Name: 楊眾國的 39 分鐘 (39 Minutes of Jimmy O. Yang)
Uploaded: 2024-05-28T07:52:16.000Z
Duration: 39 min 15 s

我不知道你們是否還記得這個。

分詞構句

Just three years ago, there was a movie called The Great Wall, starring Matt Damon.

就在三年前，有一部馬特-達蒙主演的電影叫《長城》。

It was Matt Damon in ancient China fighting dragons and shit, and everybody spoke English.

是馬特-達蒙在古代中國與龍搏鬥，每個人都說英語。

But you gotta understand, I'm not mad at Matt Damon, okay?

但你得明白，我不是生馬特-達蒙的氣，好嗎？

He's an actor, that's what he does for a living.

If somebody were to offer me a lead role in a movie called Mount Rushmore,

如果有人讓我在一部叫《拉什莫爾山》的電影中擔任主演、

I would play the shit out of George Washington.

我會把喬治-華盛頓演得屁滾尿流。

I would play George Washington Carver if they let me.

如果他們允許，我願意扮演喬治-華盛頓-卡弗。

I see a lot of people out here in the streets.

They want to come up to me, but they're not really sure.

他們想過來找我，但又不太確定。

There's a lot of debate amongst their friends.

They're like, hey man, are you sure that's him?

他們說，嘿，夥計，你確定是他嗎？

If we go up there, we gotta be sure, because if we go up there and it's not him, we're gonna look super racist.

如果我們上去了，一定要確定，因為如果我們上去了卻不是他，我們就會顯得超級種族歧視。

I don't know, it looks kind of like Ali Wong, I don't know.

我不知道，看起來有點像阿里-王，我不知道。

And they come up to me, it's always like the first thing they say, they're like, hey man, aren't you that dude, Jing Yang, from that show, Silicon Valley?

他們來找我，第一句話總是說，嘿，老兄，你不就是《硅谷》裡的那個楊靖嗎？

And I'm like, oh, thanks, thanks, thank you.

我就說，哦，謝謝，謝謝，謝謝。

I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you,

我想，是啊，是啊，是啊，謝謝你，謝謝你、

And then they're like, oh, I didn't even know you speak English in real life.

然後他們就會說，哦，我都不知道你在現實生活中會說英語。

Like, did you really think Matt Damon was Chinese?

比如，你真的以為馬特-達蒙是中國人嗎？

Like, if a white actor does a British accent, he's a thespian.

比如，如果一個白人演員操一口英國口音，他就是個演員。

A lot of Asian people come up to me, very proud, very nice, they're like,

很多亞洲人走到我面前，非常自豪，非常友好，他們就像這樣、

Jimmy, thank you for representing the Asians, man.

吉米，謝謝你代表亞洲人，夥計。

But you do understand it's not really a choice, right?

但你應該明白，這並不是一個真正的選擇，對嗎？

Like, when you wake up Asian, you can only represent Asians.

比如，當你醒來時是亞洲人，你就只能代表亞洲人。

I couldn't just wake up one day and be like,

I'm very proud to represent Asians, but at the same time, there's so much pressure.

我很自豪能代表亞洲人，但與此同時，壓力也很大。

Like, nobody ever went up to Matt Damon and be like, hey, Matt, thanks for representing the whites.

就像，從來沒有人走到馬特-達蒙面前說，嘿，馬特，謝謝你代表白人。

Sounds weird, that's like a different conversation for some reason, you know?

聽起來很奇怪，這就像是不同的對話，你知道嗎？

If somebody came up to me and be like, hey, Jimmy, I'm representing for the whites,

如果有人走過來對我說 吉米 我是白人的代表

I would leave that town immediately and never come back.

我會立即離開那個小鎮，再也不回來。

我現在必須在任何地方都做個好亞洲人。

That was one of the major advantages of being Asian, is I can just pretend I don't know how to tip.

這也是我作為亞洲人的一大優勢，因為我可以假裝不知道如何給小費。

Chinese tip, it doesn't matter how big your bill is, you tip $2.

中國人給小費，不管賬單有多大，都給 2 美元。

現在我到哪兒都得給 20% 的小費。

I gotta give every Uber driver a five-star rating just so I can be a good representative.

我得給每個 Uber 司機五星好評，這樣我才能成為一個好代表。

無論我走到哪裡，我都要代表自己。

Even day-to-day, even the bedroom, I gotta represent.

即使是日常生活，即使是臥室，我也要代表自己。

After I hooked up with this one girl, this is what she said to me.

在我勾搭上這個女孩之後，她是這樣對我說的。

She was like, Jimmy, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're the first Asian guy I've ever been with.

她說，吉米，我不知道該怎麼跟你說 你是我交往過的第一個亞洲男人

She acted like she just unlocked a new character on Street Fighter or some shit.

她表現得就像剛解鎖了《街頭霸王》的新角色什麼的。

This one girl said this shit was so disrespectful.

有一個女孩說，這太不尊重人了。

This is what she said to me after we hooked up.

這是她在我們勾搭上之後對我說的話。

She was like, Jimmy, I'm just glad the stereotype's not true.

她說，吉米，我很高興這種刻板印象不是真的。

You just insulted my entire race of people.

First of all, thank you for thinking that I did have a small penis and we still had sex.

首先，謝謝你認為我的陰莖確實很小，但我們還是發生了性關係。

You get two fortune cookies tonight, miss.

Yeah, yeah, all Asian people are the best.

是啊，是啊，所有亞洲人都是最棒的。

But why are all old Asian people always stretching in the park?

但為什麼亞洲老人總是在公園裡伸懶腰呢？

Like, it doesn't matter which city and which park you go to.

比如，去哪個城市、哪個公園都無所謂。

You see about 250 old Asian people all doing this shit at the same time.

你會看到大約 250 個亞洲老人同時在做這種事。

He's like, oh, they're warming up to do Tai Chi.

他說，哦，他們在熱身打太極呢。

And ironically, Tai Chi is a warmup in itself.

具有諷刺意味的是，太極拳本身就是一種熱身運動。

So they're warming up to warm up for nothing.

And I think to a lot of Americans, like people think that Tai Chi is some like exotic Chinese secret, some oriental art.

我認為對很多美國人來說，太極拳就像是異國情調的中國祕籍，是東方藝術。

No, Tai Chi is just exercise for people who are too old to exercise.

不，太極拳只是為那些年紀太大不能運動的人準備的運動。

Let's not exoticize these things, you know?

我們不要把這些東西異國化，你知道嗎？

It's actually super simple to do Tai Chi.

I went to the park, watched those old people for like an hour and I learned how to do Tai Chi.

我去了公園，看了那些老人大概一個小時，還學會了打太極拳。

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楊眾國的 39 分鐘 (39 Minutes of Jimmy O. Yang)

eventually

apparently

basically

represent