It's my tea. I know it looks like a magic lamp but it's not, it's my tea.

這是我的茶。我知道它看起來像一個神奇的燈，但它不是，它是我的茶。

I have to drink this as much as possible.

我必須盡量多喝這個。

So it's true, this is sort of like my medicine.

這是真的，這有點像我的藥物。

I have to drink it. Why?

我必須喝它。為什麼？

Because I lost my voice.

因為我失聲了。

But it wasn't like weekend lose your voice, it wasn't like, "Oh, what a great party, I lost the voice"

但這不是像週末失聲那樣，也不是像「哦，真是個盛大的派對，我失聲了。」

No, no. Voice totally gone.

不，不，聲音完全消失了。

What happened was I was doing shows in New York.

事情是這樣的，我在紐約演出。

A whole lot of performances and then one day, in the middle of a show my voice disappeared.

很大的表演，然後有一天，在一場演出中，我的聲音突然消失了。

Out of nowhere, I was talking, talking, talking, talking and then, it's gone.

出乎意料，我一直在講話，講話，講話，然後，它消失了。

Now at first I thought it was just a small thing, it will go away,

起初，我以為這只是一個小問題，它會消失的，

but it didn't, it got worse every day, every day my voice got worse and worse.

但它沒有，它每天都變得更糟，聲音每天都變得越來越糟。

Finally I ended in New York and was coming back to South Africa through London.

最終，我離開紐約，通過倫敦返回南非。

So while I was in London I met a doctor there, a horrible doctor because his advice was, "Maybe you should just keep quite Trevor, yeah?

在倫敦的時候，我見過一位醫生，一位很糟糕的醫生，因為他的建議是：「也許你應該保持安靜，Trevor，對吧？」

maybe you should keep quite, keep quite for a few days and there after, what you should do is speak in a confidential voice, yes? Speak in a confidential voice."

也許你應該保持安靜，保持安靜幾天，然後之後，你應該用一種私密的聲音說話，對吧？用私密的聲音說話。」

That's what he told me to do, speak in a confidential voice.

這就是他告訴我的，用私密的聲音說話。

A confidential voice is basically you speaking very softly, very hum.

私密的聲音基本上是你非常輕聲細語地說話。

So basically everywhere you go you talk like this, you know what I mean?

所以基本上你走到哪裡都像這樣說話，你知道我的什麼意思嗎？

This is, this is what you got to do.

這就是，這就是你要做的。

Basically like white people in the office *whispering*

基本上就像辦公室裡的白人 *耳語*

"What's that?"

「你說什麼？」

"No nothing, we're good here. See you guys at the braai, ha, ha."

「沒什麼，我們很好。在燒烤派對見，哈哈。」

*whispering*

*耳語*

That's a confidential voice."

這就是私密的聲音。

Now, the problem with a confidential voice is that you have to lean in when you speak to people, right?

現在，私密聲音的問題是，當你對人說話時，你必須靠近他們，對吧？

And then two things happen.

然後會發生兩種事情。

One, I don't know why but if you speak softly or you whisper, people will whisper back to you.

第一，我不知道為什麼，但如果你說話輕聲細語，人們會對你耳語。

I don't know why this happens.

我不知道為什麼會發生這種情況。

I went into a shop, I was trying to buy a computer.

我進了一家商店，我試圖買一台電腦。

This guy comes at me and he says "Hey sir, how you doing, you good man? Are you good?"

有個人走向我，他說：「嘿，先生，你好嗎，一切順利嗎？你好嗎？」

I was like, "Hey yes, I just need to buy some computers, please."

我說：「嗨，是的，我只是想買一些電腦。」

"Oh, you looking at some of those laptops over there?"

「哦，你在看那邊的筆電嗎？」

I said, "Yeah, just some of the laptops."

我說：「是的，就是一些筆電。」

"Yeah, well over here we have a great range of computers."

「是的，這裡我們有各種優質的電腦。」

"What are you doing, why are you whispering?"

