You're here!

你來了

You made it. Thank you very much.

你成功了非常感謝

Well, guys, everyone's excited going into the weekend because you got the solar eclipse happening on Monday.

夥計們，進入週末大家都很興奮，因為週一將發生日食。

We're gearing up.

我們正在準備。

It's really exciting because we haven't had a total darkness outside since November through March.

這真的很令人興奮，因為自 11 月到 3 月以來，我們還沒有遇到過室外完全漆黑一片的情況。

So it's very exciting.

是以，這非常令人興奮。

Yeah, everyone's pumped.

是啊，大家都很興奮。

President Biden plans to watch it, and this is cute.

拜登總統計劃觀看，這很可愛。

His eclipse glasses will have a little chain on them.

他的日蝕眼鏡上會有一條小鏈子。

Oh.

哦。

Meanwhile, this weekend is a huge sports weekend with WrestleMania 40 and the Final Four.

與此同時，本週末將舉行摔跤狂熱 40 和四強賽，是一個盛大的體育週末。

Yeah.

是啊

Yeah.

是啊

Right now, baseball is like, hello, is anyone there? Hello?

現在，棒球就像，你好，有人在嗎？有人嗎？

You guys see this?

你們看到了嗎？

UConn's men and women's teams are both in the Final Four.

康大男隊和女隊都進入了四強。

That's a great deal.

這是一筆大買賣。

So in case celebrations get crazy, they've removed light poles from campus, which quickly backfired because now fans are lighting stuff on fire just to see.

為了防止慶祝活動變得瘋狂，他們拆除了校園裡的燈柱，但這很快就起了反作用，因為現在球迷們點燃東西就是為了看。

Some political news, a new poll shows that President Biden is now leading former President Trump in the crucial swing state of Pennsylvania.

一些政治新聞，一項新的民意調查顯示，拜登總統目前在關鍵的搖擺州賓夕法尼亞州領先於前總統特朗普。

Yeah.

是啊

Trump heard and was like, he is?

特朗普聽了之後說："是嗎？

And Biden was like, I am?

拜登就說，我是嗎？

Speaking of Trump, I read that he's holding a big fundraiser in Palm Beach that expected to raise $43 million for his campaign.

說到特朗普，我讀到他將在棕櫚灘舉行一個大型籌款活動，預計將為他的競選籌集 4,300 萬美元。

Yep, the event is being held in Palm Beach at a billionaire's house, so that rules out Mar-a-Lago.

是的，活動將在棕櫚灘一位億萬富翁的家中舉行，是以排除了馬阿拉歌的可能性。

Yep, for an $800,000 donation, you get to sit at Trump's table.

是的，只要捐贈 80 萬美元，你就能坐在特朗普的桌邊。

Yep, when they heard Eric and Don Jr. were like, suckers.

是的，當他們聽到埃裡克和小唐的時候，就像傻瓜一樣。

It only costs us 500 grand.

我們只需花費 50 萬。

Guys, I heard that former New England Patriots coach

夥計們，我聽說前新英格蘭愛國者隊教練

Bill Belichick is planning to write a book.

比爾-貝利奇克正計劃寫一本書。

Yeah, a book by Bill Belichick.

是啊，比爾-貝利奇克寫的書。

Well, we thought...

我們認為...

Oh, man, here we go.

天啊，又來了

What's up, Tariq?

怎麼了，塔裡克？

Let me guess.

讓我猜猜

You're just going to list a bunch of fake titles for Belichick's book that are based on actual, you know, famous books.

你只是要為貝利奇克的書列出一堆假書名，而這些書名都是基於真實的，你知道的，有名的書。

I mean, yeah, that was the plan.

我的意思是，是的，這是計劃。

I was going to read...

我本來想讀...

Yeah, and then, you know, for each book, you'll show like a fake cover, and then everyone will laugh about it.

是的，然後，你知道，每本書，你都會展示一個假封面，然後大家都會嘲笑它。

Right, yeah, that's what we normally do during the monologue, yeah.

