In our previous lesson, we learned about the formula of friendship which are the four factors that determine how deep our relationships with others go.

在上一課中，我們學習了友誼的公式，就是決定我們與他人的關係有多深的四個因素。

However, if all you do is employ these four factors, you are not guaranteed to befriend others.

然而，如果你只利用這四個因素，並不能保證你能與他人成為朋友。

This is because there is one rule that you have to stick to.

這是因為存在著你必須堅持的一個規則。

In order to make sure that you are developing friendships and not making enemies instead, it's called the golden rule of friendship.

為了確保你正在發展友誼而不是樹敵，這被稱為友誼的黃金法則。

Now, a couple of years ago I hung out with this girl. Let's call her Stacey who told me that she struggled with making long-lasting relationships.

幾年前我和一個女孩混在一起。 我們就叫她 Stacey 吧，她告訴我她在建立持久的關係上遇到了困難。

Stacey didn't have any childhood friends,

史黛西沒有任何童年朋友，

She didn't have any high-school buddies and even her co-workers rarely asked her to hang out.

她沒有任何高中好友，甚至她的同事也很少找她出去。

she always felt like the people she befriended did not stay loyal to her.

她總是覺得她所結交的人對她並不忠誠。

And at the time, I didn't know what she was doing wrong.

當時我不知道她做錯了什麼，

But after years of learning about social skills and thinking back to the way Stacey interacted around others,

但多年後學習社會技能和回想 Stacey 跟周遭的人互動的方式，

I started to realize that it was because she always broke the golden rule of friendship.

我開始意識到，這是因為她總是在與其他人互動時破壞了友誼的黃金法則。

The golden rule of friendship states that if you want people to like you you have to make them feel good.

友誼的黃金法則是，如果你想讓人們喜歡你，你必須讓他們感覺良好。

If you make people feel good, they will want to be around you more.

如果你讓他們感覺良好，他們會更願意和你在一起。

But if you make them feel bad, they will avoid you.

但如果你讓他們感覺不好他們會避開你。

It sounds pretty simple, but there are many, many ways that people accidentally break this rule

聽起來很簡單，但是人們有很多很多方式不小心違反了這條法則。

In fact, Stacey broke this rule in three different ways.

事實上，Stacey 在三個方面打破了這一法則。

See, the thing is Stacey had what we New Yorkers call a resting bitchface.

有個問題是，Stacey 有我們紐約人所說的「天生臭臉」。

It's a combination of a subtle frown combined with glazed over eyes plastered on your face 24/7.

它是微妙的皺眉與 24小時全天候留在臉上的呆滯眼睛的結合。

It kind of looks something along the lines of this.

看起來有點像這樣。

This was the first way that Stacy broke the golden rule of friendship - by having bad body language.

這是 Stacy 打破友誼黃金法則的第一方式——糟糕的肢體語言。

See the body language she portrayed made it seem like she wasn't interested in you, what you were saying, and that she was unhappy when you interacted with her.

從她所展示的肢體語言來看，她似乎對你、你所說的話不感興趣，而且當你與她互動時她不高興。

When you speak to someone and they look unhappy and uninterested,

當你跟某人講話而他們看起來不開心，不感興趣，

you think to yourself, "Oh, is what I'm saying boring? Is she even listening to me? Should I just leave?"

你就會想：「哦，難道我說的東西很無聊嗎？她到底有沒有在聽我說話？我是不是應該離開？」

And if this happens over and over again, you will instinctively try to avoid them in the future

如果這種情況一再發生，未來你就會本能地試圖避開他們。

Nobody wants to talk to someone who seems uninterested in whatever they're saying.

沒有人願意和一個看起來對自己不感興趣的人交談。

Now you're probably wondering,

現在你可能想知道，

"Improvement Pill, what sort of body language should we be using to prevent something like this?

「Improvement Pill，我們該用什麼樣的肢體語言才能避免這樣的事情發生呢？

What are some examples of good body language? what are some examples of bad ones?"

