Name: 第一次約會要怎麼做才能完美？原來比起精心準備，做這件事更重要！（Paul Brunson: The SECRET Hack Behind The Perfect First Date）
Uploaded: 2023-03-25T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 8 min 2 s

I think most of us would do the first date completely wrong.

我覺得我們多數人都會把第一次約會搞砸。

to 不定詞

We set ourselves up from the jump to fail miserably and be disappointed.

我們從一開始就為自己設定了徹底失敗和失望的結果。

You just need two things on that meet-up.

Another question I had was about honesty from the jump.

我的另一個問題是關於最一開始是否要誠實。

You go on a first date, you meet someone; how honest should I be?

你出去約會、與某人相識，該多誠實？

Should I tell them about my childhood trauma on the first date?

我應該在第一次約會就告訴對方我童年創傷的事嗎？

Is that being authentic or is that offloading?

那是真誠的表現還是情緒的轉嫁？

Well, you know, Chris Rock said it best, you know, when you meet someone, especially on a date, you're not meeting them; you're meeting their representative.

嗯，是這樣的，克里斯·洛克說得很好，當你跟某人認識時（尤其是第一次約會），你不是跟他們見面，而是認識他們的代表人。

So, from that standpoint, we have to understand that there is a boundary negotiation that happens, especially on these first dates, and it is that tennis game again, right?

所以從那個角度來看，我們必須明白，這時會發生邊界談判，尤其是在這些第一是約會，我們再次回歸到網球賽的比擬。

So, what you're trying to do, ultimately, is you're trying to⏤and let me even back up.

所以說，你最終會想要做的事是——讓我先退個幾步講。

Can I say this about⏤one is that, I think we... I think most of us would do the first date completely wrong; entirely wrong.

我可以這麼說——一件事是，我覺得我們多數人都會把第一次約會搞砸，錯得徹底。

And the reason why is because it⏤the first date is too intricate, it's too big, you know.

而原因是，第一次約會太複雜、太重大了。

It's dinner, but to prepare for dinner, I'm gonna buy a new whatever, you know.

只是一頓晚餐，但為了準備，我會買個新的東西。

I'm gonna get my hair done, you know, I'm gonna get this, I'm gonna buy this new thing, I'm gonna get the car washed, I'm gonna do all this stuff.

我會去整理頭髮、去買個東西、買個新玩意兒、去洗車，做遍所有事。

We've spent⏤we've invested so much that we've set ourselves up for failure.

我們花費——我們投資了這麼多，預見了我們失敗的後果。

Also, a first date, quite honestly, over dinner, is an interview; it always turns into an interview.

此外，第一次約會吃晚餐老實說是場面試，它總會變成面試。

And then, the culture I've noticed in the UK is fascinating is that⏤this is not everyone⏤

然後我在英國發現到一個很驚人的現象，當然不是每個人都這樣，

but typically, (what) I notice is, we're going to get completely pissed before the date.

但我發現到的典型狀況是，我們會在約會前喝個爛醉。

Like... so, we can talk to each other, so, we're just gonna drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, okay, now, let's talk to each other.

這樣我們才能聊天，所以我們會不斷灌酒，然後再跟對方交談。

And, so, it becomes⏤we set ourselves up for having a very costly date in time, effort, all resources; instead⏤this sounds so simple.

所以那成為——我們一開始就設定耗費很多時間、精力、資源的約會，而不是——這聽起來很簡單。

Let's not⏤let's... to even take the pressure off of the date situation.

我們不要——我們乾脆直接移除約會情境的壓力。

我們花個 30 分鐘一起喝杯咖啡。

The reason why I love that, or a walk⏤sounds stupid, right?

我喜歡這樣的原因（或是散步也可以）——聽起來很蠢吧？

No, a walk for 30 minutes; let's just go walk at lunch, let's go... go take a walk.

不，去散步 30 分鐘，我們午餐時一起出去走走。

The reason why I love that is because the expectation is so much lower in that situation, so much lower; the cost, so much lower, right?

