Ever wondered why it feels like some people don't connect with you?

有沒有想過，為什麼有些人感覺與你格格不入？

Even when you're trying to be nice, if you answered yes, here's a comforting thought for you.

如果你的回答是「對」，那麼即使你想表現得友善，這裡也有一個安慰你的想法。

You're not alone in feeling this way.

有這種感覺的不止你一個人。

Forming connections can sometimes feel a bit like figuring out a puzzle.

建立聯繫有時會讓人覺得有點像猜謎語。

It takes time and patience.

這需要時間和耐心。

Everyone has moments when they feel a little unsure or find it challenging to make friends.

每個人都會有感到不自信或覺得交朋友很困難的時候。

It's a natural part of life.

這是生活的自然規律。

And just because you do some things wrong sometimes, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

有時候你做錯了一些事情，並不意味著你有什麼問題。

In fact, many people have had the same struggles and eventually discovered great friendships.

事實上，很多人都曾有過同樣的掙扎，最終發現了偉大的友誼。

The trick?

訣竅是什麼？

Figure out what habits might be causing this.

找出哪些習慣可能會導致這種情況。

And we're here to help you understand and fix them.

我們將幫助你瞭解並解決這些問題。

So let's dive right into it.

那麼，讓我們直接進入主題吧。

Mistake number 1, not recognizing how feelings can spread.

錯誤一：沒有意識到情緒是會擴散的。

Do you often find yourself bringing a storm of negativity everywhere you go?

你是否經常發現自己走到哪裡都會帶來負面情緒的風暴？

Maybe you unconsciously vent about your problems and personal life a lot.

也許你會不自覺地經常宣洩自己的問題和個人生活。

Or perhaps you catch yourself complaining about everyday inconveniences and people go silent.

又或者，你發現自己在抱怨日常的不便，而人們卻沉默不語。

People catch feelings like they catch a yawn.

人們捕捉感情就像捕捉哈欠一樣。

The sad truth is that if you're always grumpy or stressed, others might start associating those bad vibes with you.

可悲的事實是，如果你總是脾氣暴躁或壓力過大，別人可能會開始把這些壞情緒與你聯繫起來。

Being more mindful of the emotional tone you set while speaking to others and how that would affect others is a good start.

一個好的開始是，在與他人交談時，多注意自己的情緒基調，以及這會對他人產生怎樣的影響。

But that doesn't mean you should bottle up your feelings in the long run and try to stay happy no matter what.

但從長遠來看，這並不意味著你應該把自己的感情封存起來，無論如何都要努力保持快樂。

That is just toxic positivity.

這就是有毒的積極性。

Instead of simply urging yourself to always stay positive, acknowledge that sometimes it's hard to escape the grip of negative thoughts and the root cause of it can be deeper than you think.

與其簡單地督促自己始終保持積極的心態，不如承認有時很難擺脫消極思想的控制，其根源可能比你想象的還要深。

Life is tough and it's okay to feel the weight of it.

生活是艱難的，感受到它的重量也是可以的。

Figure out what's causing those negative feelings and try to challenge your thoughts and beliefs.

找出導致這些負面情緒的原因，並嘗試挑戰自己的想法和信念。

When you understand and accept your negativity, you can start to feel better.

當你理解並接受自己的消極情緒時，你就能開始感覺好起來。

Mistake number 2, the spotlight effect.

錯誤二：聚光燈效應。

It's okay to feel a bit self-conscious around others, sometimes.

有時候，在別人面前有點自卑感也沒關係。

But when we worry too much about what people think, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

但是，如果我們過於擔心別人的看法，就會一語成讖。

It can make people dislike you.

這會讓別人不喜歡你。

Why?

為什麼？

Because we think everyone notices and cares a lot about what we do or how we look.

因為我們認為每個人都會注意到並非常在意我們的工作或外表。

Then what happens next?

然後呢？

We end up behaving like we're always fishing for attention.

最終，我們的行為就像總是在尋求關注。

And that can make people think we're a bit self-centered.

這會讓人覺得我們有點以自我為中心。

But here's the thing.

但問題是，

People usually don't pay as much attention as we think.

人們通常並不像我們想象的那樣重視。

Did you ever realize that you talk a lot about yourself and forget to ask others about their day?

你有沒有意識到，你經常談論自己，卻忘了問問別人今天的情況？

If this sounds like you, you don't have to beat yourself up about it.

如果這聽起來像你，你不必為此自責。

Because the good news is, now that you know, you can make a change.

因為好消息是，既然你知道了，你就可以做出改變。

Here's the trick.

竅門就在這裡。

Instead of always trying to get attention, focus on making others feel important too.

