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But I had to make up the fact that I yelled at Frankie.
但我必須彌補我對弗蘭基大喊大叫的事實。
I go, Frankie, whatever you want to do, let's do it.
我走了,弗蘭基,不管你想做什麼,我們都來做吧。
Okay, well, can we go to an arcade?
好吧,我們能去商場嗎?
Arcade?
商場?
Dude, you have a Nintendo Wii at your house.
老兄,你家有任天堂 Wii。
And then I had a flashback to 20 years ago.
然後,我的思緒又回到了 20 年前。
I'm like, oh my God, I'm turning into my mom.
我想,天哪,我都快變成我媽了。
Come on, dude, let's go.
來吧,夥計,我們走。
I take him to this big old freaking arcade, right?
我帶他去這個大得嚇人的街機廳,對吧?
And I felt so out of it because I didn't know you couldn't put money in the machines anymore.
我覺得很失落,因為我不知道你不能再把錢放進機器裡了。
Man, I remember quarters.
夥計,我記得宿舍。
I'm thinking, here, five bucks.
我在想,給,五塊錢。
And he's like looking at me like, what?
他看著我,好像在說什麼?
Go play.
去玩吧
And he's like, he came right back.
他就像,他馬上就回來了。
All done.
全部完成。
I'm like, dude, I didn't know this.
我想,老兄,我不知道這些。
You have to go to another machine, put in money, and then it gives you a card.
你必須到另一臺機器上投錢,然後它會給你一張卡。
And then you swipe that card to play video games.
然後刷卡玩電子遊戲。
And the game he wants to play doesn't cost a quarter.
而且他想玩的遊戲不用花 25 美分。
It costs $3 a game.
每場比賽 3 美元。
Big old machine called Dance Dance Revolution.
大型舊機器,名為 "舞蹈革命"。
Some of you know this game?
你們中有人知道這個遊戲嗎?
Maybe sort of.
也許算是吧。
For those of you that don't know the game, it's pretty simple.
對於那些不瞭解遊戲的人來說,遊戲非常簡單。
It's a dancing game.
這是一個跳舞遊戲。
And there's a big screen.
還有一個大屏幕。
And then arrows come out to music.
然後,箭在音樂聲中射出。
And whatever arrow comes out, that's the arrow you have to step on when it comes out.
無論什麼箭射出,當它射出的時候,你都必須踩在上面。
Kind of cool, but all the music is techno.
有點酷,但所有音樂都是技術音樂。
And it's loud.
而且聲音很大。
I know I'm getting older because I'm like, they got to turn that down.
我知道自己變老了,因為我想,他們得把那個關掉。
Dance Dance Revolution.
舞蹈革命
Revolution.
革命
Get ready.
準備好了
And the kids are like, I'm ready.
孩子們都說,我準備好了。
Select music.
選擇音樂。
And that's what they dance to.
這就是他們的舞蹈。
Ready?
準備好了嗎?
Go.
去吧
Perfect.
太完美了
And the kid's like, woo!
那孩子就像,嗚嗚!
And I'm like.
我想
I love this game, but they need to have something that's more fluffy friendly.
我喜歡這款遊戲,但他們需要一些更適合絨毛玩具的遊戲。
So the fluffy people and parents can hang and enjoy.
這樣,蓬鬆的人們和家長們就可以盡情玩耍了。
We're watching this game for over an hour.
我們看了一個多小時的比賽。
I told Frankie, let's go play another game.
我告訴弗蘭基,我們去玩另一個遊戲吧。
And then we'll come back where the line goes down.
然後我們再回到線路中斷的地方。
The line never goes down.
線路從未中斷過。
Great.
好極了
So I'm watching kid after kid after kid.
所以我看著一個又一個孩子。
Serious?
認真的?
How much is it?
多少錢?
It's $3 a dance. $3 a dance?
一支舞三塊錢一支舞3美元?
And then I thought about it.
然後我又想了想。
Well, I paid $20 two nights ago.
我兩天前付了 20 美元。
So I guess $3 isn't that bad.
所以我想,3 美元也不算太差。
Now that I think about it.
現在我想起來了。
Some of you are clapping.
你們中有人在鼓掌。
Some are like, I don't get it.
有些人說,我不明白。
Yeah, whatever.
好吧,隨便
Anyway.
無論如何
So kid after kid, then I found something out.
就這樣,一個孩子接著一個孩子,後來我發現了一件事。
You can always spot that one kid who you just know is going to grow up to be a little bit more creative than others by the way he plays the game.
你總能從某個孩子玩遊戲的方式中發現他長大後會比其他人更有創造力。
And all the other little kids, they know something's up.
其他所有的小孩子都知道出事了。
They're like, you got to watch.
他們說,你得看著。
When Benji plays, you got to watch.
