For the past couple days, I've been followed by this group of, I know it sounds crazy, but actual monsters, honest-to-god demons, I don't know what to make of it right now, they've been hunting me, trying to kill me, and I've had to bar myself up in this warehouse.

在過去的幾天裡，我一直被一群人跟蹤，我知道這聽起來很瘋狂，但實際上是怪物，真正的惡魔，我現在不知道該怎麼解釋，他們一直在追殺我，試圖殺死我，我不得不把自己關在這個倉庫裡。

I don't know why they want to kill me, but I don't think I can keep running much longer.

我不知道他們為什麼要殺我，但我想我再也跑不動了。

L-l-l-listen, listen, this is for your ears, everyone that listens to this, I've been- I've been surveying them, listening to them, they talk to each other while they hunt me, my instruments have been picking up audio and video from, I don't know where, but somewhere else, I have to assume maybe even hell itself, but I've learned some things, lots of things, especially about their leader, his name is Blitz, kinda like Blitzkrieg, and he's, well, he's crazy, man, but I'm not gonna let him kill me without telling you everything I've gotten about him, or at least telling whatever government agents can see this, someone, someone has to get this to the government, so this is everything that I've got, fifty or so facts about Blitz that you may or may not know.

聽著，聽著，這是給你們聽的，每個人都聽著 我一直在調查他們，聽他們說話 他們一邊追殺我，一邊互相交談 我的儀器一直在採集音頻和視頻 我不知道在哪裡，但在別的地方 我必須假設，甚至是地獄本身他的名字叫 "閃電"，有點像 "閃電戰"，他是個瘋子，但我不會讓他殺了我而不告訴你我所知道的關於他的一切，或者至少告訴任何能看到這些的政府特工，總得有人把這些告訴政府，所以這就是我所知道的一切，關於 "閃電 "的五十多個事實，你可能知道，也可能不知道。

Number one.

第一

First off, his voice.

首先是他的聲音。

There's no mistaking it, that's Brandon Rogers.

沒錯，那就是布蘭登-羅傑斯。

I don't know if he's just mimicking him, or if Rogers has secretly been a demon this whole time, but that's definitely his voice.

我不知道他是在模仿羅傑斯，還是羅傑斯一直在暗地裡做魔鬼，但那絕對是他的聲音。

If you don't know, Brandon Rogers is an internet comedian who's very famous for his over-the-top and very raunchy humor.

如果你不知道，布蘭登-羅傑斯是一位網絡喜劇演員，他以誇張和非常粗俗的幽默而聞名。

That might actually explain a lot.

這也許能解釋很多問題。

Number two.

二號

Well, if you want even more proof, he's worn disguises before, and one of them just so happened to be so identical to Brandon Rogers' character Blah Blah the Clown.

好吧，如果你還想知道更多證據的話，那就是他以前也曾喬裝過，其中有一次恰好與布蘭登-羅傑斯飾演的小丑布拉布拉一模一樣。

Honestly, it's one of my favorites.

老實說，這是我的最愛之一。

Sorry, I'm getting distracted.

對不起，我走神了。

Number three.

三號

Apparently, he also has a classification.

顯然，他還有一個分類。

He's an imp, supposedly the lowest tier in hell.

他是個小惡魔，據說是地獄裡最低級的。

I don't want to think about people that are proof as well.

我不想去想那些也是證據的人。

He can freely travel through the rings of hell, so don't even try and burn the guy if you see him.

他可以自由穿越地獄之環，所以如果你看到他，千萬不要試圖燒死他。

It'll probably just piss him off.

這可能只會激怒他。

Number five.

第五個

I've also confirmed he's pansexual, so if anyone wants to try and seduce him as a distraction and nab him, go ahead, anyone will do.

我還確認他是泛性人，所以如果有人想引誘他，分散他的注意力，然後把他抓走，請便，任何人都可以。

Number six.

六號

His signature weapon seems to be some sort of demonic flintlock pistol, but he's modified it somehow because it can actually hit where he's aiming, and he doesn't even need to reload the damn thing, even though I haven't seen a magazine anywhere on it, and he just throws the damn gun when he runs out of ammo.

他的標誌性武器似乎是某種惡魔燧發槍，但他不知用什麼方法改裝過，因為這把槍真的能打中他瞄準的地方，而且他甚至不需要給這把該死的槍裝彈，儘管我沒有在槍上看到任何彈夾，他只是在沒子彈的時候扔掉這把該死的槍。

Number seven.

第七個

He's also incredibly athletic, and I think I've figured out why.

