Oh boy.

哦，孩子。

Let me tell you about my ex wife, my ex wife wanted to be an actress but I tell you she's so ugly.

讓我告訴你我的前妻，我的前妻想成為一名演員，但我告訴你她是如此醜陋。

She couldn't even get a part in a hot dog man this is so exciting.

她甚至不能得到一個熱狗人的角色，這太令人興奮了。

I've been dying to come to this comedy club.

我一直很想來這個喜劇俱樂部。

Yeah, me too.

是的，我也是。

Whoa.

哇哦。

Midget apple, that's little Apple.

侏儒蘋果，那是小蘋果。

What are you doing back there?

你在後面做什麼？

I'm trying to watch the show but you're blocking my view.

我想看節目，但你擋住了我的視線。

Maybe that's why they call it stand up.

也許這就是為什麼他們稱之為 "站立"。

She's stupid too.

她也很愚蠢。

You want to know how stupid she thought a sirloin was a knight.

你想知道她有多傻，以為沙朗是個騎士。

Was that supposed to be funny?

這應該是有趣的嗎？

Just give him a chance.

只要給他一個機會。

Okay.

好的。

Oh is she a lousy driver?

哦，她是個糟糕的司機嗎？

Just last week.

就在上週。

She?

她？

T boned my car.

我的車被撞了。

I don't know why we had to come to this place to laugh.

我不知道為什麼我們要到這個地方來笑。

I'm way funnier than this meatball.

我比這個肉球要有趣得多。

Hey do not dip zip the lip.

嘿，不要浸泡在嘴脣上的拉鍊。

Hey dude, are you make me laugh, knock it off now he's gonna pick on us.

嘿，夥計，你讓我笑了，別鬧了，現在他要找我們麻煩了。

Alright, looks like we got another comedian here folks.

好吧，看來我們這裡又有一個喜劇演員了，夥計們。

What's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Huh bozo.

哼，笨蛋。

I'm not a bozo.

我不是一個笨蛋。

I'm an orange.

我是一個橙色的人。

Well thanks a lot.

嗯，非常感謝。

Captain, obvious.

隊長，很明顯。

No problem.

沒問題。

Major meatball.

主要的肉球。

Oh so you want to see a joke?

哦，所以你想看一個笑話？

Huh?

嗯？

Quick.

快速。

Somebody get this guy a mirror.

誰給這傢伙拿一面鏡子。

Really?

真的嗎？

That's all you got.

這就是你的全部。

And what about your little buddy there?

那你的小夥伴呢？

That's little Apple.

這就是小蘋果。

Not you munchkin.

不是你，小傢伙。

The other guy won't leave me out of this boy.

另一個人不會把我排除在這個男孩之外。

Does this guy need some exercise?

這傢伙是否需要一些鍛鍊？

He's looking a little pear shaped dude.

他看起來有點像梨形的傢伙。

I am a pair.

我是一對。

Yeah pair of jokers, wow.

是的，一對小丑，哇。

Did you ever notice that meatballs are real ham burger.

你有沒有注意到，肉丸子是真正的火腿漢堡。

orange?

橙色？

You are so stupid.

你是如此愚蠢。

You thought photosynthesis had something to do with a camera?

你以為光合作用與相機有關？

Yeah, well you're so dumb.

是啊，你真夠笨的。

You tried to go fishing in a gravy boat.

你想坐著肉汁船去釣魚。

Can we go home now?

我們現在可以回家了嗎？

What?

什麼？

You guys don't want to leave already, do you?

你們不會已經想離開了吧？

Yes.

是的。

Why don't you make like a hockey stick and get the puck out of here?

你為什麼不做出像曲棍球棒的樣子，把冰球弄走？

But I'm totally winning this guy's dead meat, whatever.

但我完全是在贏取這傢伙的死肉，不管怎樣。

Orange.

橙色。

I'm the one reminding you down.