與其總是試圖引起別人的注意，不如集中精力讓別人也覺得自己很重要。

Ask about their day, what they like and what they think.

詢問他們的一天，他們喜歡什麼，有什麼想法。

It's like turning the spotlight around.

這就像把聚光燈轉過來。

The truth is, building strong connections means you have a supportive network that values you for who you are.

事實上，建立強大的人脈意味著你擁有一個支持你的網絡，它重視你的為人。

This support makes you feel good about yourself, reducing the need for constant approval from others.

這種支持會讓你自我感覺良好，從而減少對他人不斷認可的需求。

Mistake number 3, vulnerability dropping.

錯誤三：顯露脆弱。

Do you struggle to express vulnerability?

你在表達脆弱方面有困難嗎？

Imagine a friend opening up to you and sharing something personal and vulnerable.

想象一下，一個朋友向你敞開心扉，分享一些個人的、脆弱的事情。

How do you respond?

你會如何回應？

Do you unconsciously make jokes and don't take them seriously?

你是否會不自覺地開一些玩笑，卻不認真對待？

Maybe your intentions were good, it's just that you don't feel comfortable with your own emotions and have developed a habit of bottling them up.

也許你的初衷是好的，只是你對自己的情緒感到不自在，並養成了將情緒悶在心裡的習慣。

So you resort to humor as a way to cope with your feelings and mask your discomfort.

於是，你就用幽默的方式來應付自己的情緒，掩飾自己的不適。

Now as your friend opens up about their struggles, you instinctively believe that humor can serve as a distraction from their worries.

現在，當你的朋友敞開心扉講述他們的苦惱時，你本能地認為幽默可以分散他們的注意力。

But this approach may backfire, as your friend may perceive it as them being unheard and dismissed by you.

但這種方法可能會適得其反，因為你的朋友可能會認為你沒有聽到他們的聲音，對他們不屑一顧。

So what should you do instead?

那麼，您應該怎麼做呢？

Well, when someone shares something personal, be supportive and understanding and tell them you're there for them.

那麼，當有人分享個人隱私時，要給予支持和理解，告訴他們你在他們身邊。

It'll make them feel valued and make your bond stronger.

這會讓他們覺得自己很有價值，也會讓你們的聯繫更加緊密。

Mistake number 4, unconscious microaggressions.

錯誤四，無意識的微冒犯。

What's a microaggression?

什麼是微侵犯？

It's when people unintentionally say or do things that make others feel left out or treated unfairly.

這是指人們無意中說的話或做的事，讓他人感到被冷落或受到不公平對待。

These actions can make people see things in a bad way.

這些行為會讓人們對事物產生不好的看法。

Microaggressions usually happen because of biases that people might not even realize they have.

微冒犯的發生通常是由於人們可能根本沒有意識到自己的偏見。

Here's an example.

這裡有一個例子。

If you tell someone of Asian descent that they speak English well, assuming it's not their first language, it could be a microaggression.

如果你對亞裔說他們英語說得很好，假設這不是他們的母語，這可能是一種微冒犯。

This assumes they don't belong or aren't from the same country.

這就假定他們不屬於同一個國家或不是來自同一個國家。

Okay, so here's a question.

好吧，我有個問題。

Have you ever noticed you've said something that upsets someone and realized that some of your comments could be interpreted negatively?

你是否曾經注意到自己說了一些讓別人不高興的話，並意識到自己的一些評論可能會被負面解讀？

It happens to the best of us and it's always good to be aware of the impact our words can have on others.

我們中的大多數人都會遇到這種情況，所以，意識到我們的言語會對他人產生的影響總是件好事。

Even if it wasn't your intention, it might be helpful to think about why you said those things and consider taking accountability for it, especially if your relationship means more to you than your pride.

即使這不是你的本意，但想想你為什麼會說那些話，並考慮為此承擔責任，可能會對你有所幫助，尤其是如果你們的關係對你來說比你的自尊更重要的話。

Mistake number 5, thinking people can read your mind.

錯誤五：自以為是的人會讀懂你的心思。

If you assume people are mind readers, you might unconsciously become passive-aggressive and things can get messy real quick.

如果你認為別人是讀心者，你可能會不自覺地變得消極攻擊，事情會很快變得一團糟。

When we keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves, it's like setting everyone up for a game of guessing and trust me, that game usually ends in confusion or even a full-on argument.

當我們對自己的想法和感受諱莫如深時，就像是讓大家玩猜謎遊戲，相信我，這種遊戲通常會以混亂甚至全面爭吵告終。

I get it though, speaking up can be tough, especially if you've been burned before or you're not a fan of confrontation.