好的肢體語言的例子有哪些？壞的肢體語言的例子又有哪些？」

Well, don't worry, because we're gonna dive deep into that with multiple videos in the next portion of the beefriend course.

別擔心，因為我們將在接下來的多部影片中深入探討這個問題。

But for now, let's talk about the second way Stacy broke the golden rule of friendship.

但現在讓我們來談談第二種 Stacy 打破友誼的黃金法則的方式。

So I remember a specific interaction that I had with Stacy.

所以我記得我和Stacy 的一次特殊互動。

I was telling her story of how I did poorly in high school, how I didn't have a good social life,

我告訴她我在高中時表現不佳，社交生活沒有很好的故事，

but also how I was able to make changes and get out of rock bottom.

但我也告訴她我是如何做出改變並走出谷底的。

Now, this is a pretty personal story that I hold dear to my heart. It's a story that I'm very proud of, and it's a story that I seldom tell people.

這是一個非常私人的故事，我把它珍藏在我的心裡，這是一個我非常自豪，也很少告訴別人的故事。

But at around the halfway point, before I could finish my story, Stacey butted in and she started telling me a story about her struggles in high school.

但在大約講到一半的時候，在我說完我的故事之前，Stacey 插嘴了，她開始告訴我一個關於她在高中的掙扎的故事。

How she had a harder time than me making friends and how her rock bottom was way worse than mine.

說她比我更難交到朋友，她的處境比我更糟。

The second way that Stacy broke the golden rule of friendship was by making everything about herself

Stacy 打破友誼黃金法則的第二種方式是讓一切都圍繞著自己。

See the thing is the majority of people enjoy talking about themselves. It feels good to tell a story and have people listen to you

大多數人喜歡談論自己，敘述自己的故事並讓人們聽你講的感覺很好。

But when someone cuts you off and proceeds to tell their own story, they're doing two things.

但當有人打斷你的話，並開始自顧自講他們自己的故事，他們在做兩件事。

Number one, they're telling you that they don't care about you or your story, which is a terrible feeling.

第一，他們的行為表示他們不關心你或你的故事，這是一種很糟糕的感覺。

And number two, they're telling you that they want you to listen to them to make them feel good and not the other way around.

第二，他們希望你聽他們的話，讓他們感受良好，而不是讓你感覺良好。

If you constantly redirect the conversation back to yourself, you're essentially asking everyone else to give you something without getting anything back in return.

如果你不斷地將談話重新轉向自己，那麼你實際上是在要求其他人給你一些東西，而沒有得到任何回報。

I think this was actually the biggest reason as to why Stacy didn't have any long-lasting relationships, because she made everything about herself.

我認為這其實是 Stacy 沒辦法維持長久友誼的最大原因，因為她所做的一切都是為了自己。

Now before we get into the third and final way Stacy screwed up, I do want to mention something really really fast.

在我們討論 Stacy 搞砸的第三種也是最後一種方式之前，我確實想快速提一下一些事情。

We all know going through a course like the Beefriend course or the Tamed course is effective, but it's nowhere nearly as powerful as committing to a hands-on coaching program.

我們都知道，觀看 Beefriend 課程或 Tamed 課程等課程是有效的，但它遠不如致力於實踐輔導計劃那麼有效。

If you are interested in this and you're willing to invest money in yourself, please sign up for my mailing list, using the link in the description box below to receive future updates.

如果你對此感興趣並且願意為自己投資，請註冊我的郵件列表，使用下面說明欄中的連結接收未來的更新。

Now there are thousands of different things you can talk about when you hang out with someone else.

當你與其他人一起出去玩時，你可以談論數千種不同的事情。

And the sort of topics you choose to discuss can have a huge impact on the overall interaction.

你選擇討論的話題類型可能會對整體互動產生巨大影響。

Stacy like to talk about her past; how she used to be skinnier, how she used to have nicer hair.