是我在提醒你下來。

Hey, hey, meatball, what?

嘿，嘿，肉球，什麼？

Hey, can I call you chuck?

嘿，我可以叫你Chuck嗎？

Okay, Hey chuck.

好的，嘿，查克。

Hey, hey chuck.

嘿，嘿，查克。

What do you want now?

你現在想要什麼？

Guess what?

你猜怎麼著？

What, spatula?

什麼，鏟子？

Talk about a patty cooper.

談到了一個拍子合作社。

What's that?

那是什麼？

I can't hear you.

我聽不到你說什麼。

Your delivery is a little flat ouch.

你的傳遞有點平淡無奇。

That looked like it hurt, jeez, All I wanted to do was laugh.

那看起來很疼，天啊，我只想笑。

What a letdown I'll say.

我要說的是，這真是一個令人沮喪的事情。

I've been staring at oranges, but all night, poor meatball!

我一直在盯著橙子，但整晚都在盯著，可憐的肉球！"。

His show really got panned, I guess marty meatball was all sizzle and no steak.

他的節目真的被封殺了，我猜馬蒂-肉丸子是隻聞其聲，不見其人。

Can you guys believe he had a beef with me?

你們能相信他和我有過節嗎？

Yeah, spatulas all like, can we have a cheeseburger Gabo proudly presents the comedy roast of the annoying orange.

是的，鏟子都喜歡，我們能不能有一個奶酪漢堡加波自豪地介紹了煩人的橙色的喜劇烤肉。

Here's your host bud rose.

這是你的主人花蕾玫瑰。

That's right.

這就對了。

Everybody just the way your mother made it.

每個人都按照你母親的方式做。

It's great to be here tonight in the produce section.

很高興今晚能在這裡的農產品區。

Seriously?

真的嗎？

There are a lot of vegetables here.

這裡有很多的蔬菜。

Then again it is, youtube.

然後，它又是，YouTube。

Say what?

說什麼？

But this is so exciting.

但這太令人興奮了。

Really?

真的嗎？

When they told me to come down here and roast the annoying orange.

當他們告訴我到這裡來烤制煩人的橘子。

I was like, heck yes, I love snooki.

我當時想，嘿嘿，是的，我愛斯努基。

Seriously folks, The only thing worse than this gig was the time some guy shoved a thermometer up my room and speaking of pain in the butt.

說真的，夥計們，唯一比這次演出更糟糕的是，有些人把溫度計塞進我的房間，說到屁股上的疼痛。

Where's our honored guest?

我們尊貴的客人在哪裡？

Why?

為什麼？

I warned you not to sign that gag order?

我警告過你不要簽署那個禁言令？

Orange doesn't seem like himself tonight and I know what you're thinking, what an improvement.

奧蘭治今晚看起來不像他自己，我知道你在想什麼，這是一個很大的進步。

You know, with Orange.

你知道，與橙色。

There's no in between either you think he's annoying or you hate his guts?

在這兩者之間，要麼你認為他很煩人，要麼你討厭他的膽量？

I don't have anything bad to say about orange.

我對橙色沒有什麼不好的評價。

His face says it all so we'll never forget the first time we met you Warren, although we keep trying.

他的臉說明了一切，所以我們永遠不會忘記第一次見到你沃倫時的情景，儘管我們一直在努力。

Sometimes you say things that make me feel small and sometimes you say things that make me feel insecure.

有時你說的東西讓我覺得自己很渺小，有時你說的東西讓我覺得沒有安全感。

I call those feelings the cold prickly dude, are you gonna tell a joke or what a joke?

我把這些感覺稱為冷刺刺的傢伙，你是要講笑話還是講什麼笑話？

I thought this was an intervention or just no arms and legs when he goes swimming.

我以為這是一種干預，或者只是他去游泳時沒有胳膊和腿。

I like to call him bob orange when you talk other people get horse just by listening.

