.

是以，如果你感到孤獨，而你從小到大學到的社會期望是，你需要與家人聯繫在一起，與其他人嵌入在一起對你來說非常重要，那麼你的感受與你腦海中關於你應該有什麼感受的故事之間的不匹配是如此之大，以至於我們看到，在這種文化中，由於感到孤獨，人們的健康狀況會更糟。

Loneliness starts out as a thought pattern or an emotion.

孤獨最初是一種思維模式或情緒。

This actually triggers a stress response in our body that is associated with heightened levels of cortisol, that's associated with more inflammation, which weakens our immune systems and actually makes us more susceptible to disease.

這實際上觸發了我們體內的應激反應，與皮質醇水準升高有關，與發炎加劇有關，而發炎會削弱我們的免疫系統，實際上使我們更容易生病。

If we start to understand that health is not only physical and mental, it's also social, that's going to change our behaviors.

如果我們開始認識到，健康不僅是身體和精神上的，也是社會性的，這將改變我們的行為。

We're going to seek out connection and prioritize friendship and community and family because we know that it's good for us.

我們要尋求聯繫，優先考慮友誼、社區和家庭，因為我們知道這對我們有好處。

Our social lives are rewiring our brains and in turn changing the experience that we have inside of our bodies.

我們的社交生活正在重塑我們的大腦，進而改變我們的身體體驗。

We can see this in the neuroscience research.

我們可以從神經科學研究中看到這一點。

In one study, people went through mild electric shocks while looking at photos of either their romantic partner or a complete stranger.

在一項研究中，人們在觀看戀愛對象或陌生人的照片時會受到輕微的電擊。

What at a photo of their romantic partners reported feeling less fearful and the brain activity in the regions associated with pain was lower.

在看到浪漫伴侶的照片後，他們的恐懼感降低了，與疼痛相關區域的大腦活動也減少了。

People's perception differs according to whether or not they feel connected to another person.

人們的感知因與他人是否有聯繫而不同。

Imagine that more broadly, if you think about having rich friendships and being embedded in your community and having a really strong sense of that's going to completely transform the way that you experience the world.

想象一下，如果你想擁有豐富的友誼，融入你的社區，擁有一種真正強烈的意識，這將徹底改變你體驗世界的方式。

Reacting to stressful life events, navigating the highs and lows that we all go through, all of that is more manageable if we have those core relationships to rely on to feel supported.

如果我們有這些核心關係作為依靠，就能更好地應對生活中的壓力事件，駕馭我們每個人都會經歷的高潮和谷底，從而感受到支持。

Loneliness is not a reflection on who we are, it's a reflection of what we need.

孤獨並不反映我們是誰，而是反映我們需要什麼。

Being optimally socially healthy for you might be different than someone else based on how much socializing you enjoy and what kinds of connection feel fulfilling to you.

對你來說，社交健康的最佳狀態可能與其他人不同，這取決於你喜歡社交的程度，以及什麼樣的聯繫會讓你感到充實。

One of the most effective approaches for helping people overcome loneliness is addressing their thoughts and their beliefs.

幫助人們克服孤獨感的最有效方法之一就是解決他們的思想和信念問題。

Connection with yourself is as important as connection with other people.

與自己的聯繫與與他人的聯繫同樣重要。

One way to develop a closer relationship with yourself as a foundation for connecting with other people is through meditation.

與自己建立更密切的關係，為與他人建立聯繫打下基礎，方法之一就是冥想。

One practice that I personally love is self-compassion meditation, where you focus the love that you feel for other people toward yourself.

我個人非常喜歡的一種練習是自我憐憫冥想，在冥想中，你會把對別人的愛集中到自己身上。

Prior to creating that solid foundation with myself, I had struggled to be vulnerable and open up to my friends and loved ones.

在為自己打下堅實的基礎之前，我一直在努力讓自己變得脆弱，向朋友和夫妻敞開心扉。

By feeling unconditional love for myself, I felt more comfortable opening up and being vulnerable.

感受到對自己無條件的愛，我更願意敞開心扉，變得脆弱。

And we know from the research that in order to develop meaningful relationships, we need to be vulnerable.

我們從研究中得知，為了發展有意義的關係，我們需要脆弱。

It creates trust, it engenders emotional intimacy.

它能創造信任，產生親密的情感。

By creating that solid foundation with myself, I was better poised to engage in those more ways to start connecting again is to help someone else.

通過為自己打下堅實的基礎，我可以更好地參與到更多的活動中，重新開始與他人建立聯繫，也就是幫助他人。

It's this beautiful way of broadening our thinking and seeing new opportunities, snapping us out of the mindset of loneliness and the negative feelings and thought patterns that that can incur.

這種美麗的方式能拓寬我們的思路，看到新的機會，讓我們從孤獨的心態以及由此產生的負面情緒和思維模式中解脫出來。

A lot of times people don't feel lonely and that isn't something that they necessarily identify with.

很多時候，人們並不感到孤獨，也不一定認同孤獨。

And yet maybe there are other ways that they can be socially healthy.

然而，也許他們還可以通過其他方式實現社會健康。

Loneliness is just one sign of poor social health.

孤獨只是社會健康不良的一個表現。

 Every single person needs to prioritize their social health, whether or not they feel lonely.

無論是否感到孤獨，每個人都需要優先考慮自己的社交健康。