I was forced to throw my own surprise party. I've got the goat Jesus the goat cheesiest place in all of

我不得不舉辦自己的驚喜派對。我找到了全美奶酪最豐富的地方--山羊耶穌。

Drusselstein many of my closest friends were there

Drusselstein 我的許多摯友都在那裡

Oh

哦

Good lock up when you're done, okay

完事後鎖好門，好嗎

But one should never walk the paths of Drusselstein with uncovered dunkelberry cake lest the dunkelberry bats swarm

但是，在德魯塞爾斯坦的小路上，千萬不能不吃灌籃高手蛋糕，以免灌籃高手蝙蝠蜂擁而至。

Don't make a mountain out of them all here. It's a bully named Boris who always wore big black boots

別在這裡小題大做。這是一個叫鮑里斯的惡霸，他總是穿著一雙黑色的大靴子

They called him big black boots Boris the bully

他們叫他大黑靴鮑里斯惡霸

He was always kicking sand in my face when I was in the sandbox

我在沙坑裡的時候，他總是往我臉上踢沙子

You'll see there were only two things that made my miserable childhood bearable my giant pet cockroach

你會發現，只有兩樣東西讓我的悲慘童年變得可以忍受 我的大寵物蟑螂

Horfrost and garlic ice cream. I love these two things so much. I wondered if combining them would

賀霜和大蒜冰淇淋。我非常喜歡這兩樣東西。我想知道把它們結合在一起會不會

Exponentially increase my enjoyment of them when I was young I entered a science field with my very first in a door

當我年輕時進入科學領域的第一扇門時，我對它們的喜愛呈指數級增長

I was I wasn't very clever with names yet

我對名字還不是很敏感

It was just you know in a toy

這只是一個玩具

Just as I was about to demonstrate my invention to the judges a kid with a baking soda volcano stole the show

正當我準備向評審展示我的發明時，一個拿著小蘇打火山的孩子搶了風頭

When I was a young boy my mother would never let me swim in public pools

當我還是個小男孩時，我的母親從不讓我在公共泳池游泳

No

沒有

Reminds me of a high dive I knew as a kid at the Gimmelstump public wetness maker

這讓我想起了小時候在 Gimmelstump 公共溼潤製造廠認識的一位高臺跳水運動員

It wasn't so much of a pool as it was just a well

與其說它是一個水池，不如說它只是一口井

Let's just say it only had water in it on alternating Thursdays and leave it at that

就說它只在輪流的星期四有水，就這樣吧

Anywho in Gimmelstump jumping from the high dive was an important rite of passage

總之，在金梅爾斯坦普，從高處跳下是一種重要的成人儀式

Are you a man or a schnitzel?

你是男人還是炸肉排？

I'm a man, I'm a man

我是男人，我是男人

I'm a man

我是男人

Das Kind ist ein schnitzel

Das Kind ist ein schnitzel

With all those people looking and laughing at me I just couldn't do it

看著那麼多人嘲笑我，我實在做不到

Ich habe keinen Sohn

我沒有兒子

After that my father and I became increasingly distant

從那以後，我和父親的關係變得越來越疏遠

So nah

不

Back when I was just a little Stumpel my father came home with a brand new Spitzenhound puppy that he won in a game of pokey goozen with a stick

當我還是一個小笨墩的時候，我父親帶著一隻嶄新的斯比特岑獵犬小狗回家，這是他在一場用棍子玩 "pokey goozen "的遊戲中贏來的。

My father said the dog was like the son he never had and named him only son

我父親說這隻狗就像他從未有過的兒子，並給它取名為 "獨子"。

Only son became an award-winning show dog bringing my father fame and fortune

唯一的兒子成為一隻屢獲殊榮的表演犬，為父親帶來了名利

Back in Gimmelstump in the days of my youth

回到我年輕時的金梅爾斯圖姆普

The Doofenshmirtzes were a proud family

杜芬什米爾茨家族是一個值得驕傲的家族

But those were lean times for my father and our beloved lawn gnome was repossessed

但那是我父親最困難的時期，我們心愛的草坪小人被收回了

Who would protect our Zatzenfruit garden from witch's spells and wood trolls?

