Name: 瞭解自己需要問的一個問題 (The One Question You Need to Understand Who You Are)
Uploaded: 2024-05-08T01:44:40.000Z
Duration: 3 min 51 s

There is one question that,  perhaps more than any other,  

有一個問題也許比其他任何問題都更重要、

gets to the root of who we  are and what motivates us:

我們是誰，我們的動機是什麼？

What did I need to do in childhood to win  the support and approval of my parents?

我童年時需要做什麼才能贏得父母的支持和認可？

We might - to sharpen the picture - need  to lean on a few subsidiary enquiries:

為了更清楚地瞭解情況，我們可能需要進行一些輔助調查：

To please my father, I needed to… To please my mother, I needed to…

為了取悅父親，我需要...... 為了取悅母親，我需要......

Not to upset my mother, I needed to… Not to upset my father, I needed to…

為了不讓母親傷心，我需要...... 為了不讓父親傷心，我需要......

Whatever might be claimed, no family ever  gives its offspring unconditional love;  

不管別人怎麼說，沒有一個家庭會給後代無條件的愛；

there is always, more or less  subtly, something that one has  

或多或少總有一些微妙的東西，讓人

to do and to be - and other things  that must at all costs be skirted.

以及其他必須不惜一切代價迴避的事情。

When we look back, the commands may be  obvious: we needed to do very well at school,  

當我們回首往事時，命令可能是顯而易見的：我們需要在學校表現得非常出色、

or be highly musical or never usurp our father  or little sister. In other cases, the commands  

或者要有很高的音樂天賦，或者永遠不要篡奪我們的父親或妹妹。在其他情況下，命令

will have been more disguised; we would have  imbibed a general sense - emitted we know not  

我們會更多地偽裝自己；我們會吸收一種普遍的意識--我們不知道它是怎麼發出來的

how - that making a lot of money was vital or that  sex was disgusting or that one’s value lay almost  

如何--賺大錢是至關重要的，性是令人厭惡的，或者一個人的價值幾乎在於

entirely in one’s looks or sporting ability. And sometimes, the commands would have been  

完全取決於一個人的長相或運動能力。有時，命令會是

paradoxical to a degree we are still trying to  untangle: ‘you must be a winner, but if you are,  

在某種程度上，我們仍在試圖解開這個悖論：'你必須是一個贏家，但如果你是、

we’ll be threatened’. Or: ‘try never to grow  up because adult women or men frighten me’. Or:  

我們會受到威脅"。或者："永遠不要長大，因為成年女性或男性讓我害怕"。或者：

‘become extremely attached to  me, so I can break your heart.’

變得非常依戀我，這樣我就能傷透你的心。

However much our attitudes and outlooks might  be shaped by our countries of birth - by being  

無論我們的態度和觀念是如何被我們的出生國所塑造--因為我們是

Cambodian, French or Ghanian - we are  always first and foremost citizens of  

柬埔寨人、法國人或加納人--我們始終首先是以下國家的公民

those micro republics we call families,  by being a Seang, a Béranger or a Boakye,  

那些我們稱之為家庭的微型共和國，通過成為一個 Seang 人、一個 Béranger 人或一個 Boakye 人、

each one of these lands equipped with  a hugely idiosyncratic set of laws,  

每塊土地上都有一套極為獨特的法律、

expectations, patriotisms and tyrannies. Our nations may lend us a certain accent  

期望、愛國主義和暴政。我們的國家可能會給我們帶來某種口音

and civil code, our birth families tell us what  constitutes a real man or woman, how much we can  

和民法典，我們的出生家庭告訴我們什麼是真正的男人或女人，我們可以

esteem ourselves, what we have to do to be admired  and how much calm and fulfilment we deserve.

自尊，我們必須做些什麼才能被人敬佩，我們應該得到多少平靜和滿足。

If auditing these conditions of acceptance  matters, it is because - to a far greater  

如果說審計這些驗收條件很重要，那是因為--在更大程度上

extent than we realise - they may still be in  operation and make no sense at all. Decades after  

它們可能仍在運行，但完全沒有意義。幾十年後

we left the republic of Niang, Smith, Kekoa or  Banerji, we may still be taking immense care not  

如果我們離開了尼昂、史密斯、凱科阿或巴納吉共和國，我們可能仍然會非常謹慎，不會

to succeed too much - lest we anger a disappointed  mother. we’re still permanently trying to appease  

the bad moods of men in authority - in  case they lose their temper violently,  

當權者的壞脾氣--以防他們暴跳如雷、

as a father did four decades before.  Or we continue to expect an attack,  

就像四十年前一位父親所做的那樣。  或者，我們繼續期待一場襲擊、

as we did when we were in the hands of a highly  damaged caregiver before our sixth birthday.

就像我們在六歲生日前被一個受到嚴重傷害的看護人照顧時一樣。

If we are still in the mood for questions,  we may need to wonder two things: 

如果我們還有心情提問，我們可能需要思考兩件事：

1. How much am I still doing  of what I had to do back then? 

1.我現在還在做多少當年必須做的事情？

2. And how much do I like - or  dislike - the laws of yesteryear?

2.我有多喜歡或不喜歡過去的法律？

We may find - to our disquiet - that we are  continuing to apply to the present a set of  

我們可能會不安地發現，我們在繼續將一套

edicts that long ago ceased to align with  any of our sincere aspirations. We continue  

這些法令早已不再符合我們的真誠願望。我們繼續

to act the clown, or the meek little girl, the  terrified victim or daddy’s favourite even when  

扮演小丑、溫順的小女孩、驚慌失措的受害者或爸爸的寵兒，即使是在

the republic of home has long been disbanded,  its elite resigned and its borders obliterated. 

家園共和國早已解散，精英辭職，邊界蕩然無存。

We may need to take stock of the  highly distinctive mini country  

我們可能需要對極具特色的微型國家進行評估

we’ve come from - and, in certain cases,  before we waste yet more time, emigrate.

在某些情況下，在我們浪費更多時間之前，我們應該移民。