他的運動能力也令人難以置信，我想我已經知道原因了。

I've seen some old footage of him in this trapeze act as a kid, so he's been an acrobat for most of his life.

我看過他小時候表演空中飛人的一些老鏡頭，所以他大半輩子都在表演雜技。

Number eight.

八號

He's also somehow proficient in hand-to-hand combat, though I can't even begin to figure out where he gets all the time to learn all this stuff.

他還莫名其妙地精通徒手格鬥，雖然我根本想不通他哪來那麼多時間學習這些東西。

Number nine.

九號

He's not alone either, and apparently he's got some sort of charisma, or at least maybe a hypnotic ability, because he's somehow managed to recruit other imps to his cause and seduce Stolas.

他也不是一個人，顯然他有某種魅力，或者至少有催眠的能力，因為他不知用什麼方法招募了其他小惡魔加入他的事業，並引誘了斯多拉斯。

Yes, the Stolas from the Lesser Book of Solomon, who seems to be helping them on random occasions.

是的，《所羅門小經》中的斯多拉斯，他似乎在一些偶然的場合幫助過他們。

Number ten.

十號

And of course, he's combined all of these abilities to get himself a I mean, who would have guessed capitalism still existed in hell?

當然，他將所有這些能力結合起來，給自己弄了一個 我是說，誰會想到地獄裡還存在資本主義呢？

Actually, no, no, that makes perfect sense.

其實，不，不，這完全說得通。

But he's managed to scrounge these other demons together to make I.M.P. some sort of demonic hitman service.

但他設法把其他惡魔聚在一起，讓 I.M.P. 成為某種惡魔殺手服務。

I don't know who the hell I pissed off, but this seems a little excessive, don't you think?

我不知道我到底惹惱了誰，但這似乎有點過分，你不覺得嗎？

Number eleven.

11號

He has someone back at their base camp, a hellhound named Luna.

他的大本營裡還有一個人，一條名叫露娜的地獄犬。

She seems to be like his daughter, but based on the interactions I've been able to pick up, she doesn't like him all that much.

她似乎很喜歡他的女兒，但根據我所瞭解到的互動，她並不那麼喜歡他。

Number twelve.

十二號

He's even marked have the talk on his office calendar to work on her people skills, and he even took the liberty of pinning his own head over Voracica's, so ego might be a weak point for him.

他甚至在自己的辦公室日程表上標明，要對她的人際交往能力進行培訓，他甚至擅自把自己的頭頂在沃拉西卡的頭上，所以自我可能是他的一個弱點。

Exploit that however you will.

你想怎麼利用就怎麼利用吧。

Number thirteen.

十三號

Now that I think about it, he should be happy to have her along.

現在想想，他應該很高興有她的陪伴。

She'd probably be safer, considering his office is set up in a condemned building, so safety regulations must be Number fourteen.

考慮到他的辦公室是在一棟被毀壞的大樓裡，所以安全規定必須是 14 號，她可能會更安全一些。

All of his skill might stem from something that I heard them mention, that he's some sort of superior I.M.P. level that makes him stronger than the other I.M.P.s, like the ones he's working with?

他所有的技能可能都源於我聽到他們提到的一件事，那就是他是某種高級 I.M.P.，這讓他比其他 I.M.P.更強，比如和他一起工作的那些 I.M.P.？

Now what makes him that way, I don't know, but I can certainly see some differences.

他為什麼會這樣，我不知道，但我肯定能看出一些不同之處。

Number fifteen.

十五號

He's also apparently their main mode of transportation, even in hell, since he drives them all to the office every day in his van.

顯然，他也是他們的主要交通工具，即使在地獄裡也是如此，因為他每天都開著麵包車送他們去辦公室。

Number sixteen.

十六號

If you need to find him, I've managed to figure out that he's only about five feet tall, but he has massive horns that make him look much taller.

如果你需要找到他，我已經弄清楚他只有五英尺高，但他有巨大的犄角，讓他看起來要高得多。

Number seventeen.

17號

He also has a strange marking on his head, which matches the one on everyone in his family, and his fellow clown Fizzurali.

他的頭上還有一個奇怪的標記，和他家裡每個人以及他的小丑同伴 Fizzurali 身上的標記都一樣。

I can't tell if that's like a birthmark, a brand, a tattoo, or what, but none of the other I.M.P.s around seem to have that.

我不知道那是胎記、烙印、紋身還是什麼，但周圍的其他 I.M.P. 似乎都沒有。

Number eighteen.

十八號

It would also seem that he has a connection to the Voracica Mayday.