誰來保護我們的 Zatzenfruit 花園不受巫術和木怪的侵害？

From a tender age my father decided that it would be me

從小我父親就決定讓我

While the other children played kick the stumper and make dunkelberries I would stand for hours

當其他孩子玩踢毽子和做 "灌籃高手 "的遊戲時，我會站上幾個小時

All through the cold night as the Spitzenhound howled

整個寒冷的夜晚，斯比特岑獵犬都在嚎叫

My only companion was the moon

我唯一的伴侶是月亮

And my neighbor Kenny

還有我的鄰居肯尼

The next year I tried again with my even biggerinator

第二年，我又帶著我的更大的發電機

And again my thunder was stolen by a baking soda volcano

我的雷聲又一次被小蘇打火山搶走了

Back in Gimmelstump in the depths of my childhood

回到我童年深處的金梅爾斯圖姆普

My parents were expecting a brand new baby girl

我的父母即將迎來一個全新的女嬰

My mother spent months knitting pretty dresses

我母親花了幾個月的時間編織漂亮的裙子

Unfortunately the baby turned out to be a boy

不幸的是，孩子是個男孩

And because we were out of material I was forced to wear those same dresses for an entire year

因為材料不夠，我被迫一整年都穿著同樣的裙子。

Drawing mockery and scorn from all of my manly classmates

引來所有男子漢同學的嘲笑和鄙視

When I was a boy the smell of pork emanating from me was so bad because

當我還是個孩子的時候，我身上散發出的豬肉味非常難聞，因為

Well the reasons aren't important it was part of a different emotionally scarring backstory I'm not getting into

原因並不重要，那是另一段傷痕累累的情感背景故事的一部分，我就不多說了

Regardless the smell of pork was so bad that no one would come near me

不管怎麼說，豬肉的味道太難聞了，沒有人願意靠近我

So one day the carnival came to town and I needed money because of

有一天，狂歡節來到鎮上，我需要錢，因為

Well yet another backstory that basically my parents disowned me I was being raised by ocelots

我的父母基本上不認我了，我是由貓鼬撫養長大的。

The point is I had to get a job at the carnival but the only work was at the dunking booth

重點是，我必須在狂歡節上找份工作，但唯一的工作就是在灌籃亭裡。

And not as the guy who got dunked though I was what they threw to dunk him

我不是被灌籃的那個人，但我是他們扔過來灌籃的那個人

Which is again a whole other backstory

這又是一個完全不同的背景故事

Okay look at it long backstory short I got a balloon at the carnival

我在狂歡節上得到了一個氣球。

I drew a face on him I sprayed him with special lifelong lasting spray I created and I named him Balloonie

我給他畫了一張臉，噴上了我特製的終身持久噴霧，並給他取名為 Balloonie（氣球）。

He became my best friend in the whole world yada yada yada

他成了我在世界上最好的朋友。

Then one tragic day when I was protecting our garden as a lawn gnome

然後，有一天，當我作為草坪侏儒保護我們的花園時，悲劇發生了

Whatever you remember that backstory Balloonie started floating away

不管你還記得那個背景故事，Balloonie 開始飄走了

I tried to reach out and grab him but

我想伸手抓住他，但

And I never saw Balloonie again

我再也沒見過巴隆尼

My mother's love was always inexplicably linked to kickball

我母親的愛總是莫名其妙地與踢球聯繫在一起

And my brother was an expert from the start

而我哥哥從一開始就是專家

But I lacked finesse so it would do the test

但我缺乏技巧，所以它能完成測試

I couldn't kick my way right into her heart

我無法一腳踢進她的心房

One day when I was walking through the claw machine district something caught my eye

有一天，當我走過爪機區時，一個東西引起了我的注意

In this machine that usually just has rocks in it

在這臺通常只有石頭的機器裡

There was an actual teddy bear

有一隻真的泰迪熊

Fortunately I had with me my allowance which I'd been saving for a whole year

幸運的是，我帶著存了整整一年的零花錢

One three cent coin

一枚 3 美分硬幣

I dropped it into a slot and carefully maneuvered the claw toward the beckoning fuzzy grail

我把它放進一個槽裡，然後小心翼翼地操縱著爪子，向著模糊的聖盃招手

Odds were against me but then it happened

機會對我不利，但它還是發生了

The miracle! The claw grabbed the stuffed animal it was mine!

奇蹟出現了爪子抓住了毛絨玩具，它是我的！

Then like a knight of yore I gallantly gave the prize to my beloved mother

然後，我像古代的騎士一樣，英勇地把獎品送給了我親愛的母親

Who immediately turned around and gave it to my brother Roger

他立刻轉過身來，把它交給了我的哥哥羅傑

I was crushed as I watched Roger produce a big red marker and write his name on the toy

看著羅傑拿出一支大紅記號筆，在玩具上寫下自己的名字，我的心都碎了

And then afterwards proceeded to do the same to my mother claiming both as his own

之後，他又對我母親做了同樣的事，聲稱兩個人都是他親生的

And effectively shutting me out of the family dynamic

實際上把我排除在家庭動態之外

In the middle school three years ago on the job of a backrest

三年前在中學就職時的一個靠背

And on this same day I realized I was not a magician

就在同一天，我意識到自己不是魔術師

On the contrary I met the person exactly who I was

恰恰相反，我遇到的人正是我自己

He told me to go backstage and decorate a dress for my important couple

他讓我去後臺為我的重要情侶裝飾一件衣服

Even before he married me

甚至在他娶我之前

Ever since the seventh grade I have wanted to be a magician

從七年級開始，我就想成為一名魔術師

But it was a pretty tough road

但這是一條相當艱難的道路

Hey wait, where's Bobo the rabbit?

