For Christmas this past year, they bought each other guns.

去年的聖誕節他們買槍送給對方。

Christmas guns.

聖誕槍。

I honestly think it was a good thing.

老實說，我認為這是是件好事。

I think it's a sign that they still deeply love each other,

我認為這顯示他們仍然深愛著對方，

because I just don't think you buy your partner a gun unless you're really sure things are going to end up well.

因為我不認為你會給你的伴侶買槍，除非你真的確定結局會是好的。

I don't want to get into the politics of guns.

我不想捲入槍枝政治。

I think we can all agree, though, that if you do decide to introduce firearms into your relationship, you should both get one.

不過，我想我們都同意，如果你們確實決定在你們的關係中引入槍支，你們都應該擁有一把。

Because a marriage where only one person has a gun is really just a hostage situation.

因為只有一個人擁有槍的婚姻其實就是持有人質的狀況。

And a true marriage is a union between two equally armed people locked in a Cold War for all eternity.

真正的婚姻是兩個同樣武裝的人永遠陷入冷戰的結合。

My wife and I, we're very old-fashioned.

我和我的妻子很傳統。

No guns.

沒有槍。

It's just hand-to-hand combat and the silent treatment.

這只是徒手格鬥和沉默以對。

Actually, last time I was down in Texas, I saw a guy with a T-shirt that said, "If Jesus had a gun, he'd still be alive."

事實上，上次我在德州時，我看到一個人穿著一件 T ，上面寫著：「如果耶穌有槍，他就還活著。」

I know.

我知道。

I was like, "Buddy, you didn't finish that story, did you?"

我當時想：「兄弟，你沒把故事看完，對吧？」

Surprise ending.

驚喜結局。

Then I was like, well, how does this guy imagine it would have gone down if Jesus did have a gun?

然後我想，如果耶穌真的拿著槍，這家伙會想像會發生什麼事？

They come to arrest him and take him to the cross.

他們來逮捕他並把他帶到十字架上。

And he's just like, "Not today, Satan."

他會說：「你不會得逞的，撒旦。」

"You come at the King of kings, you best not miss."

「你們敢挑戰萬王之王，你最好不要失手。 」

"Now start saying your prayers because you're about to meet my dad."

「現在開始祈禱，因為你即將見到我父親。」

That's silly.

這太愚蠢了。