本傑明打球的時候,你一定要看。
Sure enough, here comes Benji, right?
果然,班吉來了,對吧?
Dance, dance, revolution.
舞蹈,舞蹈,革命
Get ready.
準備好了
I'm so ready.
我準備好了
Oh, it's on.
哦,開始了
Select music.
選擇音樂。
Ready?
準備好了嗎?
Go.
去吧
This dude took off.
這傢伙跑了
I know.
我知道
Frankie's like, I'm next.
弗蘭基說,我是下一個。
You can't follow that.
你不能這麼做。
You better come over here and play some Street Fighter, man.
你最好過來玩玩街頭霸王,夥計。
Let me show you how to throw a fireball.
我來教你怎麼扔火球。
And it's funny because, you know, for me to relate to my son, it's a little challenging, you guys.
這很有趣,因為,你知道,對我來說,和我的兒子相處,是有點挑戰性的,夥計們。
And it's not that I can't relate to a teenager because I can.
這並不是說我不能與青少年溝通,因為我可以。
I can relate to almost any age.
幾乎任何年齡段的人我都能感同身受。
You know, I got people that brought kids here tonight.
你知道,今晚有人帶孩子來了。
The problem is, is that my son doesn't see me as an entertainer.
問題是,我兒子不把我當藝人看。
He sees me as the guy that tells him to take a shower, put on deodorant, you know, stop picking your nose.
在他眼裡,我就是那個讓他洗澡、塗除臭劑、別再挖鼻孔的人。
That's me.
這就是我。
His friends, on the other hand, I'm like a god to his friends.
而他的朋友們,我對他們來說就像神一樣。
Every time I drop off Frankie at school now, I pull up.
現在每次送弗蘭基上學,我都會停車。
The kids see my car.
孩子們看到了我的車
They freak out, and they run over to it, and they put their hands on it like it's a shrine.
他們嚇壞了,跑過去把手放在上面,就像放在神龕上一樣。
They touch the car like freaking...
他們摸車的時候就像在...
Some of you got that.
你們有些人明白了。
Gracias.
謝謝。
Anyway, then the kids start shaking my car side to side, chanting, Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy.
總之,孩子們開始左右搖晃我的車,嘴裡唸叨著 "蓬鬆、蓬鬆、蓬鬆"。
And Frankie's in the front seat, pissed.
弗蘭基坐在前座,很生氣。
He's pissed.
他生氣了
He's like, this is bullshit.
他說,這簡直是胡扯。
I'm like, hey, dude, don't get mad at me because I'm more popular than you at your school.
我就說,嘿,哥們兒,別因為我在你學校比你受歡迎就生我的氣。
Little hater.
小討厭鬼
He gets out of the car, old man.
他下了車 老頭子
They're still chanting, Fluffy, Fluffy.
他們還在喊毛毛,毛毛。
The thing is, is that our worlds are very different.
問題是,我們的世界截然不同。
His world revolves around Grand Theft Auto, the video game, YouTube, and girls.
他的世界圍繞著《俠盜獵車手》、視頻遊戲、YouTube 和女孩。
He's really good at two of those.
他非常擅長其中的兩項。
The other one, not so much.
另一個,就沒那麼多了。
And it's not that I'm trying to be a hater about it.
這並不是說我想憎恨它。
It's just that I tell Frankie, listen, you need to start having more conversations.
我只是告訴弗蘭基,聽著,你需要開始有更多的對話。
You need to become more talkative and interact like this.
你需要變得更健談,像這樣互動。
See, he'd rather text than talk.
你看,他寧願發短信也不願說話。
That's his whole thing.
這就是他的全部。
I'm like, dude, you got to start to talk to me.
我就說,老兄,你得開始跟我說話了。
I wish you would talk to me more.
我希望你能多跟我說說話。
You could learn a lot about talking by talking to me.
和我哈拉,你能學到很多關於說話的知識。
I'm just saying, I only do it professionally.
我只是說,我只做專業上的事。
But no, he'd rather text.
但是沒有,他寧願發短信。
It's at the point now where if I'm in the house and I yell, Frankie, did you take out the trash?
現在的情況是,如果我在家裡大喊 "弗蘭基,你倒垃圾了嗎?
Nothing.
什麼都沒有
All of a sudden, cling, I take out my phone.
突然,我拿出手機。
No.
不
But if I say, I got money for you, freaking Houdini, right?
但如果我說,我有錢給你,那你就是胡迪尼,對吧?
Oh, hello.
哦,你好
Because you can't text cash.
因為你不能給現金髮短信。
That's my big thing right now.
這是我現在最重要的事情。
I just want him to take out the trash.
我只想讓他倒垃圾。
He's 16 years old now.
他現在已經 16 歲了。
He should have been doing this since he was 10.