Stacy 喜歡談論她的過去，談論她以前多瘦，以前的秀髮。

When we ate together, she liked to complain about the food and how the service that this one wasn't so great.

我們一起吃飯的時候，她喜歡抱怨餐廳的食物和服務不太好。

She was super critical of everything.

她對一切都非常挑剔。

The third and final way Stacy broke the golden rule of friendship was by talking too much about negative things

Stacy 打破友誼的黃金法則的第三種也是最後一種方式就是講太多負面的東西。

Think about this, when you talk about something negative what sort of emotion are you bringing to the table?

想想看，當你談論一些負面的事情時，你會帶來什麼樣的情緒？

While depending on what you're talking about it could be a wide variety of things such as anger, disgust, jealousy, sadness, etc.

根據你所談論的內容，可能有各種各樣的事情緒，例如憤怒、厭惡、嫉妒、悲傷等。

But all of these emotions have one thing in common: they don't feel good.

但這些情緒都有一個共同點：感受不太好。

When you talk about negative things, you're not only sharing the words and stories but also the emotions that go along with them

當你談論負面的事情時，你不僅在分享文字和故事，也在分享伴隨的情緒。

So if you tell a story about how your dog died people will feel your sadness.

所以如果你講一個關於你的狗死去的故事，其他人會覺得悲傷。

If you tell a story about how your girlfriend cheated on you, people will feel some of your anger.

如果你說一個關於你的女朋友劈腿你的故事，其他人會感到悲傷。

There's a time and place for stories like this, but you have to be very careful about these types of things,

說這類的故事是要挑時間和地點的，你必須非常小心這些類型的事情，

especially if you've just started to get to know someone, because they make people feel bad.

特別是當你剛認識某人時，因為他們使人感受不好。

And if you do this too often, they will start to associate you with all of those negative emotions and avoid you.

如果你經常這樣做，他們就會開始將你與所有這些負面情緒聯繫起來並避開你。

If you look at the formula of friendship, Stacey was doing all of the right things.

如果你看看友誼的公式，Stacey 所做的一切都是正確的。

She would go partying with people quite often,

她常和人一起去聚會，

so she had good proximity, good frequency, good duration and good intensity.

所以她有很好的接近度、良好的頻率、良好的持續時間和良好的強度。

However she did not employ the golden rule of friendship.

然而她並沒有採用友誼的黃金法則。

In fact, she broke the rule over and over again, which meant that she eventually made more enemies than friends.

事實上，她一次又一次地違反規則，這意味著她最終敵人多於朋友。

People started hating her because she stuck to the formula friendship but made them feel bad at the same time.

人們開始討厭她，因為她堅持友誼的攻勢，但同時也讓他們感覺很糟糕。

Think of the golden rule of friendship as a plus or negative sign in front of our equation so far.

將友誼的黃金法則視為方程式前面的加號或負號。

If you stick to it your friendships will grow, but if you break it, people will start to hate you.

如果你堅持下去，你的友誼就會增長，但如果你打破它，人們就會開始討厭你。

It's a simple simple rule that you must keep inmind during all of your future interactions.

這是一條簡單的規則，你在以後的所有與人之間的互動中都必須牢記在心。

Now before we start talking about body language, there is one more foundational concept that I must teach you.

現在，在我們開始討論肢體語言之前，我必須教你一個更基本的概念。

It's something so powerful that it can potentially two times, three times, heck even five times the speed of which you can befriend others and deepen your relationships with them.

他非常強大，以至於你可以以兩倍、三倍、甚至五倍的速度與他人交朋友並加深與他們的關係。

It's the importance of value.

就是價值的重要性。

Make sure you subscribe and hit the bell icon because we're gonna cover that in our next lesson and I don't want you to miss it.

請務必訂閱並開啟小鈴鐺，因為我們將在下一課中介紹它，我不希望你錯過它。

Besides that, guys, stay tuned.

除此之外，請繼續關注。