They seem really likable and authentic and like the kind of person that even you would want to get to know.

And then I feel like there's the rest of us.

然後，我覺得我們其他人也是如此，我們尷尬地穿梭於各種談話中，害怕說錯話，然後不可避免地在晚上躺在床上想，我為什麼要開口呢？

We're awkwardly navigating through various conversations, afraid of saying the wrong thing and then inevitably still laying in bed at night wondering, "Why did I open my mouth at all?"

What is it about somebody that makes them so magnetic and charismatic and likable?

是什麼讓一個人如此有磁性、有魅力、討人喜歡？

Well, according to Vanessa Van Edwards, who's the author of this audio book I listened to recently called Cues.

Vanessa V Edwards 是我最近聽的這本名為《線索》的有聲書的作者。

She said that highly charismatic people rank high in two specific traits: warmth and competence.

她說，極具魅力的人在兩個特定特質上排名靠前，即熱情和能力。

But here's the problem.

但問題就在這裡。

Most of us have an imbalance between these two traits.

我們中的大多數人都有這兩種不平衡的特質。

We tend to be either more warm or more competent, but very few of us possess a good balance of both.

我們往往要麼更熱情，要麼更能幹，但很少有人能在兩者之間取得良好的平衡。

So if like me, you're highly warm, you know that it has its perks.

是以，如果你像我一樣非常熱情，你就會知道它有它的好處。

You come across as very trustworthy, compassionate and friendly, essentially, you're approachable and you make people feel comfortable.

你給人的印象是非常值得信賴、富有同情心和友好，基本上，你平易近人，讓人感覺很舒服。

But the downside is this overwhelming warmth can sometimes overshadow your competence.

但缺點是，這種壓倒性的熱情有時會掩蓋你的能力。

It can leave others with the impression that you're not particularly impressive or powerful.

這會給別人留下你並不特別出眾或強大的印象。

On the flip side, if you lean more towards competence, I feel like Robin is very competent, for example.

反之亦然。如果你更傾向於能力，我覺得羅賓非常能幹。

Then you're someone who is seen as capable, respectable, important.

舉例來說，如果你在別人眼中是一個有能力、值得尊敬的人，那麼重要的人就會認真對待你，當你有話要說時，他們也會認真傾聽，但缺點是你可能會顯得難以接近或令人生畏。

People take you seriously and they really listen when you've got something to say, but the downside is you might come across as unapproachable or intimidating.

So in both cases, your strength can also be your weakness.

是以，在這兩種情況下，你的長處也可能是你的短處。

And what you'll find is that people who are charismatic often have a good balance between both warmth and competence.

你會發現，有魅力的人往往在熱情和能力之間取得了很好的平衡。

So today, we're going to dive into some social skills that genuinely help to make people more interesting and charismatic.

是以，今天我們將深入探討一些社交技巧，它們能真正幫助人們變得更有趣、更有魅力。

Let's get into it.

讓我們開始吧。

I'm naturally a very awkward person.

我天生就是個笨手笨腳的人。

And one of the books that helped me to become a better communicator was Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends & Influence People.

戴爾-卡耐基（Dale Carnegie）的《如何贏得朋友和影響他人》（how to win friends and influence people）是幫助我成為一名更好的溝通者的書籍之一。

And one of the most impactful tips that I took away from that book is to use people's names in conversations.

我從這本書中得到的最有影響力的建議之一，就是在對話中使用別人的名字。

Carnegie says that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound to them.

卡耐基說，一個人的名字對他來說是最甜美、最重要的聲音。

And it makes sense, right?

這很有道理，對嗎？

Like our name has been a part of our identity since we were born.

就像我們的名字從出生起就是我們身份的一部分。

So using someone's name in a conversation immediately creates familiarity and rapport.

是以，在談話中使用某人的名字，會立即產生熟悉感和融洽感，在談話中隨意使用某人的名字，會散發出溫暖的氣息，也會讓人覺得你記住了他的名字。

Casually using someone's name in conversation, it radiates warmth, but also competence like you remember their name.

But if you're anything like me you have a very hard time remembering people's names and this is where Carnegie gave a tip to try to repeat the person's name three times during your first initial conversation with them.

但如果你和我一樣，很難記住別人的名字，這就是卡耐基給你的建議，在與對方初次交談時，儘量重複對方的名字三遍。

Just to help to commit it to memory.

只是為了幫助記憶。

So you could say something like, "Hey, what's your name? Robin?"

所以你可以說，嘿，你叫什麼名字？羅賓？

"Oh, hey, Robin, nice to meet you."

哦，嘿，羅賓，很高興見到你。

"Is that Robin with a Y or with an I?

羅賓的名字是 "Y "還是 "I"？

Bam, I just said their name three times.

我剛說了三遍他們的名字。

I used to feel so much pressure in social interactions; pressure that I had to say something interesting or that I had to be interesting,

在社交中，我曾經感到壓力很大，我必須說一些有趣的話，或者我必須變得有趣，直到我學會為止。

until I learned and this is again from Carnegie, he said, "Be interested. Not interesting."

