with Final Fantasy VIII. 7-fanboy TJ was disappointed with it back in ‘99, college-age TJ was

與《最終幻想八》。7迷小子TJ早在99年就對它失望了，大學時代的TJ是。

disappointed with it in ‘02 when he wanted to make sure he didn’t like it, and 2012’s

02年的時候對它失望，當時他想確定自己不喜歡它，而2012年的

TJ is, likewise, failing to see what so many have praised about the game. I mean, sure,

TJ同樣，也沒有看到很多人對遊戲的讚美之處。我的意思是，當然。

it’s a Final Fantasy. And it’s more of a Final Fantasy than XIII - the first XIII,

它是一款最終幻想。而且比起XIII--第一部XIII，它更像是一部最終幻想。

rather - so it should have an in, right? Yet I’ve never been able to get comfortable

而是--所以它應該有一個在，對嗎？但我卻一直不能自如地...

with it. Lemme see if I can express in words exactly what my issues are.

與它。讓我看看能不能用語言來表達我的問題到底是什麼。

First off, the plot. Now, I try to avoid too many spoilers, so I’ll just sum it up thusly:

首先是劇情。現在，我儘量避免過多的破壞，所以我就這樣總結一下。

Disregard everything until Disc 4, because none of it matters anyway. While disregarding,

在光盤4之前，一切都不考慮，因為反正都不重要。雖然不考慮：

continue to ignore the cast of characters, a group of individuals so broken that Dr.

繼續忽視角色的扮演者，一群人如此破碎，博士。

Drew took one look at them and started formulating retirement plans. The only likable one of

德魯看了一眼，開始制定退休計劃。唯一討人喜歡的一個

the entire lot is Zell, the obnoxious ditz - slash - Mike Tyson wannabe. They bumble

所有的人都是Zell，那個討厭的笨蛋--斜槓--Mike Tyson的崇拜者。他們笨手笨腳

through a thick mound of political intrigue, dealing with equally defective rogue man-child

穿過厚厚的政治陰謀，處理同樣有缺陷的流氓人小孩。

Seifer, an evil Sorceress who... no, to get into anything even remotely interesting would

塞弗，一個邪惡的女巫，不，如果要做任何有趣的事情，她...

require spoilers and spoilers and spoilers. I hold this game responsible for M. Night

需要破壞者和破壞者和破壞者。我認為這個遊戲要對M.夜負責

Shyamalan. Full stop.

沙馬蘭。完全停止。

But enough about the plot, let’s talk mechanics. Rather than obtaining money from enemies,

不過劇情就不多說了，我們來談談機制。而不是從敵人那裡獲得金錢。

almost all the cash you obtain in-game comes in the form of regular payments from your

幾乎所有你在遊戲中獲得的現金都是以定期支付的形式從你的賬戶中獲得的。

employer, the mercenary outfit SeeD. Your salary depends on your rank, which can be

僱主，傭兵裝備SeeD。你的工資取決於你的等級，可以是

boosted at points in the game... or, since the internet exists, you can just download

在遊戲中提高點... ... 或者，因為互聯網的存在， 你可以直接下載。

the answers to each of the 30 or so true-or-false exams and be rolling in cash. But that’s

30多道真假試題的答案，並且是滾滾而來的現金。但那是

but one way to break the game! How about stopping down every time you find a monster with some

但有一個方法可以破局!不如每次發現有怪物的時候就停下來，用一些。

new spell to make each of your party members draw 100 copies of same? Besides, spells are

新的法術，讓你的每個黨員都抽到100份相同的法術？此外，法術是

stats, according to the junction system, so it only makes sense to do so. Fantastic for

統計，根據結界系統，所以這樣做才有意義。神奇的是

speeding up the game and optimizing your play... if only the process of drawing these spells

加快遊戲速度，優化你的遊戲......如果能在繪製這些法術的過程中

were a bit faster. As it stands, your best bet is to affix a rubber band around the controller

是有點快。就目前而言，你最好的選擇是在控制器周圍貼上一條橡皮筋。

to hold down the X button, and then go to the gym, establish world piece, or make yourself

按住X鍵，然後去健身房，建立世界件，或者讓自己的。

a sandwich. Or if this doesn’t suit you, simply use that fortune you’ve amassed through

一個三明治。或者如果這不適合你，乾脆用你積累的財富，通過

trivia - or the fat stacks of cards you’ve won from losers around the world - to refine

瑣事--或你從世界各地的失敗者那裡贏來的一疊肥厚的牌--來完善

yourself all the spells you’ll need.

