But we don’t agree. So we’ve designed a checklist  of what we think makes up a good parent.

但我們並不同意。是以，我們設計了一個清單，列出了我們認為構成一個好父母的因素。

1 Firstly and most obvious,  

1 首先是最明顯的。

a good parent adores their child. They’re  simply overjoyed that they exist and don’t  

一個好的父母會愛護他們的孩子。他們只是對他們的存在感到欣喜若狂，並不

mind telling the offspring that fact, in direct  and indirect ways, at small and large moments,  

介意以直接和間接的方式，在小的和大的時刻告訴後代這個事實。

pretty much every day. There is no risk of  spoiling anyone like this: spoilt people  

幾乎每天都是如此。這樣的人沒有被寵壞的風險：被寵壞的人

are those who were denied love, not those who  were regularly bathed in its calming waters.

是那些被剝奪了愛的人，而不是那些經常沐浴在愛的平靜水中的人。

2. 

2.

Secondly, the good parent is attuned to their  child; they listen - very closely indeed - to  

其次，好的父母會關注他們的孩子；他們會傾聽--確實是非常仔細地傾聽--孩子們的心聲。

what the small person is trying to say. This  means getting down on their knees and calmly  

小人物想說什麼。這意味著要跪下來，平靜地

paying attention to certain messages that may  sometimes sound extremely weird or frustrating.  

注意某些有時可能聽起來非常奇怪或令人沮喪的資訊。

Maybe the child is saying that they are very sad,  even though it’s their birthday and the parent  

也許孩子說他們很傷心，儘管今天是他們的生日，而父母卻說他們很傷心。

has gone to enormous trouble with the presents.  Maybe they are saying that they are angry with  

在禮物方面遇到了巨大的麻煩。 也許他們是在說，他們很生氣

the teacher, even if education is in principle  very important and the school was difficult to  

的老師，即使教育在原則上是非常重要的，而且學校也很難做到。

get into. Children are filled with complicated  emotions; a good parents allows these room.

陷入。孩子們充滿了複雜的情緒；一個好的父母允許這些空間。

3. A good parent isn’t  

3.一個好的父母不是

envious of their children. They are strong enough  to allow them to have a better life than they did.

羨慕他們的孩子。他們足夠強大，可以讓他們擁有比自己更好的生活。

4. 

4.

Good parents are on top of their issues: they  don’t think it’s a good idea to make someone  

好的父母對他們的問題都很重視：他們不認為讓人

very unhappy because maybe someone  else made them miserable long ago.

非常不快樂，因為也許很久以前就有其他人讓他們感到痛苦了。

5. 

5.

Good parents know about boundaries.  The game was hilarious for a long time,  

好的父母都知道界限的問題。 這個遊戲在很長一段時間內都很熱鬧。

but now it’s the moment to wind down, to put the  paints away, to get back to work or to go up to  

但現在是放鬆的時刻，把顏料收起來，回到工作崗位上，或上樓去。

bed. The good parent doesn’t mind being hated  for a time in the name of honouring reality.

床上。好的父母並不介意以尊重現實的名義被憎恨一段時間。

6. 

6.

Good parent don’t seeming a bit boring and  predictable. Small kids don’t need excitement  

好的父母不會顯得有點無聊和可預測。小孩子不需要刺激

and drama from their parents. They want a  secure base from which to explore the world.

和來自他們父母的戲劇性。他們希望有一個安全的基地來探索這個世界。

Now we might think back to our pasts and give our  

現在我們可以回想一下我們的過去，並給我們的

carers a score out of ten to measure  how things went. It isn’t unfair or  

照顧者的評分，以衡量事情的進展。這並不是不公平或

mean sometimes - in the privacy of our  own minds - to hold people to account.

這意味著有時--在我們自己的私下裡--要讓人們負責。

Pick up a pen and paper as we run through  a list - and score each option out of 10.

拿起筆和紙，我們通過一個列表--給每個選項打分，滿分為10分。

My Parent… Made me feel deeply loved and wanted. 

我的父母......讓我感到深深的愛和被需要。

Was often highly attuned to what I actually felt 

往往對我的實際感受有高度的適應性

Was able to tolerate a degree  of innocent disobedience 

能夠容忍一定程度的無辜的不服從行為

Was authentically happy about my success Lacked sadistic impulses 

對我的成功感到真正的高興 缺乏虐待狂的衝動

Avoided imposing too many  of their own issues on me 

避免將他們自己的許多問題強加給我

Didn’t demand to be admired 

沒有要求被欣賞

Wasn’t too exciting Knew how to play 

不算太刺激，知道怎麼玩

Had boundaries Tolerated dissent 

有界線 容忍不同意見

Took an interest in my ‘small’ joys and pains

對我的 "小 "快樂和痛苦感興趣

We don’t need a score of a hundred and twenty  to be robust, but if things were to drop much  

我們不需要100和20的分數就能保持穩健，但如果事情下降很多的話

below sixty, there might be grounds for  a good deal of reflection and sorrow.

在60歲以下，可能有理由進行大量的反思和悲傷。

The best thing, if you haven’t  had a great childhood, is to  

如果你沒有一個美好的童年，最好的事情是

be as knowledgeable as possible  about what went wrong and why.

儘可能多地瞭解出錯的原因。