我喜歡叫他Bob orange，當你說話的時候，別人光聽就能得到馬。

If I had a nickel for every time the annoying orange annoyed me.

如果我有五分錢，每當這個惱人的橙色讓我惱火的時候。

Well, I wouldn't need to find my pot of gold.

那麼，我就不需要找到我的金罐了。

Now would I?

現在我會嗎？

I still want to though you guys wanna hear my impression an orange and a little, something like that.

我還是想，雖然你們想聽聽我的印象，一個橙色和一個小，類似的東西。

You know, Orange is the kind of fruit you can use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

你知道，橙子是那種你可以用它作為藍圖來建造一個白痴的水果。

You have a lot of well wishers here today.

今天這裡有很多祝願者。

Orange, yep.

橙色，是的。

A whole bunch of people that want to throw you down a well.

一大堆想把你扔進井裡的人。

Orange is no dummy.

橙色不是傻瓜。

He didn't just fall off the turnip truck, nope.

他不是從蘿蔔車上掉下來的，不是。

The turnips pushed him.

蕪湖人推著他。

Hey, is this thing on my check?

嘿，這東西在我的支票上嗎？

My check?

我的支票？

Hey, Orange Gilbert Gottfried called.

嘿，奧蘭治-吉爾伯特-戈特弗裡德來電。

He wants his laugh back.

他想要回他的笑聲。

Not you moron.

不是你這個白痴。

Is that a spray tan?

這是在噴晒嗎？

Try using Coppertone, not orange glow.

試著使用Coppertone，而不是橙色的光芒。

If orange truly spoke his mind, he'd be speechless.

如果橙子真的說出了他的想法，他就會無話可說。

Orange is so annoying that what's that all about?

橙色是如此令人討厭，這到底是怎麼回事？

Uh You think your neon cat like if you do it long enough, you'll turn into a pop tart and fly through rainbows, marshmallow.

呃 你認為你的霓虹貓就像如果你做得夠久，你就會變成一個爆米花，飛過彩虹，棉花糖。

You're doing it wrong.

你做錯了。

You are just so clumsy that any dance he does is considered break dancing.

你只是太笨拙了，他的任何舞蹈都被認為是霹靂舞。

Oranges like a christmas tie loud and useless.

橙子像聖誕領帶一樣響亮而無用。

Orange is so dumb.

橙色是如此愚蠢。

Okay.

好的。

Like we say at the butcher shop, it's time to wrap it up.

就像我們在肉店說的，是時候收尾了。

Come on, I was just getting started, yep.

來吧，我才剛剛開始，是的。

And now you're getting stopped short.

而現在你卻被攔在了門外。

Mhm.

嗯。

We've had our fun.

我們已經有了自己的樂趣。

That's for sure.

那是肯定的。

But now it's time for our silent partner to take a stab.

但現在是我們沉默的夥伴出手的時候了。

Ducks taste like plastic.

鴨子的味道像塑膠。

What's the matter?

怎麼了？

Orange?

橙色？

Don't feel like chewing the fat.

不喜歡咀嚼脂肪的感覺。

I don't know.

我不知道。

It's just kind of nice that everyone could be here to celebrate our billion few, especially since most of them have already been killed, sliced or exploded.

每個人都能在這裡慶祝我們的十億分之幾，這實在是太好了，尤其是他們中的大多數人已經被殺死、切開或爆炸了。

I guess all I really want to say is thanks a lot.

我想我真正想說的是非常感謝。

Whoa.

哇哦。

Wait for the roast, aren't we?

等待烤肉，我們不是嗎？

I really do have an army of fans.

我真的有一個粉絲大軍。

Oh that orange has a one track mind am I right?

哦，那隻橙子有一個單線思維，我說得對嗎？

Hey there.

嗨，你們好。

Food lovers joke's on you.

食物愛好者的笑話是在你身上。

You and I are showing you how to be a Canadian.

你和我正在向你展示如何成為一個加拿大人。

That's right now.

