Name: 你有真心的朋友嗎？如果沒有，又該怎麼做呢？(How to Know If You Have Real Friends (And What to Do If You Don't))
Uploaded: 2024-02-03T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 3 min 3 s

Most of us would rush to think of a high number.

我們大多數人都會急於想出一個很高的數字。

To have to admit to having very few is, in our societies, a marker of shame and failure.

在我們的社會中，不得不承認擁有的很少是羞恥和失敗的標誌。

But what if being lonely were actually a sign of being something else? An interesting, emotionally sincere and thoughtful person.

但如果孤獨其實是另一種身分的標誌呢？ 一個有趣、情感真誠、有思想的人。

What if, in a world of superficial friendship, lonely was just what a more serious person tended naturally to be?

如果，在一個膚淺友誼的世界裡，孤獨正是一個更嚴肅的人自然傾向的樣子，該怎麼辦？

With this in mind, we might take an unusual test that seeks to explore how few friends we might actually have.

考慮到這一點，我們可能會進行一項不尋常的測試，旨在探索我們實際上擁有的朋友有多少。

(1) What do most of your so-called friends not understand about you?

(1) 大多數你所謂的朋友不了解你的是什麼？

You might have many friends, but how well-aligned are they really once you take off a sentimental lens?

你可能有很多朋友，但當你拿掉感傷的鏡頭後，他們的關係到底有多融洽呢？

How many things are there that you wouldn't dream of mentioning?

How much of your life has to go on in secret, because no one understands?

你的生活中有多少事情必須秘密進行，因為沒有人理解？

(2) Who might you turn to if you were disgraced as a result of an error on your part?

(2) 如果你因自己的錯誤而蒙羞，你會向誰求助？

If a large slice of the world were to turn against you, would there be anyone who would continue to see you as you, and not just as the weirdo or loser that society made you out to be?

如果世界上有很大一部分反對你，是否會有人繼續將你視為你自己，而不僅僅是社會將你視為怪人或失敗者？

Who could see you as both guilty maybe, and still worthy of kindness?

誰會認為你既可能有罪，又值得仁慈呢？

(3) Who would you be able to tell if there was a big problem in your relationship?

（3）如果你們的關係出現了大問題，你能告訴誰？

What if, for example, you had an affair or were drawn to the idea of having one?

例如，如果你有外遇或被外遇的想法所吸引怎麼辦？

What if your love had cooled despite there being three small children in the house? 

如果家裡有三個小孩，你們的愛情卻冷淡了怎麼辦？

Who could tolerate your destruction of society's cherished ideals of love?

誰能容忍你破壞社會所珍視的愛情理想？

(4) With whom (if anyone) could you discuss your true insecurities or complexities around sex?

(4) 你可以與誰（如果有的話）討論你在性方面真正的不安全感或複雜性？

Although society, at least in certain parts of the world, likes to present itself as immensely open,

儘管社會，至少在世界某些地區，喜歡將自己表現得非常開放，

it's a radically different matter when it comes to our erotic lives:

當涉及到我們的性生活時，這是一個完全不同的問題：

it's tricky to be an elegantly dressed Dean of the Business Faculty who wants to…

身為一個穿著優雅的商學院院長，想要…是很棘手的。

or a tank commander who... or a mother of two delightful children with a longing to...

或者是一位坦克指揮官…或是兩個可愛孩子的母親，渴望…

Anyone can like the sensible version of us, who can tolerate the idiot who lurks in all of us, 

任何人都可以喜歡懂事的我們，也可以容忍潛伏在我們所有人身上的愚蠢，

the one who is up late at night doing silly things, who spills things down their front, who messes up at work and says strange things to themselves to stay calm.

那些在深夜起床做傻事的人，那些把東西灑在胸前的人，那些在工作中搞砸的人，以及為了保持冷靜而自言自語的人。

Such questions deliberately set the bar for friendship far higher than usual.

這些問題故意將友誼的標準設定得比平常高得多。

We might have taken this test, realize that we have very few friends indeed, perhaps even none at all.

我們可能參加了這個測試，意識到我們的朋友確實很少，甚至可能根本沒有。

Many of us are, in fact, in the very same position.

事實上，我們很多人都處於同樣的境地。

And the more of us can realize it, the more we can stop pretending that friendship is as common as we say it is,

我們越能意識到這一點，我們就越能不再假裝友誼像我們所說的那麼普遍，

the less isolated we can feel for not believing in the sentimental picture we presently have of friendship.

我們越不會因為不相信目前所擁有的友誼的感傷圖景而感到孤立。

The readier we can be to one day build a friendship truly worthy of the name.

我們越有準備，有一天就能建立真正名符其實的友誼。

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你有真心的朋友嗎？如果沒有，又該怎麼做呢？(How to Know If You Have Real Friends (And What to Do If You Don't))

pretend

present

panic

matter