這又是卡內基說的，他說，要有興趣。沒意思。

I think at its core, people will find you interesting if you find them interesting, all of us just wanna feel acknowledged and listened to and the best way to connect with somebody is to just truly care about what they're saying.

我認為，從根本上說，如果你覺得別人有趣，別人也會覺得你有趣，我們每個人都只想感受到被認可、被傾聽，而與人溝通的最好方式就是真正關心他們在說什麼。

And you can show this through your actions by asking questions by leaning in and using non verbal cues, like smiling and nodding to show them that you're fully engaged in the conversation.

你可以通過你的行動來證明這一點，比如通過傾身提問和使用非語言暗示，比如微笑和點頭，讓他們知道你在全神貫注地參與談話。

And now this is a crucial tip: if somebody shares with you that for example, they love to paint.

如果有人跟你說他們喜歡畫畫，這就是一個很重要的提示。

I think it can kind of be almost an instinct for us to try to relate that story back to our own life.

我認為，試圖將這個故事與我們自己的生活聯繫起來，幾乎是我們的一種本能。

So you might say something like, "Oh, my uncle paints too."

所以你可能會說，哦，我叔叔也畫畫。

And while you might think that this creates a sense of shared experience,

雖然你可能會認為這樣會產生一種共享經驗的感覺。

it can actually really derail the conversation because it's taking the story away from them and it's turning it towards yourself.

這實際上會讓對話脫軌，因為這是把故事從他們身上轉移到你自己身上。

So instead of following your connection to the subject, you can instead try to follow your curiosity, ask them about their arts.

是以，與其追隨你與主題的聯繫，不如嘗試追隨你的好奇心，問問他們的藝術。

You know, whether they prefer acrylics or oils, ask them about their latest creation.

無論他們喜歡丙烯畫還是油畫，都可以問問他們最近的創作。

Essentially, this just gives them space to share more and it continues to show that you're interested in them.

從本質上講，這只是給了他們更多的分享空間，並繼續表明你對他們感興趣。

Ultimately, people will remember not what you did or what you said, but how you made them feel.

最終，人們記住的不是你做了什麼或說了什麼，而是你給他們帶來的感受。

Now when the conversation does turn to you try to use something called conversational threading.

現在，當話題轉到你身上時，試著使用一種叫做 "對話線程 "的方法。

This essentially means offering several threads or topics that the other person can hook on to, to keep the conversation rolling.

這主要是指提供幾條線程或話題，讓對方可以抓住這些線程或話題，從而保持對話的持續進行。

So for example, if someone were to ask, "What did you do this weekend?" instead of saying, "Oh, nothing, I just relaxed,"

是以，舉個例子，如果有人問，你這個週末都做了些什麼，而不是說，哦，沒什麼，我只是放鬆了一下，這很無辜。

which is innocent enough, and it's really okay to also respond like that if you don't want the conversation to continue,

如果你不想讓對話繼續下去，也可以這樣迴應。

but essentially, if you do say that it kind of shuts the conversation down.

但從根本上說，如果你這麼說了，那就等於把談話給中止了。

So what you could try to say instead is "Oh, not much. I went for a hike. I tried a new sushi place. And I also started this really great new book."

所以，你可以試著說，哦，不多。我去遠足了。 我嘗試了一家新的壽司店。 我還開始讀一本非常棒的新書。

You see what this does is it offers the other person several opportunities for what they can ask next.

你看，這樣做的目的就是為對方提供了多個機會，讓他們可以提出下一個問題。

They could ask you know, "Where did you go hiking? What book are you reading?"

他們可能會問，你去哪裡遠足了？你都在讀什麼書？

All in all, it just creates more opportunities to connect.

這隻會創造更多聯繫的機會。

It invites trust and it radiates warmth in social interactions.

在社會交往中，它招致信任，散發溫暖。

I think we often feel like we need to be perfect, especially for meeting somebody for the first time.

我認為，我們常常覺得自己需要完美，尤其是在初次見面時。

But striving for perfection can actually create distance.

但追求完美實際上會造成距離。

It can make us seem inapproachable or inauthentic.

這會讓我們顯得不近人情或不真實。

In psycholog, the pratfall effect suggests that people become more likable when they display some form of vulnerability or if they make a mistake, as long as they were generally competent to begin with.

在心理學中。普拉特墜落效應表明，如果人們表現出某種形式的脆弱，或者犯了錯誤，那麼他們就會變得更討人喜歡，只要他們一開始總體上是稱職的。

So for example, we started noticing this when we started adding bloopers to some of our videos.

舉例來說，當我們開始在一些視頻中加入 "爆料 "時，我們就注意到了這一點，它讓我們的視頻從看起來非常有條理、乾淨、完美，變得更有親和力。我們的觀眾似乎真的非常喜歡它。

It took our videos from looking very curated, clean, perfect to being a bit more relatable, and our audience really, really seems to love it.

