- So how are you feeling about this interview?

- 那麼，你對這次採訪的感覺如何？

- Good.

- 很好。

That's a lie.

這是個謊言。

[both laughing]

[兩人都笑了]

No, I am feeling good.

不，我感覺很好。

I'm just feeling...

我只是覺得...

Mm.

嗯。

It's very vulnerable.

這是非常脆弱的。

- You know, obviously I think this is a really brave step

- 你知道，顯然我認為這是一個非常勇敢的步驟

that you are taking.

你正在服用的。

Why was it important to tell your story?

為什麼講述你的故事很重要？

And why did you feel this was, like,

而你為什麼覺得這是，比如、

the right moment to do it?

是什麼時候做的？

- I've always been someone that believed in being honest.

- 我一直是一個相信要誠實的人。

Having this platform, talking about sexuality,

擁有這個平臺，談論性問題、

talking about mental health,

談論心理健康、

embrace your weirdness, things like that.

擁抱你的怪癖，諸如此類的事情。

I believed other people should do that,

我相信其他人應該這樣做、

but I didn't necessarily believe it myself.

但我自己不一定相信。

You know, everyone

你知道，每個人

has been affected by the disease of addiction.

已經受到成癮症的影響。

Whether it's themselves, someone they know.

無論是他們自己，還是他們認識的人。

It's so much more complicated

它是如此的複雜

than what people make it out to be.

而不是人們所說的那樣。

It was my first sober Christmas, first sober New Year.

這是我第一個清醒的聖誕節，第一個清醒的新年。

And honestly it was the best time I've ever had.

說實話，這是我所經歷的最美好的時光。

So I am happy, I'm grateful.

所以我很高興，我很感激。

I'm so thankful that this is happening,

我非常感謝這一切的發生、

that I have the opportunity to talk about it.

我有機會談論這個問題。

But it's scary.

但這是很可怕的。

- Last year was, obviously,

- 去年是，很明顯、

there was a lot happening in your life,

你的生活中發生了很多事情、

professionally and privately.

在專業上和私下裡。

Can you tell me a little bit about

你能告訴我一些關於

everything leading up to September?

導致9月的一切？

- Ugh, it was pretty back-to-back

- 呃，這是很背的。

in terms of what I was doing work-wise.

就我所做的工作而言。

That year I decided, you know, it was my 30th.

那年我決定，你知道，這是我的第30個年頭。

I was like, "Okay, I'm gonna go crazy," in a fun way.

我當時想，"好吧，我要瘋了，"以一種有趣的方式。

You know, I went to Ibiza for three weeks,

你知道，我去伊比沙島呆了三個星期、

went to Burning Man, came back to go straight to work.

去了火人節，回來就直接去工作了。

And in that, you know, those pictures,

而在那，你知道，那些照片、

these pictures were taken. - Yeah.

這些照片的拍攝。- 是的。

- And everything kind of...

- 而一切都有點...

I was like, "Wow, okay."

我當時想，"哇，好吧"。

You know, "This is bad."

你知道，"這很糟糕"。

At that point,

在這一點上、

you know, there was a lot of people who were very worried.

你知道，有很多人都非常擔心。

Understandably so.

這是可以理解的。

I wasn't really worried though.

但我並不真的擔心。

You know, it didn't matter how many people around me

你知道，不管我周圍有多少人

were like, "Are you okay?"

就像，"你還好嗎？"

Like, "This isn't good.

就像，"這不是好事。

You need help."

你需要幫助。"

That didn't matter.

這並不重要。

But that is the nature of the disease.

但這就是疾病的本質。

That is what addiction is.

這就是成癮的原因。

You can't run from the things in your life that happen.

你不能逃避你生活中發生的事情。

That's all I've ever wanted to do

這就是我一直想做的事

was just pretend they don't exist.

只是假裝他們不存在。

'Cause that would be easier, right?

因為那會更容易，對嗎？

No, it makes it worse 'cause it will catch up with you.

不，它使情況變得更糟，因為它會追上你。

It always does.

它總是這樣。

I didn't want to face everything,

我不想面對一切、

whether it be

無論它是

my own

我自己的

self

自我

hatred,

憎惡、

which is an interesting thing to say

這是一個有趣的說法

because it's not like, "Wow, woe is me."

因為它不像 "哇，悲哀的是我"。

Like, "My life is hard."

比如，"我的生活很艱難"。

It's not.

不是的。

I have a wonderful life.

我有一個美好的生活。

I have a blessed, blessed life.

我有一個受祝福的，受祝福的生活。

But sometimes that doesn't match up

但有時這並不符合

to the way you feel about yourself.

到你對自己的感覺。

- You know, a lot of people rely on their community

- 你知道，很多人都依賴他們的社區

to intervene, but this sounds like a decision

解釋，但這聽起來像是一個決定。

you came to yourself.

你來找你自己。

Take me to those first, like, moments

帶我到那些最初的，像，時刻

where you sort of had that realization, and.

在那裡你有那種意識，和。

- Ah, I think a lot of times in my past

- 啊，我認為在我過去的很多時候

there's been moments where I've come to a decision myself

有的時候，我自己也會做出一個決定

without really many people going,

沒有真正很多人去、

"You need to do something."

"你需要做一些事情。"

I've always been such a seeker when it comes to knowing

當談到了解時，我一直是這樣一個追求者。

how to self-sooth and tools to use.

如何自我撫慰和使用的工具。

But this time I wasn't.

但是這一次我沒有。

But that's kind of when you realize how resistant,

但那是一種當你意識到如何抵抗、

the resistance towards something is really

對某件事情的牴觸是真的

how much more you need it.

