Eric Adams to discuss whether he has what it takes to succeed

埃裡克-亞當斯將討論他是否具備成功的條件

Joe Biden as the mega Botox thirty stapled face of the Democratic Party.

喬-拜登作為民主黨的巨型肉毒桿菌三十釘子的臉。

It's time for some big news.

是時候發佈一些大新聞了。

Good evening.

晚上好。

I am news anchor speeding in a luxury fac mobil down headline highway

我是新聞主播，開著一輛豪華車在高速公路上飛馳。

before plunging off journalist point and blowing up in a ball of stories and scoops,

在墜落到記者點之前，在一團故事和獨家新聞中炸開了鍋。

Candid James Smartwood. Tonight when Republicans are not dismissing

候選的詹姆斯-斯馬特伍德。今晚，當共和黨人不在解僱

President Trump's crimes as the youthful indiscretions of a wayward 76 year old,

特朗普總統的罪行是一個任性的76歲老人的年輕輕率行為。

they're campaigning against Democrats for being soft on crime.

他們在競選中反對民主黨人對犯罪的軟弱。

For answers, the Democratic Party has turned

為了尋找答案，民主黨已經轉向

to the only one in their ranks potentially weird enough to take on Donald Trump,

到他們隊伍中唯一一個有可能奇怪到可以對付唐納德-特朗普的人。

New York City Mayor Eric Adams.

紐約市市長埃裡克-亞當斯。

I sashayed these little hips to New York City Hall to ask Mayor Adams about crime,

我搖著這些小屁股來到紐約市政廳，向亞當斯市長詢問犯罪問題。

conservative governors trafficking migrants,

保守的州長們販賣移民。

and whether Adams has what it takes to carry on the Democrats proud tradition

以及亞當斯是否有能力繼承民主黨的光榮傳統

of being functionally Republican.

的是功能性的共和黨人。

Mr. Mayor, thank you for taking time from pressure

市長先生，感謝您從壓力中抽出時間。

washing city hall for traces of Rudy Giuliani to speak with me today.

洗滌市政廳的痕跡，魯迪-朱利安尼今天與我交談。

Let's begin with your journey to the mayor of the greatest city

讓我們從你成為最偉大城市的市長的旅程開始吧

on earth, where you can watch Hugh Jackman sing and dance for a mere months salary,

在地球上，你只需花幾個月的工資就能看到休-傑克曼唱歌和跳舞。

New York.

紐約。

Why has your story broken through?

為什麼你的故事會有突破性進展？

I mean, doesn't

我的意思是，難道不是

the Democratic Party have enough jacked vegan ex-cop sexagenarian club kids?

民主黨有足夠多的千斤頂素食者和前警察俱樂部的孩子嗎？

That's a great description. I just think,

這是個很好的描述。我只是想。

Pragmatic. You know? All of us remember

務實的。你知道嗎？我們所有人都記得

and recall our grandmothers, our aunties, our mom and dad

回顧我們的祖母，我們的姑姑，我們的媽媽和爸爸

just giving us common sense.

只是給我們提供常識。

Everyone talks about dollars and cents.

每個人都在談論美元和美分。

No, it's common sense.

不，這是常識。

And that is the philosophy.

而這就是哲學。

That is how I approach life.

這就是我對待生活的方式。

Just common sense things to do.

只是做一些常識性的事情。

Speaking of common sense, you've said that because of rare gems and stones

說到常識，你曾說過，因為稀有的寶石和石頭

under New York, there's a special energy that comes from here.

在紐約之下，有一種特殊的能量來自於這裡。

Do you stand by that statement? Don't you feel it?

你支持這句話嗎？你不覺得嗎？

You know where my my gems and my stones.

你知道我的寶石和我的石頭在哪裡。

Great energy.

巨大的能量。

Now, here's the problem, though.

現在，問題來了，雖然。

Every four years, a politician says, I believe my city is powered by gems.

每隔四年，一個政治家就會說，我相信我的城市是由寶石驅動的。

Weirdo voters get them elected.

怪異的選民讓他們當選。

Then like clockwork, the lobbyists move in and the politician abandons

然後像時鐘一樣，說客們開始行動，而政治家則放棄了。

their whole whack a doodle vibe.

他們的整個捶打塗鴉的氛圍。

Can you look me in the eye and promise that you're different?

