All from just observing the couple in conversation for 15 minutes.

而他們僅僅通過觀察該對夫妻15分鐘的談話就能知道。

I have talked about Gottman and Gottman before.

我以前談到過 Gottman 夫婦。

Particularly about their findings of the four telltale signs that your relationship is doomed— criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

特別是關於他們所發現的四個關係注定失敗的信號：批評、蔑視、戒備心和拒絕溝通。

But Gottman and Gottman also have the inverse, what's known as the golden relationship ratio.

但 Gottman 夫婦也有一個顛倒過來的發現，即所謂的黃金關係比率。

The magic ratio for stable couple done.

由關係穩定的夫妻所完成的魔法關係比。

So the golden relationship ratio states that in happy couples, every negative interaction needs at least five positive ones to offset it.

所以，黃金關係比率指出，在幸福的夫婦中，每一個負面的互動都需要至少五個正面的互動來抵消它。

In order to tell if the magic ratio in your relationship is imbalanced,

為了判斷你們關係中的魔法關係比是否失衡，

"G&G" recommend paying attention to and even writing down how you and your partner interact with each other.

Gottman夫婦建議大家去注意，甚至記下你和你的伴侶是如何互動的。

For every negative interaction, are there several positive interactions afterward?

每個負面的互動後，是否都有幾個正面的互動？

And if you take note, literally take note of each exchange within a day, are you exceeding the 5:1 ratio positive to negative?

如果你都確實記下了一天內每次的交流，你是否有達到5比1的正負比率？

So, unhappy couples, they say tend to display a lot of the negative behaviors like criticism, bad feedback, unappreciation, lack of affection or even just like uninterested behavior.

所以，根據他們的說法，不幸福的夫妻往往表現出很多負面的行為，如責備、糟糕的反饋和不能互相欣賞，缺乏感情或甚至不感興趣的行為。

And their negative interactions usually way outweigh the positive one.

而他們的負面互動通常遠遠超過了正面互動。

So let's say you are, you've done this, you like took notes in your journal every single day and you're like, "Oh God! I don't have the magic relationship ratio!"

所以讓我們假設你已經完成了這個魔法關係比，你每天都在你的日記中做了記錄，而你突然發現：「哦，天吶！我沒有魔法關係比！」

And you're skewing negative.

而你的關係比是偏負面的。

How do you increase the positives in your relationship?

你該如何增加你關係中的正面互動？

Well, Gottman and Gottman recommend six key things.

嗯……高特曼夫婦有六個關鍵建議。

One. Show interest in your partner.

一、對你的伴侶表現出興趣。

Are you really listening?

「你真的有在聽嗎？」

Are you showing that you're listening?

「你是否有表現出你有在傾聽？」

Are you interested in what they have to say?

「你對他們所說的感興趣嗎？」

Are you providing intentional compliments? And can you find opportunities to agree and engage on common ground?

「你能夠有意地提供對方真摯的讚美嗎？你有機會找到雙方都願意交流的共同點嗎？」

Two. Show affection.

二、表達愛意 。

Whether it's physical words of affirmations, smiling, helping with chores or just doing something thoughtful.

無論是有形的肯定之詞，微笑，幫助做家務或只是做一些體貼的事情。

Three. Lighten things up!

三、放輕鬆一點！

Be playful. Joke. Enjoy each other's company.

嬉笑怒罵，享受彼此的陪伴。

Can you guys have fun together?

你們能開心地玩在一起嗎？

Can you plan a date for you both to enjoy?

你能不能計劃一個雙方都能享受其中的約會？

Four. Show them they matter.

四、向他們展示他們的重要性。

When they're upset or excited about something, are you supportive or encouraging?

當他們為某事沮喪或興奮的時候，你是支持還是鼓勵？

Are you showing care and concern verbally and emotionally?

你是否在言語和情感上表現出關心和照顧？

Are you empathizing with them, acknowledging and validating their feelings?

你是否能共有同理心，承認並認可他們的感受？

Gottman and Gottman say that aiming to increase your positive interactions by being intentional in your communication and engagement works wonders,

Gottman夫婦說，以有意地進行溝通和交流來達成增加積極互動的目的，對於關係有神奇的作用，

and rebalancing your relationship's magic golden ratio!

