Name: 195.你能太善良嗎？| 沒有愚蠢的問題 (195. Can You Be Too Nice? | No Stupid Questions)
Uploaded: 2024-06-26T01:58:56.000Z
Duration: 38 min 49 s

程度副詞

I don't even know how to respond to that.

And you're listening to No Stupid Questions.

您正在收聽的是《沒有愚蠢的問題》。

Today on the show, can you be too agreeable?

今天的節目中，你會不會太順從？

What can I do to help you solve your problem?

We are on our fourth personality trait of the big five.

我們正在研究五大性格特徵中的第四種性格特徵。

So today we are talking about agreeableness.

所以，今天我們要討論的是 "合群性"。

And we have a great question to set this up.

我們有一個很好的問題來做鋪墊。

It's really important to me to be kind and empathetic.

對我來說，善良和富有同情心真的很重要。

I donate to many charities and nonprofits, and I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of the doubt.

我向許多慈善機構和非營利組織捐款，並儘量給我遇到的每一個人以好處。

I don't regret any of these behaviors, but I've been taken advantage of many times because of them.

我並不後悔這些行為，但卻是以多次被人利用。

Friends always know that I'll help out when they need help moving or want to ride home from the airport, but they are suddenly busy when it's time to reciprocate.

朋友們總是知道，當他們需要幫忙搬家或想從機場搭車回家時，我會伸出援手，但當需要回報時，他們卻突然忙了起來。

I've also been scammed out of money when I thought I was helping someone in need.

我也曾被騙過錢，當時我以為自己是在幫助需要幫助的人。

My therapist tells me that I'm too nice, but I don't want to be meaner.

我的心理醫生告訴我，我太善良了，但我不想變得更刻薄。

Basically, my question is, can you be too agreeable?

基本上，我的問題是，你能不能太順從？

Mike, I assume that Faith, who probably took the big five inventory on our website, scored really high in big five agreeableness.

邁克，我猜費絲可能參加了我們網站上的五大合意度調查，她的五大合意度得分非常高。

And I'm going to guess that you also scored super high in this personality factor.

我猜你在這個性格因素上也得分超高。

So this was my lowest of the positive scores.

I got a four out of five in agreeableness.

我的 "合意度 "得了 4 分（滿分 5 分）。

Well, I mean, except for neuroticism, which you want to be low.

嗯，我是說，除了神經質，你希望神經質程度低。

And what are the scores for our NSQ listeners?

The national average is almost exactly the average for our NSQ listeners.

全國平均水平幾乎正好是我們 NSQ 聽眾的平均水平。

So we are like straight up the middle of the alley for agreeableness compared to adults in the United States.

是以，與美國成年人相比，我們的合意度處於中等水平。

And let me remind you of the six questions that you and I took.

讓我提醒你一下你和我提出的六個問題。

So there were three questions that were positively scored.

是以，有三個問題得到了好評。

I am someone who is compassionate, has a soft heart.

我是一個富有同情心、內心柔軟的人。

I am someone who assumes the best about people.

我是一個會把別人想得最好的人。

I am someone who's respectful, treats others with respect.

我是一個尊重他人、以禮相待的人。

And you may recall there were three reverse scored items.

大家可能還記得有三個反向計分項目。

So the more you say, yeah, it's like me, the lower your agreeableness score.

是以，你越是說 "是的，它和我一樣"，你的合意度得分就越低。

I am someone who is sometimes rude to others.

I'm someone who can be cold and uncaring.

I am someone who tends to find faults with others.

我是一個喜歡找別人缺點的人。

I mean, I will say that big five agreeableness is partly about being a compassionate person.

我的意思是，我想說的是，五大合意度在一定程度上是指一個富有同情心的人。

So I think we should talk about that because that's what Faith is curious about.

所以我認為我們應該談談這個問題，因為這正是費絲所好奇的。

But there is a whole other part of big five agreeableness, which is really more about being compliant with other people's requests, not because you're kind hearted or that you are sympathetic, but just that you have this tendency to kind of like fall in line with other people's demands.

但 "五大合意度 "中還有另一部分是關於對他人要求的順從，這並不是因為你心地善良或富有同情心，而只是因為你有這樣一種傾向，就像順從他人的要求一樣。

I have lived all over the world, but all over the United States as well.

我在世界各地生活過，也在美國各地生活過。

And I found this thing by a journalist named Frank Jacobs called Geopsychology.

我發現一個叫弗蘭克-雅各布斯的記者寫了一本叫《地質心理學》的書。

Your personality depends on where you live, who was referencing this 2021 study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science.

你的性格取決於你生活的地方，他提到了發表在《心理科學展望》（Perspectives on Psychological Science）上的這項 2021 年的研究。

And they did a survey on agreeableness in the United States and what regions are, quote unquote, the most agreeable or disagreeable.