你能看著我的眼睛，保證你是不同的嗎？

And by the end of your first term, we'll build a giant glass eyeball

而在你的第一個任期結束時，我們將建造一個巨大的玻璃眼球。

that unlocks Newark's interdimensional power.

解鎖紐瓦克的跨維力量。

Well, first of all, the lobbyists can't move in.

嗯，首先，說客們不能搬進來。

It's too expensive.

它太貴了。

We got to bring down the cost of living in New York.

我們必須降低紐約的生活成本。

Absolutely.

絕對的。

Are you going to build that eyeball though? Yes, without a doubt.

不過你會建造那個眼球嗎？是的，毫無疑問。

Let's talk about your feud with Republican Texas governor and rich

讓我們來談談你與共和黨德州州長和富豪的恩怨。

villain in a 1980s ski patrol comedy, Greg Abbott.

1980年代滑雪巡邏喜劇中的反派，格雷格-阿伯特。

He's been bussing

他一直在做雜工

migrants to New York City in protest of the Biden administration's immigration

移民到紐約市，抗議拜登政府的移民政策。

policies and also Republicans not paying enough attention to him.

政策，而且共和黨人也沒有對他給予足夠的重視。

Obviously, you've oppose these actions.

很明顯，你已經反對這些行動。

If you and Governor Abbott cannot agree that migrants are political props,

如果你和阿博特州長不能同意移民是政治道具。

what hope is there that Americans can find any common ground?

美國人有什麼希望能找到任何共同點？

Listen, he is inhumane.

聽著，他是沒有人性的。

He's carried out inhumane actions.

他進行了非人道的行動。

And it really is just put a tarnish on the dignity of this country.

而這真的只是給這個國家的尊嚴抹上了一層汙點。

Now you're just quoting his campaign slogan.

現在你只是在引用他的競選口號。

And so we say those who come here, we're going to

所以我們說那些來到這裡的人，我們要

fulfill our legal but moral obligation to take care.

履行我們的法律義務，但也是道德上的照顧義務。

Now, in response, you threatened to send New Yorkers

現在，作為迴應，你威脅說要把紐約人送到

to Texas to campaign against Governor Abbott.

到德克薩斯州參加反對州長阿博特的競選活動。

First of all, great plan.

首先，偉大的計劃。

There's nothing

沒有什麼

Texans love more than being told what's best for them by New Yorkers.

德州人最喜歡的就是被紐約人告知什麼對他們最好。

But if you do it, those New Yorkers will need strong, substantive

但如果你這樣做，這些紐約人將需要強有力的、實質性的

opposition research on Governor Abbott, which luckily my team has dug up.

反對派對艾伯特州長的研究，幸運的是我的團隊已經挖出了這些資料。

Go ahead, read those aloud.

來吧，大聲讀出這些。

See what you think. Sounds like a plan.

看看你怎麼想。 聽起來像是一個計劃。

All right.

好的。

Greg Abbott is proud that Texas

格雷格-阿博特為德克薩斯州

ranks 31st in education.

在教育方面排名第31位。

But that's because he thinks it's out of

但那是因為他認為這是不可能的。

out of one hundred states.

在一百個州中。

That's a good one.

這是個好問題。

Greg Abbott is so unlikable,

格雷格-阿博特是如此不討人喜歡。

Heidi Cruz wants to marry him.

海蒂-克魯茲想嫁給他。

That's right.

這就對了。

Greg Abbott is so bad.

格雷格-阿博特是如此糟糕。

And how bad is he?

那麼他有多壞呢？

That Texas voters are considering doing the unthinkable,

德克薩斯州的選民正在考慮做一些不可想象的事情。

electing Beto O'Rourke.

選舉Beto O'Rourke。

It's fine,

這很好。

he's hot.

他很性感。

Now on the campaign trail,

現在在競選路上。

when you weren't talking about your number one issue,

當你沒有談論你的頭號問題時。

what you put in your morning smoothie.

你在早上的冰沙裡放了什麼。

You were talking about crime.

你說的是犯罪。

Bloomberg reports that misdemeanor arrests in New York City jumped 25%

彭博社報道說，紐約市的輕罪逮捕人數猛增了25%。

in the first six months of Mayor Eric Adams administration.

在市長埃裡克-亞當斯執政的前6個月裡。

These are small crimes like subway fare evasion and sleeping on a park bench.

