Whenever somebody asks me to do something I don't wanna do, I just make up a fake Chinese holiday now.

每當有人要求我做一些我不想做的事時，我現在就編一個假的中國節日。

It's like, "Hey, Jimmy, can you help me move next Monday?"

就像：「嘿，吉米，下週一你能幫我搬家嗎？」

I'm like, "Monday?

我說：「星期一？

That's the Dragon Boat Lai Chi Boba Festival, dog.

那天是龍舟荔枝珍珠節，兄弟。

I can't... can't just help you move.

我不能幫你搬家。

My grandfather died for that shit, you understand?"

我爺爺就是為那節日掛掉的，你明白嗎？」

And if people's gonna assume that I don't speak English, that's fine.

如果人們認為我不會說英語，那也沒關係。

That's what I do now when I get pulled over by the cops.

現在當我被警察攔下時，我就會這麼做。

I just pretend I don't speak English.

我就假裝不會說英語。

Haven't gotten a ticket in five years.

五年來從未收到過罰單。

Last time I got pulled over, the cop was knocking on my window.

上次我被攔下時，警察正在敲我的車窗。

He's like, "Sir, you do understand you can't make a right turn here?

他說：「先生，你知道這裡不能右轉吧？

Says right there in the sign, you can't make a right turn."

標誌上寫著，你不能右轉。」

So I just looked up at him, I was like, "Oh. I don't know.

我抬起頭看著他，我說：「哦。我不知道。

I'm sorry, but the English not very good, so I cannot read the sign."

對不起，我的英語不好，看不懂標語。」

And he was really confused.

他真的很困惑。

He just looked back down at me.

他低頭看著我。

He was like, "Sir, the sign is not in English.

他說：「先生，這個標誌不是用英語寫的。

It's a diagram, so I don't understand how that's a language barrier."

是一張圖，所以我不明白這怎麼會是語言障礙。」

So I just looked up at him, I was like, "Oh. I don't know.

我抬起頭看著他，我說：「哦。我不知道。

But do you know today is the Dragon Ball Live...?"

但你知道今天是龍珠...嗎？」