我喜歡這樣做的原因是，在這種情況下，期望要低得多、成本也低得多，對吧？

So, the investment, right, so much lower.

So, therefore, that return on investment, potentially so much higher.

所以說，它的投資報酬率可能會高很多。

But then, also, psychologically, what I love is happening is,

但在心理上也會發生一件我很樂見的事。

if it's coffee, caffeine; if it's a walk, it's endorphins going, right?

如果是咖啡，那就會有咖啡因，如果是散步，就會產生腦內啡，對吧？

Those help us to bond, right, opposed to alcohol, that's a depressant, right?

比起充當抑鬱劑的酒精，那些都會幫助我們做出連結，對吧？

It's... it's doing... it's doing the opposite.

So, in terms of elucidating ourselves for great conversation and preparing ourselves for success, a walk or a coffee is great.

所以說，就闡釋自身偉大談話和為成功做準備來說，散步或喝咖啡都很好。

The other part of that is I've had mil⏤like, not millions, I've had, let's say, thousands of clients who have said, okay,

另外一個面向是，我有過數百萬——不是百萬，假設數千個客戶好了，它們跟我說：

tell⏤in particular, this is for the ladies telling men⏤

這尤其是用在女性對男性說話時，

tell the guy that you... you want to meet him for coffee in the day.

跟那男的說，你想要在白天時跟他一起喝杯咖啡。

- A lot of guys are like, I'm not doing that.   - Yeah, 'cause they wanna get laid.

- 很多男人都會說，我可不要。  - 沒錯，因為他們想要上床。

- Like, I'm not doing that, right?  - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- 他們會說，我不要那麼做，對吧？  - 對啊。

- So, right away, it's a great filter.  - It's good filter.

- 所以這馬上就變成絕佳的過濾器。  - 它是很好的篩選器。

- Yeah.  - It's a easy filter for you, you know?

- 是。  - 它是你可以用的簡易過濾器。

And then, if it works well⏤and when I say if it works well, is you just need two things on that meet-up.

接著，如果一切順利，我說一切順利的意思是，你在那場會面只需要兩件事。

Are you physically attracted to them, minimally?

你有最低程度地被對方的肉體吸引嗎？

So, if you have the ability to communicate, they listened critically, you listened critically, and you're physically attracted, that is chemistry.

如果你有能力溝通，你們雙方都批判地聆聽，然後你受對方肉體吸引，那就是化學反應。

'Cause we have a hard time defining⏤what is chemistry, you say.

因為我們難以定義——你會說，什麼是化學反應。

What is chemistry, what's the buzz, what i⏤what does that mean?

化學反應是什麼、有什麼好興奮的、那是什麼意思？

And everyone's like, I don't know, I don't know.

每個人都說，我不知道、我不知道。

It is, I think, one part physical attraction, mutual physical attraction, another part critical listening, listening.

我覺得它一部分是雙方互相在身體上的吸引力，另一個部分則是批判式地傾聽。

If you have that, you have enough to move forward and then see each other in another environment, you know.

如果你擁有那點，你就有足夠原因更進一步，在另一種情境下見面。

It's so true, 'cause I just reflected on how many of my friends, both men and women, will come back from a date that didn't work out,

那是真的，因為我剛剛回想我有多少男、女性友人會在一場不順利的約會後，

and just resentfully talk about how much they've spent and how... and how much it cost.

憎恨地抱怨著他們投入了多少、花費了多少。

Like, how long it cost them and how much money it cost them, and the preparation of the facial and the hair and the nails, and they sit there resentfully.

這場約會花了他們多少錢和時間，然後憤怒地坐在那邊述說做臉、整理頭髮、做美甲的準備。

You're right, bringing that level of expectation to a... to a first encounter, you know.

你說得對，在初次見面上加諸這種程度的期待。

Mo Gawdat sat here and said, we're happy when our expectations of how life is supposed to be going are met, and we're unhappy when our expectations of how life is supposed to be going to go unmet.

