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  • Welcome to Bikini Bottom Inquirer.

    歡迎來到比基尼海灘問詢處。

  • Here's three time Pool itzer Prize nominee,

    這是三次獲得Pool itzer獎提名的人。

  • Perch Perkins.

    珀金斯。

  • Tonight's top stories:

    今晚的頭條新聞。

  • Local fish finds himself struggling

    在地魚發現自己在掙扎

  • to keep his head above water

    以保持他的頭在水面上

  • before remembering he is already underwater.

    然後才想起他已經在水下了。

  • Then the Krusty Krab is under fire for violating

    然後,蟹堡王因違反規定而受到責備

  • health laws, safety laws, and the very laws of physics.

    健康法、安全法和物理學法則。

  • His money's no good here.

    他的錢在這裡沒有用。

  • What are you saying, Mr. Squidward?

    你在說什麼,章魚哥先生?

  • Wait.

    等等。

  • How is there a glass of water if we're already under water?

    如果我們已經在水下,怎麼會有一杯水?

  • Stop breaking the laws of physics.

    不要再破壞物理學定律了。

  • And finally, a beloved local bubble citizen nearly harmed

    最後,一位受人愛戴的當地保麗龍公民幾乎受到傷害

  • after being wrongfully accused of poisoning...

    在被錯誤地指控投毒後...

  • - He poisoned our water supply! - Arson...

    - 他在我們的供水系統中投毒!- 縱火罪...

  • - Burned our crop! - And biological warfare.

    - 燒了我們的莊稼!- 還有生物戰。

  • And delivered a plague onto our houses!

    並把瘟疫送到我們的房子裡!

  • But first, does Goo Lagoon need more bathrooms?

    但首先,古拉貢需要更多的浴室嗎?

  • We have a caller on the line with his thoughts

    我們有一位來電者,他有自己的想法

  • on the subject in a new segment we call

    在一個新的部分,我們稱之為

  • The Potty Report.

    廁所報告》。

  • Harold, can you hear me?

    哈羅德,你能聽到我嗎?

  • There's only one bathroom stall on the entire beach,

    整個海灘上只有一個衛生間隔間。

  • and I've been waiting in this line for over two hours!

    而我已經在這條線上等了兩個多小時了!

  • Come on! What's the holdup?!

    來吧!有什麼問題嗎?

  • Wow, that's powerful stuff.

    哇,那是強有力的東西。

  • But now, we turn to a death defying story

    但現在,我們轉向了一個不畏死亡的故事

  • of one fish who came face to face

    的一條魚,面對面地

  • with the high tide.

    隨著漲潮的到來。

  • [siren blaring]

    [警報聲響起]

  • Local surf bum Scooter (the fish) was buried alive

    當地衝浪者Scooter(魚)被活埋了

  • at his own request earlier today.

    今天早些時候,在他自己的要求下,他被送往醫院。

  • Kids, bury me. [laughing]

    孩子們,把我埋了。[笑聲]

  • While it may have seemed like fun and games at first...

    雖然一開始可能看起來很好玩,但...

  • All done.

    全部完成。

  • [slow motion] All done.

    [慢動作]全部完成。

  • when this anonymous bubble failed to dig him up in time.

    當這個匿名的保麗龍未能及時將他挖出來時。

  • Don't just stand there, dude.

    不要只是站在那裡,夥計。

  • The tide's coming in. [laughing]

    潮水來了。[笑聲]

  • Scooter found himself face to face with the high tide

    斯庫特發現自己面對的是高漲的潮水

  • in an incident that left this poor fish

    在一次事件中,這條可憐的魚

  • completely under water.

    完全在水中。

  • [laughing]

    [笑聲]

  • What's that?

    那是什麼?

  • Folks, our fact checking team has just informed me

    夥計們,我們的事實核查小組剛剛通知我

  • that fish can indeed survive underwater.

    魚類確實可以在水下生存。

  • So, yeah, a fish ended up underwater.

    所以,是的,一條魚在水下結束了。

  • Seriously, I- I don't see why this is even news.

    說真的,我--我不明白為什麼這甚至是新聞。

  • Now over to the much less attractive reporter,

    現在交給這位不那麼有吸引力的記者。

  • Lurch Lurkins for today's weather.

    盧奇-盧金斯為今天的天氣。

  • Lurch, how you doing?

    盧奇,你還好嗎?

  • What's that, Perch?

    那是什麼,Perch?

  • I couldn't hear you over your insecurities.

    在你的不安全感面前,我聽不到你的聲音。

  • [chuckles]

    [笑聲]

  • All right, all you invertebrate invertebrates,

    好了,所有你們這些無脊椎動物的無脊椎人。

  • get ready to hibernate because according to local mammals,

    準備好冬眠吧,因為根據當地哺乳動物的說法。

  • winter has come early.