他似乎還與 "沃拉西卡五月天 "號有聯繫。

Look, look, I know this is gonna sound insane, but I've seen her in hell.

聽著 聽著 我知道這聽起來很瘋狂 但我在地獄見過她

She's a pop star down there as well, and apparently they used to date?

她也是那裡的流行歌星，顯然他們曾經約會過？

Based on footage that I've seen, it was after she became famous.

根據我看到的錄像，那是在她成名之後。

No idea how he pulled that off, but it seems that they had a bad breakup.

不知道他是怎麼做到的，但似乎他們分手得很不愉快。

And honestly, I don't blame her.

說實話，我並不怪她。

Number nineteen.

十九號

I-I-I-I-I've only briefly mentioned his employees, um, he's obsessed with them.

我只簡單提過他的僱員 他對他們很著迷

He's constantly breaking into their house, watching them sleep through the window, watching them eat, watching them f- whatever, but I haven't been able to figure out why.

他經常闖進他們家，透過窗戶看他們睡覺，看他們吃東西，看他們做愛，但我一直不知道為什麼。

Maybe if you captured them, they might have some dirt on him.

如果你抓住了他們，也許他們會有他的把柄。

Number twenty.

二十號

Even though his business seems one of a kind, he seems to be pretty unpopular as well.

儘管他的生意似乎是獨一無二的，但他似乎也很不受歡迎。

I've seen some images of people spray painting I.M.P. as a scam on his office building, and it looks like they could be right if some of the billboards I've seen are to be believed.

我看到一些圖片，有人在他的辦公樓上噴塗 I.M.P. 是個騙局，如果我看到的一些廣告牌可信的話，看起來他們可能是對的。

Or not.

或者沒有。

Number twenty one.

21號

One way to get him, I suppose, would be to outsmart him.

我想，有一個辦法可以打敗他，那就是智取。

He's really good with thinking on his feet, but he's certainly not educated.

他確實善於思考，但肯定沒有受過教育。

Doesn't even know what insurance is.

甚至不知道什麼是保險。

I had to yell the word at him one time and it freaked him out enough for me to get away, so do with that what you will.

有一次我不得不對他大喊這個詞，結果把他嚇得夠嗆，我才得以逃脫。

Number twenty two.

22號

But he tried to educate himself, that much I do know.

但他試圖教育自己，這一點我是知道的。

Apparently they have colleges in Also makes sense, actually.

顯然，他們也有學院。

And he dropped out of one.

他還從一個學校退學了。

I mean, what would they even- oh shit!

我的意思是，他們甚至 - 哦，該死！

You guys see him anywhere or what?

你們看到他了嗎？

Nothing over here.

這邊什麼都沒有。

Well, he can't have gone far.

他不會走遠的。

Humans don't exactly run that fast.

人類跑得並不快。

Yeah, well, you'd know a thing or two about that, wouldn't you, chubby?

是啊，你知道一兩件事，不是嗎，小胖子？

Anyway, let's keep looking.

總之，讓我們繼續尋找吧。

Ten Buck says I find him first.

Ten Buck 說我先找到他

Okay, okay, I think they're moving on.

好吧，好吧，我想他們在繼續前進。

I gotta be quieter.

我得安靜點

Where was I?

我說到哪兒了？

Oh yeah, yeah.

哦，是的，是的。

Number twenty three.

23號

Okay, so I did the math and apparently Blitz is about 36 years old, so if you see a mid-thirties man cosplaying as a demon, get him.

好吧，我算過了，布利茨顯然已經 36 歲了，所以如果你看到一個三十多歲的男人在扮演惡魔，就去找他吧。

It could be him.

可能是他

Number twenty four.

24號

For some reason, he seems to have quite a few running jokes about one of his employees, Moxie.

出於某種原因，他似乎經常拿他的一個員工 Moxie 開涮。

Blitz seems to think that he's fat and has a tiny- well, you know, but he's one of the skinniest things I've ever seen, and I sure as hell ain't gonna get close enough to check the latter.

布利茨似乎覺得自己很胖，而且有一個小--嗯，你知道，但他是我見過的最瘦小的東西之一，我肯定不會靠近去檢查後者。

Number twenty five.

25號

Blitz seems to take enjoyment from homeless people.

布利茨似乎對無家可歸的人樂此不疲。

If you want to entertain him, apparently he loves to watch them struggle.

如果你想逗它開心，顯然它喜歡看它們掙扎的樣子。

Number twenty six.

26號

He also has a sister.