等等，兔子波波呢？

Can somebody please get me out of this? Anyone?

誰能幫我擺脫困境？有沒有人？

Hello?

喂？

My first day

我的第一天

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill

不要小題大做

See during my teen years I was very adept at hand shadows

你看，在我青少年時期，我非常擅長手影

It was great for entertaining at parties

非常適合在派對上使用

And for meeting froylines

與蛙線相遇

But then one day there was a new puppeteer in town

但是有一天，鎮上來了一位新的木偶師

His name was Hans and his hands were huge

他叫漢斯，雙手巨大

We called him Huge Hans Hans

我們叫他 "巨大的漢斯-漢斯

His puppetry was garbage

他的木偶戲是垃圾

But unfortunately it was good enough for my froyline

但遺憾的是，這對我的蛙線來說已經足夠好了

I lost her to a boy with bigger fingers

我把她輸給了一個手指更大的男孩

And I never did a shadow puppet again

我再也沒有做過皮影戲

He tried playing rugby

他試著打橄欖球

And soccer and football

足球和橄欖球

He tried kick the can and even martial arts

他嘗試過踢罐子，甚至嘗試過國術

But even with this dedication

但即使有這樣的奉獻精神

I still got no coordination

我還是無法協調

He couldn't kick his way right into her heart

他無法一腳踢進她的心房

And then one day my parents sent me out to the store to get some doozin' crap

然後有一天，我父母讓我去商店買些破玩意兒

Volleyball

排球

You know I've always had trouble distinguishing between a store and a painting of a store

你知道，我一直很難區分商店和商店的畫作

But it started me off on the greatest adventure of my life

但它開啟了我一生中最偉大的冒險之旅

I decided to seize the day with both hands

我決定用雙手抓住這一天

And a mop

還有拖把

I was heading to a golden land of opportunity

我正走向充滿機遇的黃金之地

A land with a pioneering spirit which welcomed misfits like me

這片具有開拓精神的土地歡迎像我這樣的不合群者

But I ended up in America instead

但我最終還是去了美國

I just knew that I was home

我只知道我回家了

In the sense that it was familiar

從熟悉的意義上說

You see my dating life has been a seemingly endless series of disappointments

你看，我的約會生活似乎是一連串無休止的失望

And it all started at a drive-in movie

這一切都源於一部汽車電影院

That's wings you turkey

火雞的翅膀

Okay the coast is clear you can come out now

好了，現在安全了，你們可以出來了

Ew it's grody back here

這裡真噁心

Well on the bright side you got in for free

好在你是免費的

So we'll just split the cost of my ticket right?

那我們就平攤我的票價吧？

Right?

對不對？

You know I could have gotten in the trunk like a block away

你知道我本可以在一個街區外就鑽進後備箱的

Instead of when you first picked me up at my house

而不是你第一次來我家接我的時候

Wow you just love to live in the past huh?

哇，你就是喜歡活在過去，是吧？

Is that like a thing with you?

這是你的習慣嗎？

Whatever let's just try to enjoy the rest of the evening

不管怎樣，讓我們盡情享受今晚剩下的時光吧

I am a happy robot likey what I hear

我是一個快樂的機器人，喜歡我聽到的一切

I'm just kidding that's a thing I do

開個玩笑，這是我經常做的事

Come on hop in

快上來吧

That's wings you turkey

火雞的翅膀

You are listening to That's Wings You Turkey by King of Loud

您正在收聽的是由 King of Loud 製作的《That's Wings You Turkey》。

And here's a new one from Zanzibar

這是來自桑給巴爾的新作品

What Do It Do

它的作用

Oh turn it up I love this song

我喜歡這首歌

It's okay I'd say it's in my top 7, 8 favorite songs about reverse engineering

還行吧，我覺得這是我最喜歡的七、八首關於逆向工程的歌曲之一。

Makes me want to be a pop star

讓我想成為歌星

Ha yeah right and I'm going to rule the world

是的，沒錯，我將統治世界

Well why not?

為什麼不呢？

Yeah like I can do that

是啊，就像我能做到一樣

Maybe instead of you know the whole world

也許你不需要了解整個世界

Uh start small with the tri-state area

從三州地區開始

Hey the movie's starting

嘿，電影開始了

You have to put the speaker thing on the car

您必須在車上安裝揚聲器

No no no check this out

不不不，看看這個

I built this awesome device that transmits the movie's sound

我製作了這個超棒的設備，它可以傳輸電影聲音

In 5th dimensional stereo

5 維立體聲

I just plug this in here and voila

我只要把這個插在這裡，就可以了

I am a clever robot

我是一個聰明的機器人

Bing bong bing boing

乒乒乓乓

So can we hold hands now?

