You choose nobody.

你誰都不選。

Hi I'm Dr.

你好，我是Dr.

Helen Fisher, I'm a biological anthropologist.

海倫-費希爾，我是一名生物人類學家。

I study love and this is love support this person calls herself ruth.

我研究愛，這就是愛的支持，這個人稱自己為魯特。

Bader Love at first sight is probably right wrong.

貝德 一見鍾情可能是正確的錯誤。

Love at first sight is extremely easy to explain.

一見鍾情是極其容易解釋的。

This is a brain system.

這是一個大腦系統。

It's like the fear system or the anger system and it can be triggered instantly.

這就像恐懼系統或憤怒系統一樣，它可以被瞬間觸發。

You got to be ready for it and we all carry in our head what I call a love map an unconscious and conscious list of what you're looking for in a partner.

你必須做好準備，我們都在腦子裡裝著我稱之為愛情地圖的東西，一個無意識和有意識的清單，列出你在伴侶中尋找的東西。

But the moment comes, you're ready to fall in love.

但這一時刻的到來，你已經準備好墜入愛河。

You see somebody from across the crowd room or wherever they fit within your love map.

你從人群的另一端看到某人，或者他們在你的愛情地圖中適合的地方。

You go over and you speak to them, they smile sweetly at you.

你走過去和他們說話，他們對你甜甜地笑。

They say something that's funny or charming or interesting and boom instantly triggered that brain circuitry for romantic love attachment.

他們說了一些有趣的或迷人的或有趣的東西，嘣的一聲，立即觸發了浪漫愛情依戀的腦回路。

That other brain system grows slowly.

那另一個大腦系統生長緩慢。

You have to get to know somebody to begin to feel attachment.

你必須瞭解某人，才能開始感到依戀。

But romantic love can be instant.

但浪漫的愛情可以是瞬間的。

Yes, this is from Celine who created love.

是的，這是來自創造了愛情的席琳。

This ship is too much to handle.

這艘船實在是太難對付了。

Well love evolved from millions of years.

好吧，愛情是由數百萬年的時間演變而來的。

We have formed partnerships, pair bonding or monogamy mono means one and gamma mean spouse.

我們已經形成了夥伴關係，成對結合或一夫一妻制，mono是指一個，gamma是指配偶。

One spouse.

一個配偶。

That's all it means to scientists.

這就是它對科學家的全部意義。

People are also adulterous but they form partnerships, 97% of mammals do not pair up to rear their young people do.

人也是通姦的，但他們形成了夥伴關係，97%的哺乳動物不配對養育它們的孩子，人則是。

It's a hallmark of the human animal.

這是人類動物的一個特點。

And along with the evolution of pair bonding came the evolution of the human brain systems for the sex drive.

伴隨著成對結合的進化，人類大腦中的性慾系統也隨之進化。

Romantic love and feelings of deep attachment.

浪漫的愛情和深深的依戀的感覺。

I and my colleagues have put 15 people into a brain scanner who had just been rejected in love and the brain goes that's the wiring just goes crazy.

我和我的同事把15個剛剛在愛情中被拒絕的人放入大腦掃描儀中，大腦的線路就會變得瘋狂。

I mean when you're madly in love with somebody and you've been dumped, it's one of the worst experiences.

我的意思是，當你瘋狂地愛上某人，而你被甩了，這是最糟糕的經歷之一。

I mean people painful love, they live for love, they kill for love and they die for love.

我的意思是人們痛苦的愛，他們為愛而活，為愛而殺，為愛而死。

And I do think that it is an addiction because we found activity in a particular brain region.

而且我確實認為這是一種成癮，因為我們在一個特定的腦區發現了活動。

It's called the nucleus accumbens.

它被稱為阿肯色核。

That particular brain region is active in all of the addictions, all the substance addictions, all the behavioral addictions like gambling and it becomes just as active when you've been rejected in love and when this person says this ship is too much to handle but we all do handle it.

這個特殊的大腦區域在所有的成癮中都很活躍，所有的物質成癮，所有的行為成癮，如賭博，當你在愛情中被拒絕時，當這個人說這艘船太難處理時，它也會變得同樣活躍，但我們都會處理。

The vast majority of us do get over it and I've been able to prove in the brain that time does heal because it is our survival.

我們中的絕大多數人確實能克服它，我已經能夠在大腦中證明，時間確實能治癒，因為它是我們的生存之道。

It's a survival mechanism and evolved millions of years ago and it will be with us millions of years from now.

這是一種生存機制，在幾百萬年前就已經進化了，幾百萬年後它也會伴隨著我們。

Romantic love is primordial, it's adaptable and it's eternal.