Yay for nutrition and ground flax seed. That's felt so cheesy.

營養和磨碎的亞麻籽讓我們覺得前往奧地利的路是如此俗氣，並開始結束，但這真是一團糟。

Heading our way over to Austria and start ending.

This is a bloody mess.

So obviously, this isn't about purposefully making mistakes or adopting flaws.

是以，這顯然不是故意犯錯或採用缺陷。

It's more about not hiding imperfections when they naturally come up and let this take a whole lot of the pressure off.

更重要的是，當不完美自然而然地出現時，不要遮遮掩掩，讓它為你減輕許多壓力。

You know, it means that you can laugh when you've made a clumsy mistake.

要知道，這意味著當你犯了一個笨拙的錯誤時，你可以笑出來。

It means you can admit when you don't know something.

這意味著你可以真誠地承認自己不知道什麼，這讓你在心理學上更有親和力、更討人喜歡、更惹人喜愛。

Genuinely, it makes you more relatable, more likable, more endearing.

In psychology, there's also this really interesting principle known as spontaneous trait transference.

還有一個非常有趣的原理，叫做自發特質轉移。

The idea is that if you describe somebody as say, hard-working or smart, whoever is listening to your story might associate you with those very traits.

這個想法的意思是，如果你形容某人勤奮或聰明，那麼無論誰聽了你的故事，都可能會聯想到你的這些特質。

But the reverse is also true.

但反之亦然。

If you label somebody as lazy or unreliable, you might find that you also get associated with those same labels.

如果你給某人貼上懶惰或不負責任的標籤，你可能會發現自己也會被貼上同樣的標籤。

Sometimes we feel that gossiping about somebody makes us more relatable and likable because we've got the inside scoop; we've got some juicy details to share.

有時我們會覺得，說別人的閒話會讓我們更有親和力、更討人喜歡，因為我們掌握了內幕消息。我們將與您分享一些鮮為人知的細節。

But what my sister always used to tell me is that if someone is gossiping to you, chances are they're also gossiping about you.

但我姐姐經常告訴我的是，如果有人對你說閒話，他們很可能也在說你的閒話。

Subconsciously, we might start to feel like that other person is not very trustworthy or that they're not very kind.

潛意識裡，我們可能會開始覺得對方不太值得信任，或者他們不太善良。

And so this isn't like a cautionary tale against gossiping, but more so just like a reminder that how we talk about others shapes how we ourselves are viewed.

是以，這並不是一個反對說閒話的警示故事，而更像是一個提醒：我們如何談論他人，就會如何看待我們自己。

So if you're gonna chat about somebody else, try to speak about them positively, it's also gonna reflect positively on you.

所以，如果你要談論別人，儘量正面地談論他們，這也會對你產生積極的影響。

You do not need to be Elon Musk or have a Ph.D. in mathematics to be seen as competent and interesting.

你不需要成為埃隆-馬斯克（Elon Musk），也不需要擁有數學博士學位，就能被視為有能力和有趣的人。

I feel that every single one of us has skills and hobbies that we excel at, even if it's something like cooking or crocheting, you know, what seems mundane to you is definitely gonna be fascinating to somebody else.

我覺得我們每個人都有自己擅長的技能和愛好，哪怕是烹飪或鉤針編織之類的東西，你知道，在你看來平淡無奇的東西，在別人看來肯定會很吸引人。

So don't underestimate your expertise.

是以，不要低估自己的專業技能，要擁有自己的技能，也不要羞於在談話中分享自己的技能，這能顯示出自信和能力，而人們自然會被這種自信和能力所吸引。

Own your skills and don't shy away from sharing them in conversations either. It shows confidence and competence which people are naturally drawn to.

When you appreciate your own unique qualities and you're authentically engaged in your own life, you're gonna naturally exhibit a self assured confidence that other people are gonna find worthy of respect.

當你欣賞自己的獨特品質，真實地投入到自己的生活中時，你會自然而然地表現出一種自信，讓別人覺得值得尊敬。

So becoming likable and respected is not about some elusive X factor; it's about balancing warmth and competence.

是以，變得討人喜歡和受人尊敬並不是什麼難以捉摸的 X 因素。這就是要在溫暖和能力之間取得平衡。

Making other people feel at ease while also being authentically engaged in your own life.

讓他人感到安心的同時，也能真實地投入自己的生活。

And I think the most important tip of all is to go into a conversation with the intention of having fun rather than with the intention of saying, you know, "I hope they like me."

我認為最重要的竅門是，在談話時要抱著 "玩得開心 "的心態，而不是 "我希望他們喜歡我 "的心態。

I hope you enjoyed today's video.

希望你們喜歡今天的視頻。

If you did feel free to give it a thumbs up, it always means a lot.

如果你真的這麼做了，請隨時豎起大拇指，這對你來說意義重大。

Thanks for hanging with me today, friends.

謝謝你今天陪我哈拉。

Pick Up Limes signing off and I'll see you in the next video.

朋友們拿起 Limes 簽收，我們下期視頻再見。