Taiwanese people are not Chinese.

臺灣人不是中國人。

Originally, we were from China 200 years ago, but we left because they're super loud.

起初兩百年前我們來自中國，但我們還是離開了，因為他們太吵了。

And it's also a communist country and we left because we felt constricted under communism.

而且，它是一個共產國家，我們離開是因為我們感到共產主義的壓迫。

But some people know that about Taiwan and after the show people come jab me, they'll be like, "Oh, isn't Taiwan just part of China still though?"

但有些人知道關於臺灣跟中國的淵源，在節目結束後，人們就來跟我講一些五四三，說：「臺灣不就還是中國的一部分嗎？」

I didn't know how to answer him.

我不知道該如何回答他。

So I was just like, "Well, aren't you just part of your dad's ballsack still though?"

所以我就說：「那你不就還是你爸爸陰囊的一部分嗎？」

I was like, "Your answer's made same as mine."

我說：「你的邏輯就跟我的一樣啊。」

He's like, "Yeah, kinda."

他說：「對，差不多。」

"But you left because you felt constricted."

「但你離開了因為你覺得沒有自由。」

Communism, communism.

團體主義，共產主義。

Taiwanese people are not Chinese, but that's the thing.

臺灣人不是中國人，但這就是問題所在。

But you guys can't tell us apart.

但你們分不清我們。

You guys will go to the mall, look at the Chinese loud and then look at me over here and go, "Oh, look at these Asians."

你們去到商場看到中國人大吵大鬧，再看看這邊的我，然後會說：「看看這些亞洲人。 」

I'm just like, "Oh, no, no, no. Those are those, these are these."

我就說：「哦，不，不，不。他們是他們，我們是我們。」

Don't clump us together. We're different.

請不要把我們混為一談。我們不一樣。

I'm kidding. I don't ever think any ethnicity is better or worse.

我開玩笑的。我從不認為任何種族有優劣之分。

I believe that we're all human and we're all equal. Right?

我相信，我們都是人，我們都是平等的。對不對？

Yeah, but we also all know and remember that made in Taiwan stuff was always better than made in China stuff.

是啊，但我們也都知道並記得，臺灣製造的東西總是比中國製造的東西要好。

We can all agree on that.

我們都同意吧。

But sometimes we judge and when we judge it backfires because we don't wanna get hurt.

但有時我們會做出判斷，而當我們做出判斷時，卻適得其反，因為我們不想受到傷害。

But then we try to judge it backfires.

但當我們試圖評判時，卻適得其反。

I was in San Diego at a buffet.

我在聖地亞哥的一家自助餐廳。

I was in a line, super long line.

我排了超長的隊。

I was almost to the front.

我幾乎快排到前面。

I'm getting hangry and, it's America, so it was mostly white people.

我開始餓到生氣，因為在美國，所以大部分是白人。

But this Asian lady, I don't know her.

但有位亞洲女士，我不認識她。

She came next to me for like two seconds and then she cuts right in front of me.

她走到我旁邊大概兩秒鐘，然後就從我面前插隊。

I was like, "This old snake is trying to play the family card."

我當時就想：「這老狐狸想打家庭牌。」

I was like, "Did you just use my face for your advantage?"

我當時就想：「你是在利用我的亞洲臉嗎？」

But then I was like, "Jason, she's Asian, she's our own, just let her do it."

但後來我就想：「傑森，她是亞洲人，她是她自己人，就讓她插吧。」

But then my other half was like, "But dude, she cuts and she's probably Chinese."

但我的另一半就說：「但她插隊耶，而且她可能是中國人。」

I was like don't be prejudiced.

我當時想，不要有偏見。

And then I was like, "Where are you from?"

然後我就問：「你從哪兒來？」

She said, "Taiwan."

她說：「臺灣。」

I was like, "Damn, it. We are Chinese."

我當時想：「該死的，我們真的很中國耶。」

One thing I hate though about visiting in big cities in Asia is that there's absolutely no personal space.

有一件事我去亞洲的大城市最討厭的一點就是完全沒有個人空間。

There's so much more personal space here.

這裡有更多的個人空間。

Yeah, people here complaining.

是啊，你們還在那邊抱怨。

When you wait in line any big cities in it, this is how close some random guy will get behind you right there.

等你去到亞洲的大城市排隊等候的時候就知道了，都會一些陌生的傢伙就會緊貼在你身後。

Just breathing in your neck like on one piggyback ride from a grown man.

就像在你的脖子上呼氣一樣，根本是要騎到我身上了。

And this is what pisses me off sometimes.

還有有時候讓我生氣的地方是，

There'll be nobody behind this guy. It's just him.

這傢伙身後根本沒有人。就只有他。

And they get curious, "What are you getting?"

他們還會好奇問說：「你要點什麼？」

"Uh, uncomfortable, sir."

「我要點『不蘇胡』。」

I feel your car keys in my ignition. I don't, I don't like that.

我都感覺到你的車鑰匙要把我啟動了。我不喜歡。

If I'm standing right in front of you and I smell your lunch from behind me, you're too close, sir.

如果我站在你面前，卻從身後聞到你的午餐味，表示你靠得太近了，先生。

Like your breath can't travel forward and make a U-turn. I don't like that.

你的呼吸不可以向前飄，來個大迴轉讓我聞到。我不喜歡這樣。

Why are you spooning me at a grocery store?

你到底為什麼要在雜貨店頂我啊？