浪漫的愛是原始的，它是可適應的，它是永恆的。

So this ship will always be too much to handle.

是以，這艘船總是讓人難以應付。

But we'll do it anyway.

但我們還是會這樣做。

This person is S.

這個人就是S。

K.

K.

Z.

Z.

Is my universe.

是我的宇宙。

How to try and fall in love during a pandemic dating apps aren't really doing it, they're doing it for a lot of people.

如何在大流行期間嘗試談戀愛，約會應用程序並沒有真正做到這一點，它們為很多人做了這件事。

About 40% of singles in America said that they met their last first date on the internet.

美國約有40%的單身人士表示，他們在互聯網上遇到了他們最後的第一次約會。

They hear the too thick mistakes that they make.

他們聽到自己犯的太厚的錯誤。

Perhaps this person is making them to first mistake, is there the human brain is not built to deal with more than about 5 to 9 options After that the brain just spaces out.

也許這個人正在讓他們犯第一個錯誤，人類的大腦不能處理超過5到9個選項，之後大腦就會空出來。

You choose nobody.

你誰都不選。

So the first thing that you've got to do is after you've met nine people and that's what this person needs to do.

是以，你要做的第一件事是在你遇到九個人之後，這就是這個人需要做的事。

Get off the internet, say get off of it and get to know at least one of these people better.

離開互聯網，說離開就離開，至少要對這些人中的一個人有更多的瞭解。

The more you get to know somebody, the better you tend to like.

你越是瞭解某人，你就越是傾向於喜歡。

So number one don't binge.

是以，第一，不要大吃大喝。

Number two.

第二。

Think of reasons to say yes yes instead of no, we have this big brain region linked with negativity bias were built to remember the negative and when you have just met somebody, you know so little about them that you overweight.

想一想說 "是 "而不是 "不 "的理由，我們有一個與消極偏見有關的大腦區，是為了記住消極的東西，當你剛認識某人時，你對他的瞭解太少，以至於你的體重過重。

Those few things that you know, and so you'll say, oh I don't know, she likes cats.

你知道的那幾件事，所以你會說，哦，我不知道，她喜歡貓。

I like dogs.

我喜歡狗。

Never gonna work.

絕不可能成功。

Get over it.

克服它。

Think of reasons to say yes, I call it positive illusions, the ability to overlook what you don't like about somebody and focus on what you do.

想一想說 "是 "的理由，我稱它為積極的幻想，即忽略你不喜歡某人的地方而專注於你喜歡的地方的能力。

This is from somebody called the jinn bunny to.

這是由一個叫金兔的人給的。

Can you truly be in love and cheat.

你能不能真正地愛上並欺騙。

Alas, you can, you know, these are different brain systems, sex drive and romantic love or different brain systems and you can be madly in love with somebody and also sleep around.

唉，你可以，你知道，這些是不同的大腦系統，性慾和浪漫的愛情或不同的大腦系統，你可以瘋狂地愛上某人，也可以到處睡覺。

As a matter of fact, I do think that the brain is unfortunately built for both.

事實上，我確實認為大腦很不幸是為這兩種情況而建的。

I've looked at adultery in 40 cultures and you see it everywhere in the world, even in places where you could get your head chopped off for it, we seem to have the ability to be madly in love with some person and deeply attached to that person and also sneak around.

我研究過40種文化中的通姦行為，你在世界任何地方都能看到它，甚至在那些你可能是以而被砍頭的地方，我們似乎有能力瘋狂地愛著某個人，並深深地依戀著那個人，同時也偷偷摸摸地。

I call it a dual human reproductive strategy, tremendous drive to fall in love former partnership and have your babies and also to cheat.

我稱其為人類的雙重生殖策略，巨大的驅動力讓我們愛上了以前的夥伴關係，生下了你的孩子，同時也讓我們的孩子出軌。

Next up is from Rodney J.

接下來是來自羅德尼-J.

Gavino google search, how does attraction work?

加維諾谷歌搜索，吸引力是如何運作的？

Why him?

為什麼是他？

Why her?

為什麼是她？

Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another?

為什麼你會愛上一個人而不是另一個人？

There's all kinds of cultural reasons that we tend to fall in love with the time, I mean is right.

有各種各樣的文化原因，我們往往會愛上這個時間，我的意思是對的。

We tend to fall in love with somebody who's around proximity is important.

我們傾向於愛上某個人，他周圍的接近度很重要。

We tend to fall in love with somebody from the same ethnic and socioeconomic background, somebody of the same level of education and there's four basic brain systems that each one of them is associated with a constellation a suite, a group of personality traits.