    冬天已經提前到來。

  • Despite it being Leif Ericson Day,

    儘管今天是Leif Ericson日。

  • which we all know falls on October ninth,

    我們都知道這一天是10月9日。

  • the latest barometric readings from resident scientist

    駐地科學家提供的最新氣壓讀數

  • Sandy Cheeks' tree dome already show weather patterns

    Sandy Cheeks的樹穹頂已經顯示出天氣模式

  • that usually only appear in midwinter.

    通常只在隆冬時節出現。

  • What's the cause of this fishy forecast?

    這種腥風血雨的預測是什麼原因?

  • Nobody knows, but what we do know

    沒有人知道,但我們知道的是

  • is that Sandy's tree dome, is looking

    是,桑迪的樹穹頂,正在尋找

  • more like a snow globe open for a fintastic ski season.

    更像是一個開放的雪球,以迎接一個美好的滑雪季節。

  • Uh? Uh?

    呃?呃?

  • G- Get it? B-because fish and... fin... uh...

    G-明白嗎?因為魚和... 鰭... 呃...

  • [clearing throat, sniffing]

    [清嗓子,吸鼻子]

  • Back to you, Perch.

    回到你身邊,珀奇。

  • Oh, Lurch. Neither attractive nor funny.

    哦,盧奇。既沒有吸引力也不有趣。

  • Maybe leave the jokes to me. I- Oh.

    也許把笑話留給我吧。我--哦。

  • [clearing throat] Um, I- I swear that's not mine.

    [清嗓子]嗯,我--我發誓那不是我的。

  • Next up, some seriously fishy news

    接下來是一些嚴重的陰謀新聞

  • from the Bikini Bottom Health Department.

    來自比基尼海灘衛生局。

  • You might want to start eating at the Chum Bucket

    你可能想開始在海之霸吃飯了

  • because recent reports suggest

    因為最近的報告表明

  • that the Krusty Krab might not be as sanitary

    蟹堡王的衛生狀況可能不盡如人意。

  • as we once thought.

    正如我們曾經認為的那樣。

  • That's right,

    這就對了。

  • everyone's favorite crab trap shaped eatery

    每個人都喜歡的螃蟹陷阱形狀的食堂

  • was caught violating numerous health,

    被發現違反了許多衛生規定。

  • and safety laws this morning.

    和安全法,今天上午。

  • This security footage captured the restaurant's owner himself,

    這段監控錄像拍下了餐廳老闆本人。

  • Eugene Krabs, pre-chewing a customer's food

    尤金-克拉布,預先咀嚼顧客的食物

  • before serving it to her.

    在給她上菜之前。

  • Warning: This footage is not for the faint of heart.

    警告。這段錄像不適合膽小的人觀看。

  • If you're easily grossed out, you might want to look away now.

    如果你很容易被噁心到,你可能想現在就把目光移開。

  • Ugh.

    呃。

  • I forgot that I'm easily grossed out.

    我忘了,我很容易被噁心到。

  • Krabs was also seen giving himself an amateur tattoo

    人們還看到蟹老闆給自己做了一個業餘的刺青

  • in the dining area of the restaurant

    在餐廳的用餐區

  • while somehow fitting himself

    而自己卻莫名其妙地適合

  • into a tiny cash register drawer.

    進入一個小小的收銀機抽屜。

  • Breaking the laws of physics

    打破物理學規律

  • and bringing up many health code concerns.

    並提出了許多衛生法規方面的問題。

  • We have an anonymous caller on the line now with his take

    現在有一位匿名來電者在網上發表了他的看法

  • on this disgusting mess.

    在這個令人厭惡的混亂局面中。

  • While what Mr. Krabs is doing is no doubt disgusting,

    雖然蟹老闆的做法無疑是令人厭惡的。

  • what I think is even more disgusting is

    我認為更令人厭惡的是

  • that the cashier Squidward Q. Tentacles;

    那位收銀員章魚哥的觸角。

  • whom you might remember as the guy voted

    你可能記得他是被投票的那個人

  • most likely to suck eggs in hih school, is apparently serving

    最有可能在學校裡吸食雞蛋的人,顯然是在服役。

  • bottles of pure shampoo instead of a proper drink.

    瓶子裡的純洗髮水,而不是適當的飲料。

  • I mean, what self respecting person

    我的意思是,哪個自尊心強的人

  • would work at such an uncivilized establishment?

    會在這樣一個不文明的機構工作?

  • Look at it.

    看看吧。

  • They don't even have chairs at all the tables.

    他們甚至在所有的桌子上都沒有椅子。

  • Interesting take.