對，對，我們在獨白的時候通常會這樣做，對。

So I know exactly how this will go down.

所以我很清楚事情會怎樣發展。

So Bill Belichick's books will be something like

是以，比爾-貝利奇克的書會是這樣的

Eat, Pray, Gronk.

吃吧，祈禱，格隆克

Yeah, that's right.

是的，沒錯。

Or Deflate Gatsby.

或者讓蓋茨比洩氣

Yeah, that's right.

是的，沒錯。

Or, you know, you'll do like The Lion,

或者，你知道，你會像獅子一樣、

The Witch, and The Hoodie.

女巫》和《連帽衫》。

Yeah.

是啊

And then, you know, you'll end on something obvious, like The Lord of the Rings.

然後，你知道，你會在一些顯而易見的事情上結束，比如《指環王》。

Is that how this is going to go?

事情會這樣發展嗎？

Yeah, pretty much.

是的，差不多。

It's a funny bit, but you should do it on the show.

這是一個有趣的段子，但你應該在節目中表演。

We'll do it tomorrow.

我們明天再做。

Thank you very much. We'll do it tomorrow.

非常感謝我們明天再做

Well, get this. I saw that New Jersey is suing New York City over its new congestion pricing.

好吧，聽聽這個。我看到新澤西州正在起訴紐約市新的擁堵收費政策。

Yeah, New Jersey versus New York will be the only case where instead of objection, the lawyers will shout,

是的，新澤西州對陣紐約州將是唯一一個律師們不反對而大喊大叫的案件、

Oh!

哦！

Oh, Your Honor!

哦，法官大人

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

哦，哇哦，哇哦，哇哦

Excuse me.

打擾一下

Well, speaking of New York, the weather this week has been crazy.

說到紐約，這周的天氣真是瘋了。

Did you see what happened yesterday?

你看到昨天發生的事情了嗎？

A bolt of lightning struck the Statue of Liberty.

一道閃電擊中了自由女神像。

Yeah, a lot of people are speaking out about it, including the Statue of Liberty herself.

是的，很多人都在談論這件事，包括自由女神像本人。

Yep, she said,

是的，她說、

Don't worry, everybody. I'm okay.

大家別擔心我沒事

And then this weird statue of soccer star

然後是這個奇怪的足球明星雕像

Cristiano Ronaldo said,

克里斯蒂亞諾-羅納爾多說、

Oh, my God, that's so scary.

天啊，太可怕了

And then...

然後

And then this statue of Lucille Ball spoke up and said,

然後露西爾-鮑爾的雕像開口說道

I'm glad you're okay.

我很高興你沒事。

That could've burned bird.

那可能會燒死小鳥

Then this old plaque of Elvis Presley said,

然後，貓王的這塊舊牌匾上寫著："貓王"、

Honk-a-honk-a-burning lyric.

燃燒的歌詞。

Merlick honk-a-honk-a-burning myrtle.

默裡克 "叭--叭--"燃燒的桃金娘。

And then this wax statue of Zac Efron showed up and said,

然後扎克-埃夫隆的蠟像出現了 說：

Thank you. Learning never starts first.

謝謝。學習從不從頭開始。

And finally, this wax statue of Leonardo DiCaprio said,

最後，萊昂納多-迪卡普里奧的蠟像說道、

Spur for your surf.

衝浪用的馬刺

I'm glad everyone's okay.

我很高興大家都沒事。

I'm glad everyone's okay. Spur for your surf.

很高興大家都沒事。為你的衝浪加油

And finally, a town in California was on edge after someone reported a mountain lion sighting on their Ring camera, but it turned out to be a hefty house cat.

最後，加利福尼亞州的一個小鎮因為有人報告說在他們的環形攝像頭上看到了一隻山獅，但結果卻是一隻高大的家貓，這讓小鎮人心惶惶。

That poor cat was watching the local news like,

那隻可憐的貓在看當地新聞，就像

This is mortifying.

這太可恥了。

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