Name: 【看脫口秀學英文】別再給小孩取奇怪的名字了！ (Please Stop Giving Your Children Weird Names. Angel Gaines)
Uploaded: 2024-05-01T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 5 min 27 s

And I'mma tell you this, the hardest part about teaching, y'all, the kids' names.

我告訴你，關於教學，最難的部分是孩子們的名字。

程度副詞

Millennial's getting way too creative. I'm telling you.

千禧一代變得太有創意了，我告訴你們。

First of all, I got a little boy in my room named Sapphire Moon.

首先，一個小男孩在我的班上，他的名字叫藍寶石之月。

And then he going to come up to me and say, "Oh, Ms. Gaines, I don't have my homework because mercury in retrograde."

然後他走到我面前並說：「哦，蓋恩斯老師， 我沒帶作業，因為水星逆行。」

Why do you know that? You know what I mean?

你為什麼會知道這個？你們懂我的意思嗎？

I was like, "Tell your mama you need to stop burning all this sage in my classroom."

我說：「告訴你媽媽，你別再在我的課堂上燒這些鼠尾草了。」

I don't understand what all this means, OK?

我不明白這一切到底是什麼意思，好嗎？

And then-- check this out-- I have another one in my classroom named Sha-Dw@*il'ah.

然後，我的教室裡還有一個名叫 Sha-Dw@*il'ah 的小孩。

And this is what Millennials do because I can look at this audience tonight and tell you all your names are extinct, OK?

千禧一代是這樣做的，因為今晚在這的觀眾，我告訴你們，你們所有人的名字滅絕了。

What they do is they take three syllables, they push them together, and then they arbitrarily capitalize any letter they feel like capitalizing.

他們把三個音節合在一起，然後他們任意地將想要的字母大寫。

And now they started putting punctuation marks in the name. - What?

現在他們把名字中間加上標點符號。- 什麼？

Let me tell you how Sha-Dw@*il'ah mama spell her name.

讓我告訴你們 Sha-Dw@*il'ah 媽媽是怎麼拼她的名字。

你們要跟上，好嗎？準備好了嗎？

Capital S-h-a-- hyphen-- capital D-w- at sign-- asterisk-- i-l-- apostrophe-- a-h.

大寫字母 S-h-a 連字號大寫 D-w- @--i-l--撇號--a-h。

I said, "Baby, is this your name or your mama computer password?

我說：「寶貝，這是你的名字嗎？還是你媽媽的電腦密碼？

Because I'm going to tell you right now, I'm not going to memorize this by June. I'm just telling you."

因為我必須跟你說，到六月以前我背不起來這個名字，必須跟你說。」

And then these are the parents who are always complaining that their kids don't win student of the month.

還有一些家長總是抱怨他們的孩子沒有贏得本月的學生獎。

Ma'am, you think I got that kind of time that I'm going to sit here and try to type this out on a certificate?

女士，你以為我有足夠時間坐在這裡將那個名字打到證書上嗎？

And listen, y'all, my student be just like this every ceremony:

大家聽著，我們學生在頒獎典禮上都是這樣：

"And thank you parents for coming and our student of the month in Ms. Gaines class for the seventh time. Give it up for, Tim.

「感謝各位家長的到來，蓋恩斯老師班上第七次拿到本月最佳學生，大家為 Tim 鼓掌。

Yes. Come on up here, little buddy. This is for you absolutely."

上來吧，小傢伙，這絕對是給你的。」

Then they going to complain about me, talking about, "Ms. Gaines, Tim won student of the month nine times. That's not fair."

然後他們就會抱怨說：「蓋恩斯老師，Tim 榮獲本月最佳學生獎九次，這不公平。」

I said, "Hey, you know, he's a good kid."

我說：「嘿，他是個好孩子。」

They were like, "Well, he was absent 19 times."

I was like, "Hey, that's called consistency and I honor that."

我說：「嘿，這叫一致性，我很尊敬這一點。」

And then Sha-Dw@*il'ah is one of those students that's always-- oh, she's that kid that you think about when you wake up and you think about when you going to bed.

Sha-Dw@*il'ah 是那些總是——哦，她是那個你醒來時想起、睡覺時想起的孩子之一。

教師和教育工作者都能感同身受。

She is that kid that's so difficult because I'm just doing a regular lesson.

她是那個很難相處的孩子，因為我只是很一般的在上課，

I was trying to show the kids that large animals, just because they're large don't mean their body parts are large.

我想給孩子們看大型動物，雖然大並不意味著它們的身體部位很大。

Like the esophagus of a whale is not large enough for a human being to fall laterally through.

就像鯨魚的食道沒有大到人類可以橫著進去。

"Ms. Gaines, at my church, Jonah got swallowed by a whale. Boop boop."

「蓋恩斯老師，在我的教堂，約拿被鯨魚吞了。哺哺。」

I said, "Wait a minute." First of all, did she boop boop me?

我說：「等一下。」首先，她剛剛哺哺我嗎？

Because everybody know in the African-American community, when sound effects start, that's when the fight break out.

因為大家都知道在非裔美國人社區，講話出現音效就代表要打架了。

I was like, "Angel, calm down. Get it together. You're a credentialed teacher. She's eight. You got this."

我心想：「Angel，冷靜點，振作一點，你是一名有資格的教師。 她才八歲，你能行的。」

I said, "OK, Sha-Dw@*il'ah, what I'm talking-- yes, you're talking Bible. I'm showing you science. If you just look."

我說：「OK，Sha-Dw@*il'ah，我在說的是——是的，你說的是《聖經》。 我在向你展示科學。 如果你看一看就會知道。」

"Ms. Gaines, don't e'en worry about it. Don't e'en worry about it.

「蓋恩斯老師，別擔心。別擔心。

I'll just wait 'til I get to heaven. I'll ask Jonah what happened. Boop boop."

我會一直等到上天堂，我會問約拿發生了什麼事。 哺哺。」

I was like, "Wait a minute, that's two boop boops.

我說：「等一下，這是兩個哺哺了。

Oh, little girl, oh, we boop booping today, huh.

哦，小女孩，哦，我們今天要來哺哺了是吧？

What if Jonah don't go to heaven and Jonah goes down there? Boop boop."

如果約拿上不了天堂，而是下地獄怎麼辦？哺哺。」

Then she gonna look at me and say, "Then good. You could ask him."

然後她會看著我並說：「那很好，你可以去問他」

So that's all my attorney is allowing me to talk about tonight.

我的律師只准我今晚聊到這邊。

我聽到了，你們的掌聲是孤獨的。

Yeah, they are applaud-- they're not applaud friendly yet.

是的，他們鼓掌——他們的鼓掌還不太友善。

I'm going to drop that punch line again and see if they join you.

我要再放下那句妙語，看看他們是否會加入你。

And that's all my attorney is allowing me to talk about tonight.

這就是我的律師今晚允許我談論的全部內容。

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【看脫口秀學英文】別再給小孩取奇怪的名字了！ (Please Stop Giving Your Children Weird Names. Angel Gaines)

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