    有趣的看法。

  • Thanks, Squill-- I mean anonymous caller.

    謝謝你,Squill--我是說匿名來電者。

  • These accusations with rumors

    這些帶有謠言的指責

  • that the Krusty Krab is harboring

    螃蟹殼裡藏著的是什麼?

  • and knowingly dealing with wanted criminals means

    和明知故犯地與通緝犯打交道意味著

  • you might want to think twice

    你可能要三思而後行

  • before taking your business there.

    在把你的業務帶到那裡之前。

  • The good news is the Chum Bucket has plenty

    好消息是,海淘桶有很多

  • of dining options.

    的餐飲選擇。

  • And they have a new menu that sources say is

    他們有一個新的菜單,有消息說是

  • quantifiably less disgusting than the old menu.

    在數量上比舊菜單的噁心程度要低。

  • So maybe it's time to take your business there.

    是以,也許現在是時候把你的業務帶到那裡去了。

  • Sir, your lunch is here.

    先生,您的午餐來了。

  • Yeah. No, no, no. That- that smells awful.

    是的。不,不,不。這... 這聞起來很糟糕。

  • Take it away.

    把它帶走。

  • This next story is of the shocking allegations

    下面這個故事是關於令人震驚的指控

  • that were laid at the feet of an innocent,

    被放在一個無辜者腳下的。

  • squeaky clean citizen, Bubble Buddy.

    潔淨的公民,Bubble Buddy。

  • Pop the bubble! Pop the bubble!

    吐出泡泡!戳破保麗龍!

  • What seemed to have started as some sort of sewing circle,

    似乎是以某種縫紉圈開始的。

  • turned quickly into a slippery situation

    迅速變成了一個滑坡的局面

  • that provoked an angry mob.

    引起了憤怒的暴民。

  • Pop the bubble!

    打破保麗龍!

  • [screaming]

    [尖叫聲]

  • While nobody can confirm the reason

    雖然沒有人能夠確認其原因

  • that over 20 beachgoers all happen to be carrying

    20多個海灘上的人都碰巧帶著

  • sewing needles, what is confirmed

    縫紉針,什麼是確認

  • is that they quickly turned them on one beachgoer

    是,他們很快就把它們轉向了一個海灘上的人

  • by the name of Bubble Buddy,

    名為 "Bubble Buddy"。

  • who was apparently ruining their day.

    他顯然是在破壞他們的一天。

  • Give us that bubble!

    把那個泡泡給我們!

  • While a few in the crowd did cite minor grievances,

    雖然人群中確實有少數人提出了一些小的不滿。

  • the bubble apparently caused them...

    保麗龍顯然導致他們...

  • You and that bubble have been nothing but trouble!

    你和那個泡泡一直是個麻煩!

  • It's time to end it!

    是時候結束它了!

  • Perhaps the most shocking allegation can be heard here.

    也許在這裡可以聽到最令人震驚的指控。

  • He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops

    他毒害我們的水源,燒燬我們的農作物

  • and delivered a plague onto our houses!

    並將瘟疫傳到我們的家。

  • He did?

    他有嗎?

  • Those are some serious accusations indeed.

    這些確實是一些嚴重的指控。

  • But is there any truth to them?

    但它們是否有任何真實性?

  • Our fact checkers have confirmed that since we are underwater,

    我們的事實核查人員已經證實,既然我們在水下。

  • it is virtually impossible to burn the crops.

    幾乎不可能燒燬農作物。

  • The water supply, presumably the entire ocean

    水的供應,大概是整個海洋

  • has not been poisoned.

    沒有被毒死。

  • And there is no evidence of a plague being delivered

    而且沒有證據表明有瘟疫被送來

  • to any houses.

    到任何房屋。

  • In fact, there's no evidence

    事實上,沒有證據

  • of any houses at all in Bikini Bottom.

    在比基尼海灘的任何房屋都是如此。

  • Everyone seems to live in these muffler thingies

    每個人似乎都住在這些消聲器裡

  • these days.

    這些天來。

  • So if Mister Buddy didn't actually commit

    是以,如果巴迪先生實際上沒有犯下

  • any of these crimes,

    任何這些罪行。

  • then what in the name of Neptune gives

    那麼,以海王星的名義,是什麼給了

  • this angry mob the right to drive

    這群憤怒的暴民的駕駛權

  • an up floating citizen out of town?

    漂泊在外的公民?

  • After speaking with Bubble Buddy,

    在與Bubble Buddy交談後。

  • he said the whole incident made him feel

    他說整個事件讓他感到

  • While he tried to put on a brave face.

    雖然他試圖裝出一副勇敢的樣子。

  • we here at the Bikini Bottom Inquirer,

    我們這裡的《比基尼海灘詢問者》。