You can market an athlete.

你可以推銷一名運動員。

Sometimes we need our athletes to be marketed to us, like, when we're watching the Olympics, every time the Olympics come on, we're rooting for the person with the best story. Right?

有時，我們需要運動員向我們推銷、 比如，當我們在看 奧運會、 每當奧運會開始時我們支持他 最好的故事。

The network puts together some kind of great story, some little back story video on the athletes because we're not rooting for people that have a story that's easy. Right?

該網絡彙集了某種的偉大故事、 一些背景故事視頻運動員 因為我們並不支持人們 有一個簡單的故事。

"He was born to millionaire parents."

"他的父母都是百萬富翁。

"At age six, he had his own private gym and a personal trainer. Let's see how he does."

"六歲時"他有自己的私人健身房 "還有一個私人教練。 "讓我們看看他的表現。" （觀眾大笑）

Like I'm kind of rooting against that guy, frankly.

就像我支持老實說，我不喜歡那傢伙。

Like, we want a story. Right?

我們想要一個故事。

"She was born under a rock in a mud hut in Peru with no arms and legs."

"她出生在泥濘的岩石下"祕魯的一間小屋，沒有手腳。

"She was dragged to school every day with a rope in her teeth."

"她每天被拉到學校"牙齒上咬著繩子

"At age 11, her head was replaced with a block of wood."

"11 歲時，她的頭被換掉了"用一塊木頭。

"Today, she competes in the women's decathlon."

"今天，她參加了女子"十項全能"

Like, "Go for it. I am there."

去吧我在那裡。 （觀眾大笑）

My wife makes sure that I say this stuff on stage and not in public.

我的妻子一定會讓我說而不是 在公共場合。

She's so good for me.

她對我很好（觀眾大笑）

Last year, she gave me the book "Boundaries", so I've got to read it.

去年，她送給我一本書界限》，所以我一定要讀一讀。

I can't say no.

我不能拒絕。（觀眾大笑）

Looks like a slow burn as it goes across the whole room.

看起來進展緩慢穿過整個房間。

Boundaries.

邊界。

But also women help unlock our feelings. Right?

但婦女也能幫助解鎖我們的感受。

Guys don't like to share their feelings.

男人不喜歡分享他們的感受。

Women drop this little truth bomb every once in a while.

婦女們扔下這顆小小的真相炸彈偶爾

They'll say, "What are you feeling right now?"

他們會說："你感覺怎麼樣？"現在？

"What are you thinking right now?"

"你現在在想什麼？"

And they pounce on you when you're not thinking about anything.

他們會在你什麼都不想

Like, ladies, sometimes we are literally thinking about nothing.

女士們，有時我們真的什麼都不想

It's like white noise.

就像白噪音一樣。（觀眾歡呼）

It's like a guy, like, "We do think about nothing."

就像一個人、比如 "我們確實什麼都沒想"。 （觀眾大笑）

Sometimes if the channel is signed off its broadcast days.

有時，如果通道被關閉播出的日子。 （觀眾大笑）

So I'm at a red light, and I'm just staring into the distance, and my wife says,

所以我在一個紅燈前、我只是盯著 我妻子說

"Hey, you've been quiet. What are you thinking right now?"

"嘿，你一直很安靜。"你現在在想什麼？"

And I said, "Nothing, really."

我說，沒什麼，真的。

So now she doubles down.

所以現在她加倍努力。

She's like, "Hey, I want to know you. I want to know what's in there. What are you thinking?"

她說："嘿"我想了解你。 "我想知道里面有什麼。 "你在想什麼？"

So I'm like, "OK, what am I thinking right now?

所以我想，好吧，我在想什麼呢？現在？

Well, you see that billboard for egg beaters right there with the picture of the chicken with a little chef's hat on it?

看到那個雞蛋廣告牌了嗎？與圖片一起 在雞肉中加入一點廚師的 帽子？

Well, I was thinking is that photoshop or--

我在想那是 Photoshop 還是 -- （觀眾大笑）

It looks real.

它看起來很真實。

Like, did a prop guy have to make a tiny chef's hat?

道具師是否必須一頂小小的廚師帽？ （觀眾大笑）

And like, once he did, how does one affix a tiny hat to a live chicken so that it stays on long enough to photograph?

一旦他這樣做了，又該如何貼上小帽戴活雞 使其保持足夠長的時間 拍攝？

That's what I'm thinking right now.

這就是我現在的想法。

Aren't you glad we're having this conversation?

你不高興我們有這次談話？ （觀眾大笑）

It's really paying off, isn't it?"

真的有回報了，不是嗎？（觀眾大笑）

My wife also makes sure that I don't walk out of the house in anything embarrassing fashion-wise.

我的妻子還確保我不會走出家門 時尚方面的尷尬。

Like, just a simple question.

只是一個簡單的問題。

"Oh, oh, are you going out in that?"

"哦，哦，你要穿這樣出去嗎？"

And I'll say, "As a joke. Got you. I'm going to go change now."

我會說，開個玩笑。抓住你了 我要去換衣服了。 （觀眾大笑）

I would leave the house in a onesie, if I could. I don't care.

我會穿著連體衣離開家、如果可以的話 我不在乎

Just give me seven jumpsuits for the week.

給我七套連體服本週。

I don't pay attention to it.

我沒注意。

You know, men pay attention to fashion when they go out on the battlefield.

男性在以下情況下關注時尚他們走上戰場。

In all the great battles in history, fashion wins the war.

在歷史上所有偉大的戰役中時尚贏得戰爭。

That's my slogan.

這是我的口號。

Hear me out.

聽我說完。

Because I was watching an old Davy Crockett movie the other day, so I've done my research.

因為我正在看一部老式的戴維克羅克特的電影、 所以我做了調查。 （觀眾大笑）

And Davy and his boys are fighting the French Army, and I can tell who's going to win already by what they're wearing to the battlefield,

戴維和他的孩子們正在與法國軍隊作戰、 我知道誰會贏 已經從他們的穿著 戰場、

because Davy and his boys, they got like fur skin hats on and moccasins and earth tones, and they're like ninja buccaneers disappearing into the trees.

因為大威和他的孩子們他們戴著毛皮帽子 在鞋和軟皮鞋上，還有大地色系、 他們就像忍者海盜 消失在樹叢中。

And here comes the French in basically marching band uniforms,

法國人來了基本上穿著軍樂隊的制服、

in straight lines with brass buttons on the jacket, a big stovepipe hat with a white feather on the front, painted on the top.

直線型，黃銅鈕釦上衣，一頂大爐灶帽 正面有一根白色羽毛、 畫在頂部。

I'm not kidding, like, a bull's eye, a circular design of some kind that I saw just to help you out.

我不是開玩笑，就像靶心一樣、某種圓形設計 我只是想幫你。

Just to say, "Shoot me here. This is where my brain is."

只想說："朝我這裡開槍吧。"這就是我的大腦"（觀眾大笑）

Well, they're French so,

他們是法國人

"Shoot me here. This is where my brain is. This will kill me. If that does not work, look for the white X on my chest. Amazing."

"朝這裡開槍"我的大腦就在這裡。 "這會要了我的命。 "如果這不起作用、 "尋找我胸前的白色X" （觀眾大笑） 太神奇了（觀眾大笑）