我們傾向於與來自相同種族和社會經濟背景的人相愛，與具有相同教育水準的人相愛，有四個基本的大腦系統，每個系統都與一個星座、一套、一組人格特徵相關。

Dopamine serotonin testosterone and estrogen systems.

多巴胺-血清素-睪酮和雌激素系統。

I created a questionnaire to see to what degree you express the traits in all four of these basic brain systems has now been taken by over 15 million people in 40 countries and I'm able to watch who's naturally drawn to whom.

我創建了一個調查問卷，看看你在多大程度上表達了這四個基本大腦系統的特徵，現在已經有40個國家的1500多萬人參加了調查，我能夠觀察到誰會自然地被誰吸引。

If you're very high on the traits in the dopamine system, risk taking novelty, seeking, curious, creative, you tend to be drawn to people like yourself.

如果你在多巴胺系統中的特質非常高，冒險新奇，尋求，好奇，有創造力，你往往會被像你一樣的人吸引。

If you are very high on the traits of the serotonin system, you tend to be traditional, conventional.

如果你在血清素系統的特質上非常高，你就會傾向於傳統、常規。

Follow the rules, respect, authority, detail oriented rather than theoretical.

遵循規則，尊重，權威，注重細節而不是理論。

You're also drawn to people like yourself.

你也會被像你一樣的人吸引。

So if you're very high testosterone, you tend to be analytical, logical, direct decisive, good at things like math, engineering, computers, music, music is very structural and you're drawn to your opposite high estrogen people and this is man as well as women.

是以，如果你是非常高的睪丸激素，你傾向於分析、邏輯、直接果斷，擅長數學、工程、計算機、音樂等事情，音樂是非常結構性的，你會被你對面的高雌激素的人吸引，這是男人也是女人。

Many more women in that category, they tend to see the big picture.

這類人中有很多女性，她們往往能看到大局。

They think long term, they're very imaginative, very good at reading, posture, gesture, tone of voice.

他們考慮得很長遠，他們非常有想象力，非常善於閱讀，姿態，手勢，語氣。

We all express all four systems.

我們都表達了所有四個系統。

This is what the problem is with most personality question today, they put you in one bucket or another, we express all four brain systems and the traits in each, but we express some more than others.

這就是今天大多數人格問題的問題所在，他們把你放在一個桶裡或另一個桶裡，我們表達所有四個大腦系統和每個系統的特徵，但我們表達一些比其他更多。

Now there's all kinds of circumstances where people are drawn to their opposite in ways because they had a battle of affair, They've been running around all their lives and now they want something more stable.

現在有各種各樣的情況，人們被吸引到他們的對面，因為他們有一場外遇之戰，他們一生都在奔波，現在他們想要更穩定的東西。

So they go for the traditional, even if they're very risk taking this human variety.

所以他們去找傳統的，即使是非常冒險的這個人類品種。

But the bottom line is there's patterns to culture, there's patterns to nature and there's patterns to personality.

但底線是文化有模式，自然有模式，人格有模式。

This is from sad short friend to how does someone know if they're feeling romantic or platonic attraction?

這是從悲傷的短友到有人如何知道他們是否感到浪漫或柏拉圖式的吸引？

There's a little list of traits that are associated with feelings of romantic love and they are not associated with platonic attraction.

有一個與浪漫愛情的感覺相關的小清單，它們與柏拉圖式的吸引沒有關係。

The first thing that happens when you fall in love is somebody takes on special meaning everything about them becomes special.

當你墜入愛河時，發生的第一件事是某人具有特殊的意義，他們的一切都變得特殊。

The car they drive looks different from every other car in the parking lot, the house that they live in the street that they live on, the music that they like when it's a platonic, not everything is special about this human being, you like them.

他們開的車看起來和停車場裡的其他車都不一樣，他們住的房子，他們住的街道，他們喜歡的音樂，當是柏拉圖式的，不是這個人的一切都很特別，你喜歡他們。

I mean you're attracted to them, you'll find them amusing or funny or interesting, but you don't you don't you're not obsessed with them.

我的意思是你被他們吸引，你會發現他們很有趣，或者很好玩，或者很有意思，但是你不會你不會你不會迷戀他們。

But if you have to think about one, just one trait that is most distinctive between the two.

但是，如果你必須考慮一個，只是一個在兩者之間最獨特的特徵。

When you're madly in love with somebody in the romantic attraction, you are obsessed and in a platonic attraction, you don't think about them night and day, this person is reprogrammed coach is online dating killing romance.