「你在做什麼，為什麼耳語？」

"No I am not whispering, I don't know what you mean."

「不，我沒有耳語，我不知道你在說什麼。」

You are whispering, why?

你在耳語，為什麼？

It's like I am injured and now you are limping. What the hell is going on here?

就像我受傷了，現在你也在一瘸一拐的。這到底是怎么回事？

The second weird thing that happened was because I was speaking like this, some people thought I was trying to have sex with them.

第二個奇怪的事情是，因為我說話像這樣，有些人以為我試圖與他們發生性關係。

Yeah, it was weird for me at first and then I realise this actually was happening.

對我來說一開始很奇怪，然後我意識到這實際上是發生了。

The worst incident was when I was visiting friends of mine in Adderley, right?

最糟糕的一次是當我去探望我的朋友在 Adderley 時，

and I went to the Chicken Licken with my boys, we are hanging out.

我和我的朋友去了Chicken Licken，我們出門晃晃。

It's a normal day, we're just getting food, you know?

那是一個很平常的日子，我們只是在吃東西，你知道的嗎？

We walk up to the counter, the woman there said, "Welcome to Chicken Licken sir, can I take your order, please?"

我們走到櫃檯，那裡的女士說：「歡迎來到Chicken Licken，先生，我可以為您點餐嗎？」

I said, "I would like four pieces of chicken, please."

我說：「我想要四塊雞肉。」

"You want some chicken?"

「你要一些雞肉嗎？」

"I'm gonna give you the breasts and the thighs."

「我會給你胸部和大腿。」

She was chasing me down the street, you know how scared I was running away holding my chicken screaming for help in a confidential voice?

她在街上追著我，你知道我多害怕，拿著雞肉跑著呼喊求救，以私密的聲音？

"Help me, help me, help me."

「幫助我，幫助我，幫助我。」

So this clearly didn't help.

所以這顯然沒有幫助。

I come back to South Africa and I meet a doctor here, a voice doctor who happens to be one of the best in the world.

我回到南非，遇到了一位這裡的聲音醫生，他碰巧是世界上最好的。

And he does an exam of my voice, finds exactly what I have, hemorrhagic polyp.

他檢查了我的聲音，找到了我的問題，出血性息肉，

and he says we have to go in for surgery, which stresses me out, I go "What? We have got to go in for the surgery?"

他說我們必須進行手術，這讓我感到緊張，我說：「什麼？我們必須進行手術嗎？」

"Yeah Trevor, that is not helping. Just stop doing that."

「是的，特雷弗，這樣做不會有幫助。請停止這樣做。」

"What do you mean?"

「你是什麼意思？」

The doctor said, " I don't want to have sex with you so just stop doing that."

醫生說：「我不想與你發生性關係，所以停止這樣說話。」

"You are going in for surgery."

「你要進行手術。」

Surgery. Surgery, you know how scared I was now? Surgery, it was stressful.

手術。手術，你知道我有多害怕嗎？手術，這是壓力山大。

The worst thing about the surgery was the process around the surgery.

手術最糟糕的地方是手術周圍的過程。

I wasn't allowed to speak for the week before the surgery and then after surgery, completely silent for one month.

在手術前一周我不被允許說話，然后手術後，完全無聲一個月。

Yeah, one month.

是的，一個月。

No speaking, no whispering, no humming, no coughing or even sneezing. Nothing.

不說話，不耳語，不哼唱，不咳嗽，甚至不打噴嚏。什麼都不行。

You make no sound otherwise you will damage the voice after surgery, yeah.

你不能發出任何聲音，否則手術後會損壞聲音，是的。

Which seems easy for the first few days because you think it's fun, you're like, "Oh I will just keep quite, I will just be a mime."

起初幾天似乎很容易，因為你覺得這很有趣，你會說：「哦，我只是保持安靜，我只會做個默劇演員。」

And then it gets boring and then it gets difficult.

然後變得無聊，然後變得困難。

'Cause then you start meeting people what know you and want to have conversations.

