I wanna be the drummer from Coldplay so badly, 'cause that dude is rich as shit and no one knows who the fuck he is.

我非常想成為酷玩樂團的鼓手，因為那哥們富得流油，卻沒人知道他是誰。

No one knows who the drummer from Coldplay is.

沒有人知道酷玩樂團的鼓手是誰。

He could be here and no one would know.

他可能就在這裡也沒有人會知道。

It could be you. It could be you. It could be you.

可能是你，可能是你，也可能是你 。

I'm not sure it's an Indian woman but it could be.

我不確定是不是印度女人，但有可能是。

We don't know.

我們不知道。

I'm obsessed with the idea that this guy has the best life in the world.

我痴迷於這傢伙擁有世界上最美好生活的想法。

And I was telling my friend about this and she tried to tell me something that she was trying to portray as a bad thing.

我把這件事告訴了我的朋友，她試圖把這件事形容成是一件壞事。

Apparently he loves Game of Thrones, so he said to HBO, "Can I be in Game of Thrones?"

顯然，他喜歡《冰與火之歌》，於是他對 HBO 說：「我能出演《冰與火之歌》嗎？ 」

And they were like, "Yeah, man, you're the drummer from Coldplay. You can do literally anything you want."

他們說：「可以啊，你是酷玩樂團的鼓手。你可以做任何你想做的事。 」

"We'll restart the Sopranos if that's something that will make you happy, right?."

「我們可以重啟《黑道家族》，如果這能讓你高興的話。」

Now, he's in Game of Thrones.

他出演了《冰與火之歌》。

Confession time. I don't watch Game of Thrones, but even I know the Red Wedding is an important episode of Game of Thrones, right?

我要自白，我沒有看過《冰與火之歌》，但連我都知道《血色婚禮》是《冰與火之歌》中的重要情節，對嗎？

He is in the Red Wedding. Guess what he is doing in the Red wedding.

他參演了《血色婚禮》，猜猜他演什麼。

He is the drummer in the wedding band.

他是婚禮樂隊的鼓手。

That is the extent to which this guy's anonymity is a borderline superpower.

這傢伙的匿名度在某種程度上來說簡直是種邊緣人超能力了。

He is in the most famous episode of one of the most popular television shows in the world, doing the thing he is famous for and no one noticed.

他出演世界上最受歡迎的電視節目中最有名的一集中做著他最出名的事情，卻沒有人注意到他。

That is Kaiser Souzai shit.

真就像 Kaiser Souzai 。

And my friend was telling me that she read a supposedly embarrassing story that one of the actors told.

我的朋友告訴我，她讀到了其中一位演員講的一個據說很尷尬的故事。

One of the actors said that when they were shooting the Red Wedding, he was making small talk with the extras and he got round to the drummer from Coldplay and said, "Are you a full-time extra?"

其中一位演員說，在拍攝《血色婚禮》時，他和臨時演員閒聊，聊到酷玩樂團的鼓手時，他說：「你是全職臨時演員嗎？」

And the guy was like, "No, I'm a musician."

那傢伙說：「不，我是個音樂家。」

So he said to the drummer from Coldplay, "Do you play on anything I might have heard of?"

於是他對酷玩樂團的鼓手說：「你有演奏過我可能聽過的任何音樂嗎？」

To which, the drummer from Coldplay was presumably like, "Have you heard of all music? 'Cause I'm basically the drummer on all music."

對此，酷玩樂團的鼓手回應說：「你聽說過所有的音樂嗎？因為我基本上是所有音樂的鼓手。」

And my friend tried to tell me this like, this was a sad thing.

我的朋友試著告訴我這是一件悲傷的事。

She was like, "Oh, this guy's in Coldplay, but no one knows that he's in Coldplay. Isn't that sad?"

她說：「哦，這傢伙是酷玩樂團的，但沒人知道他是。這難道不可悲嗎？」

No, 'cause the problem with being in Coldplay is that people hate Coldplay.

不會，因為酷玩樂團的問題在於人們討厭酷玩樂隊。

People hate Coldplay so much.

人們太討厭酷玩樂團了。

And the people who hate Coldplay don't say things like, "Oh, it's not to my taste."

討厭酷玩樂團的人不會說：「哦，他們的音樂不對我的胃口」之類的話。

They say things like this, "I hate Coldplay."

他們會歇斯底里地說：「我討厭酷玩樂團。」

But what you mean when you say that is, "I hate Chris Martin."

但真正的意思其實是「我討厭克里斯馬丁。」

No one is angry with the drummer from Coldplay.

沒有人對酷玩樂團的鼓手生氣。

All of us have been like, "Oh, they're coming from Coldplay."

我們所有人都覺得：「哦，他們是酷玩樂團的。」

And I know what you're thinking.

我知道你在想什麼。

You're thinking, "Nish, why are you so obsessed with the drummer from Coldplay?"

你在想：「Nish，你為什麼這麼癡迷於成為酷玩樂團的鼓手？」

There's two other people in that band.

樂團裡還有另外兩個人。

We don't know anything about them either.

我們對他們也一無所知。

And you know what?

你知道嗎？

You're right.

你說得對。

There's a guitar player and a bassist in Coldplay.

酷玩樂團裡有一個吉他手和一個貝斯手。

I wouldn't know them even if they were here.

即使他們在這裡，我也不會認識他們。

I assume it's you two, but only 'cause he sat next to her and I spoke to her already.

我猜是你們倆，但這只是因為他坐在她旁邊，而我已經和她說過話了。

That's all I've got to go on.

我能猜的就這麼多。

They have the exact same life as the drummer.

他們的生活和鼓手一模一樣。

'Cause I did a bit of research into this.

因為我對此做了一些研究。

Turns out Coldplay is one of those bands where they split the royalties equally.

原來，酷玩樂團是那種平分版稅的樂隊。

So they have the exact same life as the drummer, apart from one detail.

所以，他們的生活和鼓手完全一樣，除了一個細節。

They have the exact same life as the drummer.

他們的生活與鼓手完全一樣。

They have the same level of wealth, access and anonymity.

他們擁有同樣的財富、資源和匿名度。

But crucially, the drummer is sat down and that is the dream.

但最關鍵的是，鼓手可以坐下。這就是我的夢想。