不過我明白，直言不諱可能很難，尤其是如果你以前被灼傷過，或者你不喜歡對抗。

But here's the thing, sometimes your trauma and past experiences are lying to you.

但問題是，有時你的創傷和過去的經歷在欺騙你。

Sometimes the solution is as simple as sharing what's on your mind so that everyone is on the same page, but of course in an empathetic way.

有時，解決的辦法很簡單，就是分享你的想法，讓每個人都站在同一條戰線上，當然是以一種感同身受的方式。

It's like flipping on a light switch in a dark room, suddenly everything becomes clearer.

這就像在黑暗的房間裡打開電燈開關，突然一切都變得清晰起來。

Mistake number 6, always taking, never giving.

錯誤六：總是索取，從不付出。

When you suffer from low self-esteem, it can be hard to recognize the difference between self-love and self-centeredness.

當你自卑時，你可能很難辨別自愛和自我中心之間的區別。

Perhaps you struggle with insecurities and may constantly seek validation or support from others.

也許你在不安全感中掙扎，可能會不斷尋求他人的肯定或支持。

But be mindful and honest, are you always taking without giving back?

但請注意，你是否總是只索取卻不回報？

If you're continuously asking for help or favors but never giving back, it can make others feel unappreciated.

如果你不斷尋求幫助或恩惠，卻從不回報，這會讓別人覺得你不被感激。

So what's the fix?

有什麼解決辦法？

Be more mindful of giving back to others.

更加注意回饋他人。

Simple acts like expressing gratitude, offering help or sharing your knowledge can make a positive impact in your relationships and friendships.

表達感激之情、提供幫助或分享知識等簡單的行為都會對你的人際關係和友誼產生重大影響。

Balance in relationships makes everyone feel happy and appreciated.

人際關係的平衡會讓每個人都感到幸福和感激。

Mistake number 7, giving but expecting something in return.

錯誤七：付出卻期待回報。

Now being generous is great, but if you're handing out favors with a secret hope of getting something back, that's a bit of a problem.

慷慨大方是件好事，但如果你在施恩時暗地裡希望得到回報，那就有點問題了。

When your kindness comes with an agenda, it can make people feel obligated or manipulated.

當你的善意帶有目的性時，會讓人覺得自己有義務或被操縱。

But why do we do this?

但我們為什麼要這樣做呢？

Some of us may come from a scarcity mindset.

我們一些人可能來自稀缺心態。

If we don't hint at someone we want something in return, we feel we are being duped.

如果我們不暗示別人我們想要什麼回報，我們就會覺得自己被愚弄了。

This comes from thinking there's not enough to go around.

這是因為我們認為沒有足夠的東西來滿足我們的需求。

You feel there isn't enough for you, so you do whatever it takes to get things from others.

你覺得沒有足夠的東西給你，所以你會不擇手段地從別人那裡得到東西。

But here's the trick.

但這裡有一個竅門。

If we believe there's plenty to share, we can trust others and build more genuine connections without always expecting something back.

如果我們相信有很多東西可以分享，我們就可以信任別人，建立更多真誠的聯繫，而不必總是期待回報。

That is real generosity.

這才是真正的慷慨。

Did you relate to any of these mistakes?

在這些錯誤中，你是否也有同感？

If so, you don't have to beat yourself up.

如果是這樣，你不必自責。

Remember, the strongest people are the ones who can own up to their mistakes and take accountability for their actions to become a better person.

請記住，最堅強的人是那些能夠承認自己的錯誤，並為自己的行為負責，從而成為更好的人的人。

It's okay to make mistakes and learn from them.

犯錯誤並從中吸取教訓是沒有問題的。

We all do.

我們都是這樣。

The bottom line is, to make others like you more, it boils down to making them feel heard, valued and important.

歸根結底，要想讓別人更喜歡你，就要讓他們感覺到你在傾聽他們的心聲、重視他們、關心他們。

We'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

我們希望在下面的評論中聽到你的想法和經驗。

And if you enjoyed learning about making better connections and are interested in learning about similar topics, click here to watch 6 flirting mistakes that keep you single.

如果你喜歡瞭解如何建立更好的人際關係，並有興趣瞭解類似主題，請點擊這裡觀看讓你一直單身的 6 個調情錯誤。

Don't forget to like this video before you go and subscribe for more helpful tips.

去看之前別忘了按讚這部影片，並訂閱以獲取更多有用的提示。

Let's create a community where we all feel heard and appreciated.

讓我們創造一個大家都能感受到傾聽和讚賞的社群。

Thanks for watching.

感謝觀看。