這就是現在。

Step one is to get over your stage Fright comedians can't be afraid of their audience.

第一步是克服你的怯場 喜劇演員不能害怕他們的觀眾。

Well that's easy to sob.

嗯，這很容易讓人唏噓。

Just pretend everyone's in there.

就當大家都在裡面。

Look, pairs got rocket ships on his.

看，雙雙在他的身上得到了火箭飛船。

Hey, don't imagine me with rocketship underwear on.

嘿，不要想象我穿著火箭飛船的內褲。

Would you rather I imagine you naked the way you usually are.

你是否希望我想象你像平時那樣赤身裸體。

Good point.

說得好。

Okay, you can imagine me in underwear that sounds pretty tight to me now Step two for becoming a comedian, right?

好吧，你可以想象我穿著內衣，現在聽起來很緊，成為喜劇演員的第二步，對嗎？

Your comedy act.

你的喜劇表演。

This is possibly the hardest part and it takes hours and hours of thankless hard work too.

這可能是最難的部分，它也需要數小時不辭辛勞的工作。

What you already wrote your entire act.

你已經寫了你的整個行為。

You got to be joking, nope, but I will be joking.

你一定是在開玩笑，不，但我將是在開玩笑。

As soon as I start reading off these singers want to hear what I got sure this shouldn't take long.

當我開始讀出這些歌手想聽我得到什麼時，肯定不會花很長時間。

I don't know about that.

我不知道這一點。

What did the seamstress say to the yarn?

女裁縫對紗線說了什麼？

I don't know what can you believe?

我不知道你能相信什麼？

Hair wears rocketship underwear brother.

頭髮穿上了火箭飛船的內褲，兄弟。

Here's another, what did the Rocket ship say to the underpants, What we've really got pears but covered it goes on, you want to hear the rest, let's save it for the stage, which brings us to step three.

這裡還有一個，火箭飛船對內褲說了什麼，我們真正得到的是梨子，但蓋上了它，你想聽其他的，讓我們把它留到舞臺上，這使我們來到第三步。

Practice practice practice your act.

練習練習你的行為。

That means finding open mics, which is where new comics are welcome to come get stage time, but don't worry finding an open mic is super easy.

這意味著要找到開放式麥克風，也就是歡迎新的漫畫家來獲得舞臺時間，但別擔心，找到一個開放式麥克風是超級容易的。

In fact there's one right under their underwear.

事實上，在他們的內褲下面就有一個。

I can't believe you actually said it more like rocketship underwear.

我不相信你真的說了更像火箭飛船的內衣。

Am I right people?

我說的對嗎？

I can't believe I fell for that.

我真不敢相信我上當了。

So what's the deal with bears?

那麼，熊是怎麼回事？

Rocketship underwear?

火箭艇內褲？

I've never seen a fashion decision.

我從來沒有見過一個時尚的決定。

So out of this world, which brings us to step three, Rewrite your act constantly.

是以，脫離了這個世界，這使我們來到了第三步，不斷重寫你的行為。

Rewrite my act, but people love my underwear material.

重寫我的行為，但人們喜歡我的內衣材料。

They won't after they heard it a few times.

他們聽了幾遍之後就不會了。

That's what makes being a comedian so hard.

這就是作為一個喜劇演員的艱難之處。

You always need new stuff.

你總是需要新的東西。

Okay, I think I know what you mean.

好吧，我想我知道你的意思。

Now what's the deal with pairs?

現在，成雙成對是怎麼回事呢？

Song?

宋?

What?

什麼？

I'm not wearing a thong in my mind.

在我心中，我沒有穿丁字褲。

You are now you're wearing a hat and now you're wearing curls.

你現在是你戴著帽子，現在是你戴著捲髮。

Now you're wearing no more imagining close on me, are you saying you want to go back to being naked?

現在你在我身上穿的不再是想象中的親密，你是說你想回到裸體的狀態嗎？

Yes, I don't care.