他應該從 10 歲開始就這樣做。
But you know, better late than never.
但你知道,遲到總比不到好。
And what he does is he'll sit in the living room and he tunes out the rest of the house.
他會坐在客廳裡,把屋子裡的一切都屏蔽掉。
He sits there and he'll put on these headphones that I got him for Christmas a couple of years ago.
他坐在那裡,戴上我幾年前送給他的聖誕耳機。
These beats with the freaking studio button.
這些節拍都有錄音室按鈕。
And it cuts out all of the sound.
它還能切斷所有聲音。
They are so strong that when he starts watching his YouTube videos, he can't hear himself laugh.
它們是如此強烈,以至於當他開始觀看 YouTube 視頻時,他都聽不到自己的笑聲。
And for me, that is the funniest thing in the world.
對我來說,這是世界上最有趣的事情。
I'm in the other room and I can hear him.
我在另一個房間,我能聽到他的聲音。
This is what I hear.
這就是我聽到的。
Ah, I'm in the other room like, who brought the Germans?
我在另一個房間,誰把德國人帶來了?
And so I walk out into the living room and I see Frankie and he's laughing at his phone and I got to flag him down.
於是我走到客廳,看到弗蘭基正在對著手機笑,我就叫住了他。
And he'll take them off.
他就會把它們摘下來
What?
什麼?
What's up, dad?
怎麼了,爸爸?
I go, Frankie, can you do me a favor?
我走了,弗蘭基,能幫我個忙嗎?
Can you please take out the trash?
你能把垃圾倒掉嗎?
Okay.
好吧
And then he puts them back on.
然後他又戴上了。
What?
什麼?
Now?
現在?
I go, yes, now.
我現在就去
When you ask me for a ride, it's because you need a ride when you ask for a ride, not later.
當你要求我載你一程時,那是因為你需要一程,而不是稍後。
Then he says, where are we going?
然後他說,我們去哪兒?
Just take out the trash.
把垃圾倒掉
And then he does it.
然後他就做了。
He takes out the trash, but he acts like he's doing me the biggest favor in the world.
他倒垃圾,卻表現得像是在幫我這個大忙。
And he stares me down and he doesn't break eye contact.
他盯著我,眼神交流從未中斷。
He's like.
他就像
And then I'll hold the bag over the can and he makes a sound.
然後我會把袋子放在罐子上,它就會發出聲音。
I'm like, dude, so much drama.
我就想,老兄,太戲劇化了。
It's crazy.
太瘋狂了
I'd like to have normal conversations with him, but usually I got to take it that far for us to interact.
我想和他進行正常的對話,但通常我得走到那一步才能和他交流。
You know, I look forward to conversations, even if it's something small and minute.
你知道,我期待對話,哪怕是微不足道的小事。
At least it gives me a chance to trigger another conversation with him.
至少這給了我一個機會,讓我有機會再和他聊一聊。
I look forward to a few things.
我期待著幾件事。
I look forward to December because in December, Frankie becomes very chatty.
我期待著十二月,因為一到十二月,弗蘭基就變得非常健談。
Otherwise he's one word kid.
否則,他就是一個字不識的孩子。
Parents, you know what I'm talking about?
家長們,你們知道我在說什麼嗎?
Kids, one word kid.
孩子,就一個字 "小"。
And you try to talk to them.
你試著和他們談談。
Hey, how's your day?
嘿,今天過得怎麼樣?
Good.
很好。
You have any homework?
有作業嗎?
Yeah.
是啊
You're going to do it?
你打算這麼做?
Maybe.
也許吧
You hungry?
你餓了嗎?
What do you want?
你想要什麼?
Food.
食物
Usually that's what I get.
通常情況下,我都是這麼做的。
But December rolls around and guess what December is?
但一轉眼就到了十二月,你猜十二月是什麼日子?
December is when he becomes very chatty because he has an agenda.
12 月是他變得非常健談的時候,因為他有自己的目的。
All of a sudden he goes from one word kid to very like, hey, how's your week, dad?
突然間,他從一個只會說一個字的孩子變成了一個非常喜歡說 "嘿,你這周怎麼樣,爸爸?"的孩子。
You doing good?
你還好嗎?
Yeah.
是啊
How are the shows going?
演出進行得如何?
You doing all right?
你還好嗎?
Do you need anything?
你需要什麼嗎?
You need anything?
你需要什麼嗎?
I'm like, I needed this in July.
我想,七月份我就需要這個。
Just saying.
說說而已。
And I know it's fake, but at least once again, it allows me to put my real conversation on top of his fake one.
我知道這是假的,但至少這又一次讓我把我的真實對話放在了他的假對話之上。
And if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes.
如果必須這樣,那就必須這樣。
I stopped going to Disneyland a long time ago because you know what?