因為你開始遇到認識你的人，想要交談。

Fans in the streets, friendly people, you know.

街上的粉絲，友善的人，你知道的。

White people were the best to me, I won't lie.

白人對我最好，我不會說謊。

'Cause white people are impatient, I like that.

因為白人不耐煩，我喜歡這一點。

Yeah, white people have no time for anything. I have seen this.

是的，白人對什麼都沒有耐心。我見識過這一點。

White people don't like to wait, they are always in a hurry, always something to do.

白人不喜歡等待，他們總是趕時間，總是有事情要做。

They come up to me, "Hey Trevor Noah right, he Comedian?"

他們走到我面前，說：「嘿，Trevor Noah 對嗎，那個喜劇演員嗎？」

"Oh what, you not talking?"

「哦，怎麼回事，你不說話了嗎？」

"Oh, no voice? All right. Cheers hey, bye."

「哦，沒有聲音？好的。嘿，再見。」

Gone. Out of my life, no stress.

消失了。走出我的生活，沒有壓力。

I loved it, I loved it. It's great for me.

我喜歡這樣，我喜歡這樣。對我來說很棒。

Not so great for white people though, that's why they pay so much in traffic fines, yes.

對白人來說不太好，這就是為什麼他們要支付如此多的交通罰款。

Yes. It's true, if you guys where just more patient you wouldn't pay half as much.

是的，這是真的，如果你們更有耐心，就不用支付一半的費用。

Yeah, because black people hardly pay anything, hardly anything at all.

是的，因為黑人幾乎什麼都不用支付，幾乎什麼都不用支付。

Black people get to the traffic thing, you just relax the situation.

黑人在交通現場，你只需放鬆局勢。

That's what you do. You just relax everything, you just get there.

這就是你應該做的。你只需放鬆一切。

You know, the guy will come to your window,

你知道，那個人會來到你的車窗邊，

"Baba, you are not wearing a seat belt."

「兄弟，你沒繫安全帶。」

And you are like, "Ah, seat belt?"

你會說：「啊，安全帶？」

"Yeah, no seat belt."

「是的，沒繫安全帶。」

"Eish, seatbelt?"

「唉，安全帶？」

"Yeah, give me your license."

「是的，給我你的駕照。」

"Hey, give me your license man!"

「嘿，給我你的駕照，兄弟！」

"Ah, license."

「啊，駕照。」

"Seat belt, license?"

「安全帶，駕照？」

"Ah, license, seat belt?"

「啊，駕照，安全帶？」

"Hey man!"

「嘿，兄弟！」

"Ah, license?"

「啊，駕照？」

"Hey man, go, go, go, go."

「嘿，兄弟，走，走，走，走。」

Just relax it.

只要放鬆。

I have seen white people at roadblocks, they have no patience.

我見過白人在路障處，他們沒有耐心。

They get angry at the metro cop.

他們對交通警察發火。

They get so angry it's like he did something wrong, you see them.

他們變得如此憤怒，就像他做了錯事一樣，你看到他們。

They get stopped there.

他們在那裡停下來。

"Sorry sir, you were speeding."

「對不起，先生，您超速了。」

"Oh bloody hell man, you guys are everywhere, nobody can drive anymore in this place, man!"

「哦，該死的，伙計，你們到處都是，這地方再也沒人能開車了，伙計！」

"Yes. You guys are like behind every bush, I don't know if it's a bush or a metro cop."

「是的，你們就像藏在每一棵樹後，我不知道那是灌木還是交通警察。」

"What the hell is going on here, man!"

「這到底是怎麼回事，伙計！」

"Jis like you guys, bloody hell."

「嗯，就像你們，該死。」

"They should start calling you the fauna and flora police. What the hell!"

「他們應該開始稱你為動植物警察。管他呢！」

You guys in the bloody bush, what are you gonna do? You gonna give me a ticket or something?"

你們這群該死的叢林裡的人，你們要做什麼？ 你要給我一張罰單什麼的嗎？」

"No, I was just saying..."