自己需要的所有法術。

But it’s not all bad. While you’re breaking the game, you’ve got a wonderful, well-refined

但也不全是壞事。當你在破局的時候，你已經有了一個精彩的、精良的。

card game to play. Final Fantasy VII had several smaller mini-games, of varying quality, but

卡牌遊戲來玩。最終幻想七》有幾個小遊戲，品質參差不齊，但

none compared to the scope of VIII’s Triple Triad system. Likewise, IX had Triple Triad,

都比不上八號的三合會系統的範圍。同樣，九號也有三合會。

and X had Blitzball, but both pale in comparison to the perfection VIII managed to attain.

和X有Blitzball，但兩者相比，VIII設法達到的完美蒼白。

There were relevant benefits, from being able to refine cards into items. Most everyone

有相關的好處，從能夠將卡片提煉成物品。大多數人

in the world was up for a game. If you were running low on cards, you could simply turn

在世界上是為遊戲。如果你的牌少了，你可以簡單地把... ...

the mobs around you into more fodder. Heck, this was often a more efficient way of making

將你周圍的暴民變成更多的炮灰。哎呀，這往往是一個更有效的方式，使

sure that you’d get the items you wanted.

確保你會得到你想要的東西。

And, in fact, the judicious use of Card is a fantastic way to exploit another of the

而事實上，明智地使用Card是利用另一種奇妙的方式。

game’s quirks! Turn a foe into a card, and it grants AP, developing your Guardian Forces

遊戲的怪癖!將敵人變成一張牌，它就會給予AP，發展你的守護部隊。

(and thus, giving you the powers and junctions and bonuses you need), but yielding no EXP

(是以，給你所需的力量、結界和獎金)，但不會產生任何EXP。

whatsoever. You can go through the game without gaining a single level if you’re diligent

什麼的。如果你勤奮的話，你可以通過遊戲而不獲得一個等級。

enough. And since enemies’ stats are tied to your level, you’ll be wading through

足夠了。而且由於敵人的統計與你的等級掛鉤，你將會涉足於

a forest of cheesecake as you slaughter foes en masse. (Or, rather, pretend to slaughter

當你集體屠殺敵人的時候，你會看到一片芝士蛋糕的森林。(或者說，假裝屠殺)

them.)

他們）。)

There are some fun mental exercises to be had here, sure. And the music’s pretty good,

這裡有一些有趣的心理練習，當然。而且音樂也很好聽

even if the main battle theme is in five and makes me want to put on some Dave Brubeck.

即使主戰主題是在五，讓我想把一些戴夫・布魯貝克。

But the gestalt of the thing seems too far a departure from what I liked about VII, VI,

但這個東西的姿態似乎與我喜歡的七、六相差太遠。

Mario RPG, hell, every Square game I’d played up to that point: Goofiness was abolished,

馬里奧RPG，地獄，每一款Square遊戲我都玩到了。Goofiness was abolished,

balance was thrown out the window, and ellipses ran rampant like some sort of viral infection.

平衡被拋出窗外，省略號像某種病毒感染一樣猖獗。

It tried to tell an intriguing story, but it did so at the cost of fun. Fortunately,

它試圖講述一個耐人尋味的故事，但它是以趣味為代價的。幸運的是：

Final Fantasy IX was able to put right pretty much everything about the series, but that’s

最終幻想九》能夠把這個系列的幾乎所有東西都糾正過來，但這是

a topic for another day.

改天再談這個話題。