他還有一個妹妹。

I mentioned his family earlier, but they used to have their own act at some point when they were adults, the Amazing Imp Twins, so she could be just as deadly as he is.

我之前提到過他的家人，但他們成年後也曾有過自己的表演，那就是神奇小惡魔雙胞胎，所以她可能和他一樣致命。

Number twenty seven.

27號

After his show with his sister, it looks like he tried to do a solo act as the Incredible Blitzo.

在他和姐姐的表演結束後，他似乎試圖以 "不可思議的布利佐 "的身份進行個人表演。

Number twenty eight.

28號

Also in his office, you can see that he's hung up four different ace playing cards, three of them soaked in blood and a separate one burnt.

在他的辦公室裡，你還可以看到他掛著四張不同的王牌，其中三張被血浸透，還有一張被燒焦了。

Why he has them, I don't know, but they seem important to him.

我不知道他為什麼會有這些東西，但它們似乎對他很重要。

Number twenty nine.

29號

Speaking of which, his name is actually interesting.

說到這裡，他的名字其實很有意思。

He used to go by Blitzo, but apparently he's cut the O off for reasons I haven't been able to find out.

他以前叫 Blitzo，但顯然他把 O 去掉了，原因我還沒弄清楚。

Maybe it's a point of turmoil?

也許這是一個動盪點？

I'm gonna try and use that to get away next time.

下次我一定要利用這一點逃走。

Number thirty.

三十號

But even after all of that, it seems like he tried to work at an amusement park called Lululand, but got shunted to the side by a robot replica of his old friend Fizzurali.

但即便如此，他似乎還想去一個叫 "魯魯蘭 "的遊樂園工作，卻被他的老朋友費祖拉里的機器人複製品擠到了一邊。

I mean, yeah, I'd feel bad for him if he wasn't trying to off me.

我的意思是，是的，我會為他感到難過，如果他不是想幹掉我的話。

Number thirty one.

31號

My footage tells me that he has a lemon tree growing in his office.

我的腳告訴我，他的辦公室裡種了一棵檸檬樹。

Sure, whatever hobbies you want to pick up.

當然，無論你有什麼愛好，都可以去學。

It also has a no horrors sign on it, which kind of makes me question just what is going on in hell.

它還掛著 "禁止恐怖 "的牌子，這讓我不禁懷疑地獄裡到底發生了什麼。

But hopefully I'm not going to find out soon.

但願我不會很快發現。

Number thirty two.

32號

Always be wary of his sidearm that I mentioned earlier.

時刻提防我之前提到的他的隨身武器。

But if he comes after with his full arsenal, he also has a sniper rifle that can be switched to full auto, which apparently also has an upside down crosshair for a reticle.

但是，如果他帶著全套武器追來，他還有一把可以切換為全自動的狙擊步槍，顯然，這把槍還有一個倒置的十字準星。

Number thirty three.

33號

He's very wildly disrespectful to his clients if they can't pay up too.

如果客戶付不出錢，他也會非常狂妄地不尊重客戶。

Like when a teacher came down to use his business, which makes me wonder how he even stays in business.

就像一位老師下來使用他的業務，這讓我懷疑他是如何維持業務的。

Number thirty four.

34號

Hell, not even the office building Blitz works in seems to like him.

見鬼，就連布里茲工作的那棟辦公樓似乎也不喜歡他。

He had to spray paint his own name onto a single parking space just to get his employees a spot, which was then immediately crossed out when Verasica showed up.

他不得不在一個停車位上噴上自己的名字，只為給他的員工一個停車位，而當維拉西卡出現時，這個停車位立刻被劃掉了。

He must be really good on the rent at least.

至少，他在房租方面一定很不錯。

Number thirty five.

35號

The ultimate thing to distract him has to be horses.

最能分散他注意力的東西一定是馬。

I don't know why.

我也不知道為什麼。

It's very weird, but he has an obsession with them.

這很奇怪，但他對它們很著迷。

I was able to get away at one point because I drove by a horse farm.

有一次，我開車路過一個養馬場，才得以脫身。

Number thirty six.

36號

But apparently he also has a side obsession with a weird little cat puppet that he lost.

但很顯然，他還迷戀上了他弄丟的一隻奇怪的小貓木偶。

I never saw it again, but I caught a glimpse of it in my readings.

我再也沒有見過它，但我在閱讀中瞥見了它。

So I'm wondering where he got it from.

所以我想知道他是從哪裡得到它的。

Number thirty seven.

37號

He apparently has seven different emergency buttons hidden under his desk.

他的辦公桌下顯然藏有七個不同的緊急按鈕。

If you decide to go after him in hell, however the fuck you do that.