Mo Gawdat 當來賓時說，當我們對人生的預期成真時，我們會很高興，當預期沒有如願時，我們就會不開心。

I'm coming in with one hell of an expectation that you're gonna be my husband; I've put in all the work, all the investment, the time, three hours.

我一開始就抱著超高的期待，你會成為我的丈夫，我投入了所有心力與時間，至少三小時。

And then, if you fall anywhere below that, for whatever reason⏤I'm probably looking for, you know...

然後如果你因為任何原因落在那個標準之下，我大概是在找⋯⋯

oh God, it's not⏤you're almost setting yourself up to fail by... by doing such a huge initial upfront investment.

天啊，那不是——你在一開始就投資這麼多，幾乎就是預設自己要失敗。

You... you were making, I think a... a brilliant, brilliant point there is that when you've made that investment, what you end up doing is you're looking for reasons to weed them out.

你剛剛說了很棒的一點是，當你投資了這麼多，最終做的其實是找理由淘汰他們。

- Yeah.  - 'Cause you're like, I mean, I did all this.

- 沒錯。  - 因為你會覺得自己做了很多。

- What... what trainers is this guy wearing?  - Oh, my God!

- 這男人穿的是什麼球鞋？  - 我的天！

- You see those train⏤those are last year's trainers!  - Yeah, yeah. I bought new shoes for this shit.

- 那些是去年流行的球鞋！  - 沒錯，然後我為了這鬼約會買了新鞋。

What... what are you struggling with in your relationship?

在你的婚姻中，有什麼讓你掙扎的？

Because I am, you know, right now, I'm predominantly doing television work, and and I've been in TV now, you know, for... since Oprah, you know, so, 12, 13 years.

因為我現在大多都是做電視產業的工作，我從《歐普拉·溫芙蕾秀》開始就在這個產業中，有 12、13 年了。

And one thing I've noticed about the television space is that there are moments when you're hot and there are moments when you're not.

在電視產業中，我發現的一件事是，你會有大紅和完全無人問津的時刻。

And when you're hot, it's⏤that's the time to leverage.

而當你大紅時，就是需要有所平衡。

So you have to⏤you're already working your ass off, but you'd better work it off even more.

所以你得——你已經努力到不行了，但你得更加把勁。

And, so, I'm in that zone right now; I mean, I'm blessed.

所以說，我現在就在那個階段，我很幸運。

I'm contributing to three shows; one in the States, two here in the UK.

我也協助製作三個電視節目，一個在美國、兩個在英國。

So, it's one of these where I'm constantly work⏤every day, every day I'm working, every day I'm working.

這個狀況是，我一直不斷地在工作，日以繼夜地工作。

So, that time with my wife, that time with my children, that's the time that I wish I can get some back.

所以說，跟我老婆、小孩相處的時間是我希望可以重新多擁有的。

How are you serving the ball over the net, in terms of the tennis analogy, to make sure things aren't, you know⏤

如果用網球的比喻，你是怎麼把球打過網以確保一切不會——

She still feels like a priority, and your family still feel like a priority.

讓她還有你的家人都覺得自己依然是第一優先。

I mean, finding those moments and making sure that we're⏤or, should I say, making sure that we're intentional about the moments that we do have, right?

我的意思是，要找出那些時刻確保我們——我應該說，確保我們對於擁有的時光進行刻意安排。

So, this morning, for example, before I came over here, we had breakfast together; went out, had breakfast together, sat, talked with the dog, right?

舉例而言，我今天早上來這裡之前，我們一起吃了早餐，出們一起吃早餐、並肩坐著，跟狗聊天。

If you love the "Diary of a CEO" brand and you watch this channel, please do me a huge favor, become part of the 15% of the viewers on this channel that have hit the subscribe button.

如果你喜歡 Diary of a CEO 這個品牌，也有在收看頻道，請幫我一個忙並成為 15% 已經點擊訂閱的頻道觀眾之一。

It helps us tremendously, and the bigger the channel gets, the bigger the guests.

那對我們會有極大幫助，而頻道越強大、來賓就會更大咖。