「不，我只是要說…」

"Yeah, bloody hell. Just give me the bloody ticket!"

「是啊，該死的。把那張該死的罰單給我吧！」

"OK, you want a ticket, I will give a ticket. I will give you the damn ticket!"

「好吧，你要罰單，我就給罰單，那該死的罰單我給你！”

"Yeah, just give me the bloody ticket!"

「是啊，把那該死的罰單給我吧！」

"Yeah I am going to give you the ticket and your indicator is not working. Boom, one thousand!"

「是的，我要給你罰單，但你的指示器不起作用。罰一千！」

Just bring it down, just relax.

冷靜一點，放鬆一下。

Just be a bit patient.

只要有點耐心。

White people have no patients, none.

白人沒有耐心，沒有。

The complete opposite end of the spectrum,

完全相反的一端，

and the people I dreaded meeting when I had no voice was Indians.

當我沒有聲音時，我最害怕見到的人是印度人。

No, Indians are the worst human beings you will ever meet if you are trying to have short conversations.

如果你想進行簡短的交談，印度人是你遇到過的最糟糕的人。

'Cause I don't know what it is about Indian people but they are the most inquisitive people you will ever come across in your life.

因為我不知道印度人是怎麼樣的，但他們是你一生中遇到的最好奇的人。

Question after question, after question, after question, it's just like a thing in their culture.

一個又一個的問題，一個又一個的問題，一個又一個的問題，這就像他們文化中的一件事。

They have just got to ask questions. Questions, questions, questions, questions.

他們只會問問題。問問題，問問題，問問題，問問題。

That's why there's no Indian GPS, you wouldn't get anywhere.

這就是為什麼沒有印度導航系統，你根本到不了任何地方。

You would not get anywhere.

你根本到不了任何地方。

You would be fighting with your car.

你會和你的車子吵架。

"Take me to Woolworths, please"

「請帶我去Woolworths。」

"Why do you want to go to Woolworths here boss?"

「老闆，你為什麼要去這家Woolworths？」

"Just take me to Woolworths, dammit!"

「帶我去Woolworths就對了，該死的！」

Questions and questions.

問題接著問題。

I met a group of Indian guys one day, it was a Saturday morning, these guys see me, they're very cool, you know, the guy is like,

有一天，我遇到一群印度小伙子，是個星期六早上，這些小伙子看到我，他們很酷，你知道，一個小伙對我說，

"Hey Trevor Noah, Trevor Noah?

「嘿，Trevor Noah，是 Trevor Noah？」

"What's happening, bro? How you doing man? Check this off, Hazier."

「還好嗎，兄弟？你好嗎？看看這個，哈齊爾。」

Hey Hazier, you know this ou bro?"

「嘿，哈齊爾，你認識這位兄弟嗎？」

Yeah, the comedian. We got all your DVD's here, Trevor. Yeah, we bought them at Vorgeburg, man."

是的，那位喜劇演員。我們在 Vorgeburg 買了你所有的DVD，Trevor。是的，兄弟，我們買了。」

"Hey man, hey bro you are tops man, you are tops bro!"

「嘿，兄弟，你真是頂尖的，你真是頂尖，兄弟！」

"Hey, you are killing us with the jokes man, killing us. When are you doing another show, man?"

「嘿，你用那些笑話逗死我們，逗死我們。你什麼時候再開演出，兄弟？」

"What? You are not talking now?"

「什麼？你現在不說話了？」

You lost your voice.

你嗓子啞了

What happened?

怎麼了？

Hey guys, thanks for watching.

大家好，感謝收看。

Make sure to subscribe to my channel so you can win cool prizes and by prizes.

請務必訂閱我的頻道，這樣你就能贏得超酷的獎品和其他獎品。

I mean surprise.

驚喜是，

There's no prizes.

沒有獎品。

It's a free YouTube video, you greedy.

這是一個免費的 YouTube 頻道。你真貪心。

Just click the video, man.

點擊影片就對了，夥計。

Why you want free things on free things?

你為什麼想要免費的東西？