Name: 為什麼我們所愛的人傷害了我們 (Why Our Loved Ones Hurt Us)
Uploaded: 2022-10-30T17:57:13.000Z
Duration: 3 min 28 s

Part of why it is so hard to understand ourselves is that people are constantly doing things

為什麼我們很難理解自己，部分原因是人們在不斷地做一些事情

to us that defy the common-sense of view of how human beings might plausibly behave around

對我們來說，這違背了關於人類如何合理地在周圍行為的常識性觀點。

We expect that those who might carry the title of mum or dad or husband or wife would, unless

我們期望那些可能帶著母親或父親或丈夫或妻子頭銜的人，除非

they had very clear reasons to do otherwise, show us kindness.

他們有非常明確的理由不這樣做，向我們表示善意。

And yet the brutal reality (which we must take on board for our own sanity) is that

然而，殘酷的現實（為了我們自己的理智，我們必須接受這個現實）是

humans are frequently beset by feelings that are so intolerable and difficult, they develop

人類經常被一些難以忍受和困難的感覺所困擾，從而形成了

urges to pass them on to others in a version of emotional pass the parcel.

敦促將它們傳遞給其他人，這是一種情感傳遞包裹的版本。

Put another way, humans can end up being cruel, not for money or territory, but in the hope

換句話說，人類最終會變得很殘忍，不是為了金錢或領土，而是希望

of alleviating their own sufferings by making someone near them suffer in their stead.

通過讓他們身邊的人代替他們受苦來減輕他們自己的痛苦。

Cruelty is at heart an attempt to make ourselves feel better by doing to someone else a version

殘忍在本質上是試圖通過對別人做一個版本來使自己感覺更好

Amidst the seeming normality of family life, people will hence inject someone else (a spouse,

在看似正常的家庭生活中，人們會是以注入其他人（配偶。

a child) with a poison - an ill will, a contempt, a hostility - which they then deny ever having

他們用一種毒藥--一種惡意、一種蔑視、一種敵意，然後否認曾經有過這樣的行為。

put into their bloodstream and which the victim themselves can’t clearly detect, so invested

投入到他們的血液中，而受害者自己無法清楚地檢測到，所以投資了

are they in thinking well of those around them.

A mother might, for example, inject her daughter with a poison that ‘says’: ‘Don’t

例如，一位母親可能給她的女兒注射一種毒藥，"說"："不要

ever succeed in your life; it would make me feel too bad about myself.’

在你的生活中永遠不會成功；這將使我對自己感到太糟糕。

Or a father will inject his son with poison whose meaning is: ‘I want you to fail in

或者一個父親會給他的兒子注射毒藥，其含義是："我想讓你失敗在

your career to alleviate my sense of disappointment.’

你的事業，以減輕我的失望感'。

Or a spouse will inject their partner with a poison that carries the meaning: ‘I will

或者配偶會給他們的伴侶注射一種毒藥，其含義是：'我將

constantly but very subtly disrespect your intelligence and your sexuality to lessen

不斷地但非常巧妙地不尊重你的智慧和你的性能力，以減少

the feelings of rage and powerlessness I experienced when I was little.’

我小時候經歷的憤怒和無力感'。

Such injections wouldn’t work if they were noticed, so enormous energy goes into the

這樣的注射如果被注意到就不會起作用，所以巨大的能量進入了

It’s debatable how much the injector even understands what they are up to; they are

注射者到底有多瞭解他們在做什麼，這是值得商榷的；他們是

more ‘driven’ to act than cleanly aware of how or why they are doing so.

更多的是被 "驅使 "去行動，而不是清楚地意識到他們是如何或為什麼這樣做的。

A big part of self-knowledge means realising that those we love and have trusted may have

自知之明的很大一部分意味著意識到，我們所愛的和所信任的人可能有

put some hugely damaging ideas inside us that need to be identified and corrected to help

在我們的內心深處，有一些極為有害的想法，需要加以識別和糾正，以幫助我們

us to attain the freedom and light-heartedness we crave

我們要達到我們渴望的自由和輕鬆的心情

How to overcome your childhood, is a book that teaches us how character is developed, the concept of emotional inheritance, the formation of

如何克服你的童年》這本書告訴我們性格是如何形成的，情感繼承的概念，形成的

our concepts of being good or bad and the impact of parental styles of love on the way we choose adult partners.

我們對好壞的概念，以及父母的愛的風格對我們選擇成年夥伴的方式的影響。

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為什麼我們所愛的人傷害了我們 (Why Our Loved Ones Hurt Us)

constantly

enormous

deserve

concept