And the thing is, walking into Mexico from the US, they don't check anything.

問題是，從美國進入墨西哥的，他們什麼都不檢查。

There's just a big revolving door.

只有一個大旋轉門。

You walk right in.

你可以直接走進去。

They don't even check your ID.

他們甚至不檢查你的身份證。

It's easier to get into Mexico than a Costco.

進入墨西哥比進入好市多還容易。

You just walk in and that's it.

你只需走進去，就可以了。

But coming back was a totally different story.

但回來後就完全不同了。

Coming back from Mexico to the US.

從墨西哥回到美國，

There's no more revolving doors.

現在再也沒有旋轉門了。

Now, it's a concrete windowless tunnel with guards with M-16 machine guns.

那是一條沒有窗戶的水泥隧道，警衛手持 M-16 機槍。

And I was super nervous being an immigrant and all.

我作為一個移民非常緊張。

And my college buddy, Ian, next to me, he was like, "Jimmy, don't worry, man. Just tell them your American, they'll let you right through."

我旁邊的大學同學伊恩就說：「吉米，別擔心，兄弟，只要告訴他們你是美國人，他們就讓你過去了。」

I'm like, "Easy for you to say, Ian."

我說：「你說得倒容易，伊恩。」

Ian walks up, he gets through no problem.

伊恩走過去，他順利通過。

I walk up, the first thing they asked me, they're like, "Sir, are you an American citizen?"

我走上前去， 他們問我的第一件事是：「先生，你是美國公民嗎？」

I was like, "Yes," but I forgot one very minor detail that I wasn't.

我說：「是的」，但我忘了一個非常小的細節，我不是。

I was still an immigrant on a green card and I wasn't a full-on citizen yet.

我當時還是持綠卡的移民，還不是正式公民。

Next thing you know, I was detained in this 10 by 10 box and they started interrogating me.

緊接著，我就被關在一個 10×10 的箱子裡，他們開始審問我。

They're like, "Sir, why did you lie about your American citizenship?"

他們問：「先生，你為什麼要謊稱自己是美國公民？」

I was like, "I'm so sorry, I'm drunk and I really wasn't trying to lie.

我就說：「對不起，我喝醉了，我沒有打算要撒謊。

My friend in front of me told me to tell you I was American, so that's just what I did. It was a knee-jerk reaction."

我前面的朋友讓我告訴你我是美國人，我照做了，這是一種膝跳反應。」

He was like, "Well, was he American?"

他說：「他是美國人嗎？」

I was like, "Well, his name is Ian, so probably."

我說：「他叫伊恩，所以應該是吧。」

And then the officer was like, "Sir, you do understand this is a very serious offense. We could deport you for this."

然後警官說：「先生，你明白的這是非常嚴重的違法行為。 我們可以是以將你驅逐出境。」

I was like, "Deport me. I didn't even know that was an option.

我當時就想：「把我驅逐出境。我都不知道還有這個選項。

What was I going to do back in Hong Kong?

我回到香港該怎麼辦？

Restart my ping pong career?

重新開始我的乒乓生涯？

That ship has sailed, man."

那艘船已經啟航了，兄弟。」

So I was like, "Sir, please, please don't deport me.

所以我就說：「先生，請不要驅逐我。

I'm just drunk, stupid college student. I'm every bit American.

我只是喝醉了，愚蠢的大學生。我完全是美國人。

I can recite you every single Jay-Z lyric if you want me to.

如果你願意，我可以把 Jay-Z 的每一句歌詞都背給你聽，

I'm in three fantasy football leagues, if that's not American, I don't know what it is."

我還參加了三個夢幻足球聯賽。如果這還不算美國人，那我就不知道什麼才叫美國人了。」

And I got very lucky.

我非常幸運。

This is what he said.

他是這麼說的。

He was like, "Look kid, you are lucky. We are not going to deport you today, okay?

他說：「聽著，孩子，你很幸運，我們今天不會把你驅逐出境，好嗎？

But just don't ever do that again or we send you back to where you came from."

但千萬別再這麼做了，否則我們就把你送回你來的地方。」

And this motherfucker was Asian.

而這個混蛋是亞洲人。

I was like, "Where I came from, we came from the same place, dog?

我想：「我們來自同一個地方，老兄。

I think I saw you at my uncle's wedding two years ago.

我想我兩年前在我叔叔的婚禮上見過你。

Why are you gonna throw me into the bus?"

你為什麼要背叛我？」

That guy definitely watched The Great Wall many times.

那傢伙肯定看了很多遍《長城》。

But that was a very sobering experience.

但那確實是一次令人警醒的經歷。

I had been in the country for 10 years at that point, but I still wasn't American.

當時我已經在美國待了 10 年，但我仍然不是美國人。

Nothing has changed.

一切照舊。

I finally got my citizenship three years ago.

三年前，我終於拿到了公民身份。

You don't have to clap. My point is nothing has changed.

不要拍手，我的觀點是，一切都沒有改變。

Still Asian.

還是亞洲人。

Just because I got a new passport, nobody in any part of the world is going to come up to me and be like, "Hey, look, there's an American.

僅僅因為我換了新護照，世界上不會有任何人走過來對我說：「嘿，看，那是一個美國人。

Holy shit. He looks just like Rocky Balboa. Oh my God."

天阿，他看起來就像洛奇-巴爾博亞。我的天啊。」

No, no, no, no.

不，不，不，不。

The first day I got my passport, I was feeling real patriotic.

拿到護照的第一天，我就感受到了真正的愛國主義。

So I went to my local Hooters.

於是我去了當地的 Hooters。

Yeah, I was drinking a Coors Light.

是啊，我喝的是 Coors Light。

I was watching the World Cup.

我在看世界盃。

It was USA versus Mexico.

這是美國對墨西哥的比賽。

And I was like, "Man, I am cheering for team USA. I am American, finally."

我當時想：「我要為美國隊加油。我終於成為美國人了。」

And this old Mexican dude came up to me.

然後有個墨西哥老頭走到我面前。

He couldn't really speak English, and this is what he said.

他不太會說英語。他是這樣說的。

He was like, "Amigo. Mexico, Korea, tomorro. Huh?"

他說：「朋友，墨西哥，韓國，明天齁？」

And I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about? What, are you trying to start World War Three or something?"

我就想：「你他媽在說什麼？你想發動什麼，第三次世界大戰還是什麼？」

I'm not even a Korean.

我甚至不是韓國人。

He managed to insult me with the only three English words he knew.

他用僅有的三個英語單詞侮辱了我。

So I really felt the need to explain myself.

所以我真的覺得有必要解釋一下。

I was like, "Sir, I'm not, I'm not Korean, I'm Chinese," and he looked back to his friends and he was like, "oh, pinche chinito."

我說：「先生，我不是韓國人，我是華人」他回頭看了看他的朋友，然後說：「哦該死的華人。」

And I'm like, "Sir, you, you do know that I can understand what that means. Ok? I have Mexican friends back home just like you."

我就說：「先生，你知道我能明白你說什麼吧。我在家鄉也有和你一樣的墨西哥朋友。」

He was like, "No, I'm not Mexican, I'm El Salvador."

他說：「不，我不是墨西哥人，我是薩爾瓦多人。」

And I'm like, "Oh, great. Now I'm the fucking racist."

我想：「哦，太好了。現在我才是那個種族主義者了。」