如果你決定在地獄裡追殺他，無論你他媽怎麼做。

He's got three for clients, one for coffee, one for ghosts, one for shitting his pants, and one exclusively for Stolas.

他有三個客戶專用，一個咖啡專用，一個鬼魂專用，一個拉褲子專用，還有一個斯托拉斯專用。

Number thirty eight.

38號

Despite his daughter's apparent hatred for him, I figured out he's extremely defensive of her, not even wanting her to leave the office.

儘管他的女兒表面上很恨他，但我發現他非常維護她，甚至不想讓她離開辦公室。

I suppose I should be thankful I don't have a dog on my tail as well.

我想我也應該慶幸自己沒有被狗盯上。

Number thirty nine.

39號

But his daughter, right?

但他的女兒，對嗎？

Apparently he adopted her five years ago when she was about to age out of the shelter.

顯然，他是在五年前收養她的，當時她即將從收容所老去。

Saying that out loud, that's kind of sweet, but I'm sure as hell not going to give him credit for it.

大聲說出來，還挺貼心的，但我肯定不會給他點贊。

Number forty.

四十號

He has a safe somewhere in his office that much I've seen, and he locks it with a code of one, two, three, four.

他辦公室裡有個保險箱，我見過很多，他用一二三四的密碼上鎖。

Shit, maybe I'll steal from him after he offs me.

媽的，說不定他把我幹掉後，我還會去偷他的東西。

Number forty one.

四十一號

In fact, all he keeps in that damn safe is a book and some sticky notes.

事實上，他的保險箱裡只有一本書和幾張便條。

So he had it installed just to keep a book safe?

所以，他安裝這個裝置只是為了保證一本書的安全？

I don't know, maybe it's got blackmail in there as well.

我不知道，也許裡面還有勒索的成分。

Number forty two.

42號

If you do somehow get down to hell, I've found out that he has a phone number for his business.

如果你真的去了地獄，我發現他有一個業務電話。

It's on posters in the building.

大樓裡的海報上都有。

He somehow managed to land a phone number with a 666 area code and one too many digits to be a normal phone number, so it's not gonna work up here.

他不知怎麼弄到了一個區號為 666 的電話號碼，而且數字太多，不像是正常的電話號碼，所以在這裡打不通。

Believe me, I've tried.

相信我，我試過了。

Number forty three.

43號

He seems to think of himself as some kind of artist too, so there's definitely a point of pride you can poke at.

他似乎也把自己當成了某種藝術家，所以你絕對可以戳穿他的自尊心。

He's drawn on others' pictures, he's hung up his own, he even has a collage that he uses as a shooting gallery in his office that includes him and his employees as horses, them kissing, his fellow clown Fizzurali, and some well-dressed snake I've only caught a glimpse or two of.

他在別人的照片上畫畫，掛上自己的照片，甚至還有一幅拼貼畫，被他用作辦公室裡的攝影畫廊，其中包括他和他的員工扮演的馬、他們接吻、他的小丑同伴 Fizzurali，以及一些我只瞥見過一兩次的衣冠楚楚的蛇。

I really don't know, it's so confusing.

我真的不知道，這太讓人困惑了。

Number forty four.

44號

He also has a painting of his employee as the Mona Lisa on his wall, so he apparently buys art as well and remakes it, though someone didn't really seem to like it.

他的牆上還掛著一幅他的員工畫的蒙娜麗莎，顯然他也購買藝術品並進行改造，不過似乎有人並不喜歡這幅畫。

Number forty five.

45號

He can take pictures just fine though, it seems, cause he has plenty of framed photos in his own house.

不過，他照相似乎還不錯，因為他自己家裡有很多裝裱好的照片。

Interestingly enough, he's scratched himself out of all of them.

有趣的是，他把自己排除在了所有名單之外。

Number forty six.

46號

I believe either he or another demon that looked like him was in the audience during a musical number from this Princess of Hell's Arrival on 666 News.

我相信，在 666 新聞頻道播出的《地獄公主駕到》的音樂劇中，他或另一個長得像他的惡魔就在觀眾席上。

There's too much to explain in that sentence, so I'm just gonna move on.

這句話有太多需要解釋的地方，所以我就繼續往下說了。

Number forty seven.

47號

His father, who I figured out is named Cash Buxo because of course he is, doesn't really seem to value him that much, as he sold him, yeah, quite literally sold him, into a day of entertaining royalty at the price of, uh, and I'm quoting my notes here, uh, five dollars and a slim-fit condom, so yikes.