這些都是小罪行，如地鐵逃票和在公園長椅上睡覺。

But these arrests do let concerned New Yorkers know

但這些逮捕行動確實讓有關的紐約人知道

Mayor Adams will not tolerate being poor in this city.

亞當斯市長不會容忍在這個城市裡成為窮人。

Can you promise that by the end of your term,

你能保證在你的任期結束前。

every New Yorker will be rich or in jail?

每個紐約人都將成為富人或入獄？

Every New Yorker will feel safe.

每個紐約人都會感到安全。

Misdemeanor arrests, those are the quality of life issues.

輕罪逮捕，這些是生活品質的問題。

We lost almost $500 million on those jumping the turnstile.

我們在那些跳過轉門的人身上損失了近5億美元。

No enforcement.

不執行。

They start out as misdemeanor arrests, they enter the system,

他們開始時是以輕罪逮捕的，他們進入系統。

then they commit felonies. That's what history has shown us.

然後他們就犯了重罪。這就是歷史告訴我們的。

Now, in one notable police incident, the NYPD arrested a saxophone musician

現在，在一個值得注意的警察事件中，紐約警察局逮捕了一名薩克斯風音樂家

for allegedly violating subway rules and regulations.

因涉嫌違反地鐵規則和條例。

You call the NYPD response, proper policing.

你把紐約警察局的反應稱為適當的警務。

Are you concerned the NYPD does not have enough funding

你是否擔心紐約警察局沒有足夠的資金？

when you only have six cops in your saxophone strike force?

當你的薩克斯風突擊隊裡只有六個警察時？

Oh, negative.

哦，負面的。

Omnipresence.

全方位的存在。

Them being there.

他們在那裡。

Quality of life is the number one issue people complain about.

生活品質是人們抱怨的頭號問題。

Yep.

是的。

Well, do you need additional resources to protect the city

那麼，你需要額外的資源來保護城市嗎？

from the other instruments out there?

從那裡的其他樂器？

Someone could be playing the trumpet, trombone, piano.

有人可能在吹小號、長號、鋼琴。

What else is there?

還有什麼呢？

A sax--? Well, we talked about saxophone. That was the big one.

薩克斯--？好吧，我們談到了薩克斯風。那是最重要的一個。

And that's the one with the guy got roughed up pretty bad.

這就是那個人被打得很慘的那個。

Now President Biden is on the campaign trail striking a very Eric Adams-esque

現在，拜登總統在競選活動中表現出了埃裡克-亞當斯式的姿態。

tone with respect to law and order.

在法律和秩序方面的語氣。

Have you considered barring one of Joe Biden's trademarks

你是否考慮過禁止喬-拜登的一個商標

and getting contacts that give you a pair of bleak, lifeless shark eyes?

並獲得了給你一雙黯淡無光的鯊魚眼的隱形眼鏡？

Negative. I love my eyes.

負面的。我愛我的眼睛。

What about seesawing in and out of COVID

蹺蹺板式進出COVID的情況如何？

every 20 minutes? You considered stealing that from Biden?

每20分鐘一次？你考慮過從拜登那裡偷來這個嗎？

No, we are fine.

不，我們很好。

What about bi-weekly brow lifts?

兩週一次的提眉術怎麼樣？

Negative.

負面的。

Maybe you could get more sound bites to begin with,

也許你可以先得到更多的聲音。

“To quote my good friend Strom”?

"引用我的好朋友斯特羅姆的話"？

No.

沒有。

What about heading down to the shelter and adopting a couple

去收容所領養一對夫婦如何？

of the most violent dogs since the third act of Cujo?

自《古惑仔》第三幕以來最暴力的狗？

I'm trying to find a dog.

我正在努力尋找一隻狗。

Oh, you'll be fine. There are dogs everywhere.

哦，你會沒事的。到處都有狗。

Mr. Mayor, thank you. And best of luck.

市長先生，謝謝你。祝您好運。

Not that you'll need it

不是說你會需要它

with all your quantum chakras aligned and gem bracelet fully charged.

你的所有量子脈輪都已對齊，寶石手鐲也已充滿電。

Thank you, Mayor Adams.

謝謝你，亞當斯市長。

But I will note that as of this airing, Central Park woefully lacks

但我要指出的是，從這次播出的情況來看，中央公園嚴重缺乏

the promised glass eyeball.

承諾的玻璃眼球。

Typical politician behavior there.

這是典型的政治家行為。