I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.

我在香港的成長過程真的超級刻板印象的。

Like, like my real name is not even Jimmy.

比如，比如我的真名不叫吉米。

That's my English name.

這是我的英文名字。

My real name is Man Xing in Cantonese is maan sing.

我的粵語真名是萬成，廣東話唸作 maan sing。

It stands for 10,000 success.

代表 10,000 次成功。

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

沒錯。

I have very ambitious parents and now I'm telling dick jokes and doing Tai Chi on stage, so.

我有一對雄心勃勃的父母，現在我在舞臺上講雞雞笑話、打太極。

Jimmy was just kind of like an arbitrary English name that just sounded easy.

吉米就是一個聽起來很簡單，很隨便的英文名字。

And my dad, he named himself Richard.

我爸爸給自己取名理查。

I was like, "Dad, why did you name yourself Richard?"

我當時問：「爸爸，你為什麼給自己取名理查？」

He was like, "Because I want to be rich." That makes so much sense.

他說：「因為我想成為有錢人。」這取名的邏輯太有道理了。

And then they named my older brother Roger after the James Bond actor Roger Moore.

然後他們用詹姆斯-龐德的演員羅傑-摩爾的名字給我哥哥取名羅傑。

Yeah, but my brother hated that name.

是的，但我哥哥討厭這個名字。

He was like, "Man, it makes me sound like an old white guy."

他說：「這讓我聽起來像個老白人。」

So eventually he changed his own name to Roy.

於是，他最終把自己的名字改成了羅伊。

So now he sounds like an older white guy and now his full name is Roy Roger, which is the oldest white guy to ever white.

所以現在他聽起來像個老白人，現在他的全名是羅伊-羅傑，有史以來最老的白人。

I was very good at math.

我數學很好。

That's a big Asian stereotype.

這是亞洲人的一大刻板印象。

I think there's some truth to that.

我覺得這話有一定道理。

Not because of some weird genetic thing just because our parents care so much more about mathematics and academics, right?

不是因為我們的父母更關心數學和學術，而是因為某種奇怪的遺傳，對嗎？

You guys seen it, you guys seen those like Kumon learning centers and those strip malls? Right?

你們見過在購物中心裡的那些功文學習中心嗎？沒錯。

Kumon learning centers, for you guys don't know, are basically detention camps for young Asian children.

不知道的人，功文學習中心基本上都是亞裔青少年的拘留營。

You can tell that place is kind of fucked up by the look of its logo because it is supposed to be a smiley face, but it's not really smiling.

你可以從它的標誌看出這個地方有點糟糕，因為它應該是一個笑臉，但它並沒有笑。

It's just like.

就像這樣。

My parents were way too cheap to send me to Kumon.

我父母太小氣了，不會把我送去功文學習中心。

They got a different strategy.

他們有其他的策略。

They never let me use a calculator until I turned 15.

在我 15 歲之前，他們從不讓我使用計算機。

So I can work on my brain function.

這樣我就可以鍛鍊我的大腦功能了。

That's an old school Chinese strategy, you know.

這是傳統的中國學習策略。

So when I turned 15, it was a very special occasion.

所以當我滿 15 歲時，那是一個非常特殊的時刻。

It was basically my quinceanera.

那基本上是我的成人禮，

My dad just gave me a TI 83 plus.

我爸爸給我一台 TI-83 Plus 計算機，

And he looked me in the eyes and he was like, "You're a woman now. OK?"

然後他看著我的眼睛對我說：「你現在是個成年女人了。」

I know I make fun of my parents.

我知道我取笑過我的父母。

But at the end of the day, I love them very much.

但歸根結底，我非常愛他們。

I think we all do, right?

我想我們都是這樣，對嗎？

But Asian people, we don't ever say I love you to each other.

但亞洲人，我們從不互相說我愛你。

That's just not our thing.

我們不喜歡這樣。

One time I got high and I called my mom.

有一次我喝醉了，就給我媽打電話。

I was like, "Mom. I just want to tell you Mom, I love you."

我說：「媽媽。我只想告訴你，媽媽，我愛你。」

And you can hear her start like crying on the other side of the line.

你可以聽到她在電話那頭哭泣。

She was like, "Oh Jimmy, do you have a cancer?"

她：「吉米，你得了癌症嗎？」

We just got different ways of showing love.

我們只是表達愛的方式不同而已。

Like when I see my grandmother, I don't give her a hug. I just give her a solid handshake.

就像我見到祖母時，我不會給她一個擁抱，我只是和她緊緊握手。

We are not about that hugging and Asian grandma they're the best.

我們不喜歡擁抱，亞洲奶奶是最讚的。

You give her a handshake. She is like a vending machine.

你和她握手，她就像一臺自動販賣機。

You give her a handshake, out comes a red envelope.

你給她握手，她就會給你一個紅包，

And you got to pretend you don't want that shit.

你還要假裝你不想要那玩意兒。

You're like, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, please. Ok, thank you."

你必須說：「不不不不不了。好吧，謝謝。」

That's just how we show love.

這就是我們表達愛的方式。

My dad still calls me like 20 times a day just to check up on me.

我爸爸每天還會給我打 20 多個電話，詢問我的情況。

It's annoying but I understand that's how he shows love.

這很煩人，但我知道這是他表達愛的方式。

I was talking to my friend here and he was like, "Oh I haven't, I haven't talked to my dad in three weeks."

我和我的朋友哈拉，他說：「哦，我已經三個星期沒和我爸爸說話了。」

I am like, "What is he, in jail?"

我說：「他怎麼會在監獄裡？」

He was like, "No, I live with him. I just haven't talked to him in three weeks."

他說：「不，我和他住在一起。我已經三個星期沒和他說話了。」

I am like, "You do understand if I don't call my dad back in three hours. He is gonna call 911."

我說：「你知道如果我三個小時內不給我爸爸回電話，他會打 911。」

"911, what's your emergency?

「911，你有什麼緊急情況？」

"My son is a dead."

「我兒子死了。」

He's like, "Sir, is everything okay? Is your son dead?"

他說：「先生，一切都還好嗎？你兒子死了嗎？」

He is like, "No, but he is a dead to me. Oay, bye."

他說：「不，但對我來說他已經死了。好的，再見。」