是的，我不在意。

Alrighty then what's the deal with bear being naked?

好吧，那麼小熊的裸體是怎麼回事呢？

I'm telling you folks that's one bear pair.

我告訴你們，那是一對熊孩子。

Hey, would you look at that?

嘿，你能看看這個嗎？

I'm on fire baby, whatever.

我火了，寶貝，不管怎樣。

I don't care.

我不在意。

I made it to the end of the video in one piece.

我完整地走到了視頻的最後。

That's all that matters.

這是最重要的。

Don't forget step four.

不要忘記第四步。

Remember the little people when you blow up.

當你爆炸的時候，請記住小人物。

Well that is true if you get famous as a comedian.

如果你以喜劇演員的身份成名，那是真的。

Always remember the people who helped you get there.

永遠記住那些幫助你達到目的的人。

No, I mean remember the little people when you blow little apple get out from under there from underwear.

不，我的意思是記住小人，當你吹小蘋果從那裡從內褲裡出來。

Now that's comedy people.

現在這就是喜劇人。

So I looked him in the eye and I said to him I says home slice, you are a real pizza work.

所以我看著他的眼睛，我對他說，我說的是家裡的切片，你是一個真正的比薩餅工作。

Yeah, hey that's my time.

是的，嘿，那是我的時間。

Y'all have been great.

你們都很好。

Now put your non existent hands together for our next comic and a good friend of mine, novelty coffee mug.

現在把你們不存在的手放在一起，為我們的下一個漫畫和我的一個好朋友，新奇的咖啡杯。

Hey thank you, thank you.

嘿，謝謝你，謝謝你。

Great to be here.

很高興來到這裡。

Thanks a lot.

非常感謝。

So what is the deal with their a little bit early on the rim shot there.

那麼，他們在籃下投籃時有點早，這又是怎麼回事呢？

Orange didn't quite make it to my punchline.

橙子沒有完全做到我的衝刺。

Oh sorry I thought it was funny.

哦，對不起，我以為這很有趣。

What you thought the setup to my joke was funny.

你認為我的笑話的設置很有趣。

Yeah this guy's hilarious.

是的，這傢伙很搞笑。

I appreciate that but let's wait for me to finish the joke.

我很感激，但還是等我說完這個笑話吧。

Alrighty.

好吧。

Was that a joke?

這是個笑話嗎？

No, so I shouldn't do a rim shot right now.

不，所以我現在不應該做邊線拍攝。

No I got it.

不，我知道了。

Dude.

老兄。

I said no, no you should not do a rim shot.

我說，不，不，你不應該做鑲邊射擊。

Oh I thought you meant no you should do a rim shot.

哦，我以為你的意思是，你不應該做一個籃板球。

No worries though, you're doing great, keep going.

不過不用擔心，你做得很好，繼續努力。

I'll do better anyway.

反正我會做得更好。

Like I was saying what's the deal with this weather we're having?

就像我說的，我們的這種天氣是怎麼回事？

Right I've been so cloudy and rainy, it's making this espresso depressed, so sad.

對了，我一直都是陰雨綿綿，這讓我這個濃縮咖啡的人很鬱悶，很難過。

Sad.

悲傷。

Coffee orange now would be a good time for that rim shot and when we discussed earlier but I didn't think it was funny.

咖啡橙現在是一個很好的時機，我們之前討論的時候也是這樣，但我不認為這很有趣。

I don't care if you, you're kind of ruining my set here Orange.

我不在乎你，你有點毀了我在這裡的佈景，橙色。

All part of the act folks.

都是演戲的一部分，夥計們。

Oh man, I'm so embarrassed boy is my mug red orange.

哦，夥計，我太尷尬了，我的杯子是紅橙色的。

That wasn't even funny.

這一點都不好笑。

Really because the audience seemed to think so.

真的是因為觀眾似乎是這樣認為的。