Nobody's at the front desk, just a little bell and a sign that said, "Ring for service."

前臺沒有人，只有一個小鈴鐺和一個寫著「按鈴服務」的牌子。

So there I am.

所以我就照做了。

All of a sudden, I heard this," I hear the bell."

突然，我聽到有人說：「我有聽到你按鈴。」

All of a sudden, this lady came out just...

突然這位女士走了出來...

"Are you the one ringing that damn bell? What the hell you want?"

「是你在按那個該死的鈴嗎？你到底想要幹嘛？」

"I'm checking in."

「我要入住。」

"You know what time it is? It's tomorrow."

「你知道現在幾點了嗎？已經明天了。」

"I know. I missed my flight."

「我知道。我錯過我的班機了。」

"Mm-hmm. Whatever you say.'

「嗯哼，隨驗你怎麼說。」

"What's going on out there?"

「外面發生什麼了？」

"Girl, you gotta see this. I got a big ass Mexican showing up late as hell."

「姐妹，你得看看這個。有個大屁股墨西哥人他媽有夠晚來。」

"OK... What's your name?"

「你叫什麼名字？」

"My name is Gabriel Iglesias."

「我叫加布里埃爾·伊格萊西亞斯。」

"E-glesias?"

「『埃』格萊西亞斯？」

"Yes, Iglesias."

「對，伊格萊西亞斯。」

"Okay, E-glesias. Okay. E-G-L..."

「好的。『埃』格萊西亞斯。好的。E-G-L...」

"No, no, no, no, no. It's Iglesias with an I."

「不對。是有 I 的伊格萊西亞斯。」

"With an I? But you say E-glesias, you didn't say I-glesias. You say E-glesias."

「有 I 的？但你說『埃』格萊西亞斯，不是『伊』格萊西亞斯，你說『埃』格萊西亞斯。」

"It's Iglesias with an I."

「是有 I 的伊格萊西亞斯。」

"Mm-hmm, whatever you say. It's your damn name, okay? Mr. Iglesias with an I."

「嗯哼，隨便你怎麼說，反正是你的名字。『伊』格萊西亞斯先生。」

"You know, that's bad for you."

「你知道，這對你身體不好。」

"Oh, this right here? My grandmama lived to be 100 years old."

「哦，這個嗎？我的阿嬤活到一百歲喔。」

"Smoking?"

「因為抽菸？」

"Minding her own damn business, okay? Mr. Iglesias with an I"

「因為她只管她自己的事，好媽？『伊』格萊西亞斯先生。」

"OK. I found you in the system. I got you for two nights, full size bed, non-smoking."

「好的。我在系統裡找到你了。我給你訂了兩晚、標準雙人床，禁菸房。」

"I requested a queen size bed."

「我要求的是一張加大雙人床。」

"And you would have got a queen if you'd have been here yesterday, but it's tomorrow and you're lucky I'm talking to you. Mr. Iglesias with an I."

「如果你昨天就來了，就會有一張加大雙人床，但現在已經是明天了，你很幸運我現在還在跟你說話，『伊』格萊西亞斯先生。」

"What's the I stand for? I need a bigger bed?"

「I 代表什麼？哎我需要一張更大的床？」

"What's going on out there?"

「外面發生了什麼事？」

"Girl, you gotta see this. Nacho Libre is tripping."

「姐妹，你得看看這個《衰腳神父》在這發神經。」

Whatever!

管它呢！

Give me a hard time.

真讓我不好受。

A lot has changed though, man.

不過，很多事情都變了。

For those of you that don't know by now, I finally became a dad.

現在還不知道的朋友們，我終於當爸爸了。

Thank you.

謝謝。

Hell yeah, he's 10.

是啊，他才 10 歲。

Surprised me too.

我也很驚訝!

Yeah, they found me, and it's not what you think.

是的，他們找到了我，但事情不是你想的那樣。

I didn't discover that I had a lost child.

我並不是發現我有一個孩子。

It's just that I hooked up with a beautiful woman who had a pre-started family.

而是我在跟一個美麗的女人交往，她之前就組過家庭了。

So basically, I became a stepfather.

所以，基本上我成了繼父。

You know, I just took over the payments.

接管了付錢的工作。

Best part for me is that my new son looks exactly like me.

最讓我高興的是，我的新兒子長得和我一模一樣。

He's fluffy too.

他也很蓬鬆。

10 years old, 162 pounds.

10 歲，162 磅重。

Yeah, he's a little, "Damn."

是啊，他是小隻的「天殺的！」