I don't know if you've ever met one of those peaches but...

我不知道你是否見過這些「可愛」的小孩，但...

See, most two and three year olds, they laugh at manufactured anger, performative anger.

大多數兩、三歲的孩子，他們會對裝出來的憤怒、表演性的憤怒笑。

You can go up to a kid that age and just go "ahhh" and they're like...

你去找這麼大的孩子然後「啊」一聲，他們就會...

And this kid's like "Mm-mm".

但這個孩子會說「不對」。

"I want to see your blood pressure spike, man."

「我想看到你的血壓飆升，兄弟。」

The hardest I've ever seen him laugh. It's not even close.

我最難得看到他笑的一次，甚至還差得遠呢。

That was when he flushed my car keys down the toilet, it was my fault, I guess.

就是他把我的車鑰匙沖進馬桶的時候，我想這是我的錯。

I didn't hang them up. I put them on the coffee table that I also bought, and...

我沒有把它們掛起來。我把它們放在也是我買的茶几上，然後...

I was laying on the couch. You know, it was a long day.

我躺在沙發上。你知道，那是個漫長的一天。

I see his little ass come in the room, see the keys, and he's like...

我看到那個小壞蛋走進房間，看到鑰匙，他就...

And I go, "No, don't."

我說：「不，不要。」

He picks them up. He goes, "Chase me... down the hall."

他把它們撿起來。他說：「來追我啊......在大廳裡。」

I go, okay. I give him a head start. He's three.

我說好吧。我讓他先跑。畢竟他才三歲。

When I stand up, I see him dip into the bathroom.

當我站起來時，我看到他鑽進了浴室。

I'm like, "No."

我就說：「不。」

And when I get there... and I lose my shit.

等我到了那裡.........然後我就懵了。

I don't yell at him. I'm just yelling at my life, you know?

我沒有對他大喊大叫。我只是在對我的生活大喊大叫，你知道嗎？

I'm like, "Fuck! No! Fuck!”

我說：「他媽的！不！操！」

And when I turn, he's like "That's what I'm talkin' about!"

我一轉身，他就說：「我要的生氣就是這樣！」