當你在浪漫的吸引力中瘋狂地愛上某人時，你會迷戀，而在柏拉圖式的吸引力中，你不會夜以繼日地想著他們，這個人被重新編程的教練是網上約會殺死浪漫的。

It can't kill romance.

它不可能扼殺浪漫。

This is a basic brain system, it evolved millions of years ago, it's like hunger or thirst or anger or fear.

這是一個基本的大腦系統，它在幾百萬年前就已經進化了，它就像飢餓或口渴或憤怒或恐懼。

You can't kill romance?

你不能殺死浪漫？

My next up is from need a better.

我的下一個目標是來自於需要一個更好的。

I wonder what's actually going on through our bodies when we think we're in love, like what chemicals are enhanced.

我想知道，當我們認為自己在戀愛時，我們的身體究竟發生了什麼，比如哪些化學物質被增強了。

I and my colleagues have put over 100 people into a brain scanner who were madly in love.

我和我的同事已經把100多個瘋狂戀愛的人放進了大腦掃描儀。

The first group were people who were happily in love.

第一組是在愛情中快樂的人。

The second were a group of people who were reject in love.

第二個是一群在愛情中被拒絕的人。

And the third was a group of people who were in love long term.

而第三個是一群長期相愛的人。

So we put these people in the brain scanner, we had them look at a photograph of their sweetheart and also have a neutral photograph.

是以，我們把這些人放在大腦掃描儀中，讓他們看一張他們夫妻的照片，同時也有一張中性照片。

So we could compare the brain under both circumstances.

是以我們可以比較兩種情況下的大腦。

And we were able to find that everybody who's madly love rejected in love or in love long term begins to have activity.

我們能夠發現，每一個在愛情中被瘋狂拒絕的人或長期戀愛的人都會開始有活動。

A tiny little factory near the base of the brain called the ventral take mental areas way at the base of the brain and that brain region actually makes dopamine and sends dopa too many brain regions giving you that focus the motivation, the obsession, the craving of intense romantic love.

大腦底部附近有一個很小的工廠，叫做腹腔取腦區，該腦區實際上是製造多巴胺，並將多巴送入許多腦區，給你帶來焦點、動力、迷戀、強烈的浪漫愛情的渴望。

And what's interesting to me is that little factory.

而讓我感興趣的是那個小工廠。

The V.

五。

Ta lies right next to the factory that orchestrates thirst and hunger, thirst and hunger.

Ta緊挨著協調飢渴和飢餓、飢渴和飢餓的工廠。

Keep you alive today.

讓你今天活著。

Romantic love enables you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time and start the mating process and send your D.

浪漫的愛情使你能夠將你的交配能量一次只集中在一個人身上，並開始交配過程和發送你的D。

N.

N.

A.

A.

Into tomorrow.

進入明天。

This is from catch my fly.

這是從抓我的蒼蠅開始的。

Do you believe in soul mates.

你相信有靈魂伴侶嗎。

If so do you believe you can have more than one?

如果是這樣，你認為你可以擁有多個嗎？

Yes and yes I do believe in soul mates.

是的，是的，我確實相信有靈魂伴侶。

I do not believe you can have more than one at a time.

我不相信你可以同時擁有超過一個。

So now what is a soul mate?

那麼現在什麼是靈魂伴侶？

I think what this person is means is somebody who, it's a true love.

我認為這個人的意思是某人，這是一種真愛。

You're not gonna sleep with other people, You're not thinking of going anywhere.

你不會和其他人上床，你不會考慮去任何地方。

You might even consider dying for him or her.

你甚至可以考慮為他或她而死。

It is a very deep genuine attachment, intense feeling of romantic love.

這是一種非常深刻的真正的依戀，強烈的浪漫之愛的感覺。

And I think that this is summed up best by a poet from the 15th century in India named Kabir.

我認為15世紀印度的一位名叫卡比爾的詩人對這一點做了最好的總結。

The Lane of love is narrow, there's room for only one and indeed when you're madly in love it's with only one person.

愛的通道是狹窄的，只容得下一個人，而且當你瘋狂地愛上一個人的時候，確實是只和一個人在一起。

I do believe you can have a soul mate.

我確實相信你可以有一個靈魂伴侶。

I think that you may have a series of soul mates, but I don't think you can have more than one soul mate at a time.

我認為你可能有一系列的靈魂伴侶，但我認為你不可能同時擁有一個以上的靈魂伴侶。

From somebody called dance with voices.

來自一個叫 "有聲之舞 "的人。

Why do people associate love with the heart?

為什麼人們把愛與心聯繫起來？

Why not?

為什麼不呢？

The penis or the sternum.

陰莖或胸骨。

There may be a physiological reason why it has been associated with love.

