But if we make kids share, they walk away resentful, not generous.

但是，如果我們讓孩子們分享，他們就會怨恨地離開，而不是慷慨地離開。

And not surprisingly, they're less likely to share after that.

毫不奇怪，他們在那之後就不太願意分享了。

Kids aren't developmentally ready to share before they're five or six years old.

孩子們在發展上還沒有準備好分享在他們五、六歲之前。

Children under the age of five have a different sense of time than we do.

五歲以下兒童有一個與我們不同的時間感。

The fact that the timer's been ticking away for five minutes seems to them like a split second.

事實上，計時器已經計時5分鐘了在他們看來，這只是一瞬間的事。

So, they don't understand what's happening when we say, "You've had it for long enough; it's the other kid's turn."

所以，他們不明白當我們說的時候發生了什麼、"你已經受夠了；現在輪到另一個孩子了。"

We're teaching children that if they cry loud enough, they get what they want.

我們在教孩子們，如果他們哭得夠大聲，他們就能得到他們想要的東西。

That they matter more than someone else.

他們比別人更重要。

So it teaches kids to cling to their toys, to be greedy.

是以，它教導孩子們要緊緊抓住他們的玩具，要貪婪。

If we want children to be generous, we have to let them voluntarily choose the experience of giving something to the other person.

如果我們希望孩子們能夠慷慨大方、我們必須讓他們自願地選擇這種經驗 給予對方的東西。

What if we put them in control of when they gave up the toy?

如果我們讓他們來控制的時候，他們放棄了這個玩具？

Maybe in your family, you don't want the child to use the toy all day, and so the rule is that when you have a toy, you use it until the next meal.

也許在你的家庭裡，你不希望孩子整天使用這個玩具、所以規則是，當你有一個玩具、 你使用它直到下一餐。

When one of the kids wants a toy, the other one says, "No, I need a long turn.

當其中一個孩子想要一個玩具時、另一個人說，"不，我需要一個長轉彎。

I need it until lunch time."

我需要它，直到午餐時間。"

If the child is in charge of that decision, when they do give the toy up, they reap the emotional gains from that.

如果孩子負責這個決定，當他們真的把玩具交出來、他們從中獲得了情感上的收益。

They feel generous, and they want to repeat it.

他們感到很慷慨，他們想重複這種做法。

When parents hear these ideas, the first thing they think of is: "What about the child who has to wait for a toy?”

當父母聽到這些想法時，他們首先想到的是是："那要等著買玩具的孩子怎麼辦？"

Because we assume the second child is having a total meltdown.

因為我們假設第二個孩子是完全崩潰了。

So in the beginning, they will need adult support to wait.

所以在開始時，他們需要成人的支持來等待。

You hug them, you hold them.

你擁抱他們，你抱著他們。

And once they have a chance to express their feeling that life is not fair, that they don't get what they want when they want it, what we find is that after kids have a chance to cry, they're done with it.

而一旦他們有機會表達他們的感受，即生活是不公平的，他們沒有得到他們想要的東西 當他們想要的時候，我們發現，在孩子們有機會哭泣之後，他們就不需要了。

They're not waiting, really, for the dump truck anymore.

他們不再等待，真的，等待翻斗車了。

They're on the ground working with the snowplow.

他們正在地面上與掃雪機一起工作。

That's actually an important part of children's emotional development: learning they can withstand those big emotions and they can make it through to the other side.

這實際上是兒童情感發展的一個重要部分：學習他們能夠承受那些大的情緒 而且他們可以順利地到達另一邊。

And they can focus on something else.

他們可以專注於其他事情。

And when they learn that, they become much more resilient.

而當他們學會了這一點，他們就會變得更有彈性。

Kids who are generous develop so many qualities that will help them for the rest of their lives.

慷慨的孩子能培養出許多品質這將幫助他們度過餘生。

So, imagine when those two kids grow up and they're in a workplace, or a marriage, or simply on the street when somebody cuts somebody off in traffic.

想象一下，當這兩個孩子長大了他們在工作場所，或在婚姻中，或僅僅在街上 當有人在交通中攔截別人時。

Every relationship will benefit from them developing this ability as a child.

每一種關係都將從它們中受益作為一個孩子，發展這種能力。