那我們現在可以牽手了嗎？

Take me home

帶我回家

Fine get in the back

好吧，到後面去

And I never saw her again

我再也沒有見過她

I am a super star

我是超級明星

Back in class evil 101

回到邪惡 101 的課堂

I always had so much fun

我總是玩得很開心

Though the one who advised me

雖然建議我的人

Openly despised me

公開鄙視我

Still I always tried to be number one

儘管如此，我一直努力成為第一

Well I wanted a mentor to share my world view

我想有一位導師與我分享我的世界觀

But I got a tormentor

但我有一個折磨者

I was hated it's true

我被討厭了，這是真的

I've had enough of science

我受夠了科學

I decided to devote my life to poetry instead

我決定獻身詩歌

The movies are grey

電影是灰色的

The TV is black

電視是黑色的

The horses are running

馬兒在奔跑

Please bring me some food

請給我帶點吃的

Yet curiously I still lost to a baking soda bot

但奇怪的是，我還是輸給了小蘇打機器人

It began in Gimmelstump when I was a callow youth

我還是個懵懂無知的年輕人時，這一切就從金梅爾斯通姆開始了

Yearning for a career in fine arts

渴望從事美術職業

I quickly discovered that although I loved painting

我很快發現，雖然我喜歡繪畫

My muse was sometimes inaccessible

我的繆斯有時無法觸及

Then one day just as I was about to give up in frustration

有一天，正當我沮喪地準備放棄時

Inspiration struck

靈感迸發

I was up for three days straight

我連續三天沒睡

Gripped in glorious artistic fever

沉浸在輝煌的藝術熱潮中

And finally my masterpiece

最後是我的傑作

I rushed across the street to get my brother Roger

我急忙跑到街對面去找哥哥羅傑

He was in the middle of his favorite meal

他正在吃他最喜歡的飯菜

A sloppy joe, greasy french fries with ketchup

邋遢的喬伊，油膩的薯條配番茄醬

Grape juice, coffee and chocolate pudding

葡萄汁、咖啡和巧克力布丁

But I insisted he come at once

但我堅持要他馬上過來

That day I made a solemn vow

那天，我莊嚴宣誓

That Roger would pay for what he'd done

羅傑將為他的所作所為付出代價

The next morning I had the solemn vow notarized

第二天早上，我公證了莊嚴的誓言

You see back before I was evil

你看，在我變邪惡之前

I was something a little less than evil

我不那麼邪惡

I was a bratwurst street vendor

我曾是街頭賣香腸的小販

Doofenshmirtz quality bratwurst

Doofenshmirtz 優質香腸

What? They had those?

什麼？他們有那些東西？

I was sure that it was just a matter of time

我確信這只是時間問題

Before the public would recognize our superior quality

在公眾認識到我們的卓越品質之前

How do you know when you're really lame?

你怎麼知道自己真的很遜？

When you sell bratwurst

當你賣香腸時

Then and there I swore I would get my revenge

當時我就發誓一定要報仇雪恨

Bam for you

咣噹

Ten years ago I was backpacking across Europe

十年前，我揹包穿越歐洲

When I came across a group of Canadian college students

當我遇到一群加拿大大學生時

Dylan was the most popular among the group

迪倫在這群人中最受歡迎

But I was the oldest so rivalry was inevitable

但我年紀最大，所以競爭在所難免

Then the ambassador's wife filed a complaint

隨後，大使夫人提出申訴

Long story short I am never welcome in Albania ever again

長話短說，阿爾巴尼亞再也不歡迎我了

But the point is I ended up alone in Italy

但問題是，我最終還是孤身一人來到了意大利

And it was lunchtime so I went to the Leaning Tower of Pizza

午飯時間到了，我去了比薩斜塔

And you know what? They don't even make pizza there

你知道嗎？那裡根本不做披薩

I said what do you mean? It's the Leaning Tower of Pizza

我說你什麼意思？這是比薩斜塔

It's got pizza actually in the name

名字裡居然有披薩

But they were adamant no pizza for me

但他們堅決不給我比薩餅

Like I'm the idiot

就像我是白痴一樣

And I was like you're not so great

我當時想，你也沒那麼棒吧

You're not so special

你並不特別

What just because you're leaning?

什麼只是因為你在傾斜？

Then here it is

那就這樣吧

Ah yes my home

啊，是的，我的家

I can still remember the day I bought it

我還記得買它的那天

Flashback

倒敘

My real estate agent had already shown me

我的房地產經紀人已經帶我看過

Hundreds of other places within my budget

數以百計的其他地方都在我的預算之內

But none of them were acceptable

但他們都無法接受

That is until he showed me this magnificent building

直到他向我展示了這座宏偉的建築