他們對美國人的合意度做了一項調查，調查了哪些地區的人最合意，哪些地區的人最不合意。

I'm going to guess the Northeast, including New York, is the least agreeable.

我猜包括紐約在內的東北部地區最不討人喜歡。

And I am going to guess that the Midwest is the most agreeable.

我猜中西部地區是最容易接受的。

They found that disagreeableness hangs heaviest over some Western states from Montana to New Mexico, Nevada to the western halves of Kansas and Oklahoma.

他們發現，從蒙大拿州到新墨西哥州，從內華達州到堪薩斯州和俄克拉荷馬州西半部的一些西部州，不認同感最強烈。

There is an additional grumpiness epicenter in New England.

在新英格蘭還有一個暴躁的中心。

But the most agreeableness is pronounced in the South, as one might imagine.

但是，正如人們所想象的那樣，最合群的是南方。

But they did, to your point, find an important cluster in Minnesota and the Dakotas where people are very agreeable.

但就你的觀點而言，他們確實在明尼蘇達州和達科他州發現了一個重要的集群，那裡的人們非常合群。

I am no expert on geographic psychology, and I don't want to say that this is scientific fact, but let me speculate that when I talk about these like two faces of agreeableness, there's the compassion element and then there's compliance.

我不是地理心理學專家，也不想說這是科學事實，但讓我來推測一下，當我談到 "合群 "的兩面性時，有同情的成分，也有順從的成分。

You know, sometimes compliance is also called politeness.

I have not lived in the South, but I wonder whether it's more a polite culture than a truly compassionate culture.

我沒有在南方生活過，但我想知道那裡是否更多的是一種禮貌文化，而不是真正富有同情心的文化。

And I say this in part because there were two years in my life where I lived with a group of roommates who were from the South.

我這麼說的部分原因是，在我的生命中，有兩年我和一群來自南方的室友住在一起。

I mean, they had that wonderful, like soft accent, Southern charm.

我的意思是，他們有那種美妙的、柔和的口音、南方的魅力。

Yeah, they were just like, I guess for somebody who grew up in New Jersey, it was just so charming.

是啊，他們就像，我想對於一個在紐澤西長大的人來說，這真是太迷人了。

They always were polite, I mean, always solicitous and like, no problem.

他們總是彬彬有禮，我是說，總是很熱情，就像沒問題一樣。

But then after some months, I realized that there were times where they were totally irritated with me or totally irritated with other people.

但幾個月後，我發現他們有時會對我或其他人完全惱火。

And I got to see it when we would come home from some dinner party where they had been exceedingly polite and seemingly kind.

當我們從某個晚宴回家時，我就能看到這一點，他們在晚宴上彬彬有禮，看似和藹可親。

But then they would come home and just thrash the person.

但他們回到家就會痛打那個人。

So I do kind of wonder about the finding that, you know, people from the South are more agreeable because, I mean, you know, you could be polite and compassionate, but I think politeness and compassion or compliance and compassion, I mean, they're not the same thing.

是以，我對 "來自南方的人更合群 "這一發現感到疑惑，因為，我的意思是，你知道，你可以彬彬有禮，也可以富有同情心，但我認為，禮貌和同情心或服從和同情心，我的意思是，它們不是一回事。

And I do think it's worth asking the question whether you can have too much of these tendencies.

我認為值得一問的是，你是否可以擁有過多的這些傾向。

For me, it is in the workplace, for example.

對我來說，工作場所就是一個例子。

I really look for and benefit from healthy conflict.

我非常期待健康的衝突，並從中受益。

And if people feel like they just have to be compassionate, compliant, agreeable, don't get me wrong, it can be an incredible asset when someone, their default is yes, they're going to figure out a way to get things done.

如果人們覺得自己必須要有同情心、順從、合群，別誤會我的意思，當一個人的默認想法是 "是的 "時，他就會想出辦法把事情做好，這可能是一筆驚人的財富。

At the same time, it's really damaging when people are just willing to say yes to everything.

與此同時，如果人們什麼都願意說 "是"，那就真的是一種傷害。

And if leaders haven't set up a culture where you can give feedback, where there can be this healthy conflict, where people are willing to push back and be, quote unquote, not agreeable in the moment, then you lose the ability to get to the right answer and you just end up with the opinion of the highest ranking person.

如果領導者沒有建立一種文化，在這種文化中，你可以提出反饋意見，可以有這種健康的衝突，人們願意反擊，可以說是當下不同意，那麼你就失去了找到正確答案的能力，你最終只會得到最高級別的人的意見。

So what does it look like when people don't do that?

那麼，如果人們不這樣做，會是什麼樣子呢？

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195.你能太善良嗎？| 沒有愚蠢的問題 (195. Can You Be Too Nice? | No Stupid Questions)

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