並能重新平衡你們的魔法關係比！

And I also think that what they, what they have found is very applicable to friendships, relationships with family, your pet, like any kind of relationship at all.

我同時還認為他們所發現的東西非常適用於像是友誼、與家人間的關係、與寵物間的關係等的任何一種關係。

We all want to have more positive interactions than negative ones.

我們都希望有更多的正面互動而不是負面互動。

And obviously this does not mean like be conflict-avoidant or be fake or self-betrayed just to make sure you're having a positive interaction on the surface.

而很顯然地，這並不意味著為了確保讓關係表面上有正面互動，而要回避衝突，假惺惺或自我背叛。

Because in fact doing any of those things will probably inherently make the interaction negative. Because now you're being a dishonest liar.

因為事實上，做任何這些事本身就可能就會使互動變得負面。因為現在你現在成了一個不誠實的騙子。

But since hearing about the golden relationship ratio, I've been making more of an effort to be intentional in my relationship and to aim to create positive interactions.

但自從聽說了黃金關係比後，我一直在努力為了創造積極互動而在關係中更加留意。

Like "Am I putting my phone down while my partner is talking?"

比如：「在另一半講話時，我是否放下我的手機？」

"Am I asking question about something that's very clearly important to them?"

「我是否在問一些對他們來說非常重要的問題？」

"Am I being supportive and encouraging? And most of all, present?"

「我是否在支持和鼓勵他們？而且最重要的是，我是否在他們需要時出現？」

Since becoming more aware of this, I realize how many times I've just let bids for connection kind of like fly over my head.

自從越來越意識到這一點後，我瞭解到我有數次忽略了另一半需要正面互動的訊號。

So now I'm making a real effort to spot them, to catch them in mid-air, and to create a more positive, fun, playful environment for any human in my life.

所以，我現在正為了察覺到這些訊號而努力著，把握住它們，然後為我生活中的任何人創造一個更加正面、有趣、以及好玩的環境。

Because most of the time I'm a goblin, so thank you Gottman!

因為很多時候我還是像一隻哥布林一樣脾氣有點壞，所以非常感謝你們！Gottman夫婦！

I'm working on it.

我正在為此努力。

Yeah, I'm Anna Akana.

是的，我是Anna Akana。

Thanking the patriots who supported today's video and as always, thank you to my father "SQUARESPACE" for sponsoring today's episode.

謝謝我忠實的粉絲一如既往地也支持今天的影片，謝謝我偉大的贊助商SQUARESPACE贊助今天的影片。

My father "SQUARESPACE" makes it easy for creators to monetize their content and expertise in a way that fits their brand.

我偉大的贊助商SQUARESPACE讓創作者更輕易地以適合他們品牌的方式來變現他們的創作內容和專業知識。

With member areas, you can unlock a new revenue stream for your business and free up time in your schedule by selling access to gated content like videos, online courses or newsletters.

成為會員，你就能藉由販售付費內容，像是影片、線上課程或電子報來在額外時間來在額外時間為你的事業解鎖新的收入。

Plus, online booking and scheduling is available, making it easier than ever for clients to schedule classes or sessions.

此外，還可以進行線上訂購和預約排程，讓客戶比以往更容易安排課堂或課程。

They have easy access to your availability and they can reschedule online, taking the hassle out of coordinating calendars.

SQUARESPACE 可以很輕易地在線取得您可行的時間並重新安排排程，處理掉協調時間的麻煩。

If you're a content creator like myself using video, they have video studio where you can create pro-level videos effortlessly.

如果你是像我一樣的影片內容創作者，他們有影片工作室來讓你不費力地創造出專業級的影片。

And their video studio app helps you make and share engaging videos, so you can tell your story for your audience.

而他們的影片工作室也有應用軟體來幫助你製作和分享引人入勝的影片，你便可以和觀眾分享你的故事。

Drive sales.

帶動銷售。

Go to "Squarespace.com"for a free trial.

到Squarespace.com 獲得免費試用。

And whenever you're ready to launch, go to "Squarespace.com/Anna" and use code "Anna" for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

而當你一準備好開始發布內容後，到Squarespace.com/Anna用代碼Anna來獲取第一次購買網站或域名的10％優惠。