你有多大的需要。

All I knew is, like,

我所知道的是，像、

if I was continuing to go down the road I was,

如果我繼續走我的路、

I would either end up dead or, like,

我要麼最後死掉，要麼，比如、

doing something really, really stupid.

做一些非常、非常愚蠢的事情。

And I think that...

而且我認為...

That was scary.

這很嚇人。

- Cara, I'd love you to sort of tell us a little bit about

- Cara，我希望你能告訴我們一些關於

your healing and what that's been like,

你的醫治和那是什麼樣子的、

and what looking after yourself looks like now.

以及現在照顧自己是什麼樣子。

- I've always been into like a quick fix in terms of,

- 我一直都是喜歡快速解決方面的問題、

"I could go to, you know, a week retreat," or

"我可以去，你知道，一個星期的閉關，"或

you know, to go on a course for trauma,

你知道，去參加一個創傷的課程、

or do things and not fully do it.

或做事情不完全做。

And it's helped for a minute, but it ever really

這對我們有很大的幫助，但它從來沒有真正地幫助過我們。

kind of gets to the nitty gritty, the deeper stuff.

這種得到的是細枝末節，更深入的東西。

Treatment was the best thing.

治療是最好的事情。

It was always something I was very scared of,

這一直是我非常害怕的事情、

but I think I needed that community.

但我認為我需要那個社區。

I needed that support group.

我需要那個支持小組。

People do it in different ways, but that was mine.

人們以不同的方式做，但那是我的。

There was a lot of shame, there was a lot of hatred

有很多的羞恥，有很多的憎恨

that in my head I thought was my voice, but it wasn't.

在我的腦海中，我認為那是我的聲音，但它不是。

It wasn't my shame.

這並不是我的恥辱。

I had to, like, relinquish control to get it back again.

我不得不，比如說，放棄控制權來重新獲得它。

- Speaking of, you know, shame,

- 說到，你知道的，羞愧、

I think the press are quick to exacerbate this idea of shame

我認為媒體很快就加劇了這種羞恥的想法

or jump on it.

或跳上它。

And how do you navigate that?

那你是如何駕馭的呢？

You've obviously had to deal with a lot of attention

你顯然不得不面對很多人的關注

from the paparazzi.

從狗仔隊那裡。

- I think the way that society deals with,

- 我認為社會處理的方式、

with healing is dangerous.

與醫治是危險的。

It's so quick to shame people and use words

羞辱人和使用詞語是如此之快

and no wonder there's a stigma.

也難怪會有這樣的汙名。

You know, if it was just an intrigue to, like,

你知道，如果它只是一個陰謀，以，如、

"Oh, I hope they're okay."

"哦，我希望他們沒事。"

That's one thing, but it's not.

這是一件事，但這不是。

It makes the whole cycle worse for people going through it.

它使整個循環對經歷它的人來說更糟糕。

I got hired a lot to talk about and to advocate for things

我被僱用來談論和倡導的事情很多

like mental health and for people that are struggling.

像心理健康和正在掙扎的人。

But wow, when I'm struggling myself, that's not okay.

但是，哇，當我自己在掙扎的時候，那就不行了。

Bye.

再見。

But that's the business and it's sad.

但這就是生意，這很可悲。

It's sad to see.

看到這一點，我很難過。

You know, that's an important lesson for me.

你知道，這對我來說是一個重要的教訓。

And it's their loss.

這也是他們的損失。

- So how are you adapting to this new way of living?

- 那麼，你是如何適應這種新的生活方式的呢？

How are you sitting in it?

你是如何坐在裡面的？

- I'm enjoying it.

- 我很喜歡它。

It's one of my favorite things to, like,

這是我最喜歡的事情之一，比如、

go out, and dance, and have a good time,

走出去，跳舞，並有一個好時機、

but actually have, like, deep conversations

但實際上有，比如，深入的對話

and connections with people.

以及與人的聯繫。

It's weird, I got back to this house

很奇怪，我回到了這個房子裡

and just everything looked different.

而只是一切看起來都不同。

It's like it was a new place 'cause I was different.

這就像一個新的地方，因為我是不同的。

Your life can change if you give yourself a chance

如果你給自己一個機會，你的生活可以改變

to really be who you are and sit in that uncomfortability,

真正成為你自己，坐在那不舒服的地方、

'cause, my God, it's uncomfortable for a minute.

因為，我的上帝，有一分鐘是不舒服的。

But it gets better and it's worth it.

但它會變得更好，而且是值得的。

That's why I find the term "recovery" quite difficult

這就是為什麼我覺得 "康復 "這個詞很難懂。

'cause you don't recover.

因為你沒有恢復。

And that's okay.

而且這也沒關係。

That's why I prefer healing.

這就是為什麼我更喜歡醫治。

- Mm.

- 嗯。

- 'Cause I'm constantly doing that.

- 因為我一直在這樣做。

I feel like, you know,

我覺得，你知道、

I dunno why I was just imagining my heart with a crutch.

我不知道為什麼我只是在想象我的心臟有一根柺杖。

[Cara chuckles]

[卡拉笑著說]

That's me.

這就是我。

But I'm good on crutches.

但是我拄著柺杖很好。

[both laughing]

[兩人都笑了]

Come here.

來到這裡。

- Thank you, Cara.

- 謝謝你，卡拉。

- Thank you so much. - Yeah, yeah.

- 非常感謝你。- 是的，是的。

[jazzy music]

[爵士音樂]