one in three people tell me they've committed infidelity

每三個人中就有一個人告訴我他們曾犯過不忠行為

at some point in their lives.

在他們生命中的某個時刻。

And so, a very common situation people find themselves in

是以，人們發現自己處於一個非常常見的情況是

is should they confess that secret

是他們應該坦白這個祕密

to their romantic partner?

對他們的浪漫伴侶？

And it's perhaps the hardest version of this question of:

而且這也許是這個問題的最難版本。

'Should I confess my secret to the person

'我是否應該向人坦白我的祕密？

I'm keeping it from?'

我把它從？

The reason for confessing it, of course,

懺悔的原因，當然是。

is you wanna be honest

是你想說實話

and you want to not hide something,

而你想不隱藏一些東西。

something so big from your partner.

從你的夥伴那裡得到這麼大的東西。

But of course, the risk is you're worried

但當然，風險在於你擔心

about damaging the relationship,

關於破壞關係。

and so what should you do if you're in this situation?

是以，如果你遇到這種情況，你應該怎麼做？

The first thing you wanna ask yourself is:

你想問自己的第一件事是。

Why are you tempted to reveal this to the other person?

為什麼你會有向對方透露的衝動？

Is it you just want to get the secret off your chest?

是不是你只是想把這個祕密說出來？

Is it that you just wanna make yourself feel better?

是不是你只是想讓自己感覺好一點？

The risk of course, is that maybe revealing that secret

當然，風險在於，也許暴露了這個祕密

does make you feel better,

確實讓你感覺更好。

but it could make your partner feel a whole lot worse.

但它可能使你的伴侶感覺更糟。

So what do you do with that?

那麼你是怎麼做的呢？

It's one of the most difficult questions

這是最困難的問題之一

you might encounter in a relationship,

你在一段關係中可能遇到的問題。

and the consequences can be huge for what you decide.

而你所決定的後果可能是巨大的。

But if it was a one-time thing,

但如果是一次性的事情。

what would your partner want in this situation?

在這種情況下，你的伴侶會想要什麼？

Would they wanna know about this?

他們會想知道這件事嗎？

I asked 300 people this very question,

我問了300個人這個問題。

and 77% of people said they would wanna know.

而77%的人說他們會想知道。

The good news is if you're dealing with this decision,

好消息是，如果你正在處理這個決定。

you don't have to decide it on your own.

你不需要自己決定。

Talk to someone else about it,

和別人談一談。

and they can help you navigate

而且他們可以幫助你瀏覽

this incredibly difficult decision.

這個令人難以置信的困難決定。

So when you reveal a secret

是以，當你揭開一個祕密

to the person you're keeping it from,

給你保留它的人。

this is what I call 'confession,'

這就是我所說的'懺悔'，

but when you reveal a secret

但當你揭示了一個祕密

to someone you're not specifically keeping it from,

給你沒有特別保留的人。

this is 'confiding.'

這就是'傾訴'。

And confiding a secret is like eating your cake

傾訴祕密就像吃自己的蛋糕一樣

and having it too.

並擁有它。

You get to have it remain a secret

你可以讓它保持祕密

while still getting help and advice.

同時仍然得到幫助和建議。

So who should you choose as a confidant?

那麼，你應該選擇誰作為知己呢？

Who can you trust to keep your secret safe?

你能信任誰來為你保守祕密？

We've done research on this

我們已經做了這方面的研究

where we've asked thousands of people

在這裡，我們已經問了成千上萬的人

what benefits they got from revealing a secret,

他們從洩露祕密中得到了什麼好處。

and who people like to reveal a secret to.

以及人們喜歡向誰透露一個祕密。

Revealing a secret to someone

向別人透露一個祕密

who you judge as compassionate, empathic,

你判斷誰是有同情心的，有同情心的。

caring, non-judgmental, and kind,

關心、不批判、和善。

those people are really helpful.

這些人真的很有幫助。

Also, you want to choose someone who will not be scandalized

另外，你要選擇一個不會被人恥笑的人

by what you're telling them.

通過你告訴他們的事情。

If someone finds what you're telling them

如果有人發現你告訴他們的東西

to be really morally objectionable

實在令人厭惡的道德行為

because they just have a really different sense

因為他們只是有一個非常不同的感覺

of morality than you do,

比你更有道德感。

that's not the right person to choose.

這不是一個正確的選擇。

If someone is really overly concerned with norms and rules,

如果有人真的過度關注規範和規則。

that might not be the best person to confide in.

這可能不是最好的傾訴對象。

And if someone's a talkative, social butterfly,

而如果有人是一個健談的、善於社交的人。

that might also not be your best case

這可能也不是你最好的情況

because those individuals are known to be so excited

因為眾所周知，這些人是如此興奮

that they might accidentally reveal the secret

他們可能不小心洩露了祕密

to someone they're not supposed to.

對他們不應該這樣做的人。

And then finally, when you're choosing your confidant,

然後最後，當你選擇你的知己時。

ask yourself:

問問你自己。

'Are you entangling them into the problem?'

'你是在把他們糾纏在這個問題上嗎？

Are they now gonna have to conceal this secret

他們現在要隱瞞這個祕密了嗎？

from people you both know?

來自你們都認識的人？

'Cause now you're gonna be asking this person

因為現在你要問這個人

to keep a secret.

來保守祕密。

While they'll understand the act of intimacy

雖然他們會理解親密關係的行為

that you're placing in them when you trust them,

當你信任他們的時候，你就把他們放在了你的身上。

they could become really burdened by your secret too,

他們也可能因為你的祕密而變得真正有負擔。

and as much as you can, you want to avoid that.

並儘可能地避免這種情況。

And if you're thinking, "I don't know any people

如果你在想，"我不認識什麼人

with any of these qualities,"

具有這些品質中的任何一種"。

you could reveal it to a total stranger

你可以把它透露給一個完全陌生的人

who would have no risk

毫無風險的人

of getting the secret back

找回祕密的方法

to the people you don't want to know the secret.

對你不想知道這個祕密的人。

And so, for example,

是以，舉例來說。

you could reveal the secret to a bartender.

你可以向酒保透露這個祕密。

You could reveal the secret to a cab driver.

你可以向計程車司機透露這個祕密。

We find the average experience people have

我們發現人們的平均經驗是

with revealing a secret is one they find to be very helpful.

與透露一個祕密是他們認為非常有幫助的。

And so if you're trying to figure out

是以，如果你想弄清楚

whether this is a secret

這是否是一個祕密

that you should reveal to your partner,

你應該向你的伴侶透露的資訊。

talk to someone else about it

和別人談一談

because confiding is this great stepping stone to figure out

因為傾訴是弄清問題的一個很好的踏腳石。

what is the next step you're gonna take after that.

之後你要採取的下一步是什麼。

And if you're trying to decide

如果你正試圖決定

whether someone is the right person to confide in,

某個人是否是合適的傾訴對象。

I would ask yourself these three questions:

我想問自己這三個問題。

Is this someone you can trust to keep this secret?

這是你可以信任的人，可以保守這個祕密嗎？

Is this someone you could trust

這是你可以信任的人嗎？

to help you work through the secret?

來幫助你解決這個祕密？

And by revealing the secret to this person,

而通過向這個人透露祕密。

are you making their lives more difficult?

你是否讓他們的生活更加困難？

So finding someone else to talk about that secret with

是以，找到其他人來談論這個祕密

and choosing the right person

和選擇合適的人

can make the world of difference.

可以使世界變得不同。

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伴隨著世界上最大的思想家的視頻。

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並從世界上最大的思想家那裡學到更多。

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