這可能有一個生理上的原因，即它一直與愛情有關。

And that is there's a lot of characteristics, a lot of things happen when you fall madly in love and one of them is the heart can really pound when you're really nervous about somebody, I mean when you're madly in love, not only do you feel that ecstasy euphoria, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, obsessive, thinking about the person craving for emotional union, but also all kinds of physiological responses, weak knees, maybe a pounding heart.

那就是有很多特徵，當你瘋狂地愛上一個人時，會發生很多事情，其中之一就是當你真的對某人感到緊張時，心臟會真的跳動，我的意思是當你瘋狂地愛上一個人時，你不僅會感到那種狂喜的興奮，失眠，食慾不振，迷戀，想著那個人渴望情感的結合，還會有各種生理反應，膝蓋發軟，也許心臟跳動。

It really started in the 13 hundreds with Giotto in a painting prior to that there were a lot of uses of the shape of the heart.

它真正開始於13世紀喬託的一幅畫，在此之前，有很多人使用心臟的形狀。

In fact, as early as 5000 years ago in the Indus Valley, they were drawing things that looked like the shape of a heart.

事實上，早在5000年前的印度河流域，他們就在畫一些看起來像心臟形狀的東西。

And at that point it was the seed of a form of parsley plant or an ivy leaf.

而在這一點上，它是一種歐芹植物或常春藤葉子的種子。

But it became became associated with romantic love probably with the painting by Giotto in 13 09.

但它變得與浪漫的愛情有關，可能是與喬託在1309年的繪畫有關。

This is from J at 53 K.

這是來自53K的J。

one.

一。

I lust hard and lose interest quick.

我的慾望很強，很快就失去了興趣。

How does that work?

這怎麼能行呢？

Well, they're not ready to fall in love.

嗯，他們還沒有準備好墜入愛河。

We've evolved three distinctly different brain systems for mating and reproduction.

我們已經進化出三種截然不同的大腦系統用於交配和繁殖。

One is the sex drive linked with testosterone in both men and women.

一個是與男性和女性的睪丸激素有關的性慾。

The second is romantic love.

第二種是浪漫的愛情。

We've been able to prove this is linked with the dopamine system in both men and women.

我們已經能夠證明這與男性和女性的多巴胺系統有關。

That's what gives you the focus, the motivation.

這就是給你的重點，給你的動力。

The obsession and the third brain system is attachment, that sense of calm and security you can feel with a long term partner and this individual, he's in the lust stage, he's not ready to fall in love.

痴迷和第三個大腦系統是依戀，即你能感受到的與長期伴侶的平靜和安全感，而這個人，他正處於慾望階段，他還沒有準備好墜入愛河。

You know, you have to be ready to fall in love to actually do it.

你知道，你必須準備好墜入愛河才能真正做到這一點。

And he's just experiencing a different brain system.

而他只是在經歷一個不同的大腦系統。

The lust system.

淫慾系統。

This question is from the arctic.

這個問題來自北極。

It's a very interesting question.

這是一個非常有趣的問題。

Any good data out there on divorce rates for couples that meet via online dating sites.

有沒有關於通過在線約會網站相遇的夫婦的離婚率的好數據。

Apparently, if you met somebody online, as opposed to offline, you're less likely to divorce just by a little, but you are less likely to divorce.

顯然，如果你在網上認識某人，而不是在網下，你離婚的可能性就小一點，但你離婚的可能性就小一點。

People who date online are more likely to be fully employed, more likely to have higher education and more likely to be interested in a committed partnership.

在網上約會的人更有可能充分就業，更有可能受過高等教育，更有可能對承諾的夥伴關係感興趣。

This is from Ricky array, how can you be in love with somebody and jealous of them easily when you're madly in love with somebody, It's called mate guarding other animals.

這是來自Ricky array，當你瘋狂地愛上某人的時候，你怎麼能輕易地嫉妒他呢？這叫配偶守護其他動物。

Do it too.

也要這樣做。

And if you see your partner beginning to flirt with other individuals, you could lose that partner, you could lose your Children, you could lose your house, you could lose your friends, you could lose your money.

如果你看到你的伴侶開始與其他個人調情，你可能會失去這個伴侶，你可能會失去你的孩子，你可能會失去你的房子，你可能會失去你的朋友，你可能會失去你的錢。

I mean, you know, the game of love matters.

我的意思是，你知道，愛情的遊戲很重要。

This is from LaMattina 10 question of the day.

這是來自LaMattina的10個每日問題。

This person writes couples that do Do this together have 20% more love hormones.

這個人寫道，一起做這件事的夫妻，愛的荷爾蒙多出20%。

It's not dirty.