我很久以前就不去迪士尼樂園了,因為你知道嗎?
Those roller coasters are not fluffy friendly.
那些雲霄飛車對絨毛可不友好。
Disney cares.
迪士尼在乎
That's why there's safety there.
這就是為什麼那裡很安全。
They have all those different harnesses.
他們有各種不同的安全帶。
And if you're over 300 pounds, just stay in the parking lot because they got the whole, you know, you're fluffy.
如果你體重超過 300 磅,就呆在停車場裡,因為他們會說你毛茸茸的。
Forget it.
算了吧。
That's why I love a ghetto ass carnival.
這就是我喜歡貧民區狂歡節的原因。
You know, those ones they build in like six hours.
你知道的,他們在六個小時內就能造好的那種。
I can still ride those roller coasters.
我還能坐那些雲霄飛車。
It's only one bar, three clicks.
只有一欄,三次點擊。
That's it.
就是這樣。
If it locks, good.
如果鎖住了,那就好。
If it doesn't, hold on.
如果沒有,請堅持住。
Plus, fluffy people never fall.
另外,蓬鬆的人永遠不會摔倒。
We never fall.
我們從未倒下
You know who falls?
你知道誰摔倒了嗎?
The skinny guy that got stuck next to us.
卡在我們旁邊的那個瘦子。
That's who.
那就是誰。
More room.
更多房間
But me and Disney, no, no mas.
但我和迪斯尼,不,不瑪斯。
But I had to because I messed up.
但我不得不這麼做,因為我搞砸了。
I fell asleep on the couch and I woke up all, you know, and Frankie was watching TV.
我在沙發上睡著了 醒來發現弗蘭基在看電視
He goes, look here, bro.
他說,看這裡,兄弟。
Look, Disneyland.
看,迪斯尼樂園。
And I was like, dude, what's the big deal?
我當時想,夥計,這有什麼大不了的?
Okay.
好吧
It's Disneyland.
這是迪斯尼樂園。
What?
什麼?
You never gone?
你從沒離開過?
My dad never took me.
我爸爸從沒帶我去過
Oh, mother.
哦,媽媽
Next morning.
第二天早上
Welcome to the magical world of Disney.
歡迎來到迪士尼的神奇世界。
We walk in the park.
我們在公園散步。
He's all happy.
他很開心
Yeah, we get into the middle of the park.
是的,我們進入了公園中央。
And he's so funny.
他還很幽默。
He starts getting winded.
他開始上氣不接下氣。
I thought it was hysterical because up until then, I only saw myself get like that, you know?
我覺得這簡直是歇斯底里,因為在那之前,我只見過自己這樣,你知道嗎?
So to see a little 10 year old version of hysterical.
所以,看到一個 10 歲的小版本的歇斯底里。
I go, Frankie, you want to take a break?
我走了,弗蘭基,你想休息一下嗎?
Gabriel, this park is big.
加布裡埃爾,這個公園很大。
Like, see, it's not a small world after all.
你看,世界還真不小。
Whatever, dude, sit down.
隨便吧,老兄,坐下
So we're sitting down waiting.
所以我們就坐下來等。
All of a sudden, I start getting recognized at Disneyland.
突然間,我在迪士尼樂園開始被認出來了。
And that for me was cool.
這對我來說很酷。
You know, people are walking by.
你知道,人們正從身邊走過。
Fluffy.
毛茸茸的
Can we take a picture?
我們能拍張照嗎?
Sure.
當然。
More people.
更多的人
It's him.
是他
It's that guy.
就是那傢伙
Pikachu.
皮卡丘
Now I have like 10 people around me.
現在我身邊大概有 10 個人。
Like I'm a new character at the park.
就像我是公園裡的一個新角色。
Best part is Frankie starts getting annoyed.
最精彩的部分是弗蘭基開始惱火了。
He's like, we'll have to leave you alone.
他說,我們得讓你一個人待著。
Frankie, these are the people that come to the shows.
弗蘭基,這些都是來看演出的人。
They're the reason why you have a PlayStation.
他們是你擁有 PlayStation 的原因。
Thank you.
謝謝。
I'm here and I start taking the pictures.
我來了,我開始拍照。
So I told Frankie, Frankie, what ride are you going to get on?
所以我告訴弗蘭基,弗蘭基,你要坐什麼車?
Ride?
乘車?
Yeah.
是啊
What ride do you want to get on?
你想坐什麼車?
I don't want to get on a ride.
我不想坐車。
What the hell are we doing at Disneyland?
我們來迪士尼樂園幹什麼?
The commercial said that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth.
廣告說,迪斯尼樂園是地球上最快樂的地方。
Oh my God.
我的天啊
That's IHOP.
那是 IHOP。
The hell are we doing here?
我們到底在這裡幹什麼?